A.N.:// Uni is making it hard to work on fanfics. Not just because it's time consuming. Most of my courses this semester are on HOW to write.... And I feel so incompetent, you have no idea. XD But don't worry, something like that is never gonna make me stop throwing these little works in your face. In fact, it only motivates me to improve. Now, I dare you to have fun with this :3

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The peace didn't begin with the end of a war, with an enemy's death, or with the fall of a hostile kingdom.
No.
It began with the end of the secrecy.

Arthur would be lying if he said the change was immediate. The truth had caused suffering, doubt and chaos. In Arthur more than others. It took a while to work through it all. He had spent a dozen hours frustrated and humiliated in his rooms, unable to even face Merlin. Let alone his people.

And yet... Even the darkest of feelings couldn't overshadow the hope that befell the kingdom. Arthur learned that the laws against magic didn't just hurt sorcerers and witches. The people who had most suffered were the innocent ones who didn't dare move, in fear their actions would be reported as a crime. A crime that to be proven, demanded only a witness, not actual proof. Not until now.

Finally, true peace began. For Camelot with a change of law, for Merlin with a change of clothes, and for Arthur with a change of heart.

"No more secrets," Arthur had demanded.

"Never," Merlin had sworn.

...

It was a nice day out. All the days had been nice. So nice, in fact, that Arthur worried about the crops. The sun was shining, clouds were scarce and the trees in full bloom as though they had forgotten that it was supposed to be autumn.
A few more weeks and Arthur would have to investigate if this whole weather thing was magic related.

"Good morning, Arthur. I mean, your highness. What brings you here at this hour?" Gwen sounded unusually chipper. Well.... Not unusually so, not really. It was just something that Arthur hadn't gotten around to get used to. Then again, everyone in the kingdom had cheered up, and all of it felt foreign to him. Perhaps it was the guilt that remained.

"'At this hour?' Gwen, it's 2 pm. I'm well within your work hours."

The forge was running hot, especially with the sun set so high above them, and the metal in full heat. Arthur could hear the sound of a hammer working on something in the back that would either become a sword or a horseshoe. The sound of clanging was damaging to the ears but it felt welcome in a place that had been vacant since Tom's death.

Gwen rolled her eyes. "I know. But you're the King. Shouldn't you be ... I dunno... working on some laws or sitting in a council room talking about taxes?" The raise of her brows was a humorous mimic that said as much as: 'Are you hiding again?'

"Pff-," Arthur waved it off. "I just wanted to hang out with my favorite sister in law for a bit."

Gwen shook her head. "Did Merlin call you a Clotpole again?"

"In front of the Duke of Merthurian! Can you imagine?" Arthur was so done with Merlin. Every day he had to live with this torment! "He already thinks I'm unfit to be king! Now I let myself be ridiculed by ... well... Merlin."

Gwen chuckled. "And then you thought it was a great idea to come to me. The wife of your sister. Morgana isn't going to let you live this down, you know that, right?"

There was more clanging in the background. "I'm honestly more worried that she's going to curse my next set of armor with a spell rash." He scrunched his nose. "No, seriously, I wanted to see you and hear how you're doing. Both of you."

Gwen's amusement turned to genuine joy as she leaned over the table that she used to measure people or make notes on special interests for their products. She was a skilled blacksmith, don't get her wrong, but she loved to design and make people happy.
"We're good, Arthur. Thank you. I've never seen Morgana more at ease than she is now in the shop."

Morgana, on the other hand, loved to have something practical to do. After years of a dormant princess life, she was quite done with sitting around. After her time with Morgause, she was more than happy to avoid people, and after a massive, romantic resurrection of her soul from a lake, with a little help from Merlin in a dress, she had returned to her old self. The one from before she became a high priestess. Those dark days were behind them, since Gwen had been able to convince Morgana to follow her into a well. The well spirits had lifted Morgause's hold on her. And Merlin who had once poisoned Morgana and therefore started this whole mess (his words, not mine), was granted the reprieve of ending her suffering.

Arthur smiled. "That is good to hear."

