Jimin walked towards the apartment with lighter steps. The fog in his head seemed to clear for the first time in a long while. All he wanted to do was see Aria. Despite being unsure of what he had to say to her, Jimin found himself in front of the door of the guestroom again. The last time he was there was a result of hysteria, but he was relatively calmer now.

His mother's advice echoed in his ears like a lullaby as he took deep breaths in and out. The dancer mulled over how to begin. Was it too late for him? Would she let him in? 

He wanted to know what she wanted to hear but he didn't have the energy to break his head over it. All he could do was speak from his heart. With some trepidation, he knocked on her door. Couple of seconds passed by as he waited for some response. He knocked again, but Jimin heard no shuffling from within. 

Jimin twisted the knob to peek inside only to find the room empty and spotless. The dancer walked out and rushed to his room, once again to find it empty. Jimin's stomach twisted in knots as lingering dread swarmed his chest. His movements became frantic as he threw open every door of every room. He called out for Aria repeatedly but the only thing he heard back was his voice echoing off the walls.

 Finally, Jimin circled back into the living room. Jimin stood with his hands on his waist as he drew deep breaths, unsure of what to do. His head turned, looking here and there, and that was when his eyes caught a note on the kitchen table. Hurriedly, Jimin rushed to pick it up. 

 'I'll be gone for a while. I just need some time to think,' read the note.

He stared at the note for a couple of seconds, trying to process what was written. He blinked once. He blinked one more time.

Is this... is this it?

Jimin sighed as he dropped the note. His hand pushed back his hair as traces of panic still lingered on his face.

You've driven her away. It's over now.

Jimin sunk down on the floor as he rested his elbows on his knees. He pushed his head back as he stared at the ceiling, contemplating. His palms turned clammy as he ran them all over his face, sighing in defeat. All he wanted was to get Aria back. 

Not letting his thoughts take over, Jimin picked up his phone and rang Aria's number. She needed space but he had so many things he wanted to tell her. All those unspoken words he had kept from her out of his ego, came clear to him now. Jimin cursed himself for waiting too long.

The phone rang and rang, ultimately going to voicemail.

"Hey... this is Aria. Please leave your message after the beep. *BEEP* "

"Um... Hi. I-It's me. Jimin."  

Jimin stuttered as he shook his head. All of a sudden, guilt overcame him.

Was she angry at him? Was she finally letting herself feel all the pain she'd put aside? Did she feel guilty that she'd left him alone again? Was he being selfish? He was being selfish.

Whatever it was, he just wanted to know what she was thinking. The slow swirl of anxiety ignited his chest. He couldn't handle the silent treatment. He couldn't read her mind but he tried.

With a tedious sigh, he continued, " You're right. I have been angry. All I feel nowadays is anger."

He just needed her to know how he felt. What he was thinking. There was no time to waste. No more time.

"I'm angry at a lot of things. I'm angry that my head goes to dark places at the wrong times. And that I can't for the life of me control my own thoughts. I was angry that I didn't have anyone to talk to. I'm angry that I can't handle all my problems on my own and so I've to burden you with them."

Tears clouded his vision for the hundredth time that night. A lump clogged at his throat. The overbearing emotion from before still clawed at his heart. But he tried again.

"When I had come to you and asked for your help to deal with what I was going through, you did. You helped me and that can get addictive, you know. For a person who has no clue how to work through his own feelings, when someone else does it for me, then that's like hitting the lottery."

Jimin chuckled but suddenly became somber, "I expected you to help me every single time after that. I would sink into a spiral thinking that Aria will always get me out anyway. I'm angry because I know that it's wrong to put all this responsibility to fix me on your head but I couldn't help it. I did it anyway and then I got angry when you didn't help me."

 Tears sprang out but he made no effort to wipe them.

"I was so sick of being sad all the time," he paused to think,  "that I did need to blame something, and so it was easy to blame you. 'You don't understand me, you don't listen to me and that's why I'm this way'. And that's unfair to you. I expect so much from you when I never even did anything to help myself."

Jimin's heart pounded against his chest as if it was wailing, letting a deep familiar remorse fill his body. His voice cracked as his helplessness became clear. All his walls came down for her after a long time. The dam had broken and once it poured down, it'd pour till everything was out. Opening up to her without resistance was scary, but it felt like coming back home.

He tried, tried, tried.

He huffed as he poured, "But most of all, I'm angry that I feel anger at all... All my life I vowed to myself I'd never get angry. I'd never become like my parents. Anger is a toxic emotion and all it does is destroy relationships and I'd rather die than be consumed by it. Then suddenly I'm plagued by all this stress and anxiety, and I feel all kinds of anger. I feel like I've become the person I never want to be. I don't even recognize myself anymore. You know, it feels like I grieve for the person I used to be. That's unfair and there I go I'm angry again."

He scrunched his brows as he pounded his fist with every word, tears leaking. Tears draining everything from him and there was nobody to catch it. Jimin's hands came to ruffle his hair in frustration. The dancer let out a long sigh as he came down from the high.

"I knew who I was before and I don't know that now. I'm 20 something. I'm a full grown adult and I fucking don't know anything about anything. All I know... is that I can't do it alone."

Slowly, genuinely, he lowered the tone of his voice before he finally spoke, "I'm starting therapy next week. I'll get better, I promise. Just... just please come home."

Jimin cut the phone as his mind went back to the performance. He closed his eyes, aware that he should be focused on what's to come tomorrow. But his mind festered around the thought that he might have no one to come back to by the end of it all.

Jimin only hoped for miracles.