Hi,

I'm not even gonna lie. This isn't going to be happy and I'm not gonna make it happy and just hide the pain I feel now. So just in case your happy and want to stay happy then don't read this. 

You have been told

So, um happy New year I guess.

My start to the new year wasn't so happy. It was shitty and shoutey.

There were so many times where I said I'm done but still tried.

My mum was an asshole and me, my sister, my mum's boyfriend and his daughter tried to calm her down but it got worse because ahe wouldn't shut up. My mum always wants to be right and thinks she's always right. She thinks it's ok to tell the truth (which it is) but when she's told the truth she can't take it

We have been shouting the whole time and it's just ended in tears and hurt.

Like it always fucking does.

This isn't the first time this has happened but it's never been this bad. Everyone makes up in the end and it's like nothing happened.

This time all it ended in is heart break and misery.

While I was in the middle of all the crap trying to shut everyone up I realised how I get traumatized

I will shout louder and louder and I'll scream and argue but I get scared and start crying. I can take any emotional damage but it gets to me after a while but never this quick.

I normally let every single tear out when it's over and i get to breathe and just think and i start to overthink like I do leading to tears

I can hide pain and forget but this time it was too much for me and that's never happened.

There's all these people like

All these people saying "the sky is my limit" and stuff like "the sky isn't my limit the universe is" and it's all bullshit

Sorry to pull you into reality

We all have our limits.

When I say that I mean true limits.

I thought the sky was my limit and i could do anything I wanted and nothing could break me but that's impossible.

My limit is myself

My limit is my anger

My limit is how angry and agressive I am

My limit isn't the sky

My limit isn't big Ben

I am my limit

I'm scared of myself

I'm at war with myself and...

I don't want it

I want to be a normal go lucky happy person but

At the same time I don't

I like that I'm competetive

I like that I'm boring

I like my complex mind and thoughts

But at the same time

I hate my complex mind and thoughts that make every situation bad and keep me up at night

I hate that i'm boring

I hate that I'm competetive

Because I always cause problems

My contantly worrying and conplex mind makes me afraid to do things I want to because it lists every thing that could go wrong

I'm boring and it causes people to get bored of me and just leaving me as a friend

When I'm competetive no one ever matters just my own pride making people hate me and people think i'm this crazy asshole who only care a for herself and it cause fighting problems

All i ever do is cause problems

I don't mean to I just...do

I cause problems that no one needs

Or deserves

Or wants

All the shit i cause is unwanted and right now

All i feel is like I've been emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically drained and i have found out

That's my limit

Sage is out

Ps: I'm sorry I made you sad if I did and I'm sorry I'm so bad. I want me to disappear too it's normal but just have a nice morning/afternoon/night. Thanks