Gwen affectionately patted his shoulder. "I really appreciate that you assigned us as the royal blacksmiths. After everything that went down between us ..."

Arthur raised a brow himself. "You mean, after you broke up with me to elope with my sister?"

Gwen blushed and punched him. "I didn't KNOW she was enchanted. I had given up on her, or so I thought. And then... well. Then we managed to save her."

"Ow!" Arthur held up his hands in surrender. Her punches really hurt. "I know, I know. I was kidding. I get it, believe me, I do. I know I was pretty focused on myself most of the time, but I knew what you meant to each other. That's how I knew she was enchanted. She'd never have hurt you otherwise."

"I know." Gwen relaxed and brushed a stray hair from her face. "I just meant that I am thankful to you. Business has never been this good."

"You deserve it. It was your father who made Excalibur before it was forged in the dragon's breath. And with Morgana in the mix, the armor and weapons of the royal household are far more safe and effective. It was a good bargain, even if I hadn't done it out of friendship."

Gwen smiled, then brushed off her hands on her clean blue dress. It was a fancy one. It really suited her. "Anyway. How are things with Merlin? Except for your strange flirting that is?"

Arthur straightened his back in surprise. "What the hell do you mean by flirting? We're not- I'm the KING. I can't flirt with my Court Sorcerer! Especially one as useless as him!"

Gwen raised her hands in mock surrender. "Well, you ARE flirting. That's what I see anyway."

Before Arthur could answer, a curtain to the backside of the shop opened and Morgana entered. Soot covered her forehead where she had wiped off sweat. Her more or less white shirt seemed out of place in the presence of a King. She just took off her heavy gloves that she wore to not burn her skin off her tender fingers. She also wore trousers. Which was unheard of for a woman, but Morgana claimed she was worried she'd just burn her skirts off during work hours. She wore dresses outside of work though. At the moment, her hair was tied in a messy ponytail. "Who is flirting?"

Arthur cursed himself. "No one is, except you two."

Morgana grinned and stood tall beside her wife. An arm slung itself around Gwen's waist and she put a tender kiss to Gwen's hair. "Oh, we definitely are. Who are you flirting with, dear brother? The stableboy? Another maid? Your reflection?"

Arthur growled. "Oh fuck off, Morgana. I was here to talk to your wife. You go and burn yourself with a knife."

Morgana grinned. She leaned over to Gwen. "Is he hiding from Merlin?"

Gwen chuckled. "Yes."

"GWEN!" Arthur couldn't believe this. "Traitor!"

"That depends on who I am loyal to, your highness. I'm sure Merlin wouldn't call me that."

"I can't believe you two! Here I am, skipping out on WORK, just to say hello -"

Again, the curtains to the shop opened and a mob of black hair stuck his head in. "Hey Morgana, hi Gwen. Have any of you seen - ARTHUR!" Merlin grimaced. "You clotpole! You should be in the council room! Leon has an important topic to discuss!"

Arthur sighed. "How important can it be, if it's LEON presenting it?"

Merlin deadpanned. "The weather. Stop being a pratt and come already!"

Arthur groaned. "Can't I get ONE MINUTE of peace these days?"

Morgana and Gwen couldn't hide their laughter. "Oh, the burden of men," said Morgana while shaking her head. "Can't relate. Gwen, I'll be off. I need to measure Portus' leg for the prosthetic." She kissed Gwen on the mouth, then took a saw and left.

Arthur stared after her quietly. "Gwen. Why does Morgana need a saw to measure a prosthetic?"

Gwen turned to him. "Portus isn't missing a leg. Yet."

Arthur opened his mouth, then closed it. He was 90% sure she was messing with him. Okay... 60%.

"ARTHUR!" Merlin sounded annoyed now.

A small wind came up, blew open the curtains to reveal a few people outside laughing with Morgana. There was a man talking with Morgana who WAS missing a leg. Morgana was sawing a piece of wood in length and marking it. So that was what it was for, thank fuck.

Arthur sighed. "Yes, mom. I'm on my way."

When Arthur reached Merlin, the man whacked him on the head. "That is for making my life harder than it needs to be. I'm not your servant anymore!"

