What its Worth

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A continuation from "What I am Capable of"
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"Do you know why we have the sunflowers? It's not because Vincent van Gogh suffered. It's because Vincent van Gogh had a brother who loved him. Through all the pain, he had a tether, a connection to the world. And that is the focus of the story we need – connection."

― Hannah Gadsby
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It was a bitterly cold winter day when Loki made his choice, one he had been mulling over for days. Loki didn't find himself a particular ethical person, he had never found a normal persons idea of ethics reasonable in the universe. He had known this about himself for the majority of his life, in that allotted time there was a total of three persons he genuinely loved and cared about. One of them was Frigga his adoptive mother, the only mother he had ever known. It had been her he always would see as his mother, he loved her more than most anyone else; even in death.

The second was the only other person he would admit to loving was his brother Thor, Odin had placed a wedge between them but Loki had been through to much to not admit he loved Thor. The lovable doofus who was truly a golden retriever of a god, his heart too big and with having a heart so big he knew his brother was more prone to heartbreak than he would let on. Who was the third? His cat Finnic in his little seaside home in the small town in Maine. Loki was not the Loki his brother had known, he had been taken from 2012 to the TVA and had won his freedom. He had left his brother to mourn and move on thinking it best for him. Fate however had other ideas and Loki found himself not so estranged from his brother any longer. Thor was one of the most forgiving of people perhaps in the whole universe, kind down to his very core.

His nature was naturally more emphatic than most, the golden boy of Asgard. Perhaps that had been another reason he had become the snake, it had started as a needed persona that Thor had needed not that he knew that. Loki coming behind him defending him from the gossip and whispers, that persona had taken on a life of it's own and well...

Most knew the rest of the story by now, Loki wasn't the god of mischief for nothing after all. But nearly dying over and over and seeing what your future holds tends to humble a person and humbled Loki was.  That happens when you pour your broken soul out and beg forgiveness from a brother who by all accounts should hate you but he just pulled you into his bone crushing hugs and does without a second thought. Since that day Thor hadn't left Loki company, they spent their days reconnecting. It was how Loki was now in the position he was in, he hadn't meant to prod an open wound but one night a few beers in by the roar of the fire while it stormed outside he had asked a simple question.

'So how is Jane?'

It had been an innocent enough question, for all he knew they were still madly in love. He had heard Thor go on and on about her after all. It felt so long ago now, those days where it had all shifted. She was the reason Thor loved Midgard so much, the reason he had a change of heart about the Front Giants. Thor had matured centuries in a matter of a year because of that woman. What Loki hadn't been prepared for was this...crestfallen look to overtake Thor's entire demeanor.

Loki had known in that moment that something truly awful had happened he had assumed the worse. She was dead she had to be and maybe Loki himself that other version had been the reason. SO color him very confused when Thor poured out the story of how Jane Foster after all the two of them had been through had 'dumped' Thor. Like some cheap mistress you wanted to keep hidden and in a letter of all things. Loki had years of practice in court which made keeping his face neutral was easy for him even if rage burned bright in his chest.

Thor had been stroking Finnic's fur as he told Loki of the breakup, his other self had known but he hadn't. Loki felt shame in it, that he had been so sure Thor had Jane and could move on with life. But she had left him? Honestly the audacity of this mortal knew no bounds, didn't she understand what Thor had given? The brutal words of their people? Of Odin on him loving a mortal women! It had been a thing even when Loki had been so angry and selfish he had respected about his brother. He loved her, it had been so simple to him and Thor protected and cherished what and whom he loved and this women this MORTAL had just thrown it away?

Why? What for fucks sake had she done it? How could she have done it? She could've at least had the decency to tell Thor to his face but NO she just left a note? The more Loki thought about it the angrier he got, he hadn't known he was such a protective person but gloves came off when it came to his brother. Thor was the only person other than his cat left alive Loki cared about and he couldn't shake it anymore than he could change the past. This was what he had been warring over for weeks now, it was why he found out where she was working now. Learned her intern Darcy something was no longer with her and neither was the older man whose name Loki couldn't care to remember. Perhaps Selvig? It didn't matter the mortal had a big fancy lab with fancy grants because of his brother, he needed to know.

Hence why he was standing in the freezing winter air looking at the lab, he was waiting for the rest of the mortals to leave. No need to alarm them, this wouldn't take long and he didn't need SHIELD or whatever it was now getting involved. She wouldn't contact anyone, he was sure of that much even if he wasn't of much else when it came to her. The last lab mortal left leaving Ms. Foster alone in her lab, walking through walls wasn't a bit of magic he used often. Illusions was his go to but for some reason he needed to be there in the flesh for this, why? He didn't know just this gut feeling he had, dangerous as it was. He walked into her lab and watched her for a while. That was another thing he had found he liked to do, people watch as it was called. He had always been an observant individual as it were that skill only grew as his time on earth grew.

