Chapter 16: Grand Theft Goka

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A/N: with her being in Goka's body now, Ginyu doesn't exactly get much out of it.

Goka looked at the body she was now in.

Goka: what happened? I'm all purple...and horny!

Ginyu: what's mine is yours, and yours is mine, as they say.

Goka: g...gimme back my body!

Ginyu: I'm sorry, you can't have your body anymore. It's mine, now. Jeice, shall we?

Jeice: right, cap'n.

Ginyu and Jeice flew off.

Ginyu: goodbye! Enjoy bleeding to death.

Goka: I won't...! Man... I'm a jerk now...

Krillin and Gohan flying in the sky, searching for the Dragon Balls. You and Logan were assisting, mainly to TRY and keep Krillin from getting his ass kicked.

Gohan: The radar says we're getting close!

Krillin: yeah... Who woulda' thought Bulma woulda' been so compliant?

(Flashback).

You all stopped at The Cave earlier to get the dragon radar from Bulma. It didn't go so well.

Bulma: why? Why would you leave me alone here? I don't know this place! Did you know there are giant crabs down there?! I do! I KILLED ONE!

Krillin: okay, Bulma... let's just calm down. Why are you upset?

Bulma: why? Because I...am always alone.

(Y/N): :C

Logan: yikes.... it just got dark here.......

Krillin: okay, Bulma.... if we were to stay here...what would that accomplish?

Bulma: ...Just take the f**king radar.

Krillin: thank you, Bulma. Say thank you, Gohan.

Gohan: thank you, Bulma.

Bulma: no problem, Gohan.

Krillin: and no problem...

Bulma: shove it!

Krillin: I'll take it. Let's go!

Gohan and Krillin leap away.

(Y/N): just so you know, when all of this is over, I'm kicking your ass nonstop until we get back to earth.3

Logan: and trust me, I'll be sure to double up on that ass kicking.

Krillin: what did I do?2

(Back to Present).

Krillin: well, if you ask me, all she needs is a little bit of wink wink, nudge, nudge, "tsk", "tsk", "whistle".

You punch Krillin in the head.

Krillin: ow!!!

Logan: thank you.

Krillin: WHAT DID I DO?!

Outside Frieza's ship, two soldiers were discussing things with each other.

Frieza Soldier #1: It's called the Wilhelm Scream, man. It's like the one in Star Wars where the Stormtrooper falls.

Frieza Soldier #2: aww, yeah! I love that scream. Uh, doesn't it sound like...

He tried to imitate the scream.

Frieza Soldier #1: nah, dude, it's more like...

He also tried to imitate the scream.

Frieza Soldier #2: naw, that wasn't it either.

He got shot by a ki blast and did the actual scream.

Frieza Soldier #1: dude, that was totally it!

He also got shot by a ki blast and did the actual scream as well. All the other soldiers got blasted to their deaths, resulting in a huge explosion. Vegeta was seen descending towards Frieza's ship and landed near hole in the center before jumping in.

Vegeta: wheeee!

Meanwhile Ginyu and Jeice were currently approaching Frieza's ship.

Jeice: how's the body, ma'me?

Ginyu was looking at Goka's body through a reflection in the water.

Ginyu: fantastic, a little too pink and hairy in odd places, but I'll grow into it.

She said as she started to feel goka's breasts, which were slightly bigger than the ones she had in her other body.

Ginyu's mind: though I do wonder just how this woman could ever walk or stand correctly with breasts this big.

Jeice: so, what's the plan, cap'n?

Ginyu: well, first off, we have to touch on Frieza's balls.

There was an awkward pause.

Jeice: uh, ma'me...

Ginyu: yes, yes. Realized the moment I said it.

Inside Frieza's ship, Vegeta was washing her face.

Vegeta's mind: alright, get your act together. Hundred times gravity? That's for pussies. The only reason she took those jokers out was because I loosened them up for her. That would especially explain how that dragon managed to beat around Recoome. ...like a jar of Space Pickles. Ugly, stupid Space Pickles!

