Miles Dempsey

I throw my helmet on the ground once I enter the empty locker room. "Fuck!" I yell, sitting my ass down in my locker. It was game five of the first round and I had been thrown out of the fucking game. In a couple of seconds, assistant coach Kayman was going to be yelling my ear off about causing a fight.

The game had been going in our favor. We were winning 4-2 against Winnipeg and once we secured this win tonight, we'd be off to the second round. We had won the last four games after losing our first. Winnipeg was giving it their all tonight to stay in the game but they just couldn't do well against our defense.

Even before the game started, I was being stared down by Travis Strome, Winnipeg's best defenseman. I knew he would be on my ass from the looks he was giving me but holy shit did it still not piss me the fuck off. The amount of times the jackass tried slamming me into the plexiglass was unimaginable.

He succeeded once and I didn't do anything. Fair game.

But after that one, he was out for blood. After the long week, I had enough of him. As JT was approaching the net with the puck, I made sure to stay close in case someone tried taking the puck away. Strome was paying more mind to Kelz at the moment, leaving me open.

When JT noticed I was open and close to the net he shot the puck in my direction. Just as I was about to swing it in, Strome body-checked me, stealing the puck and flinging it to one of his teammates. The frustration that had been building up the entire game finally took over and I slammed him into the boards purposefully.

I was kicked out of the game immediately.

My gloves come off second and I toss those to the side as well, still catching my breath. My adrenaline was pumping and in the next couple of seconds, Coach Kayman sauntered into the empty locker room. "What the hell is your problem, son?" he says. Kayman is a lot softer than our head coach. He doesn't scare me at all but I hate when people lecture me when I'm already pissed off.

"You saw him the whole game, Coach. He was fucking with me." My words come out through clenched teeth. "I don't give a damn! You cannot be causing fights, Dempsey. You're lucky they didn't fucking suspend your ass for the next game!!" His words go in one ear and out the other. I'm not in the mood. "Yessir," is all I say as much as I don't want to. Arguing isn't going to get me anywhere.

He lets out a loud breath, shaking his head. "Coach will talk to you after the game. Don't leave without speaking to him." I don't respond as he jogs back out of the locker room. I feel like a fucking idiot for getting myself kicked out of the game this late but there's no going back now.

We played well in the first round but there's room for improvement. The Oilers won their fourth game yesterday which means we'll be playing them in the second round. I'm more worried about them than I was worried about Winnipeg. We had the best odds to win this first round but Oilers have the best odds next round.

I'll be fucking damned if I lose to them so we won't.

My focus has been solely on hockey and I've pretty much blacked out on any other part of my life. I had a long phone call with mom and dad the night I landed in Los Angeles from Miami. We talked for over an hour about the whole meeting with Bethany and everything she had told me. Mom and Dad seemed to have taken everything well but I don't know completely since I wasn't in the room with them.

I told them meeting the Graysons would have to wait for now. Hockey was the only thing I was thinking about. If I had any free time, perhaps I'd look into meeting my birth fathers family. The postseason is in full throttle though and I can barely find time to do anything that isn't eat, sleep, and practice.

Hence why I feel like an asshole for not talking to Nola much these past couple of days.

Something happened between us that night in Miami.
Something big.
Something I can't stop fucking thinking about.

Even days later, I can still feel her lips on mine even though they aren't actually there. That kiss is engraved into my frontal lobe and it's an all-consuming thought. Whenever I try to think of something else, my mind always reverts back to that night. I don't regret kissing her at all. God, I fucking enjoyed it. Thinking about it for too long fucks with my head... and body.

Nola Scott has infiltrated my mind these past couple of days and she won't leave me alone.

Yes, I enjoyed our kiss and I crave it more than anything else but that doesn't mean it's right.

She's so perfect the thought of her makes me want to explode. Not in a bad way just in an overwhelmed way. She's too good to be true it's hard thinking she actually exists.

And she's in my life.
And she wants me?

Does she want me? I don't fucking know.
But I want her.

I'm just not sure I can have her.

We haven't had 'the talk' yet and I don't know when it'll happen but it can't be tonight. I'm catching up with Tate and Kait tonight. He's been dying to know about the events of meeting my birth mom, we just haven't had time to really talk about it. Our next game isn't until next Wednesday so we have tomorrow as our only day off.

See? No time.

The echos of cheers is heard from all the way in here. I'm assuming the boys just got the job done. As much as I want to celebrate, I'm still not in the best mood after getting kicked out of the game. I strip out of my clothes and grab my bag full of stuff to shower and a clean towel. I'm in the shower for about two minutes when I hear the door open and men start cheering.

