"And what is the purpose of this lantern of jackals?"

Thor stares at the pumpkins scattered around the living areas of the Avengers facility in upstate New York, stumped by the decorations Tony is hanging everywhere with the help of his robotic assistants, Dum-E and U. He's currently swapping lightbulbs for black lights while the robots hang (or attempt to hang) spider webbing from the ceiling.

"It's a jack-o-lantern, Thor," Tony corrects him for the seventh time. He catches the robots dropping the webbing and groans, "Guys! C'mon. Seriously? It's not rocket science."

They lift the webbing again, unaware that one of the ends has wrapped around Dum-E, and Tony hops down from the ladder he's working on and rushes over to them.

"Stop," he says, grabbing the spider web and wadding it up angrily. "Just...stop. You're done. One of you contact Peter and get him on the next train here. Tell him to bring extra web juice."

Dum-E whines sadly, and Tony lifts an eyebrow, "You really wanna give me lip?"

It shakes its head, dropping the rest of the spider web and letting Tony throw the mess in the garbage. Thor smiles, always enjoying the interaction between Stark and his metal toys, and moves to drop Mjölnir on a black table-looking thing next to him.

"Ah-ah-ah!" Tony shouts, jumping forward with his hands out - as if he could catch the hammer before it hits the surface - and Thor lifts it, looking confused. "That's not a table, Fabio, it's a coffin. A very breakable one, I might add."

Thor frowns, and Tony lifts a hand to wave it in front of the motion sensor installed on the other side. In a flash, the lid of the coffin flies open and an animatronic zombie sits up - moaning realistically - while fog is released into the air. Thor jumps backward, clutching Mjölnir at the ready, while Tony laughs hysterically.

"You should've..." he wheezes, "...seen your....face." Tony claps his hands together with glee, much to the chagrin of Thor. "That was priceless."

The blonde Asgardian narrows his eyes, "Much like the video Lady Potts showed me of your encounter with a spider."

"Whoa," Tony snaps, "I thought we agreed not to tell anyone about that."

"Tell anyone about what?" Natasha asks, strolling into the living room with her arms crossed in front of her chest. "How scared you are of spiders?"

Tony whirls around to glare at Thor, "You told her."

"No!" Thor insists, raising his hands in mock innocence. "Tony, I--"

Natasha laughs, "I'm a spy, Stark. Did you really think I wouldn't know?"

"Does everyone know?" He whines, massaging the back of his neck.

She snorts, sitting down on the couch and kicking her legs up on the ottoman, "You mean Steve? No. Steve doesn't know."

Tony breathes a sigh of relief, closing his eyes and scrubbing his face with the palms of his hands. It's bad enough that Pepper decided to show Thor the video after Tony wouldn't stop asking the Asgardian when he was planning on joining an 80s hair band, but it seems like his secret is safe.

"...for now," Natasha muses, bringing him out of his thoughts.

His eyes open in a flash, staring down the redheaded assassin perched on the couch, "What do you mean, 'for now'?"

She shrugs, and Tony groans, "What do you want?"

"I hear the Tesla Model S P100D is nice," she says, inspecting her nails carefully while the billionaire's eyes grow large. "Fully loaded."

Tony shakes his head, "You want me to buy you a $150,000 car?! Sorry, sunshine, not worth it."

"Not worth what?" Steve asks, with Bucky and Sam in tow.

He slaps a hand on his face, swearing into his palm, before plastering on a fake grin. Natasha chuckles to herself, scooting over on the sofa so Sam and Bucky can sit next to her. The blonde super soldier glances between Tony and Natasha, clearly confused, while Thor laughs to himself in the corner.

"Not worth how pissed Pepper would be if I took Natasha up on her offer of a night of sensual magic," Tony quips, sending a wink at the redhead.

Natasha lifts an eyebrow, "You really wanna go there?"

"In the new Tesla I hear you're getting? Sure, why not?" Tony replies, pulling his phone out of his pocket to text his car guy about placing a custom order. "What color did you say it was again?"

The assassin grins, "Black. Tinted windows. With a custom Ferrari red leather interior."

Typing quickly, he grimaces as he sends the instructions over to his car guy. Superman wouldn't have to deal with any of this shit in the Justice League, that's for damn sure, but at least he's got deeper pockets than Bruce Wayne. This isn't the first time Natasha had blackmailed him into getting something she wanted, and he knew it certainly wouldn't be the last.

He tucks the phone back in his pocket, giving Natasha a sarcastic smile and a thumbs up, before turning to face the other three.

"Where are your costumes?" Tony demands, crossing his arms. "I told you, non-optional."

Sam shrugs, "I'm going as a 'missed opportunity', Tony. Isn't that obvious?"

"And what's your excuse?" He glares at Bucky.

Bucky smiles, leaning back so he can slip his hand into his pocket, and pulls out a folded up piece of paper. At the top is an exquisite hand-drawn replica of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry crest, along with a full letter explaining the rejection of a Mr. James Buchanan Barnes from the magical school.

Tony lifts an eyebrow as he scans the letter, while Bucky grins, "I'm a Muggle."

He throws the letter back in his face, trying not to laugh at the creativity involved, while turning to face Steve. The super soldier folds his arms in front of his chest, unwilling to bend under Stark's withering gaze.

"What's your excuse?" He demands.

Steve glances at Natasha, who lifts her hands, "Don't look at me, I don't do Halloween. He knows that."

"You're a spy, Nat," Steve replies. "You spend your whole life pretending to be something you're not."

She shrugs, "Exactly. I deserve a night off."

He turns to face Tony again, who is tapping his foot impatiently, "Well?"

"No," Steve replies. "I'm not doing it."

The billionaire groans, "C'monnnn. I already bought the suits."

"Nope," he shakes his head. "I told you no, Tony. You won't change my mind."

Tony frowns, "Fine, you're ruining everything, but hey. Guess that's just what you do. You're all ruiners. I had it all planned out. You were gonna be Winnie the Pooh, Barnes as Christopher Robin, Parker is Piglet, Romanoff is Kanga, Thor is Roo, Clint is Owl, Bruce is Rabbit, and Sam is Eeyore."

"What about you?" Steve asks, clearly unimpressed with Tony's plan.

Tony points at his costume, "I'm Tigger. Obviously."

*****
AUTHOR'S NOTE

Happy Halloween!

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