"Ow. Why didn't you send one then?"

Merlin pouted. "They always take forever to find you. Besides, we all have to wait for you, since you're unfortunately the King, and they have actual work to do." He turned his head to Gwen. "Bye, Gwen. See you Friday for Dinner?"

Gwen beamed. "Of course, Merlin. Can you bring your recipe for the stew you made last time? Morgana has been nagging about my cooking for weeks and I need to make something good enough to shut her up."

"Sure thing." Merlin raised a thumb at her, then grabbed Arthur by the earlobe and dragged him out.

"Ow ow ow - bye Gwen- ow ow, MERLIN!" Arthur managed to wriggle himself out of Merlin's grip and whacked him on the head as revenge. That caused, as usual, a small race of who could reach the courtroom faster. Even though to Arthur it felt more like he was hunting Merlin. This was no doubt Merlin's intention all along. There was no better way to hurry up the king than to pose a challenge.

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The council meeting was, as always, boring. In a time of peace and magic, there apparently is no escape from the taxing discussions of specific wordings within the newest laws. This was to be expected, of course. The ban on magic may have been lifted, but the law change was a public affair. Which meant that all critics, everyone who could read and worse, everyone who's life depended on it, were focusing on this law more than anything else.

However, Arthur was under the impression that they had reached a point where further discussions about restrictions weren't necessary. Most arguments were mostly about whether or not they should refer to magic users in the laws as sorcerers, witches, druids or warlocks, etc.. To which Arthur had answered several times that if they were already referring to the entire group of magic users as 'magic users', then that was the most neutral and including term and they needed to chill. The other distinctions would be used wherever the differentiation was needed in a specific context.

Besides, all topics regarding magic were nowadays outsourced to their Court Sorcerer who did a remarkable job in navigating these discussions. Arthur hadn't bothered to notice for a long time, but Merlin turned out to be great with words. Speeches came to him naturally. He spoke while standing to face everyone head on, not an ounce of nervousness radiating from him, his new robes of blue fabric fitting him like they couldn't belong to any other frame if they tried, and his hands moving about as he moved his lips to say the most fascinating things. He spoke with confidence and knowledge and experience. Not that Arthur was listening.

Arthur liked watching him like that. All animated and in his element. Arthur wondered sometimes how things would have ended, had they not recovered Morgana from the veil, had they not found out about the curse on her, had Gwen not insisted she would save her whatever the cost.

Would Merlin still be standing here, smiling like he had finally found a home in Camelot? Would Merlin's eyes glint in the sunlight, looking almost like they were flickering with gold as they so often did when he used magic?

Arthur hadn't gotten used to the sight of Merlin using magic yet. He looked so... free, doing it. So kind. So much more like himself. The self that had been hidden behind the lies.

Would Arthur be sitting here, face leaned on his hand just to stare at him in awe, without actually listening to what he had to say, had Merlin never confessed his magic? A part of him liked to think he would. He knew it was probably wrong, but he liked to imagine that things would have always turned out like this.

Hold on.

Arthur raised his head from his hand, dream gone as he focused back on Merlin's eyes. That hadn't been the sun. A single annoyed cloud dimmed the light in the room for just a moment. Merlin's eyes were literally flickering! The gold in them seemed to activate every time the man inhaled. That definitely wasn't normal. Not even for Emrys himself.

Arthur decided not to draw attention to it, but couldn't quite tear his eyes away either. Instead, he waited until the council meeting was over, before he put a hand on Merlin's shoulder to force him to signal him to stay.

Not that Merlin wouldn't have stayed either way. The man couldn't seem to leave Arthur alone with paperwork. Which, yes, was the worst torture Arthur could currently imagine.

Merlin sighed as if expecting to be questioned. "You didn't listen to a word I said, did you? You were all zoned out. AGAIN." He glared at Arthur and stemmed his hands into his hips. "I know you trusted me to handle all the magic talk, but couldn't you at least listen enough to criticize me, or, I dunno, support me once in a while? It feels like a one man show at this point. Why are you even there, if you don't bother working?"

