If you ever get lost,
Come find me here.
Know that we will breathe the same air.

.\.|./.

Crystal Monroe

|in which she kisses him in the rain|

I stare into his grey eyes as drops of water trickle down his hair and face. I'm soaking wet and would be shivering if not for Ryan's close proximity. His face is inches from mine, and he doesn't even blink, awaiting my reaction.

"What do you mean?" I breathe, knowing what he said but unable to make sense of it.

Ryan smiles, shaking his head before tilting it to one side. "That's not how we play the game, Crystal. It's your turn. Truth or dare?"

"What the hell?" I exclaim, annoyed by how Ryan always finds a way around my questions. Even when he does answer them, I don't know what to trust. "Fuck it. I pick dare."

"Oh, no, you don't get away that easy." Ryan laughs huskily. "A truth for a truth, remember?"

"Fine. What are you going to ask me this time?" I demand.

Knowing Ryan, he will once again ask me something related to Jeremy and I's relationship. I will probably never understand how Ryan can be so informed about it even when he has never even seen Jeremy.

"I stand by my initial question: do you want to kiss me?" Ryan smiles, rubbing his forearm across his face to brush back his wet hair. The sky roars around us, lighting flashing at irregular intervals. The dark clouds hang low, beautiful in their intimidating glory.

So much like Ryan.

I glance down at his lips and swallow. "No," I blurt out.

Ryan smiles wider. "You're not supposed to cheat at this game if you want me to play fair, Crystal."

I open my mouth to answer him, but no words leave my lips. My eyes flicker to his lips again, wet in the rain and inches from me. They look so soft and delicious, and I can't help but wonder what they taste like. Something catches in my throat and I blink, hoping to break his spell.

Jeremy, too, would cast a spell on me when he wanted me to do something. But Ryan's spell is different. It is entrancing rather than hypnotizing. It uses attraction rather than fear. It pulls me in rather than puts me down.

"It's okay," he whispers, reaching out and grazing his fingers across my cheek. "I want to kiss you too."

My breathing is shallow, and my entire body paralyzed. Ryan's touch has locked me in place, his mesmerizing eyes coming closer when he leans in, stopping just half an inch from me. His lips are just within my reach, and I think I know what he wants.

He wants me to kiss him.

A flash of lightning illuminates Ryan's flawless face, his chiseled jawline, the perfect curve of his nose, the droplets of water sparkling on his straight cheekbones, the eyes as grey as the clouds overhead, and the scar ... damn, the scar.

'Do it, Crystal,' my mind yells at me.

And without thinking, without considering the consequences of my actions, or the absurdness of the entire situation, I lean in to close the half-inch distance between our lips.

He doesn't taste like mint, not like strawberries or coffee or like anything I have ever tasted. He tastes unique, a special flavor that is both intoxicating and addictive. He tastes like comfort, beauty, and perfection. Like home. Like heaven on earth.

His hand cupping my cheek, I close my eyes and memorize the moment. The rain, the thunder, the lightning, the beauty, the magic of the entire moment. Standing face-to-face in the street in front of our houses, our two different worlds, we become one, our lips molding together.

This man will be the death of me.

Or maybe Jeremy will if he ever finds out.

Jeremy ...

My boyfriend ...

I break the kiss in urgency, jumping back as if struck by the lightning flashing overhead. My eyes snapping open, I throw up my hands, indicating Ryan to keep his distance.

"I -- oh, my God, shit!" I mumble, I pant, I exclaim, wide eyes darting across the wet ground under my feet. "I shouldn't -- I'm sorry, I --"

"Crystal," Ryan speaks, stepping closer again and touching my face.

"Don't, please!" I cry out. "I have a boyfriend --"

"No, you don't," Ryan says.

"Yes, I do, I -- Jeremy --" I breathe, my heart beating loudly in my throat. All of a sudden, the magic is gone, the spell broken, the perfection a mere illusion, vanishing into thin air like a bubble in boiling water. "I have Jeremy ..."

Ryan puts his thumb under my chin, tilting my face upwards to make me look at him. I refuse to comply, afraid the sight of him will make me do crazy things again. Ryan is crazy, and his insanity contagious.

"He's gone, Crystal," he speaks, softly, tenderly, consolingly. "He left you and he's not coming back."

"How ..." I freeze, finally looking at him. "How do you know he left me?"

"He hasn't been here in a month," Ryan says, looking into my eyes. "He hasn't called, or even --"

"How do you know?" I breathe, my eyes wide with shock. "How ..."

