Crown of Roses By ShivSstories

Caged (Chapter Title)
Fantasy / Mythology / Dark (Genre)
Destiny / Coming of Age (Themes)
First Person Past (fairly consistent)
Suspense level (🌝🌝🌝🌚🌚)
Chapter 2 critique available upon request

---------------- 8.14.2020 -----------

Hello

thank you for letting me read your first chapter. Things to look for in a first chapter.

- clear genre (Dark Fantasy)
- clear time period (ancient / AU)
- clear MC (check: Viv)
- few characters introduced (few: Viv, Tanith)
- tension / suspense (moderate)
- a life-changing event/ decision (yes/no)

I don't take this critiquing lightly. I know that a lot of authors want a real and honest assessment of their work so I try to give it. And I do so by giving as few praises as I can, because that rarely does anyone any good, but I'm humbly tipping my hat to you. This was masterfully done. A VERY smooth read. Very smooth transitions. I can see the care and heart you poured into each sentence, each word. But it is a critique and I will do my duty.

You have some habits that you reach for. The tacking on information to the end of a sentence rather than letting it end is one habit. Another is your comma splice addiction. 😉  In some cases, I think your prose could be polished but I'll be honest, it flows very well as is. You describe things so well that I'm envious of your skill.

My other concern is the direction of this story. From an editor's point of view, I have nothing further to add, but from a reader point of view, I will continue this review saying, I hope the mystery is short. There are two things that would drag me to the very end of your book without a hint of hesitation. 1. a great love interest that'll make this romance as epic as I suspect it to be and 2. revealing her secret immediately and letting us witness her dealing with the fallout. I personally get frustrated with the carrot on the stick approach when it goes beyond one chapter. Others may enjoy it. Although you had a great cliff-hanger at the end, it did also make me pause and wonder if I'd get my curiosity satisfied quickly and if the fallout would be the stuff of legends. Because the fight scene was long, I wasn't sure if this would have enough romance for me, so in chapter two, I'd be looking for hints of it, HARD.

As a casual reader, I would go to chapter 2. But if chapter 2 didn't meet those two criteria, it's unlikely that I'd reach chapter 3 and onward. But this is only a PERSONAL opinion. So far, your story is strong and your first chapter is strong. How it continues should always be on YOUR terms.

Thanks for the great read. By the way, that book cover is also EPIC.

(End)