Arthur opened his mouth. He studied Merlin's face. His eyes were back to blue. A thousand words going through his mind before he settled on an unimportant detail. "Well, I recall that I was hiding before you forced me to come."

Merlin snarled at him. "Well, because I was hoping you'd remember you're the bloody KING!"
Arthur lowered his gaze slightly to stress the change in the atmosphere. Merlin should notice that Arthur had something important to say, and needless to say, he did. Merlin straightened immediately. "What? Is something wrong?"

Arthur answered with force of its urgency. "Merlin, are you alright?"

Merlin opened his mouth, then closed it, then paused, then threw up his hands. "You lost me. Arthur." He seemed irritated, his face all scrunched together like that. Arthur wanted to wipe off that frown. He felt the sudden urge to grab him by the cheek like a concerned grandmother.

"During your speech, you used magic. Okay, I admit, I wasn't listening. So, did someone in the court upset you? Because if your magic reacts to your emotions-"

Merlin blinked, confusion lines now smooth as his eyes just focused on Arthur. "What are you talking about? I wasn't using magic!"

Arthur blinked before he argued against him. He spoke slowly. "Yes, Merlin. You were using your magic. Your eyes were doing that thing they do when you use it."

Merlin's doubt was written in his face. "I'm sure it was the sun."

Arthur shook his head. "I know how it looks when it's just the sun. Your eyes were glowing, Merlin."

"Then maybe you imagined it! You were half asleep, Arthur!" Merlin hissed back at him, revealing his angry teeth. "I have perfect control of my magic! I've worked hard on it since I came here. I've suppressed it for years! You really think a subtle insult like that could get me to lose control?"

"What insult?" Arthur froze. "Who insulted you?"

Merlin jeered at him. "Your stupid excuse of a cousin. He called me 'rotten tongue' again."

Okay, now Arthur felt bad. Really bad. He SHOULD have said something instead of letting himself get distracted by such a minor issue. 'Rotten tongue'. It was one of the newer labels placed on magic users who were now free. Not everyone agreed with the law change, and so these things were rather normal, if also concerning. The idea of the name was that nothing a magic user said could be trusted. That their words were the source of their power and the reason for crime and corruption. And in Merlin's special case, they seemed to think that Merlin had magically convinced Arthur to tolerate magic users.

Arthur couldn't help it, he clenched his fists. How had he not heard that? How could he let someone spread such hatred right in front of his face? And at MERLIN of all people! A warmth engulfed his fists all of a sudden and Arthur looked down to find that Merlin had wrapped his own hands around them. "I said it's fine."

He was close. Closer than Arthur had expected him to be. For a moment, his breath hitched in an unexpected way. Merlin's eyes found his and then... suddenly... they glowed golden again.

Arthur blinked. It was a steady glow this time. An open window behind them opened further and hit the wall behind it. The glass clirred. A warm wind made its way inside and Arthur couldn't help but notice how the plants on his windowsill were suddenly in full bloom. Had they been like that before? Arthur turned his head that way in shock, and Merlin seemed to follow his gaze.
"That was just the wind." Merlin rolled his eyes as he referred to the noise.

Arthur turned back to Merlin to find the man's eyes still glowing around his smile. "Are you seriously not noticing this?"

Merlin turned his head again, as if the answer to that question could be found on the windowsill. Which, if one paid attention, it could be. "What? The flowers? Did Gwen bring you any?"
Arthur was a statue. He tore his hands from Merlin's grib and saw how Merlin's eyes dimmed slightly. First it was a flicker, then they died back to blue. "Arthur?"

Something clicked in Arthur's mind. "Merlin... have you perhaps noticed how in the past few weeks we've had nothing but perfect sunshine?"

Merlin frowned again, as though he couldn't follow. Which he probably couldn't. "Not always. It rained once or twice. I guess it's unusual weather for this time of the year, but - " He stopped, then his mouth shaped an 'o' sound. "OH, you think I'm controlling the weather. Arthur, that's stupid."

Arthur gnawed on his lip. "Is it?"

