Reviving Luna: A Novel By thirteen_excelsior

CHAPTER 1 (Chapter Title)
Science Fiction / Post-Destruction of the moon (Genre)
Humans vs. Nature (Themes)
First Person Past (Fairly consistent)
Suspense level (🌝🌗🌚🌚🌚)

---------------- 8.06.2020 -----------

Hello

thank you for letting me read your first chapter. Things to look for in a first chapter.

- clear genre (sci-fi)
- clear time period (near future)
- clear MC (check; Daniel)
- few characters introduced (Few: Daniel, Luna, Mom, Dad)
- tension / suspense (low)
- a life-changing event/ decision (Yes/No)

This is a lot to unpack and this is also a very ambitious undertaking. The story starts out with the narrator, unnamed till the very end, writing an apology to his deceased sister whose death he feels responsible for.

No doubt, that is a very powerful introduction. All important, and relevant information is presented up front, such as the MC's age and the time period of the story. The idea of the moon shattering is an interesting take, also. Especially since the name Luna does mean moon and it's the name given to the sister who's passed away.

The chapter flow is steady, in my opinion and I admire the execution style, but some things stand out.  And perhaps not in a good way. The unborn child's death. It is the foundation of the entire chapter, and yet, I am not sure if the way it comes off is intentional or not.

I'm not sure if you want him to THINK he caused her death when in fact he didn't, or whether you want him to cause her death. I doubt greatly that the ball hitting the woman had anything to do with that. It sounds more like she was miscarrying and he just had bad timing. If that's what you want, then okay. If you want him to be culpable, then you need to make her fall. HARD. Or have her sustain a bigger impact. Him taking a practice swing with a baseball bat with all his might as she rushes in to call his name should do the job. Otherwise, as someone who's been pregnant more than once, I had a hard time commiserating with this narrator because I felt his response was disproportionate to his actions.

His personal guilt was all-consuming. It's only been a year so that makes sense. But in for a penny, in for a pound. Is he going to be the cause or simply live THINKING he's the cause? If he's convinced, I do think you need to convince the audience as well.

Thank you for letting me read your chapter.

Happy writing!

(end)