"Fuck yeah, baby!
"Where we headed tonight, boys?"
"Fuck Winnipeg!"
"Easy win, eh?"

"Where the fuck is, Demps?" That one comes from my best friend. I turn to the side and he appears a couple of seconds later with the biggest grin on his face. It makes me smile slightly despite my mood. "My wifey is waiting at home so we can't join the boys out tonight," he tells me. I shrug, "Fine by me." I don't care all that much about going out. To be honest, I don't think we should be celebrating just yet. Winnipeg was never going to stand a chance against us.

We still have two more rounds to get through before the Finals. My shower is quick and I'm out and changing into my pregame outfit. I celebrate with some of the guys just because they're excited as fuck and it's contagious. Before I head out, I knock on the door to coach's office. He glares at me through the glass, motioning for me to come in.

I'm only in there for about two minutes but he chews my ass out in that short moment. All I could do was say yessir and nod. Whatever. I don't give a fuck what he says about it. He can be pissed off at me all he wants. Strome should've kept the fuck away.

Coaches lecture put me in a bad mood for the hundredth time tonight but when I step out of the locker room and I'm greeted by dark blue eyes across the room, my mood begins to lift again. Nola smiles at me, her lips closed and I approach her with ease. The closer I get to her, the calmer I feel.

"Are you okay?" she asks when I finally reach her. "I'm fine, Scott," I tell her. Worry fills her dark orbs as she scans my face. There's a small cut on my jaw from my helmet. It happened when Strome threw me into the plexiglass. She looks like she wants to touch it but keeps her hands shoved in the pockets of her black puffer jacket.

"Are you in trouble?" she asks another question. I shake my head. "I'm good. Thanks for coming out tonight. You really didn't have to." She does the cutest nose scrunch. "I had nothing else to do. Also, I wanted to talk to you about something." When her cheeks flush, I get a grasp on what exactly she wants to talk about.

Fuck. I can't cancel on Tate and Kaitlyn but I also don't want her to think I'm avoiding the topic. I'm really not, time just hasn't been on my side. "Give me a second," I tell her, holding up a finger. I'd invite her to join but if we're gonna talk about what happened between us that night I rather it be just the two of us present.

Nola nods her head and I return to the locker room where my best friend still is. "Hey." I clasp his bare shoulder as he slips on socks. Tate looks up at me, running a finger through his wet hair. "I'm almost ready, just give me a sec," he says. "Actually, buddy," I start, sitting in the empty locker next to him. "Nola came to the game and there's something I need to talk to her about. It's kind of important and I don't want to keep brushing over it. Can we rain check for tomorrow?"

I didn't want to leave Tate hanging anymore but I'd also feel like a complete dick if I didn't talk to Nola tonight.

He raises a brow at me but nods. "Don't worry about it. Just come over anytime tomorrow. Text me when your home safe," Tate says, slapping my arm lightly. "Ah, I appreciate it, brother. I'll see you tomorrow, swear." Gotta love my understanding buddy. Tate shoots me a wink and I make my way back to Nola.

She stands by herself, looking around like she's never been here before. It's adorable. "Alright, I'm ready to go. Did you drive here?" I ask. Nola nods and we agree to meet up at her place since I don't want her to drive back home from my house too late.

Nola and I go our own ways in the parking lot. It's about a twenty-minute drive to her place. We arrive at the same time. "Em's at school studying with some classmates so she won't be home until later," Nola says as we enter her apartment. It smells like a vanilla-scented candle in here. She turns on some lights and makes her way to the couch.

I can sense uneasiness in her energy and it makes me feel relieved that I decided to come talk to her today instead of waiting until later. Once we sit, she blows out a breath. Being alone with her has me wanting to pull her in and comfort her but I keep my hands to myself still.

We have to talk first.

"So-"
"I wanted-"

Both of us speak at the same time. "You can go first," I say. My mind runs with a bunch of thoughts that I'm not even sure of what I was going to say. She swallows thickly. "The night at the hotel..."

Here we go.

"Do you remember when I told you not to hate me?" she questions. I tilt my head slightly. That wasn't what I was expecting her to say just now. However, I was curious about why she said that that night. "Yeah," I reply carefully. It takes her a while to say her next sentence, but I don't rush her.

She takes a deep breath. "There's an...interesting story behind your birth parents that I didn't tell you about," she says so quickly it takes me a second to process. What? What does Nola know about my birth parents that I don't? Is that even possible? We spoke to Bethany together and never once were they alone.

"What are you talking about, Scott?" I ask curiously. My focus is completely on her now. Her pale cheeks flush as she bites the inside of her bottom lip. C'mon, Scott. She swallows again. "When you told me the name of your birth parents, I already knew who they were," she confesses.