She then put on new armor.

Vegeta's mind: I just gotta get those Dragon Balls. And if it's anything like that jockstrap incident, Ginyu probably buried them somewhere around here...

Krillin: hey Gohan, I think they're buried somewhere around here.

Vegeta's mind: well...at least I'll have something to put back in the hole.

She said in her thoughts as she saw You and the others outside of Frieza's ship.

Krillin: dig like there's no tomorrow!

Vegeta's mind: okay, the second they summon the dragon, I'll swoop in and break the bald one's neck! Totally gonna yell "Team Five Star" when I do it, too. Oh, I can see it now... TEAM FIVE STAR!

A splattering sound was heard along with Krillin crying out in pain played out in her mind

Vegeta's mind: amazing.

You and logan looked at Frieza's large space ship.

(Y/N): so this is Frieza's ship huh? Do you think she's compensating for something?

Logan: wouldn't be surprised if she was. After all, she's kind of a m....

(Y/N): hey, no one says the midget word.

Logan:......... -_-

Gohan and Krillin had just finished digging up the Dragon Balls.

Gohan: we found them! Krillin, we really did it!

Krillin: finally! Now let's hurry up and wish back Piccolo, Tenshinhan, and Chiaotzu.

Gohan: what about Yamcha?

Krillin: what about Yamcha.

Logan: who the hell is Yamcha?

(Y/N): it's a long story.

Vegeta's mind: I don't know what this "Yamcha" is, but it sounds just like Raditz.

Krillin: Eternal Dragon... Rise up and grant our wish!

Nothing happened.

(Y/N):.................

Logan: saw that coming.

Gohan: It's not working. Is that what you're supposed to say?

Krillin: honestly, that's always been pretty vague. Usually just gather 'em together and then out pops the magic dragon.

Gohan: maybe there's something special about Namekian Dragon Balls.

Krillin: huh. Maybe if I sing to it. ♪I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves...♪

(Y/N): keep singing, and I'll kill you.

Gohan: actually, Krillin, I was thinking something else. Maybe the only way to summon it is to call it in its native language.

Krillin: I don't speak German! And the only person I know who does was the toilet... And it's dead... God rest his seat.

Vegeta then sensed Ginyu and Jeice approaching Frieza's ship.

Vegeta's mind: agh! What? Oh, you can't be serious...!

Gohan: huh? Hey Krillin, I feel two power levels coming this way. You don't think my mom failed, do you?

Krillin: no way, Gohan, your mom's the best! But on the off-chance, HIDE YOURSELF!

(Y/N): why, isn't that why she....

Krillin grabbed you and Logan and pulled you into the hiding spot, which was just a rock.

(Y/N): you pulled on my tail, you ass hole!

Krillin: I was in a hurry.

As you all stayed hidden as Jeice arrived, with Ginyu with him, whom was in Goka's body. Not that you or the others were away of that yet.

Jeice: oi! Cap'n! Someone's dug up the balls!

Ginyu: well then, someone's in for the beating of their life.

Krillin: hey, Goka! Check it out, we dug up the Dragon Balls! How ya doin'? D'you win that fight against the Ginyu guy? Why's that Space New Zealand guy here?

Jeice: aw, what the fu....

Krillin: and what's up with the scouter? Do you happen to know anybody who speaks German?

He got bitch-slapped by Ginyu.

Krillin: AHAGH!

(Krillin Owned Count: 15).

Logan: thank you.

Krillin: augh! And what was that about?

Gohan: Krillin, that's not my mom!

Ginyu smirked evilly.

Krillin: Gohan, of course it's your mom. Goka, what's your favorite food?

Ginyu: waldorf salad.

Krillin: see? Double Baconator.... Oh, s**t.

Ginyu: you see, I've acquired the body of your former associate... "Goka", was it? And with that, I've gained his power level of one hundred and eighty thousand.

Krillin: That's... that's horrible!

Ginyu: quite. I'm sure you understand now the situation you're in...

(Y/N): wait, you said you stole her body? Wouldn't that technically count as Identity theft.