"It requires a lot of magical power to control the weather. Even I can't do that!"
For some reason that didn't convince Arthur very much and he saw how Merlin SAW the clear doubt in Arthur's face. Then, oddly, Merlin blushed. "Don't look at me like that! I may be powerful, but not THAT powerful."

Maybe he was right. Maybe Arthur was overinterpreting the whole thing. Merlin was literally made of magic. Maybe his emotions only triggered his eyes to turn gold when agitated. He no longer had to hide who he was. So maybe it was a good thing. The weather could be a coincidence. The flowers were something Arthur never paid much attention to. They probably had been in that shape all day. Perhaps a servant had exchanged them in the past couple hours. "Alright, fine. I believe you." Actually, Arthur was pretty sure that he wasn't wrong. Arthur knew Merlin. He'd notice these things.

Merlin exhaled slightly and Arthur ignored how those eyes glowed again, if only for a second. "Good. I was getting worried you'd have me arrested for not being able to control my magic!"

Arthur chilled down to the bone. Maybe due to the wind, or the clouds forming in the sky, but Merlin's word fed him with fear. "Never. Merlin, I promised you safety."

Merlin rolled his eyes and punched Arthur in the side. "I know. But not at the expense of the kingdom."

Arthur stared at him.

Merlin stared right back. "Right?" This time he sounded much less sure.

Arthur shook himself from his frozen state. "No, no, of course." Why did that sound like a lie?

Merlin relaxed. "Okay, good. Now, if that's out of the way, I would like to remind his royal prattiness that I have two jobs and none of them have to do with babysitting you all day. So, I'm leaving. Gaius is waiting."

Merlin only said it like that to remind Arthur that he couldn't be ordered to clean the stables anymore. And so he turned around and left, leaving Arthur behind. Arthur watched him go and felt awfully concerned, incredibly lost and somewhat lonely.

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No one else seemed to notice, but Merlin's eyes DID glow.

It was in the middle of the night that Arthur found himself unable to sleep. So, like a sensible adult, he took a walk around the quiet castle. It was dark outside and his candle provided only enough light to see where he was going. Yellows and oranges reflected from the stone walls in a silent dance. It was a New Moon which made the stars even brighter in the dark.

A soft wind was blowing through the windows. Warm and comfortable, like the steady breath of a sleeping dog. Wind tickled the leaves in the forest and it was actually so quiet that Arthur could hear it from his place at the window. He smiled a little.

Suddenly, something in the forest seemed to move. Arthur stood up straight, instantly alarmed. At this time, no one would be outside in the forest! NO ONE.
And then two golden stars stared directly at him and Arthur calmed. What the actual FUCK was Merlin doing at night in the for-

Oh god, were they being attacked?

Arthur forsook his nightstroll to rush down the corridor, the stairs and eventually past a few guards on duty. Where they were, candles lit every corner of the room and so there was no hiding his intentions. He gave them the gist and told them to tell Merlin to wait for him should he return before leaving the castle and heading down through the courtyard and towards the forest.

It wasn't easy to find him. Arthur wasn't entirely sure in which part of the forest he was meant to search, so he skimmed the outer areas first. How hard could it be to find two massive glowing orbs in the pitch dark?

A wind came up and before Arthur could stop it, his candle went out. "Shit." He stood there, in the dark, no idea where to go and too blind to see where he came from. "Merlin?" He let out a whisper. Not on purpose, obviously. There was just something about the night that made you remain silent. "MERLIN!" He whispered louder.

Now Arthur had done it. He'd gotten himself lost in his own kingdom. "MERLIN!" He walked further into the dark, feeling only the leaves of bushes around him as his shoes brushed through gras. "MER-"

There was a cracking sound and a loud hoot, as Arthur suddenly saw another flicker of gold in the distance. All respect for nature was forgotten. All fear he may have had left him. "MERLIN!" This time, it was a shout. As fast as his legs could carry him through the thick undergrowth, he made his way towards the recognizable sign of his former manservant.

Before Arthur knew it, he had reached the figure with the golden eyes, his own breath coming out in pants, but a smile edged to his face regardless.