Her words shock me and I feel my heart rate quicken. It's not like I don't believe her because I do. Why would she lie to me about something like this? "What? How?" I question. "Miles..." Nola starts, shaking her head. "The girl Bethany told us about. Ryle's girlfriend before her? That was... my mom," she says those last two words in a whisper.

My eyes and mouth both widen slightly at her words. What the fuck is going on? I shake the cobwebs out of my head. "What? Seriously?" I ask. Nola nods slowly. "My mom had known Ryle since she was young. They were best friends for a while up until they started dating in high school."

Every single detail she keeps providing just keeps making me more and more shocked. How ironic is it that Nola's mom knew my birth father and mother? "I know, it's crazy. Imagine my head when you told me Ryle Grayson was your father," she adds. I look up at her. "Wait, how do you know who he is? Did you tell your mom about me finding my birth parents?"

I don't think I mind but it just doesn't seem like something Nola would just talk to her parents about. "What? Miles that doesn't make sense. I already knew about Ryle when you told me about him. Obviously, I didn't talk to my mom about it." Her cheeks flush again. "There was this one time in high school this boy broke up with me and my mom told me about her first heartbreak and it happened to be your birth father."

Oh. Oh.

God, my mind is so scrambled I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. "Right. That makes sense. Fuck, Scott. I don't know what to say." I rub my temple with my fingers. What kind of TV plot twist is my life right now? This is the kind of plot line you read in a book or see on a TV show. "You're not mad at me for not telling you until now right?" she questions, snapping my attention to her.

I shake my head. "No, of course not. I get it." She lets out a breath and nods. "Good and look just because of what my mom went through with that whole thing between her and your birth parents, I don't...dislike Bethany. It was a long time ago. My moms moved on from all of that," Nola explains.

This time, I'm curious again. "What exactly happened between them? I mean my birth mom didn't have the full story and you're saying your mom knew Ryle longer," I say. Is it possible that Mrs.Scott may know Ryle better than Bethany did? Nola's lips purse. "I don't know, Miles. I don't want you to have a certain opinion of my mom because of our parent's old...drama. My mom is a whole different person."

From what Bethany told us, I don't necessarily think I'd be able to paint Mrs.Scott as the bad guy. I'm just trying to understand their story. "Just tell me please," I plead. She sighs but nods.

"Ryle and my mom met when they were 9 and 10. They were friends before they started dating her freshman and his sophomore year of high school. When Ryle graduated, he got a football scholarship at UMiami. During his second semester there, he cheated on my mom with some girl. She found out through a friend," she says.

That's about as much information as I need to not paint Nola's mom as the bad guy in this story.

"Mom was hurt. She really loved Ryle, like loved. Plus it didn't help the fact that their families were best friends and always together. Ryle flew out to LA to apologize to my mom. She didn't break up with him but she did make him wait about a month before she completely gave into him again. They were good after that until... Ryle met Bethany."

I brace myself for the next part.

"My mom said she always felt off about the relationship they had but trusted Ryle nevertheless. Then he told Mom, on her birthday, that he had feelings for Bethany and wanted to explore their connection. So, he and Mom broke up that day. He dated Beth for a while and I guess...you were an outcome of their short-lived relationship," Nola says, cheeks flushing slightly.

Fucking hell. Yeah, I don't know why Nola thought I'd look at her differently. If anything I feel fucking bad for the woman. That's not easy to go through. Getting cheated on by the love of your life basically twice. Physically and emotionally. That has to damage a heart.

"What happened after that? Beth said Ryle left her for your mom and they got back together before he passed," I recall. Nola shakes her head. "That's not true. Maybe Bethany thinks they got back together because that's what Ryle said he wanted to do when he broke up with her. He never got the chance to tell my mom he wanted a second chance. Mom and Ryle weren't dating when he passed," she clarifies.

Oh shit. That makes me feel bad for him but also...did he really deserve another chance?

"Mom also said no one knew about Ryle and Beth's relationship except her and Ryle's best friend. So when he passed away, everyone thought he and my mom were still dating. Even both of their families," Nola adds. My brows furrow. "He kept Beth a secret?" I question. She shrugs. "I don't know but maybe that's why she didn't tell anyone about the pregnancy."

Hmm.

Silence looms in the air for a couple of minutes as I try to process everything she's just told me. Her quietness is probably to give me time to process everything. I shake my head and look over at her. Nola's dark blues find mind. "Isn't this all just fucking insane?" I state. The whole fucking thing.

Learning that my birth father isn't alive to then learning that even so, he had ties to Nola's mother.

