August 2009

"You're going back home," Momma says.

"What?!" I shout in return.

"Yep, that's it." She says throwing her hands in the air in defeat. "I'm sending you back home."

"What are you talking about? I haven't done anything to you."

Momma and I have been arguing for months.

Ever since Daddy went out of state for his military deployment, me and her haven't been getting along at all.

"You've been disrespectful, you're talking back, and you're attitude has reached heights than you'll ever be," she shouts. "Get the fuck out my house!"

"You know what?" I yell back. "Maybe I don't wanna be in this fucking house anyways. Now that Dad's gone again, I might as well not even be here."

Her mouth drops after hearing me curse for the first time. She closes it and walks back into her room yelling.

"I'm booking you a flight by tonight! Don't come back til you got some fucking sense."

"Guess I won't be coming back then," I say slamming my door.

I scream into a pillow as tears flow down my face.

"Pack your damn bag!" She yells from her room, "Calling yo auntie now to make sure she can keep your ass! Maybe you'll have some appreciation and respect for her!"

I run over to my closet and pull all my clothes off the hangers, throwing them onto my bed.

Grabbing a suitcase, I shove my belongings inside. I leave any and everything that won't fit.

Momma makes sure to talk extra loud while she's on the phone with my aunt. "And she's staying until freshman year of high school... Oh, girl that won't be that long, just a few years! ...Uh-huh, thanks again."

I wipe my tears, open my window, and climb out.

I knock on Jahseh's door and wait for him to answer. Cleo's car isn't outside, so I'm guessing he's home alone.

"Damn, can I get a second to—" He sees my face and rushes to unlock the door. "Charisma, are you.."

I walk past him and sit on the couch. He locks the door and then comes to sit by me. He strokes my hand with his thumb until I'm ready to talk.

"She's kicking me out, bro," I say sniffing.

"What?"

"My mom, she's kicking me out— Sending me back home until high school."

His eyes widen, "Why?"

"We've been arguing ever since my Dad left, but today her final straw was when I didn't agree with the way she was speaking to me."

"It's only considered disrespect and backtalk when a child is making valid points in an argument," I mutter.

"So you'll be gone forever?"

"Just until we're older."

"So, forever?"

I chuckle.

"Will you forget about me?" He says with eyes full of tears.

"No, I won't—"

He gets off the couch and punches the wall, "Fuck!" He screams. He begins to push the decor off the coffee table and kick it. "Everyone is fucking leaving me!"

"I can't have shit for myself." He shouts. "My dad is gone, my mom is barely here, you're leaving. I'm alone. I might as well go too."

"Jah—"

"Get out!"

He throws a pillow at the wall, "You all say you love me— If you loved me you wouldn't leave, would you? You would never leave the person you love, right?"

"I do love you—"

"Then why the fuck are you leaving?"

"Because I don't have a choice, Jahseh. I'm a child," I say standing up now. "If it was up to me, I wouldn't leave at all. You think I seriously want to leave a place I just moved to?"

"You're fucking selfish."

My eyebrows crease, "Right, I'm selfish, even though I came and told you before telling Rei and Sky and Zae."

I turn to leave, but he grabs my arm. "I don't want you to go."

"Nigga you just told me to go, now you want me to stay?"

"I don't—" He sighs. "Fuck— I don't want you to go, bro." He pulls me into a hug. "I don't want you to leave too."

Hesitantly, I put my hands around his neck. I've only ever heard about his mood swings, never experiencing them myself.

It felt like a blink how he went from crying to yelling to apologizing.

I smile as I think about how that's something we'll have to overcome together.

I rub his back.

"Can I at least come to drop you off?"

𓆩♡𓆪

Momma stayed in the car while me and Jahseh walked into the airport.

My flight takes off in ten minutes and I'm having a hard time coping.

Earlier today I was set on leaving just to get away from Momma and her bull, but now I'm not so sure.

I love my auntie and I sure as hell missed my cousins, but I don't want to leave my friends.

I couldn't bring myself to tell the girls that I'm leaving, so I can only imagine how they'll feel once Jah tells them.

Speaking of him, he hasn't let go.

After every announcement directed toward my flight, he squeezes me tighter.

"She isn't even coming to see me go," I whisper. My eyes are on the brim of tears. "My dad isn't here... you're all I have."

He sits up and holds my hand. "Charisma, we need to make a promise, okay?"

"Okay..."

"Promise me you'll never forget me. Promise me you'll wear your necklace and bracelet and ring until the day that shit falls off, or breaks, or you grow out of it."

"I promise."

He holds out his left pinkie, I hold out my right one. "But you need to promise me that when I come back in a few years, you'll be waiting for me."

SOUTH WEST AIRLINES: FLIGHT 167 WILL BE TAKING OFF IN FIVE MINUTES — I REPEAT — FIVE MINUTES. PLEASE BOARD IMMEDIATELY.

Our pinkies wrap around each other as we share a sad smile.

"I'm gonna miss you, okay?"

"Okay," I sniff holding back tears.

We stare into each other's eyes, both trying our hardest not the cry.

He places his hands on my face, "Can I..?"

I nod my head in approval.

Before I know it, Jahseh Onfroy is placing a soft kiss on my lips while his tears run down my cheek.

I pull him into a final hug before leaving to get on my flight.

"We in this shit forever, alright?" He calls out.

"We in this shit forever," I repeat.

A kind flight attendant aids me to my seat and puts my luggage into the bag holder at the top.

She asks me if I'm okay, and I just nod.

As I put on my seatbelt, I close my window shade trying to shut out any and all my memories of Florida.