"Arthur?" A flame lit Merlin's cheekbones from below, making him look hollow, like a ghost. "What are you doing here?"

Arthur grinned. "I couldn't sleep and went for a walk. Then I saw you from the tower."

Merlin blinked. "In the dark?"

"I told you your eyes glow."

Merlin grimaced. "No. No, that can't be."

Arthur watched him, as his excitement suddenly faded and he remembered why he had come so quickly. "Why are you out here, Merlin? Are we being attacked? Is something wrong? Is it a beast? Bandits?"

Merlin stared at him in frustrated awe. Awe at Arthur's stupidity. "No. I was collecting herbs."

Arthur's eyebrows shot up to his hairline. "Really."

Merlin rolled his eyes. "Nightshades, and some other ingredients that only grow in the dark. Are you telling me you ran to me, thinking I was protecting everyone.... In your nightrobes? Armed with a candle?"

Arthur looked down on himself and realized that Merlin was right. Shit. This had never happened to him before. It had been drilled into his head that whenever he even so much as left the castle walls, he'd have to at least carry a knife. His father would turn in his grave if he knew. Then again, if Uther knew about anything Arthur had done, or was doing, the man could be used to continuously turn a spindle.
"Oh."

Merlin chuckled softly. "The peace has gotten to your head, huh? Well, that's a good thing then. I'll take you back home." It sounded almost domestic, Merlin's offer.

Arthur shook his head. "No. No. You said you're here to collect herbs and I can't sleep. Let me help you."

Merlin snorted. "You? Help me? How? You can't distinguish a mushroom from aconite."

Arthur pouted and turned his head back towards the castle that he couldn't even see from here. It was even darker around the limited area that Merlin's magic illuminated. He could hear a cricket laugh at him. "Don't be stupid, Merlin! Of course I can tell the difference between a mushroom and a plant!"

Merlin sighed. "That's on me. I made it too easy. But Arthur, you need sleep."

"Don't you?"

"NOW you worry?" Merlin quirked a smile. "I've been running on four hours of sleep for years on end, Arthur. And lately I feel like I don't need as much sleep anymore. Probably because I don't have to be as alert anymore." He seemed deep in thought about that, while Arthur flinched at the reminder. "But that doesn't explain the glowing." He turned back to Arthur skeptically. "Are you sure?"

Arthur nodded. "I have no other way to find you if you hide in the bloody forest, Merlin! I think your magic might be lashing out."

Merlin opened his mouth to counter, so Arthur hurried to prevent a misunderstanding.

"I don't mean that it's attacking people. I was thinking that maybe the same thing is happening to you that happened to the Fisher King."

Merlin's eyes widened, flickering again and the air around them chilled. "What is THAT supposed to mean?"

"I mean that your magic might be tying itself to the land. Arthur watched Merlin stare at him, then leaned a little closer to the flame for its warmth. "Of course that's just a theory, but I think it's kind of odd how perfect the weather has been since the law changed. And just now, I didn't mean to upset you by suggesting that your magic is responsible, but the air turned colder." Arthur swallowed. Then, when Merlin had held his hands...

Merlin put his hand to his chin in thought and the air turned more mild. "So, if I were upset, I'd cause a tornado? If I'm nostalgic or sad it rains? Is that what you think?"

Arthur hesitantly lifted his head. "Maybe... And if you're really happy, things around you start to bloom, I think."

Merlin blinked, then laughed. "I'm not a fucking Disney-Princess, Arthur!" His amusement lit up the place lightly. But to counter his argument, a deer stuck its head through the bushes, staring at Merlin with interest. Merlin instantly stopped laughing. "The fuck?" This was, to be fair, not a rare occasion. There was a reason why Arthur took Merlin with him on hunts, and there was a reason why Merlin hated that.
Arthur chuckled into his hand, as the creature shook itself free from the branches and stalked towards Merlin. Merlin didn't react as the thing snuggled up against him. Resignation filtered through Merlin's troubled expression and he gave in to pet the creature.

Arthur coughed. "You were saying, nature deity, Emrys?"