Krillin: we're gonna sue the crap out of you!

Ginyu: You can't sue me if I kill you...

Krillin: No; then, you'll get put on trial for murder. Ha!

(Y/N), Logan & Ginyu: -_-

Krillin got hit by Ginyu again.

Krillin: gah!

Gohan got hit by Ginyu as well.

Gohan: aah!

Ginyu suddenly got hit by You.

Ginyu: GAH!

She looked to You and growled.

Ginyu: right, how could I forget about you. I still need to take you down for the beating Jeice said you gave to Recoome.

(Y/N): you really wanna try and make my beat down on him as a crime when it was a defense of others.

Ginyu: you were defending Vegeta of all people.

Jeice was about to step in until Logan appeared in front of him.

Logan: I wouldn't try that, ......mate.

Jeice: why you.......

Jeice's scouter suddenly started beeping.

Jeice: Huh?

He noticed Goka arriving at the scene.

Jeice: uh, cap'n? You're here...

Ginyu: what the devil are you...?

She noticed Goku's arrival.

Ginyu: oh. Aw, look what the space cat regurgitated!

Goka: hey, Gohan. Hey, Krillin. Hey, Goka.

Gohan: m....mom?

Ginyu: I'm surprised you're still kicking. How's that wound treating you?

Goka: this is easily the second-worst hole I've ever had in my chest. It's gonna take, like, a million mommy kisses to make it better...

Krillin: Gohan, we may have a chance now, but you'll have to give it your all. Remember, she may look like your mom, but you can absolutely not hold back...

Gohan: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

He charged forward and started beating up Ginyu.

Gohan: abandoned me for a year with Piccolo, sent me off into space, and the next time I get to see you, you lost your damn body!? YOU'RE NOT EVEN YOU ANYMORE!

Goka: I don't know where he gets that from.

You slowly turned around while looking at Goka with a glare.

Goka: .......what?

Ginyu: uagh! This is absurd! His power level was a league above my own when we fought! What the blazes is going on?

Goka: ha ha! You don't know any of my techniques!

Ginyu: what techniques? Tell me!

Goka: I'm not gonna tell you how to use the Kaio-ken!

Ginyu: Kaio-wha...?

She got kicked by Gohan and Krillin at the same time.

(Y/N): hm, I feel as if that's suppose to be part of a running gag.1

Ginyu: UAGH!

She rebounded on Frieza's ship.

Ginyu: uah! Jeice!

Jeice: huh?

If you're not too busy standing there like a slack-jawed idiot, I could use your help!

Goka: wait... If I'm Ginyu now, does that mean you have to listen to me?

Jeice: no.

Goka: oh... Well then, what about her?

Vegeta appeared behind Jeice.

Vegeta: good day, mate.

Jeice looked at Vegeta and started whimpering.

Logan: oh geez, he's crying.

(Meanwhile)

Frieza and Nail were still flying in the sky to the battleground.

Frieza: so... We've been flying for about twenty minutes now... Got any family...? Because if so, I probably killed them.

Nail didn't not respond.

Frieza: really? Nothing to that...? You're no fun.

Back outside Frieza's ship, Vegeta, Logan and Jeice were exchanging blows in the air.

Vegeta: hey Jeice, I've killed every single one of Frieza's flunkies I've gone up against so far, six in total! How would you like to be number seven?

Jeice: piss off, you bloody monkey!

He landed a punch on Vegeta, sending her flying a few feet back. yet, she didn't seem that harmed. As she stopped in mid air, Logan landed a punched at Jeice's chest.

Vegeta: thank you for the little punch, sir. May I have another?

Jeice: what the hell happened to you? You were not this strong when you fought Recoome!

Vegeta held up the Official Saiyan Handbook.

Vegeta: looks like YOU have some required reading to do.

Jeice started flipping pages trough the handbook.

Jeice: alright, let's see here... Okay, full moon...lose your tails...stronger every time you...

He was at a stunned pause.

Jeice: oh.

