It had been a few days since I talked to Parker, he hadn't messaged me either. He was clearly trying to give me some space so I could get my head in order, and I appreciated it, but I also wanted to talk to him at the same time.

I didn't message him either though. I knew that wouldn't be the best idea because I needed to figure this out for myself, and not let him influence me.

I hadn't talked to my dad about it at all, after I had finished crying, he just went back to the living room, and I had spent most of my time cooped up in my room after that. Not wanting to talk to the rest of my family. My mom kept trying to pry it out of me whenever there was a meal though, and I was glad that Dad hadn't told her. But it was really annoying to have her ask me the same question every single day.

So here I was, in my room on my laptop again. I was looking stuff up, trying to figure it out. Because that's all I wanted to do. I wanted to figure it out so that it wouldn't be in my head for forever, But every single website I had found made things a little difficult because a lot of them told me completely different things. And most of them said that it was going to take way longer than a few days to figure it out.

That did make sense. You couldn't just figure out your sexuality in a day.

Sammy had been totally avoiding me. I don't know why, he used to come into my room and talk to me all the time, but now he just... wasn't. It was sad, but just another thing that I had to deal with.

I wanted to talk to Parker again. He was probably the only person that I could talk to about this stuff.

'Meet me at the park. Swings.' I messaged him before putting my shoes on and heading towards the door. On the way though, I was stopped. By who? If you guessed my mom, you're right. Ding ding you get a prize.

"Where are you going?" She asked me, standing with her arms crossed.

"The park. Why?" I asked her. I was nervously tapping my fingers on my leg. I just wanted to go.

"I know you told your dad what's the matter. But he won't tell me, and neither will you. What is wrong with you?" She asked me.

Not just 'What's wrong?' she chose to use 'What's wrong with you' I was surprised that I even noticed that small detail. But it hurt that she chose to say that.

"So something's wrong with me now," I said, looking right at her. There was no emotion in my voice.

"That's not what I-" She started to say, but I cut her off.

"Yes, it is," I told her. And the sad thing was, according to her, there was something wrong with me. "Now, I'm leaving," I said, stepping past her and walking to the door.

She tried yelling at me to get back in the house, but I didn't listen, pulling out of the driveway and starting to drive down the street.

I didn't even turn on the radio as I was driving. I didn't even check if Parker had messaged back. I didn't even know if he was able to go to the park. Maybe it would've been smarter to wait for him to answer before I left.

Before I got out of my car, I looked at myself in the mirror on my sun visor, and I looked horrible. There were dark circles under my eyes, and my hair was a mess. I looked exhausted- which I was.

I locked the car and put my keys in the pocket of my hoodie that I had thrown on the day before. I went to the swings and smiled a little when I saw Parker sitting on the same swing, holding onto the one that I had used.

He let go when he saw me, and as I sat down, he was the first to talk. "What's up?" He asked.

"Oh, my mom thinking there's something wrong with me, my brother avoiding me, being worried my mom is gonna find out and disown me, you know, the usual," I said, looking down at my feet as I kicked some of the small rocks around.

I didn't see the expression that was on his face, but he was probably frowning from what he said next. "Yeah... it can be hard. I still haven't come out to my parents," He said, and I looked up at him.

"My dad knows, only because he saw my search history one day. He's cool with it, but my mom has told me that if I ever end up gay or something That I won't be her family any more," I did a thumbs up, even though that was the opposite of the situation.

Parker didn't say anything. For what felt like a million years. "I hate to tell you this Seb... but that's just how messed up society is. And your mom? If she disowns you she's a piece of shit. And she doesn't deserve any of your time or energy," He said.

His words helped. A little. Not very much though, because it was my mom. The person who was supposed to love me more than anyone, and the person who was supposed to love me no matter who I was. "Yeah... you're right," I said.

"You really don't look good. Have you gotten any sleep in the past few days?" Parker asked me, worry leaking into his voice.

I shook my head. "Not really," I didn't elaborate, even though he probably wanted me to.

"You have to sleep. I know this is hard, really hard. I've been through it. But you still need to take care of yourself,"

"I'm trying to do that. But this whole... thing is always on my mind. Always. It's the only thing that I can think about anymore. No matter what I'm doing. I went to school the other day and zoned out for an entire class period," I told him.

I was a wreck. And I knew that I was.

He let out a sigh. "I remember those days," He said. "It's hard at first, but once you figure it out again... it gets a million times better. I promise," He told me, and he nudged me, and I looked up at him. "Got me?"

I nodded and looked up at him. Which I had to do from him being a few inches taller than me. Of course.

He was leaning in, and I felt my stomach tie into a million different knots and my heart start pounding in my chest.

I don't know what I would've done if we were in a private place, and not in a park.

But there were so many people around, and I couldn't kiss him with all these people around. Where anyone there could know me and spread the rumor, and then my mom would find out, and then I would probably be kicked out.

I pulled my head back, and he stopped and moved back too.

"I... I'm sorry, there's people around, and uh... I need to go," I said, and I went back to my car and sat there.

Holy crap.

Parker Adams had just tried to kiss me.