Nola Scott the girl who found her way into my life somehow.

It's crazy to think about. Our parents used to date one another and we had no fucking clue until now.

"Yeah," she chuckles. "I thought the same thing. It's...so weird." I lay my head back on the couch but still look at her. Everything comes flooding back to me at the sight of her.

The way we met.
The way we kept bumping into each other as much as neither of us wanted to.

The ice skating clinic my aunt Claire asked us to do. It brought us together and helped us mend our sticky relationship. Every single time I bumped into Nola, I questioned why. I thought maybe God was trying to punish me.

The blonde ice princess I used to not be able to stand. She got to me in a way that irked me so terribly that the rest of my days would just be filled with thoughts of her. Yet, in the end, we found solace in each other. We came this far.

"You know..." I start, licking my dry lips. "I'm starting to think we were meant to be in each other's lives, Scott." There's no way we aren't supposed to be. It makes sense now. Always running into her, as much as I didn't want to, wasn't just a coincidence. It was meant to happen that way because it would eventually all lead up to this.

I swear a glimmer reaches her dark eyes. "How crazy is it that we found our way to each other? Out of anyone in the world I could have befriended, it was you. The girl who's mom dated my birth father years ago. The birth father I never even got to meet. There's some connection there, Scott." A small smile paints her face. "Yeah. I agree."

I lean forward and press my forehead against hers. "Thanks. For everything. For sticking by me." Her warm breath tickles my cheek and she closes her eyes but she's still smiling. "Always." Pulling away, she cups my cheek and kisses the other one. "I'm not going anywhere."

Neither am I.

***

I left Nola's place about a couple of hours later last night. My alarm went off at 9 am and I snoozed that shit so fast. I was exhausted. My body was fucking exhausted. We had the option to go to physical therapy today and I decided to get up and go. My body could use an ice bath after all.

Only a couple of guys were there and it happened to be the ones whose bodies are the most fucked up this far into the season. I was surprised Tate wasn't here but I figured he might still be ignoring that knee of his. He hasn't complained about it in the past couple of games. As I'm leaving, Tate sends me a text message.

Tate: ETA?

Miles: Twenty minutes.

He likes my message and I get into the BMW to drive over to his place. My body feels a lot better than when I got here but I'm still tired. Sleep hasn't been my best friend these past couple of days. This is what happens when you think too much at night which I do all the time but most recently, my brain has been on overdrive.

But that's something I'll worry about later.

When I made it to Tate's, Kait greeted me at the door and pulled my body down for a hug. "You did so good yesterday!" Tate smiled from behind her, rolling his eyes playfully. "But you need to get a hold of yourself, Tate can't be scoring all the goals if you get a suspension," she says as she pulls away, a manicured finger pointed in my direction.

"Alright, babe. Let's calm it with the words and body." Tate patted my chest once. "It's a temple that needs to be protected." Kait looked in my direction then. "Are you hurting too?" A worried look crossed her features. "I'm fine, just tired," I say, taking off my jacket as we walk further into the house. "Lunch will be ready soon, okay? Just relax and I'll call you guys in when it's done."

Kait smiles and grabs Tate's face to kiss his cheek before heading back to the kitchen. We sit down on the couch together and I shake my head. "Man, you really won with Kait, I'm not even going to lie to you. Gorgeous as fuck, knows how to cook, loyal, and did I say gorgeous already?" I tease.

Tate rolls his eyes. "Yes, fucker you did. Stop ogling my girlfriend." He throws a jab at my arm and I laugh. "I know I fucking won the lottery with her and that's why I'm trying to put a ring on her finger," he whispers. I had forgotten about that. Tate's been trying to propose to Kaitlyn for a while now but her parents think it's too soon for them to get engaged.

He doesn't want to go along with it if they don't accept so he's trying to wait it out. If I were him, I would have already proposed but we're different. He gives a fuck about what her parents say, I don't.

"It'll happen, buddy," I assure Tate, patting his shoulder. He looks like he doesn't believe me, but wants to. "Supposedly we're hosting her family in a couple of days. They want to come see the games versus the Oilers," he tells me. My brows raise and I turn my head slightly. "That's another shot. Be a great host and hockey player and maybe they'll change their mind." Tate rolls his eyes. "Yeah, alright."

Seeing as his mood had suddenly shifted, I changed the subject. We talk about other things that don't have to do with Kait's hardass parents and hockey until Kait calls us into the kitchen.

Once we're done eating, Kait and Tate are feening for answers. I let Tate tell Kaitlyn about me meeting my birth parents. After all, more people were going to start to find out.

I couldn't keep it a secret anymore.

