It's a dark pain, this urge of wanting;

— Forough Farrokhzad

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Him

"What are your orders, sayidi?"

"We wait, Daud. We devise a careful plan before taking to our next course of action. With Noura at the palace, I'll have to be extra vigilant now. I cannot take any risks with her."

The tea starts brewing in the kettle. Daud removes it from the fire and pours him a cup before filling his own.

"Send a messenger to Dimashq to Yusuf. I need to know what he's up to."

"And about Daryush?"

He looks up at the sky. The dawn has begun to break. Another day at hand. It will be over sooner than he can catch it. Like always. Time is running out. He needs to act fast.

"Daryush." He hums, flicking his tongue between his lips as they twist into a smirk. "Every man has a weakness, Daud. He must have one too."

Her

It is past midday when they arrive at the palace. The sun has begun to drift down the sky from its peak. A stable keeper hurries to take their horses from them. A number of guards and servants line the pathway from the gates to the entrance of the palace in their welcome.

She sticks to Adam's side as he leads her down the pathway and chorus of greetings to inside of the palace. Roya and Azar follow closely behind her with Daud behind Adam. Around them stand tall palm trees amidst others in the gardens and the sound of water rushing through the fountains mingled with chirping of the birds.

The scenery is beautiful, pleasing to the eye, quiet and serene despite the many people around them. Inside, it's pristine and elegant, decorated with expensive rugs and ornaments but not overdone, making it spacious and much less crowded.

A guard greets them at the entrance and guides them to the throne room where they're informed the officials are waiting for them-- or her husband, to be precise. They're taken through a series of hallways before arriving at the required destination. The doors are opened and he places a hand on her back, taking her inside with him.

Multiple pairs of eyes fall on them, then lower to the ground out of respect. Noura feels a little overwhelmed, the realization that she's finally here sinking in, at Qahira, with her husband at his palace. That even though he's no more a caliph, he's still the governor of this region and rules this land. And that he exudes the same authority she had last witnessed when he was still a Khalifa. It brings a strange feeling to her chest, one that she has no name for.

Adam walks towards the end of the line of men standing at attention with her accompanying him, keeping her close by all along, then turns towards his officials.

"Marhaba, sayidi," the first one in line and the one standing nearest to them greets, followed by the others. "We heard about your nikkah. Congratulations, my Ameer."

Adam nods his head in acknowledgement. "Thank you, Zahir."

Noura scans the faces of the men present and recognizes only one of them-- Taha ibn Amr, the general who was meant to replace Eskander as the general of Baghdad under Al Shafay's reign. She quickly pushes away the memories to the bottomless part of her mind, Adam's voice pulling her back to the present.

"My wife, Noura Al Makhzum, lives at the palace with me now," he tells them. "Let it be known that as you have a duty towards me, you've it towards the Amira. And while I may be lenient in any negligence towards me, I won't be forgiving in a slightest negligence towards her."

He sounds calm, collected, yet his words are laden with a threat that echos through the throne room and engulf it in darkness and dread. Or it's her ears ringing with the title he has used for her. Amira. She's a princess now. She struggles to wrap her head around it. No one dares to look up at them.

"She's also here with me today so she can be acquainted with those who work for me in this palace," he continues. "I'll begin with Zahir ibn Jafar," he motions towards the man who had greeted him earlier and congratulated him, "my grand vizier."

The man introduced to her as Zahir, appearing only a few years older than her husband but much sharper for his age, tips his head in greeting.

"Pleasure to have you at the palace, sayidati."

Noura only gives him a grateful nod in reply before Adam moves to the next man, one she's already familiar with. "Taha ibn Amr, the general of Qahira," he introduces.

They exchanged the same nods of acknowledgement before he moves from one person to the next, introducing her to his ministers, the chief qadi (judge), some notable scholars and lawmakers, and a few other courtiers besides his grand advisor, Zahir. He pauses at the last person in line left to be introduced. Noura waits for him to do so, the man lifting his gaze to them, a polite smile on his lips, though the look on his face is anything but polite. Rather, there is mischief glinting in his orbs, his tousled hair and informal clothes compared to the rest of the men giving an aura of carelessness to him. He seems unaffected by Adam's presence before him. Noura feels intrigued by him.

"Daryush," the man introduces himself when her husband doesn't do so, all the while the smile dancing on his lips, a playfulness in his tone as he adds, "at your service, my lady."

"Zahir," Adam directs to his vizier, dismissing any further introduction from the man named Daryush, and Noura can clearly make it out to be intentional. "I hope you've been managing things well in my absence."

"Everything has been fine, my Ameer. Although there are a few matters that need your attention."

"Daud?" He motions his guard over who presents before him, then gestures towards Noura. "Escort the lady to our chamber. Assign a handmaiden for her from the harem to attend to her needs. Make sure she's someone trustworthy. And show the servants accompanying her their rooms too."

