"If you could change one thing about the past, what would it be?"

Ethan stared at me for a few seconds before he turned onto his back to stare up at the ceiling. I knew he was thinking carefully about what I had asked him. It was a good question and I was curious to know what his answer was going to be. I had no clue why I had asked him that.

He groaned and reached up to run a hand down his face. Swallowing, I shifted closer and placed my hand on his lower stomach. My fingers traced his skin and slowly moved lower to trace the deep v that led down to his growing length. Ethan's hand shot out to grip my wrist before I could wrap my fingers around him.

"You need to rest, Lara," he said softly. "No more."

I pouted up at him. "I'm fine."

Ethan stared down at me with narrowed eyes. He raised my hand and placed it on his upper chest before covering it with his own. I sighed and shifted to rest my head on his chest right beneath his chin.

"I guess if I could change anything it would be starting a relationship with Avery. I hated that she ruined the relationship between Silas and me."

"What do you mean she ruined it? Because you both were thinking of mating her?"

He was silent for a while before he answered. "Yes partly. It was mostly how she tried to tear us apart by the lies she told. With how things were with my parents it made Silas more vulnerable. He ate it up with a silver spoon."

I sat up and frowned down at him. More vulnerable? Silas was anything but vulnerable. He was stubborn and a fighter and a damn asshole at times but he was not a vulnerable man. Was he? Ethan didn't know what he was talking about.

"I don't understand."

Ethan smiled at me and reached up to grip the back of my neck. He tugged me down until I our lips hovered only inches apart. My eyes dropped to his lips for a few seconds before darting up to his eyes. I smiled and shifted so I could throw my leg over his hip to straddle him. Ethan instantly gripped my hip and pushed me upwards so I could sit on his lower stomach.

His eyes darted over my face. "You're nothing like her," he whispered. "You won't ever try to turn as against each other. You're better than her."

Ethan cupped my cheeks and tugged my lips down to his. He pressed a kiss to my lips and gave me a small smile.

"I love you, my beauty."

***

I jerked awake with a gasp and tears streaming down my cheeks. My body trembled and my hands clutched the pillows tightly. I had no idea why a dream would affect me so much. But it wasn't a dream, no it was a memory. A bittersweet memory that was slowly starting to fade. I tried to grasp onto it but before I could, it was already gone.

A sob fell from my lips. I turned my head to press my face into the pillow so I could silence my cries, not that it should've mattered, because when my tears died down and I glanced over my shoulder, Silas wasn't there. The sheets were cold and there was no sign of him ever having sleeping next to me.

Getting out of bed, I entered the bathroom to wash my face before I went in search of him. I didn't have to search long to find him. Silas sat behind the desk in his fathers' study with a glass in his hand and judging by the smell, it was some very strong alcohol.

My eyes dropped to the book on the desk in front of him before darting up to his. He was silently watching me. Somehow I knew that there was no reason to explain to him why I was up this time of night. The tension around his mouth said it all and so did his next words.

"You dreamt of him again."

I swallowed and after a moment's hesitation, I nodded.

His lips twisted into a cruel smile that quickly faded as he raised the glass to his lips. Silas downed the rest of his drink and placed the glass back down on the table. With a deep sigh, he scooped the chair back and held out his arms.

Tears burned my eyes as I walked towards him. When I was within reach, he gripped my wrist and tugged me onto his lap. I pressed my face against his neck and breathed him in as his arms wrapped around me. My emotions were a mess and I knew that a part of Silas hated the fact that I was dreaming about his brother, but I couldn't help it.

"It's not really dreams," I said softly. "More like memories."

"I wish I had never brought you here."

"Me too."

We sat like that for a few minutes until I sat up and leaned forward to pick up the book. It took me all but a few seconds to realize that it was a photo album. My eyes shot up to Silas but when he made no move to stop me, I opened it.

Ethan and Silas were written on the first page, and the next contained a baby picture of each. I stared at it for a few seconds before turning the page. It was like walking through their childhood up until they turned twelve, then the pictures suddenly changed—there were no photos of them together anymore. A few pages further the photos suddenly stopped all together.

I frowned at the empty pages for a few seconds before I closed the book and place it on the table again.

"I don't understand," Silas suddenly said. "Devon said I wanted power, that I still do, but it doesn't make sense."

"What do you mean?"

He raised a hand and ran it though his hair. My frown deepened when I realized that his hand was shaking. I reached out o grip it and held it up. Silas tugged his hand from my hold and gripped the arm of the chair. I glanced up at him but his attention was focused on the book.

"It was never about the power, like Devon said." His eyes shot up to mine. "Ethan was the one who wanted the power. He was always talking about the things he would do when he took over. I never wanted any of it."

"Then what changed?" I asked softly. "Why did you challenge him? Why were you ready to kill him?"

He swallowed loudly. Silas's eyes darted around the office and then fell on the empty glass. Was it my imagination or had his breathing sped up? I manoeuvred myself on his lap until I straddled him. Cupping his cheeks, I forced him to look at me. Shock washed through me when I saw the tears gathering on his lower lashes.

"Silas? Why did you want to kill you father?"

A tear escaped and slowly rolled down his cheek. I caught it on my thumb and stared at it for a few seconds before looking at him.

"I wanted them to be proud of me," he whispered. "I wanted them to look at me the way they looked at Ethan. I thought that if I took over as Alpha that they would be proud of me. I just want them—" he broke off when his voice cracked.

"Silas. . ."

He leaned forward and dropped his forehead against my shoulder as a sob fell from his lips. I sat frozen for a few seconds before I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him as he cried. I've only even heard him cry such heart wrenching sobs before, and that was a few days ago the day before Ethan's funeral.

"Let it out," I whispered as I ran my fingers through his hair.

He cried and cried until his tears died down but he didn't move away. Silas's arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me even closer to him. I shuddered when he turned his head and pressed his lips against my neck.

His arms slowly loosened, but he didn't pull away. Silas gripped my hips and suddenly lifted me. I gasped when he lowered me onto the desk and stood. Before I could ask questions him, his lips were smashed on mine. I kissed him back with everything I had.

The salty taste of his tears mingled with the crimson taste of blood as his kiss became more aggressive and his sharp teeth nipped my bottom lip. His hands tugged me closer until I could feel his growing arousal pressing into my stomach.

Silas broke the kiss to trail open-mouth kisses down my neck as his hands fumbled with my pants. He wrapped one arm around my waist to lift me so he could tug the material down my legs, and then he reached between us to push his pants down.

His sudden intrusion hurt but I didn't stop him. I deserved the pain. Silas was hurting a lot more and if this was the only way I knew how to make him feel better. He could hurt me all he wanted if it meant that it would make him feel even a little better.

I slid my hands down his neck and to his shoulders. One tug at his shirt made Silas pull back slightly. His eyes locked with mine as he pulled first my shirt and then his off. I moaned when his hands trailed up my sides to grip my breasts. Thumbs flicked over my nipples seconds before he lowered his head.

My back arched and nails dug into his skin as he sucked on my nipple.

"Mine," he growled. "You're fucking mine. Only mine."

"Yours."

I cried out when he suddenly sunk his teeth into my skin and bit down as he started fucking me. The pain and pleasure was too much. Within seconds I was a screaming mess but he didn't stop. He bit down harder as he jack-hammered into me. Low growls rumbled from his chest, filling the room along with the sound of his skin slapping against mine.

My legs started to quiver and to my surprise I could feel another orgasm building. Silas groaned and stilled. His body shook against mine as he reached his peak. Just as sudden as the high had built, it crumbled to the floor, making me aware of the sharp pain slashing through my chest.