The Dichon Con (On Selling Forgeries of a Legendary Sword) By Wannabe_Scholar2

Chapter 1 (Chapter Title)
Fantasy (Genre)
A hustler will hustle (Themes)
Third Person Past (very consistent)
Suspense level (🌝🌝🌗🌚🌚)

---------------- 9.19.2020 -----------

Hello

Thank you for letting me read your first chapter. Things to look for in a first chapter.

- clear genre (Fantasy)
- clear time period (I'm unsure.)
- clear MC (check: Reiner)
- few characters introduced (few: Reiner, Leira, stranger / Eva)
- tension / suspense (moderate)
- a life-changing event/ decision (Yes)

As I don't read blurbs, I never really know what I'm getting when I start a chapter. Yours gripped my curiosity from the very start. It was an interesting idea. A world without color, monochromatic, existing in tandem with a world with color.

Due to the importance put on these contrasts, I wasn't sure if this was a children's story or one for adults. If it's a child's story, the idea of the main protagonist being a conman of sorts is kinda funny. It's original to say the least.

Some sentences read strangely but for the most part, your command of the English language is still pretty good. I only noticed it wasn't your native language due to two common mistakes non-native speakers make that natives would never do. So I think you should be confident in yourself going forward. The second chapter had less grammar issues.

Your punctuation is ON POINT. Thank you for that! It was a joy to read due to this fact. There are a lot of great things to gush about with regards to this piece but you asked for a critique so a critique I shall provide.

The first chapter didn't hook me. It didn't repel me either, but it didn't hook me. I left it with a 'take it or leave it' feeling of neutrality. But the writing was sound so I went on to chapter 2, something I usually don't do when I critique. I read all of chapter 2 because of Reiner and Eva's VERY unique situation. Again, this made me question whether or not this was a child's book because it's a very adult conversation they had. With all this in mind, and I usually don't say this, I'd consider combining chapter 1 and chapter 2 if I were you. Chapter 2 gives us a lot of interesting tid-bits (both about the character AND the stranger he stumbled on) that's pretty engaging.

I'm surprised to see the low comment amount on the chapters as I find your writing (and your story as a whole) to be far more unique than quite a number of works I've encountered online (not just on Wattpad).

If you decide to keep the chapters as is, that's fine, too, but know that (if this isn't a kid's novel) it might not interest everyone because of its mellow tone in chapter one. Chapter two feels like it hit the ground running.

Also, I question the MC's parenting skills. I'm not sure if that was your intent or not. Maybe he should suggest that his daughter LOCK herself in her room until he gets back. When we see where he goes, it becomes obvious why he didn't want to bring her. Just a suggestion.

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