A gaping hole festered in my heart after I'd severed ties with Bryan. 

They say time heals all wounds. Apparently, they don't just mean days.

It didn't help that I'd actually believed him. Vilifying Bryan would have made the process a lot easier, but my heart couldn't justify such a reaction. I half-expected him to ring the doorbell with a bouquet of flowers. 

A part of me wondered how I would respond if he did that. Should I let him back into my life as a friend? He seemed to show true remorse. 

If I did, how long could we keep up the facade of friendship? Within a few months, we'd be right back to where we were before the fight, arguing over when we would finally kiss...and more.

No, I made the right decision. No matter how much it hurts. 

What truly upset me was Nicky's deceit. Thanks to this drama, I'd lost not one best friend, but two. All this time, I thought I could trust her, and I found it difficult to believe that I could misjudge someone so badly.

It didn't make any sense.

For the past few days, I'd put the whole asexuality question on hold. Half of me was trying to figure this shit out while the other half was on tenterhooks waiting for Mom's approval to go to Holy Cross.

The door chime dinged on AIM, and my heart leaped into my throat. I hoped beyond hope that it wasn't Bryan. I didn't know if I could muster the strength for round two. 

Whew, it's Eric. 

No sooner had he signed on than a new window popped up on my screen.

Yes, I was cursed with having April Fool's Day as a birthday. Now, one might think it'd be the coolest thing since we'd exchanged unfashionable '80s spandex for baggy, hip-riding jeans. 

But no. 

Every year people pulled pranks on my birthday. Stupid jokes, spiders, stealing my shit, you name it. Those that didn't pull a practical joke just believed I was lying about it as a gag.

They always gave me that incredulous look like they were waiting for me to say, "Psych! My birthday is on November 25, dumb-ass." 

After all, no one would be idiotic enough to exit a uterus on April the First.

Now I was faced with a conundrum. I was dying to talk to Eric about my problems. He had this uncanny ability to cut straight to the marrow of the matter and stay objective. Something I couldn't do at the best of times.

But damn it, how much of my drama was this guy going to stomach before he ran screaming into the woods? No, I had to handle it on my own. Deal with my own crud.

Don't dump it on him. Talk about asexuality like you intended. Play it off as a casual question.

So much for playing it cool... 

When he'd reeled me in with that, I couldn't just let it go. This was my supposed best friend. Yet another person she'd mistreated? That couldn't be a coincidence.

And Eric didn't seem distraught, so I decided to find out more.

Maybe I should have quit while I was ahead. But something told me that Eric would have the key to understanding this whole puzzle. 

After all, he had nothing to lose by telling the truth. If he knew her and could shed some light...

My mind was giving me hell for not dropping the subject. I didn't want to come across as an immature teeny-bopper who constantly inundated him with all my high school crap. He didn't want to engage in gossip, and I was kind of forcing him into a corner.

But I needed to know the truth about Bryan and Nicky. Until I'd processed what had happened, I wasn't going to be able to think rationally about anything else. Including our discussions on asexuality. 

Some people could compartmentalize problems or sweep them under the rug.

But not me.

As soon as I analyzed it, I could put it behind me. But I couldn't deal well with unresolved situations that didn't make sense.

This was a whole new level of Crazy Town that I hadn't expected of Nicky. How was she able to keep this a secret the whole time? Had she just perfected her skills? Or had I been blind?

My throat clenched until the ache spread to my jaw. 

Dumb bitches everywhere. Yeah...sounds about right. But not how you mean it, Nicky ol' pal.

A part of me wanted to curl up in a little hole. That was why she'd befriended me but didn't want to hang out. I'd thought I'd dodged several bullets because I'd hung out so much with Bryan. Or perhaps she was just respecting my wishes not to engage in pointless socialization after the breakup.

In fact, she'd wanted my help with school. Nothing more.

As soon as I became too crazy for her--too damaging to her reputation--she'd spat me out like chewed up chicken bones. How had I not seen that coming?

I regretted it as soon as I'd said it. And sure enough, Eric didn't take the bait. 

He wasn't wrong. She even called her romantic interests "flavors of the week". Before this debacle, I'd always chalked it up to her personal quirks. Lord knew I had a fair few of my own. 

But I was starting to see my so-called friend in a new light. And it wasn't very flattering.

That was a unique way of looking at human connections. Relationships as rational decisions. 

All my life, I'd made those kinds of choices with my heart, not my head. I couldn't wrap my mind around the idea, and to be honest it didn't sit well with me.

Huh...

Wow.

I didn't know whether he'd impressed me or concerned me with how succinct and yet overly callous his rationale sounded. 

There was something to be said for an emotional whatsit like me being friends with a rational type like him. As long as we were still compatible--and it seemed like we might be--it could prove to be complementary. Maybe one day he'd be happy for my deep well of feelings.

It might be fun to be the Sarah Jane Smith to his Tom Baker. If he whisked me away on some fun thought experiment, I'd be game. Especially in a renowned language lab.

Come on, Mom. Make up your mind already.