I hate the no. 2 cause its what I've always been.

Since elementary school I've walked on the grass that is next to the side walk.

I've walked behind a pair with joined arms

I've sat alone in the backseat of a car.

I've been silent during conversations with others.

"Well I" I would say for the first time.

"Well I" I would try again.

I figured third times a charm right? 

"Well I" and no one even glances my way.

I envy cute families in books and tv shows because I realized 

I could never form a friendship like that.

Someone willing to die for me? 

I can barely convince anyone to want to hang out.

So I form relationships with books.

I idealize romance and love in hopes it will one day fill the void in my heart.

That one the it will overcome the voice in my head berating me I will never be enough.

I pretend my eyes don't glow green 

whenever I see videos of friends doing everything together.

I want to be liked.

I want to be loved.

I want everyone to stop leaving.

I want to be seen.

I want to be heard and 

I want to be someone's world 

but that isn't realistic for a second choice. Is it? 

-------------

Stage 5: The Sadness and Depression begins

Love, Nandu