When I get to 50 imma make it super long lmao

_______________________________________________________

"I would like to apologize to anyone I have not yet offended. Please be patient and I will get to you shortly."

-SQUIP

_______________________________________________________

SQUIP: [Looks at Sharaug] one taught me love.

SQUIP: [Looks at Michelle] one taught me patience.

SQUIP: [Looks at Jeremy, being egged on by Michael into drinking Mountain Dew Whiteout] two taught me that kids are STUPID JEREMY PUT THAT DOWN RIGHT NOW OR SO HELP ME GOD-

_______________________________________________________

Barista: How do you want your coffee?

SQUIP: As dark and bitter as my soul.

Jeremy: He'll have a white chocolate mocha.

_______________________________________________________

Elizabeth: What you're doing is illegal.

Rich: I'm not taking advice from you, you pronounce the 'g' in lasagna.

_______________________________________________________

Michelle: Shake it.

Rich: [shimmies]

Michelle: The bottle, Rich.

_______________________________________________________

Jeremy: How do turtles communicate?

SQUIP: Hmm. I'd assume through sight and feeling. I'm not sure turtles have other methods of direct communication, but-

Jeremy: With shell phones.

_______________________________________________________

Chloe: Yeah, I looked both ways while crossing the street. I looked both 'beautiful' and 'radiant'.

Chloe: Too bad I got hit by that car.

_______________________________________________________

Jeremy: My heart is telling me yes, but SQUIP is telling me no.

_______________________________________________________

Michael: I'm all panic and no disco.

_______________________________________________________

Elizabeth: Send dudes.

Michael: You- mean nudes?

Elizabeth: I'm in a fight. I need more men.

_______________________________________________________

Michelle: What is one thing nobody knows about you?

Elizabeth: I get jealous when my phone dies.

_______________________________________________________

Jeremy: If Michael and I were drowning, who would you save?

SQUIP: You morons can't even swim?

Michael: It's a hypothetical question. Who would you save?

SQUIP: My time and effort.

_______________________________________________________

SQUIP: Don't you hate being single on Valentine's day?

Sharaug: Yeah, I wish I had a boyfriend.

SQUIP: ...Well, you're single, and I'm single... maybe we should...

Sharaug: ...sign up for match.com! Great idea!

SQUIP:

_______________________________________________________

Mr. Reyes: I don't get paid enough for this.

Elizabeth: For what?

Mr. Reyes: *gestures to everything*

_______________________________________________________

Elizabeth: When I die, donate my entire body to science.

Elizabeth: Except my middle finger.

Elizabeth: Give that to SQUIP.

_______________________________________________________

Elizabeth: You remind me of the ocean.

Chloe: Because I'm deep and mysterious?

Elizabeth: No, because you're full of salt and you scare people.

_______________________________________________________

Rich, with his foot stuck in a chair: You may be wondering, "Rich, how did you get into this situation?"

Rich: Well guys, Rich doesn't know either.

_______________________________________________________

Jeremy: You apologize a lot.

Michelle: I'm sorry.

_______________________________________________________

Michael: Adulthood is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane.

_______________________________________________________

Sharaug: What's trending right now kids?

Elizabeth, Michael, and Jeremy: Pain.

_______________________________________________________

Michelle: *Sees a group of people doing something stupid*

Michelle: God, what fools.

Michelle: *Realizes it's Jeremy, Rich, Christine, Michael, and Elizabeth*

Michelle: Wait those are MY fools.

_______________________________________________________

SQUIP: Will you stop accusing me of having a favorite kid? I like Michelle and all of the non-Michelles equally.

_______________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________

Rich: I've never seen a couple in a heated argument about who was the loudest during sex until I met Elizabeth and Michael.

_______________________________________________________

Elizabeth belongs to Choco_Corpation

Sharaug belongs to Sharaug