Merlin glared back at him. "This doesn't prove anything!" Then, the trouble in his eyes returned as though a thought just hit. "This isn't going to affect the law, is it?" Doubt, anxiety. Years of oppression don't just disappear within a couple weeks. There was a wariness to Merlin that Arthur knew could only be crushed by blind faith. In him. And in his magic.

Arthur had expected it, but it made him sad either way. "Merlin -"

Merlin shook his head, his hands shaking as he tried to gesture-convince Arthur. "No. Arthur, you can't make any law changes for magic based on the weird stuff that happens around ME! You changed the law for Morgana as well, remember?" Merlin then began to babble on about the whole thing, forgetting to pet the deer in favor of appealing to Arthur.

Arthur let him ramble. It was truly amazing. If his assumption was true, then Merlin was a literal god at his court! "You forget that you're the one in charge of the magic law, Merlin. I told you that I trust you with it."

Merlin shut up instantly.

"Besides. I don't think this is a bad thing. I'm just worried about how the weather affects the harvest, Merlin. Because if this is true, then we all depend on whether or not you cry often enough to make it rain. And I don't really WANT to make you cry. That sounds horrible."

Merlin closed his eyes and allowed himself a soft smile. "True." He inhaled a deep shuddering, panic induced breath and patted the deer again. It had been agitated when Merlin had stopped his ministrations, but now it calmed down. "I keep forgetting -" Merlin looked back up and choked slightly, as if contemplating something. A moment later he regarded Arthur with intent. Before Arthur knew it, two warm arms embraced him and squeezed him tight.

Arthur's eyes widened, as his traitorous heart began to race in his chest. Warmth spread through his body into his fingertips and he was sure that it wasn't Merlin's magic that did that.

They didn't hug!

It happened only once before. A time that Merlin didn't even remember. Though it was ingrained into Arthur's mind, entangled with his heart like vines that creep up ruins. The idea of Merlin being lost, hurt, DEAD. The relief of finding him alive and well, only covered in mud. He couldn't have stopped himself if he had tried.

Something got stuck in his throat, tormenting with the thought of pushing Merlin away, but he couldn't. He found himself hit with the thought that he CRAVED this. Hesitantly, he hugged Merlin back.

"Thank you." Merlin's warm breath tickled his ear, causing a chill to run down Arthur's spine. It was a thank you for the hug, the comfort, but most of all the trust.
Arthur barely heard it over his own heartbeat. Merlin was so damn close it made his head spin. "I know I'm being anxious... I just.... Thank you for putting up with me."

Arthur blinked, oddly focused on the feeling of Merlin's jacket on his hands. Such thin fabric, yet it felt like a mile of a distance. Arthur stared down at the deer beside them before it was swallowed by the dark. Merlin's fire went out and they were alone in the world. A small shifting sound signaled that the deer had probably run off. Arthur heard nothing but his own heart, his breath. Felt nothing but the warmth of Merlin's body, the way it felt solid in his arms. The only light being small twinkles of gold surrounding Merlin's smile.

Arthur turned his head slightly to find a more comfortable angle, only to feel his lips brushing against Merlin's hair. In a half panic, he experienced the sudden urge to press them to the place between Merlin's jaw and neck.

Merlin let go of him with a laugh and a browkwardly clap to Arthur's shoulder. "Sorry. I keep being insecure about this whole magic thing. You know I lived so long in fear, I sometimes forget what it feels to live without it." His voice was loud in Arthur's ears.

Arthur still wanted to kiss him. His hands clenched at his sides, where they could no longer hold on to Merlin. "Yeah, I know. I understand. I sometimes feel the same when I see someone use magic." He then flinched. "Sorry, that sounds wrong. I'm not scared of you, Merlin."

Merlin laughed, then shook his head. "I know, I know. I sometimes see magic users and the first thing I wonder is when they plan to attack." He paused and it bothered Arthur that all he could see were his golden blinding eyes. "I'm ... I guess I'm surprised."

The sentence fell on concrete, before Arthur could figure out what Merlin meant. "Surprised?"

"The hug... you know? You don't usually... We don't. Sorry, I guess, for springing this on to you. I didn't expect you to... Thank you." The air was heating at his words.