"As you please, sayidi."

Noura shares one last look with Adam. Then she's led away from him, out of the throne room through another labyrinth of corridors where Daud show Azar and Roya their rooms before taking her to hers.

"This is Ameer Adam's chamber," he says as they stand before double wooden doors. "And yours too, of course."

Daud opens the door for her and she thank him, stepping inside. It is vast, fancy yet not extravagant, no strikingly bright colors meeting her sight but rather deep and dim colors painting the room, filled with things of necessity-- a bed with canopy and ottoman at its foot, a working table with a chair, a mirror in a corner and a room divider beside it, cushions and pillows set around the fireplace, a few tapestries hanging on the walls and candle stands fixed everywhere. There is a balcony attached judging from another pair of doors present, and tall windows covered by heavy curtains. It is fairly simple to her, as expected from her husband, who is anything but simple in his personality.

Daud clears her throat and steps behind her. "I'll send a maid to assist you. But you can ask me if you need anything, sayidati."

Noura shakes her head and gives him a small smile. "I'm good, thank you. But can you send Roya to me when she's free? I'll be more comfortable with her."

"As you say, sayidati. Although you'll need someone who's well acquainted with the palace. I can show you around after you've rested. Ameer Adam has assigned me as your guard."

"And Azar?" she asks anxiously, knowing that despite Adam agreeing to bringing her own guards with her, he will still do things as per his own will.

"Well, he can be too. But you'll need someone from the palace at your side."

Noura nods in half-hearted understanding, aware that she can not fight Adam against this. He has bent to her desire, she too has to bend to meet him halfway. This is not only to help her settle in and guard her with men he trusts, but also to have in knowledge what he thinks he must know. And given her history of reckless endeavors and the secrets between them, she cannot blame him. Although this is only the beginning, a new start to their life together, and if he has turned out to be a changed man, there's still a lot to her he has yet to learn.

Daud leaves her alone and Noura keeps standing in the middle of the room, still taking everything in. Then she walks to the balcony doors and opens them, stepping out to find the gardens of the palace stretched before her like lush green carpets. She grips the handrail and leans forward, inhaling deeply and then releasing the breath in a sigh. Her eyes take the scenery before her.

"So this is where you've been all along, habibi." She smirks sardonically and absent-mindedly runs a finger on the handrail. "Found you, my prince."

A knock comes at the door, announcing the arrival of someone. Noura goes back into the chamber and grants them permission to come inside. A girl about her own age or maybe a little younger than her walks in and tips her head in greeting, followed by two other.

"Marhaba, sayidati. My name is Tamara," the girl introduces herself. "Welcome to the palace of Qahira, Amira. I'll be in your service here as your handmaiden." She then gestures to the other two girls who bring forth some dresses and arrange them on the bed for her. "I've brought you these clothes for now. But I'll have your wardrobe ready soon. Anything that you want, you just need to ask me."

"Thank you, Tamara."

Tamara smiles, the green in her eyes shining with the expression. "Would you like me to serve you lunch while you get ready?"

"No, I'm not really hungry." Noura looks at the dresses, then back at her. "I'd like to change though. Maybe you can show me around then?"

Her smile turns into a grin as she nods excitedly. "I would love to."

After she has changed her clothes and freshened up, Tamara takes her for a tour of the palace together with Daud. Roya and Azar join them too.

She shows her the different rooms and halls for different events, the kitchen and the library of the palace, the infirmary, all along introducing her to the people who greet her and welcome her warm heartedly, making her feel at home.

Tamara then takes her outside the palace, showing her the many areas and the gardens, to a gazebo in the middle of a pond with lotuses swimming on its clear blue surface and the fish underneath. It steals her heart right away and she knows it has become her favorite place at the palace.

The sun shines over them and Tamara raises her hand to shade her eyes, her pale skin flushing against the sunlight. She's a beautiful girl, Noura appreciates, as she talks enthusiastically to her about how the sunset looks magical from the gazebo and how she sneaks here often. Noura gives her an amused smile as they continue their tour.

A few times, she notices Daud's gaze lingering on her new handmaiden before he lowers it, and Tamara who seems oblivious to his coy glances walking ahead of them.

Roya comments about how majestic the palace is and is trying not to gape at everything they come across. Azar on the other hand is mostly quiet, just like how he usually is. Having known him for more than a year now when Eskander first appointed him as her guard and trainer, Noura has learnt that as lucid and harmless as he appears, he can be anything but that.

When they finally return to her chamber, the sun has already fallen and the dinner is laid ready near the fireplace. Daud takes Roya and Azar and they excuse themselves while Tamara stays behind with her, quickly arranging utensils for her and filling her a glass of water from the vessel.

"Anything else you need, sayidati?"

"No, thank you, Tamara. For today. For everything." Noura smiles at her and she smiles back sheepishly.