I told them everything I learned that day about both my birth mother and father. Another thing I don't forget to mention is what Nola told me yesterday. How her mom and my birth father knew each other. They asked plenty of questions even ones I couldn't answer yet. They encouraged me to reach out to the Graysons and eased my thoughts by telling me my birth mother seemed genuine. Tate was excited for me and was happy that it went well.

Fuck, I'm happy it went well.

"Nola held you together, eh?" Tate questions. We're standing in the kitchen drinking glasses of wine. I rarely drink wine anymore, especially during the season but after that explanation, it is greatly needed. I scoff. "Don't know if I would have ever made it to my birth mother's house if she wasn't there," I admit.

Tate shakes the wine around in his glass. "You were there for her during Worlds. I'm glad she returned the favor for you. You know I would have gone with you too," he says. He told me he would've been there for me and I didn't doubt it. Emotions were running high when my birth mother and mother were exchanging messages and I asked Nola to come with me since she was already there.

Not that I didn't want her to come because I did but it's a justification as to why I didn't need to ask Tate. "Yeah, I know. Nola held the fort though," I promise. "That story about your birth father and her mom is so crazy, Miles," Kait adds, shaking her head.

"Ironic isn't it? It kept me up all night. I mean out of every single person in the world my birth father happened to be someone who had a connection to Nola's mother. Who woulda known twenty-four years later, me and her would cross paths," I breathe. Tate and Kaitlyn exchange a short look before turning back to me. Setting my glass down on the counter, I stand straighter. The looks on their faces are making me uneasy.

"What?" I question.

It takes Tate a couple of seconds to form words. "Are we finally going to start admitting that we have feelings for this girl? And by we, I obviously mean you." His words inflict physical and emotional pain in me as I wince, my face contorting. A deep sigh escapes my lips as I shake my head. I didn't tell them everything about my trip to Miami. By everything, I mean the kiss I shared with Nola.

They have no clue about that yet I don't even try holding in my feelings anymore. I've been doing that for weeks and I'm exhausted. "I- I can't," I stutter out the words. The same two words I told Nola right before I kissed her that night. "Why? Why can't you?" Tate asks, sounding impatient.

My gaze lands on him and he looks as frustrated as he sounds. "Let's start with the fact that she's young. Nineteen to be exact. We don't want the same thing. I can't be that person for her and you know it. I'm used to being alone, Tate. Of course, I fucking like the girl. How could I not? She's the only person who I want to be around most days, the only person who understands me in some stupid, deep way that no one else does, and the only fucking person who I'm actually terrified of losing."

My chest rises and falls quickly and I'm starting to regret every single word that slipped from my mouth just now. It's not that I didn't mean them, because I did. I just hate that I feel like this.

Tate scoffs lightly. "That sounds like a lot more than like to me, buddy."

"Don't," I pause, "say that." Kait comes up to me and places her hands on my shoulders. "Miles, you are such a great guy. Why are you withholding yourself from being completely happy? Getting into a relationship isn't the end of the world for you. Especially if it's with the woman you love. Fuck the age difference, okay? You belong together."

I swallow the thick lump in my throat. Tate comes up next to us and nods. "After everything you told us, her mom, your birth dad. There's no way you two are just a coincidence. It's more than that and you know it. You two are meant to be in each other's life," he reiterates. His words feel like a stab to the chest because I told Nola the exact same thing yesterday.

The biggest reason I'm withholding myself from her is because of fear.

What if one day she decided I'm not what she wants and leaves?
What if we think this might be something but it just ends up crumbling?
Or worst of all, what if this works but gets destroyed by people?

By nasty rumors and headlines. If she becomes anything more to me, there is a possibility that'll happen and it burns me to know what people will say about her. One bad word about her will destroy me. I don't need anyone to speak on her. Not unless it's something positive. Her feelings matter to me more than anyone else's.

"I don't love her," I say, my voice rasping. "Whatever you feel for her, tell her. I'm sure she reciprocates those feelings," Kait says, a blush forming on her cheeks. "Be happy, bud. You deserve it more than anyone," Tate says, wrapping his arm around Kaitlyn's shoulders. "You do, Miles," Kait adds.

I stare at the two people who have been here for me longer than a lot of people remaining in my life. Nola's only been a part of it for a couple of months but it feels like it's been lifetimes. She's stuck with me through everything so far. I've given the girl multiple opportunities to drop my ass and she's taken none of them.

When I'm not with her, I want to be. When I'm with her, I feel like we're not close enough. I crave to touch her. I want her to myself.

I'm just scared.

"We'll see," is all I say, but it's the truth.

I have to figure out my feelings before I share them with her. Once they're out there, it's done. There's no coming back.