How could anyone know if Jeremy has called me or not, or how long Jeremy has been away. Three months it's been, yes, but Ryan shouldn't know that. I never told him. How does he know it?

"We've been seeing each other for a month and you never mentioned --"

"But how do you know so much?" I demand, suddenly scared. "How can you know? Do you know him? You know Jeremy? Is that why you're here, why you're coming closer to me, to get back at Jeremy for some --"

"Crystal, calm down," Ryan says, reaching out.

I pull away from him, putting distance between us.

Ryan sighs. "You really think I'd be that kind of a guy? That I'd know Jeremy and be here to ... to do what, exactly? Tell me, Crystal, when you see me, what kind of a man do you think I am?"

He raises his eyes, prompting me to think. Breathing fast and heavy, I do. I stare at Ryan, seeing more than just his flawed perfection. I see his humor and his annoyingness, but I also see his fear, his tendency to run from darkness, his lies about allergies, and the reason I even know him; his suicidal attempt. I see the panic attack he had, the way he avoids certain topics, his a-truth-for-a-truth deal, and his ability to see through me.

"I see a man with secrets," I admit, my voice low and careful.

Ryan's face grows grim, his jaw clenching.

"Just one, Crystal," he answers, his voice lower than even mine, nearly drowned out by the pouring rain. "One secret that defines it all."

He takes a step closer to me, extending a hand and cupping my face again. I don't resist this time.

"But I promise you, it has nothing to do with you," he whispers, closing his eyes and inhaling deeply through his nose.

"Tell me then," I whisper back, once again reeled in by his magic.

"Not yet." Ryan opens his eyes. "I will ... I'll tell you everything when ... when we're both ready to face my demons. As for yours ... I think we can handle them now."

He leans in, and I let him. His lips touch mine, and I let them. He kisses me, and I let him.

But it isn't the same, not like the first time. And the difference isn't in Ryan, it's in me. It's in my heart, which is beating too loud for my liking. It's in my mind, which is whirring at the speed of light and reminding me of Jeremy's existence. It's in my entire being, torn between what I want and what I know is right.

I turn my face to the side, breaking the kiss but not moving.

"Crystal," Ryan whispers.

"I can't," I respond, making up my mind.

"You want to."

Yes, I do.

"Doesn't matter," I answer.

"I want to as well."

I know you do.

"You shouldn't," is what I say.

"Tell me to stop and I will," he breathes. "Just say you don't want me, and I swear I'll never touch you again. But tell me what your heart says, Crystal, not your mind. The mind can be fooled. It can be hypnotized. It can be frightened into obedience, but not the heart --"

"I don't want this, Ryan," I say, refusing to let him talk sense into me.

I know he's right. I know I want him like he says I do. I have wanted him since the day I first saw him, lying in that hospital bed and mummified in bandages. I have wanted him since he smiled at me through the pain, welcoming me into his house, his heart, his pain-filled and strangely-mysterious life.

But I'm not going to be this girl. I don't want to be the girl who vows to be with one man and then kisses another. What I did just now was a mistake. Jeremy is my boyfriend and until I know he isn't, I'm wrong to lead Ryan on, no matter how much I may want him.

"Crystal --"

"Just stop, Ryan," I snap, curling my hands into fists.

As if to prove his point, Ryan takes a step back, raising his hands in surrender. His face is uncharacteristically serious, as he watches me with disappointed eyes. I feel it, reflected in the pain my heart warns me of.

"Go home, Ryan," I say, my voice cracking. I pull up to my full height, put on one of my masks of cold disregard, and look at Ryan one last time. "And don't ever try anything like this again."

Ryan doesn't speak. This is unlike him, as he always gets the last word. Tonight, though, Ryan just stands in front of me, slowly lowering his hands to his sides and looking straight at me.

I spin on my heels, my wet clothes and hair dripping behind me. I want to run away from the spot, run as far away as possible and never come back. Instead, I walk confidently and curtly back to my house, enter through the main door, and slam it shut behind me.

Blocking Ryan out.

.\.|./.

A/N: If you were in Crystal's place, what would you do? Also, views about Ryan?

Thank you so much for reading. I will post one more chapter tomorrow if possible. Exams starting next week so I might not be around much then. But I'll try to keep the updates consistent even if I'm not replying to all the comments. I promise I'm not ignoring them, and will be sure to come back and respond as soon as possible <3