Once upon a time, this page was dedicated to requesting critiques. That has changed. I no longer take critique requests.

However, I will leave this here for whoever may find it useful in trying to edit their first chapter. Good luck.

Did you SPELL OUT all the numbers below one hundred? (i.e. She had 2 brothers. → She had two brothers.)
Yes. (perfect)
No. (please reconsider)

Did you put a comma before or after a name?
(i.e. Hi, Michael.
I don't know, Micheal, you tell me.
Michael, do you think John will be home? )
Yes. (perfect)
No. (show yourself out)

Did you put a comma after time? (i.e. Two years ago, | Now, | Today, | Yesterday, )
Yes. (perfect)
No. (goodbye)

Do you KNOW what a Dialogue Tag is?
Yes! And I know how to use them! (P...hmm. Wait) → Do you use 'laugh' 'chuckle'  'smile' or 'shrug' as a Dialogue Tag?
-- Nope! (Perfect)
A Dialogue-what-now? (Proceed IMMEDIATELY to the TUTORIALS page of this book)
-- Okay. I've looked them up and I think I've got them all! (PROCEED IMMEDIATELY to the TUTORIALS page of this book A SECOND TIME. You did not get them all. I ASSURE you.)

Did you change your dialogue tag like this?
"Hi, John".   →    "Hi, John."
or
"We need to tell him", He said.    →     "We need to tell him," he said.
Yes! (Perfect)
No. Should I? (oh dear...)

Have you separated who is talking to make sure it's one person talking and acting in one paragraph?
i.e. "I need that book, Tim." Alex gestured at Tim's bag. "Well, you'll have to come get it." Alex sighed. "This is exhausting." Tim laughed. "Well, it'd be easier if the author split this up."

changes to

"I need that book, Tim." Alex gestured at Tim's bag.

"Well, you'll have to come get it."

Alex sighed. "This is exhausting."

Tim laughed. "Well, it' be easier if the author split this up.
- Yes. (perfect)
- No. (goodbye)

How many characters are NAMED in chapter 1?
3 or less. (perfect)
4 or more. (Please edit) → But it can't be helped? (Are you absolutely certain?)

Did your first chapter start with a 'waking up' scene?
No. (perfect)
Yes. (Please edit)→ But it can't be helped? (Very well.)

Did your first chapter end with a 'sleeping' scene?
No. (perfect)
Yes. (Please edit) → But it can't be helped? (This is an ineffective ending. Consider ending on a tease or a hook to pique your reader's interest to read chapter 2. If you feel it's necessary, without a doubt, to end chapter 1 that way, all right.)

Does your character mention the word 'bored' or 'boring' AT ALL
No. (perfect)
Yes (Please edit) → It. Cannot. Be. helped? (This word usually indicates a static character daydreaming or doing innocuous tasks a reader has little to no interest in.)

Is there a flashback or a retelling of when a character was younger partway in the first chapter?
No. (perfect)
Yes. (Please edit) → It can't be helped? (Be true to your story. If you find this absolutely necessary, leave it in.)

Is the character named RIGHT away?
Yes. (perfect)
No, it's a mystery. (PLEASE EDIT!) → Seriously, it can't be helped. (All right. Let's see.)

TEEN FICTION: How often does your character roll his/her eyes?
2 times or less? (perfect)
3 or more? (No. Stop it. More than a handful of times and you run the risk of your character coming off as cartoonish.)

ROMANCE / FANTASY: Is the genre obvious?
Yes. (perfect)
No, but hinted (great)
No. Nobody'll see it coming. (sigh)

SCIENCE FICTION: Is it obvious to see that this is a sci-fi story?
Yes. (perfect)
No, not right away. (oh, boy)

HIGH FANTASY: How big is the word count?
Big but necessary (Okay)
Don't ask because I'm dying on this hill (that's fair)
Word...count??? (oh, my)

HISTORICAL FICTION: Did you research ANY of this?
Yes. I am confident in it. (perfect)
Sorta. (sign of the cross)
Re...search? (...)

FAN FICTION: How closely does it follow the original story-line?
Pretty close. (perfect)
Not too close but I'm confident in it. (All right)
In name only. (Oh, dear)

Congratulations, you've reached the end.