Tough Luck|| BnHA/MHA {Bakugo X OC} by JoystickJammer

Chapter 1- The Game (Chapter Title)
Fan Fiction / Teen fiction (Genre)
Teamwork & Friendship (Themes)
First Person past (fairly consistent)
Suspense level (🌝🌗🌚🌚🌚)

---------------- 8.18.2020 -----------

Hello

thank you for letting me read your first chapter. Things to look for in a first chapter.

- clear genre (Fan Fiction / Teen)
- clear time period (Present but futuristic gadgets??)
- clear MC (check: unknown)
- few characters introduced (quite a few: Sakura, Toya, Tsuki, Misaki, Captian MC)
- tension / suspense (low to none)
- a life-changing event/ decision (no)

Hi hon, I'm pretty sure this is fan fiction. If it's not, I'm so sorry! I don't ask for genre because the reader should be able to tell on their own. If this is fan fiction, then there is a lot of leeway. You don't really need to go into great details about the characters because they are already established in their original form, correct?

I think this is true but it doesn't hurt to give us brief descriptions.

So let's talk about your chapter. Firstly, your character voices are all distinct. The MC's a great character, in my opinion. She takes care of her crew like a little mother and it's clear that they respect her. She was easy to read and she was fun.

That being said, there are a few things I think you need to focus on.

1. separate your paragraphs. Make sure one person's dialogue and actions are in the same paragraph. If a different character starts talking or moving, make a new paragraph. That's a lot easier for the eye to follow, too.

2. periods, commas, question marks, stay INSIDE the quotation marks.

3. Give your character a problem to solve. If they have a big game coming up, what the problem they face? For example, their star player going missing, or going through emotional trouble. etc. Even in anime and movies, the main character faces a problem, right? The story is in trying to overcome that problem.

4. Give our character a PLAN to overcome that problem.

5. Tell the reader the CONSEQUENCE of not overcoming that problem.

With these things in play, you'll see your already shiny chapter GLISTEN. 😉

It's great that you are writing what you love. Just from reading it, we can see that you truly care about these characters. So show us what they're made of. Give them a problem and a plan to overcome it, and set them in motion!

:o)

(end)