Invocation of Erastus By PrishiniBarua

1: Meeting with a Stalker (Chapter Title)
Paranormal (Genre)
Modern Magic (Themes)
First Person Past (very consistent)
Suspense level (🌝🌝🌝🌗🌚)

---------------- 9.22.2020 -----------

Hello

Thank you for letting me read your first chapter. Things to look for in a first chapter.

- clear genre (Paranormal)
- clear time period (Modern)
- clear MC (check: Luc)
- few characters introduced (few: Luc, Contractor, monsters)
- tension / suspense (moderate)
- a life-changing event/ decision (Unsure)

This was one of the easiest reads I've had in a long time and I don't say that lightly. The grammar and punctuation were on point. The flow was good. The rhythm was good. Good prose over all and great distinct character voices as well.

We meet up on Luc, a young non-human yet human main character trying to pay his bills and live his life. He's being stalked by a mercenary who won't take no for an answer. That's a pretty impressive way to kick start the chapter. With how well this chapter read, I was surprised it did not have a higher view count. I must have gotten this critique request over a month ago and in that time, I would have assumed wattpadders would appreciate a smooth read such as this one.

But a critique is a critique is a critique and every rose has a thorn. Personally, I don't think yours has many. However, for me, the shortcomings and the strengths are one in the same.

Let me first give the disclaimer that as far as technicality goes, there was nothing majorly wrong with your work. I'd argue that the ending was unfortunate because the chapter started off so strong yet it did not give us an idea of where this story was going. Was there a mystery he had to solve? A quest to follow? There was no 'oh sh....' moment to kind of hook us and drag along. No gloves came off, no point of no return where he stepped into something he couldn't get out of. He didn't drop kick a vermin only to find out it was a mafia don's prized poodle under an unfortunate curse. Basically, it ended with a 'there, that's that' sort of feel. Everything was wrapped up nicely with nothing to linger. There was NO PROBLEM in this character's life. Even the mercenary who was the main interesting aspect of the chapter to begin with was wrapped up nicely as she now has no claim to him. So why should we readers follow him? Because it's an interesting premise? After doing over 100 critiques, I can tell you that books with an interesting premise are rather abundant. The sense of urgency as to why we watch the next TV episode, why we see a movie trailer and salivate, is also necessary here and should not be taken for granted.

This is an epic world. I felt like this chapter (and all subsequent chapters thereafter) should end with an epic bang.

P.S. Your book cover does not do your writing justice, IMHO.

P.S.S. Remember to give your Main Character weaknesses. An overpowered (overly smart) character might be hard to get behind.

If you found this critique useful at all, please consider giving it a shout out. Also, please check out the FIRST DATES chapter in this book. Help the first dates out there. For help formatting and editing, check out the TUTORIAL pages and FREE RESOURCES for more information.