He watched as she moved from one station to the other, her journal in hand as she muttered to herself. He might've thought that Thanos had been the reason for the breakup but she had broken Thor's heart before Ragnarok had taken place. Long before Thanos had come here and ruined everything. He waited fifteen minutes or so before he finally spoke leaning on the doorway into the lab.

"I must say, I thought the great Jane Foster's lab would've  been grander, more fancy equipment and all. I am disappointed to say the least." He watched her jump a few feet up and back away from her desk with no small amount of pleasure. He watched her eyes widen and face pale as she took him in, he knew he looked different. His hair shorter and more styled in the mortal fashion, he wore nice dark slacks with a black button down with his signature dark emerald color in the form of his vest and his long black trench coat that nearly reached his shoes which were also black. The only other green thing on him was a scarf Thor had gotten him, not just any scarf either it was from that blasted Harry Potter movie with a silver snake stitched on the end. He knew he was a striking sight and that would be amplified to this particular mortal.

"L-Loki? No...you're dead...Thanos..." How did she know about Thanos snapping the other hims neck? No matter he would get to that in a moment. He strode into the room with practiced grace and elegance, his mothers words about courtly conduct a murmur in his mind. This game he was good at, he lifted a few papers not looking at her as he spoke again with his cool tone.

"That me did die, I however did not. Death has alluded me for the time being thankfully." He knew she was watching him as he moved to the other side of the lab, he took in every computer and whiteboard. Each note and name tag left unused with the scent of stale cheep coffee hanging in the air.

"'That' you? What are you an alternative universe Loki or something?" Clever mortal, she was close but not quite there yet. He turned his body in a smooth motion as he read the scribbled equations on one of the whiteboards. Not bad but he spotted a few errors in the math not that he would dane to fix those mistakes.

"Not another universe, another time. Right after the battle of New York actually, though I have undergone some...character growth since then and have been on Midgard a year or so now." Jane seemed startled by his honesty, this was the trick of it all you see, tell just enough truth to throw a person off and spin your own falsities as you went until you had the web to snag your desires. Childs play, he was a master manipulator for a reason, he had always been smaller than everyone else so he honed his one weapon which had been his wits and his silver tongue.

"And...you came here? To me? Why? Does Thor know you are even alive?" That made his temper flare, what right did she have to ask about his brother? To act like she's cared about his feelings, nope that would not do at all.

"I should ask the same of you, since last I knew you and my brother were happily together were you not?" His blow landed true and he saw her flinch ever so slightly, he had moved to another desk still not looking directly at her, "if you had you would know that my brother and I have been living in my home for the last few months but yet you didn't...I do wonder about that" Loki almost grinned at seeing her go from hurt to pissed off, he was pushing her buttons and he LOVED the feeling it gave him.

"Don't be coy Loki, you clearly know we aren't together anymore. For years now." Her tone was angry and short, Loki found himself turning on his heel in a fluid manner holding one finger up as he walked to the center of the room.

"You caught me, I do know this. Thor informed me of your separation. Breakup? That's what you mortal call it yes? A 'dumping' if you were, for that is what transpired is it not?" He finally turned to face her, his hands sliding into his slacks pockets as he took her in fully. She was tense her hands balled into fists by her side as she shot daggers at him. She had fire this was true, he knew why Thor had been drawn to her but he couldn't forgive her for what she did to him.

"It wasn't working not that it was ANY of YOUR business Loki. It happens people break up surely that happens on Asgard doesn't it?" She snapped back at him, matching his venom for her own. Her face turning red as she locked eyes with him. Not even a bit afraid of him, woman had a pair on her that was for sure. He left a grin grace his face as he took one step forward.

"Oh of course, but not when both parties claim true love. When one of said persons gives up EVERYTHING for the other. Now that is just unkind, and in a letter of all things like you were dismissing a common whore and not the so called love of your life." He watched as each word struck her and saw her FUME as she strode to him and slapped him across the face. He let her, let the sting ground him further after all it wasn't like she could hurt him.

"Like you have any right to claim to want what's best for Thor. Like you care about his heart or feelings after all you have put him though Loki" She snapped back with a ferocity that Loki admired, she was right he did not deserve Thor's forgiveness but he had least had asked for that forgiveness. To beg for Thor to forgive how much he had hurt his brother, to admit he loved him more than he loved himself in every sense. So it was easy to bend to her level and lower his voice into that scary tone he didn't use much anymore.

"You're right, I have hurt him, I have wounded him in ways that deserve no forgiveness. Broker no trust to ever be gained again, I knew all of that when I begged for it anyway. You know Thor, his heart is far larger than most and he cares deeply for this planet and it's people." he rose and started to circle her and she whirled snapping at him.

"Why are you here Loki? You never do anything without reason, what you come to kill me in his name?" Loki scoffed as if he would kill her so publicly, foolish mortal.