He lowered the book.

Jeice: well, I'm right f**ked, aren't I?

Vegeta: right in the down-under.

Vegeta kicked Jeice into the air and then chopped him in the ribs. Vegeta then put her hand in front of Jeice's face.

Jeice's mind: clever girl...

Vegeta obliterated him with a huge ki blast.

Ginyu: NO! JEICE! All of my men...I'm the only one left... Please, all of you...just...just allow me a customary moment of silence.

Vegeta: MinemineminemineminemineMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINE!

Vegeta hit Ginyu to the ground.

Vegeta: hahaha! The best part about this? I get to kill both Ginyu AND Kakarot at the same time!

Ginyu: wait, who's Kakarot?

Vegeta: you're Kakarot.

Ginyu: I thought her name was Goka.

Krillin: her name is Goka!

Vegeta: no, it's Kakarot.

Ginyu: but he just said Goku.

Krillin: Yeah, I did.

Vegeta: I know what he said, but.....

Ginyu: do what is it? Kakarot or Goka?

Vegeta: It's Kakarot!

Krillin: It's Goka!

They both yelled simultaneously.

Logan: OH GOD, MY BRAIN HURTS!!!!!

Vegeta: no, no, no! Just...look. Her Saiyan name is Kakarot, but she changed it when she landed on Earth as a baby. So they kept calling her by his Earth name, and I am calling her by her real name!

Goka: ...so does that make me Ginyu?

Vegeta screamed and started charging full speed at Ginyu.

Ginyu's mind: Yes... YES...! PERFECT! Change.. NOW!

She fired an energy blast at Vegeta.

Vegeta: Gah!

Goka lept in the way of the blast.

Goka: no! I'll save you, Goku!

Goka got hit with the beam, changing both sides back to their original bodies.

Gohan: what just happened?

Krillin: I don't know.

Goka: yay...! I'm me again...!

She said as she moved weakly.

Krillin: wait, Goka... what is your favorite food?

Goka: Favorite?

She asked in confusion.

Krillin: SHE'S HER AGAIN!

Ginyu: this is ridiculous! But, at least I'm not trapped in some useless body.

She noticed Goka's crippled body right before Vegeta appeared behind Ginyu.

Vegeta: gimme a minute...

She gave Ginyu a vicious beatdown.

Gohan: so, I'm confused... Ginyu took my mom's body, but then she tried to take Vegeta's body... And now she's back in her own body, my mom's back in her own body, and Vegeta's...

Logan: still kind of a crazy self-entitled bitch yes.

Vegeta: now, to switch your body to a CORPSE!

Vegeta threw Ginyu into the sky and then charged after her. Ginyu managed to recover in time and prepared her Body Change technique.

Ginyu: chaaaange...

Vegeta's mind: ah crap, kinda walked into this one.

Ginyu: .....NOW!

Ginyu fired a beam at Vegeta, the latter was unable to dodge in time. While that was happening, Goka was holding a frog in her hand.

Goka: ewwww, a frog!

Goku threw the frog toward Vegeta. The beam connected at the frog, causing both sides to switch bodies. Ginyu now being in a frog's body while the frog in Ginyu's body.

Frog: Ribbit. Ribbit. Croak.

The Frog, in Ginyu's body, soon started to hopped away while Ginyu, in the Frog's body, hopped off as well all while Vegeta was confused.

Vegeta: the hell just happened?

Goka: a frog got on my hand. It was gross, so I threw it.

Gohan: so then, is it over? Are they all gone now?

Logan: yeah............... unless one of them come back a few years later in another person's body after a lot of crazy crap that will happen.1

Gohan: what?

Logan: oh nothing.....

(Meanwhile).

Frieza and Nail were still flying in the sky.

Frieza: oh, I know. How 'bout a good old-fashioned joke? How many Namekians does it take to screw in a light bulb? The whole race! One to screw in the light bulb, and the rest to die. And then the other one dies too.

There was no response from Nail.

Frieza: stop ignoring me.

A/N: get better jokes then.

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