"Don't embarrass me, sayidati. It was a pleasure. I actually enjoyed a lot with you--"

The doors to the chamber open, cutting off Tamara, and Adam walks in. Their eyes connect and he makes his way towards Noura.

"Sayidi," Tamara tips her head at him in greeting, "marhaba."

Adam only nods in response before speaking, "Leave us alone."

It is a soft command, but it has Tamara running out of their chamber. As the doors behind her close, Adam stops in front of her and holds her arms, smiling down at her.

"How was your first day at the palace?"

"It was good," she replies.

"Did Daud show you around?"

"Tamara did."

He arches a quizzical eyebrow and Noura gathers he probably doesn't know her by name.

"The girl you just saw," she clarifies. "My new handmaiden."

"I see."

He releases her arms and holds her hand, tugging her forward gently. They sit down on the cushions for dinner.

"I wish I could show you around myself, but there are pending affairs that have piled up in my absence. And they needed to be taken care of urgently."

"I don't mind," she lies smoothly, though she has been disappointed it wasn't him to show her around the palace. To disappear on her when it was her first day here. Part of her understands his responsibility, but part of her feels selfish. She cannot suppress this desire for him much longer.

"Do you like our chamber?" he asks her as they begin their meal. He fills her plate for her before filling his own.

"I do," she glances around, "very much so."

"I'm glad. But you can still make changes to it as you like. If you want to add or remove something, feel free to."

They eat their meal in silence. Once they're done, Adam offers her the fruits. He holds up a grape to her. Instead of eating it from his hand, Noura plucks it from his fingers before putting it in her mouth. He stares at her with an intangible look which she doesn't try to decipher, busying her self with chewing and swallowing the fruit.

She feels him scooting closer, the warmth of his body igniting her own, setting her heart ablaze. Suddenly her throat is dry and swallowing becomes difficult, and she reaches for the glass to take a sip of water.

"Look at me," he asks her. She doesn't. "Why do you do that?" he asks again.

"Do what?"

"Deny me."

She looks at him, the tenderness in his eyes making her ache for him. But she holds herself from giving into him.

"Why did you do it, sayidi?" she questions instead, and the questions come pouring out. "Why did you deny to keep me by your side uptil now? Why did you abandon me so long? Why do you still deny me the truth? Why did you do what you did?"

"I'll tell you everything, Noura."

"When?"

"When the time is right."

"Then when the time is right, I'll stop denying you."

She tries to get up but he grasps her wrist, pulling her back. She lands on his lap instead.

"Noura--"

"What are you doing?!"

She wriggles in his hold as he encircles his arms around her.

"Listen," he requests as she pushes against his chest to no avail. "Habibti--"

"Release me or I'll fight you!"

"Fight me then," he dares. "If it means to get a glimpse of the woman I had fallen in love with, fight me then. But don't be indifferent towards me, Noura. Don't turn your heart cold towards me."

She stops struggling, going still at his words, and he pulls her tighter against his chest, his face coming to nestle in the crook of her neck.

"You think I've loved knowing you're hurting but leave you hurting?" His breath is a caress against her skin as he speaks. "You think I've found bliss in my solitude? In returning to the desolation of this chamber every night? You think there was a moment when I didn't think of you? That I did what I did merely for the sake of entertainment and delight?"

She lifts her face to his, their lips barely separated by an inch, and her back relaxes against him. Her hands travel up his forearms wrapped around her waist and she finds herself drowning into his orbs.

"I want to trust you, sayidi. But sometimes you scare me. Sometimes I don't know you at all. I'm afraid my oblivion to these secrets of yours will break my heart again. "

"I'll never ask you to risk yourself for me."

"But you know I will."

The moment freezes. Or maybe it stretches. She doesn't know. His gaze flicks to her lips. Once. Twice. She knows if he attempts to kiss her this time, she won't be able to deny him any longer. So she turns away from him before he does.

"Noura..."

He kisses her shoulder, her neck, all the way up to her jaw and temple, nuzzling her hair. She closes her eyes, exhaling slowly.

"Are you upset with me?"

His question makes her smile. How he always assumes so in every situation. But then such situations have been created many times between them. And how she has been actually upset with him as many times is enough to explain his worry.

"No," she replies.

"Then why are you so quiet?" He nudges her head with his nose. "Your silence bothers me, you know? You weren't like this before."

"I was just thinking."

"Thinking what?"

"Jaane mani," she whispers in Persian, not caring if he wouldn't understand her. "Memeram barat (I'm dying for you)."

But when he chuckles and kisses her again, his lips grazing her cheek as he whispers back in Persian, "Khoda nakone (God forbid)," Noura knows he has understood her every word.

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No endnotes here. Just that to each of you leaving comments, I read them, I remember you, and they keep me going. Thank you and much love.

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