I don't remember very much about it when I fell. And I didn't really mean to do it. Sure that's what I said, but I don't think that I ever really was going to jump.

And I don't remember anything except seeing the rocks right in front of me right before I hit the ground. I don't know if I just blacked out, or if my brain won't let me remember it because of how traumatic it probably was.

But I do remember being in the ambulance.

My breathing speeding up as I struggled to figure out where I was, and the pain that was through my entire body, and seeing the red that had to be blood.

"His heart rate is speeding up," I heard someone say.

I wanted to scream.

Fuck. It hurt so bad.

In that moment, I wished I actually was dead from the pain.

And I couldn't scream, or yell, or say anything because there was a tube down my throat.

"He's awake," Another voice said.

I had put it together at that point that I was in an ambulance. I was probably going to the hospital.

"Sebastion, we're going to need you to calm down. I know it hurts, but you've just gotta tough it out. I know you're tough, that's what your friend said. He's right behind us, okay?" The first voice asked.

Parker. He was just behind me. He would be there.

Parker. He had seen me like this... he was probably the one who called.

I was a horrible person.

I opened my eyes, and it was so bright. There was someone above me, with a bag that I think was attached to the tube in my throat, but that didn't make sense. I was awake.

I don't remember anything after that.

***

The next thing that I do remember is being in the emergency room, and seeing a ton of doctors around me, moving around really fast and talking a lot. It was loud. I don't know what anyone said, because it was too much for my brain to handle.

"Doctor Hunt, he's awake!" Someone said.

"Give him some more propofol," Another voice said, and after that, I passed out again.

***

The next time I woke up had to be a long time later. Or maybe it wasn't. It didn't hurt as bad anymore, and I didn't have a tube down my throat anymore, but my throat was really dry. Was there any water around?

I was hooked up to about a million different wires and machines, and there was a beeping sound in the room.

Nobody else was there. I was all alone. Where was Parker? I thought that they said he was right behind me. Would my family be there? I didn't think they were.

What hurt the most was my stomach, or around it at least, and when I looked down I saw a bunch of bandages around me, and there was some on my leg. There was a cast on my left arm and a splint on my right. I think my right leg was fine because I couldn't see any bandages on it or anything.

I really, really wanted some water.

I didn't think I would get hurt that bad. Maybe I hit the side of the rock then the ground. Maybe those rocks had been sharper than I thought, or maybe I had hit some before I hit the ground.

I didn't have time to think about it, because right after that, a nurse or a doctor walked in with some water. He looked nice.

"How are you feeling?" He asked me.

It took a few seconds before I responded, and when I did, my voice was really scratchy. "It hurts," I said.

He nodded. "That sounds about right," He said, and he handed me the water. "Drink this, Are you up for visitors?"

Before I responded, I drank all of the water as fast as I could, and it didn't help that much, but it helped enough for my throat to not feel like sandpaper.

"Yeah," I said with a nod. I don't know why I said it and nodded at the same time, but I did.

He left, and the next time the door opened, two people walked in. Parker and my dad.

They were both wrecks, and I instantly felt a giant pool of guilt when I saw them.

Parker looked like he hadn't even slept, and he hadn't changed out of the clothes he had been wearing. His hair was a mess, and he had such dark circles under his eyes. The clothes that he was wearing were wrinkled, and he looked exhausted. Physically and emotionally.

My dad looked like he had taken a little bit more care of himself. But the dark circles, messy hair, and the obvious exhaustion was shared between the two.

"Don't you ever do that to me again," Parker said, and before I could reply, he was right at my side, holding my hand. "I was so scared,"

"I didn't mean to," I said.

My dad was the next person to talk. "I gave your mom the option of having both of us or neither of us. She chose the latter. I'm getting an apartment," He said,

But the look he gave me told me that there was going to be a way more serious conversation later.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I was never going to actually jump," I said, and I felt so bad.

"Jump? They said you fell," My dad said, furrowing his brows,

I was assuming that meant that Parker hadn't filled him in on why I had been up there in the first place. And while I knew that I should, I didn't want to be the person that had to tell my dad what I had almost done, and why I had even gone up that rock in the first place. But I didn't want Parker to have to be the person to do it either.

"Um... I climbed onto the rock. I was going to jump, I don't think I really was ever going to though," I said, looking down at my lap as I said it.

The room fell silent, except for the beeping of the heart monitor next to me.

I felt Parker run his thumb over my knuckles, and that was comforting, but it didn't help the guilt that was added onto the already massive pile as my dad teared up.

"I'm sorry," I said again.

"You don't need to be sorry, it's not your fault," He said, and he lowered himself onto the chair that he was closest to, and he looked even more exhausted than he had been when he had entered the room if that was even possible.

I frowned and looked back up at Parker. "I'm sorry I yelled at you," I told him.

"Seb, you don't need to be sorry. Okay? I don't care about that. I only care that you're okay and that you're alive," He said, and he locked eyes with me as if waiting for confirmation,

I nodded slightly. It was really sweet that he said that, and I would've smiled if the situation was different than the one that I was in.

"So, I'm guessing Mom's not coming?" I asked, looking up at my dad as I said it.

"I tried to get her to come. I even told her how bad it was, but she just wouldn't come," He said, and the tone of his voice told me how sorry he was that he hadn't been able to convince her to come and see her own son in the hospital.

"That's okay," I said. "I don't care anyway," I did. Of course, I cared, I wasn't just going to forget about how much it still stung that she wanted nothing to do with me just because of who I loved. Of course, she wasn't there. I don't even know why I got my hopes up in the first place. I shouldn't have expected her to come.

"Yes you do," Parker said. "She's your mom. Of course, you care, and that's okay. It's normal," He said. "You can be sad about it,"
He must've been able to tell that I was upset about it, just hiding that fact from everyone else.

I was getting tired, but I didn't want to go to sleep. I had no idea how long I had been out before, and I had no idea how worried they had been while I was out. They were probably way more worried than I could even imagine.

I leaned my head slightly to the side, and I wished Parker could lay next to me. But me moving probably wouldn't be a good idea. Maybe he got what I wanted though, because he moved his chair closer to the bed, close enough so that I could lean my head against his.

I fell asleep pretty easily.