"No Ms Foster, that would break my brothers heart even more than you already have. I just wanted to know what it was worth." She frowned confused by his words.

"What was what worth?"

"My brothers heart" She frowned again as he stopped walking again his green eyes bore into hers, he needed to understand.

"I...huh? Loki he will move on-" That had been the last straw Loki had cared to let pass, did she not understand? Was she truly THAT stupid?

"He gave up EVERYTHING for you, do you not get that? He gave it all away because he loved you and you throw that all away for what? This?" He threw both hands out gesturing to the lab around them, his voice rising with each word.

"I didn't ask that of him!"

"Yet you loved him? Or let him believe you loved him, he left his throne his family his everything! All for you Foster, did you not go to Asgard with him? Did you not see how our people treated him for loving you yet he never faltered from his love of you. He didn't just love you Foster he gave it all to you and you...you threw him aside the moment what you felt bored? Fucked a god and moved on? Was he so awful?" Her face was so red he thought perhaps she would burst into flames.

"No he was perfectly fine, I just couldn't give him what he wanted." Loki couldn't keep the rage from slipping through at hearing her say that.

"All he wanted was your love...you could've given him that. I thought he had you and I found out you left him...for what this? Here I thought by your literature humans were more romantic than all that."

"I am not a poet! I cared about him but I couldn't love him in the the way he needed, my life's path diverged from his." Jane was...defending her choice? Had she cared about him? Loki had to believe she once had, but not enough and left because Thor loved so deeply? So all encompassing?

"Was it worth it Foster...? Was my brother's heart and life being ruined by your own unwitting actions? Was all this what you wanted? Was that worth the price of my brothers heart?" She froze at the question, as if actually thinking on it.

"He...we were drifting or maybe I was...He...he could never be first in my life. My entire life is this work it is all that truly matters to me, my life's work and yes it is selfish but I knew I couldn't be the woman he needed. Yes it was cowardly and maybe I  should've said it to his face but I couldnt bare to watch his heart break so I left...we had been fighting Loki I did love him I cared about him more than anything but...he had his work and I had mine and it just didn't mesh anymore. It was fun while it lasted but...I left end of..." Loki was floored, the why was...so simple yet so truly terrible. But it was a why even if he found the why stupid, Loki didn't claim to be an expert on love. But he had read about it extensively, Austin and Dickens had painted it so beautifully.

To Loki the nature of loving someone was not so complicated, it was so simple perhaps he was childish in it. But to Loki he had known love from his mother, that you were there when you could and came when they needed you. Thor had taught him love was forgiveness and meeting the person where they were. If Jane had loved Thor once she did not anymore, she had fallen out of love long before his brother had. Stayed when she should have gone, both scared of loosing things, Thor of loosing her and Jane of loosing herself. Her work was her entire identity and it meant more to her than love. It was with that knowledge he turned to go, but not before he said.

"I see...do not contact my brother Ms. Foster, let him heal and move on. Do not ruin that for him when he gets there some day. You shattered him, do not do what I did before...do not keep doing it, leave him behind where you clearly left him." Loki knew she was crying, but he also knew she would do as he asked.

Knew it in his heart, Thor and him had made peace because Loki had put down his pride and decided Thor was more important. Jane Foster wouldn't choose Thor over science, to her it was that choice and she had chosen science. She didn't speak again as he left, he didn't look back either. Not as he walked out into the cold to teleport home, he had his why and what to was worth? Her choice weighed heavy on Loki's heart, she truly didn't understand what Thor had given up for her. If she had would she had cast their love away so easily? Over a note?

Maybe Loki was too prideful of the matter, maybe he was too bitter because he held guilt for the pain he caused Thor. He couldn't fix that now though, couldnt undo what he had done he only could make better choices now.

Thor was all he had and he would be there for him, he looked up at the sky as snow began to fall on his face and he spoke into the darkness.

"Mother...i do not know if you can hear me or not...perhaps this is foolish like wishing on a star but alas...this is the only way I can think of...anyway...I have a favor to ask of you? Not for me but for Thor? If any deserve some peace it is him...send someone to love him mother...someone worthy of him like he is of that stupid hammer he loves so much...someone to heal that broken heart of his..." He didn't know if Frigga could hear him or if he was just talking to himself in the dark cold night as he teleported home.

If his mother was looking out for them after she had passed away she would be proud of him he hoped.

What Loki didn't know was there was some part of her looking out for them both, one that was warmed by his wish for Thor. A selfless wish born of true brotherly love, there was something to be said about a wish born of love and kindness.

Love was a powerful thing, it moved mountains and crossed universes with ease. It healed as much as it hurt a person and they would be okay. Both of them, both would be given a chance at love again.

They just had to be brave enough to seize it...but for now it was just the brothers of Asgard. Unified and holding each other  together until they both healed.

It wasn't much...but it was enough...for now

The End

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