Arthur felt like his skin was melting from those words. What should he say? 'No problem?', 'Anytime?' It all felt embarrassing and intimate, as if he would reveal something about himself that he couldn't even identify himself. No. Arthur remained stock still and quiet.

"So... let's go search for the herbs?" Merlin's eyes twinkled excitedly, golden eyes glowing unwaveringly in the dark, his nervous voice contradicting his sudden excitement.

Arthur smiled with relief that he didn't actually have to answer the previous question. "I could use a walk."

Merlin beamed in return, grabbing Arthur by the sleeve, brushing their skin only slightly. "Good. I'll hold on to you so you don't get lost. I can see in the dark, you know? Fire makes these ingredients wilt. Even the moon is toxic to them." What kind of plant was that? Sounded fake.

Arthur nodded, since Merlin claimed he could see him, then grabbed Merlin's hand in earnest. For some reason, the golden glow turned brighter and he stared at Arthur with shock. Was this awkward? Should he not have done that? Arthur didn't know, his mind was a blur and his heart was demanding to be close to his sorcerer.
'His' ?
Arthur cleared his throat. "If you hold on to my shirt, you'll eventually slip off without noticing. This is easier. Besides, do those nightshades care about your glowing eyes?"

Merlin blinked. "Well... I -" Then he shook his head and pushed his free hand against it. When he opened his eyes, they were no longer aflame. "Better?"

Arthur tensed a little. He could only assume that Merlin was willingly suppressing his magic to achieve this. The mere idea made Arthur queasy.

Merlin's confession hadn't been received with immediate acceptance. There were the people of Camelot of course, who all had various opinions on the matter, but Arthur himself had acted, regrettably, like a child.
Arthur had demanded Merlin's trust, honesty, and while he demanded it, he hadn't seen the loyalty that Merlin displayed. The trust Merlin had put in him at that moment, the honesty that dripped off his tongue like a much needed relief.
All Arthur had done in those few minutes was prove why he didn't deserve any of it. He had moped for weeks afterwards, took his anger out on training dummies, and forced Merlin to keep his distance. It took a long time of reflecting to come to terms with the lies.

Not the magic.

The very first thing Merlin had done with it was save Morgana. The intention of that act had been the reason why he had confessed in the first place. It had been beautiful. The way Merlin stood at the seashore his arms spread over the sea where Gwen and Morgana washed away the corrupted past.

It was at that moment that Arthur's fear of magic dissipated. An ache filled its place, a hurting reminder that this was Merlin. Not the man he had known. Never fully, never truly, never honestly himself. And it was Arthur's fault. Arthur was in pain.

Now, Arthur wished for nothing more than the freedom of his friend. To repay what he owed him. And to never have him need to hide any part of himself anymore. To see him fall back into old habits burned at the hope that Arthur had redeemed himself. Yet, Merlin was still afraid.

"If it works." He couldn't see shit like this.

Arthur squeezed Merlin's hand and Merlin squeezed back. Arthur liked to believe that there was an understanding there, between them, between that action. But he wasn't that foolish.

—----------------------------------------------------------

The next morning was sunny again.

Arthur couldn't help but smile with a mix of relief and satisfaction as he saw it. His replacement of a servant was buzzing all about, straightening the bedsheets, filling Arthur's goblet with wine, etc. etc.. All these things that Merlin had been terrible at. Arthur missed him though. Merlin used to be a constant presence, now he was everyone's advisor. He was often gone.
But it was nice to see the blue sky, knowing that this meant that Merlin was content.

Arthur sighed, however. He still needed to talk to Gaius about this.

Breakfast passed in a familiar haze. Arthur gave the servant permission to leave, then walked out into the hallway to make his way down to the Court Physician. Normally, Arthur would love to procrastinate, but Merlin usually only gathered herbs if he needed them the next morning. Which meant that the possibility of meeting him there was rather high. Before Arthur could figure out why, his speed had already increased.

He slammed the door to Gaius' chambers open without hesitation. To his disappointment, he found the room void of Camelot's Court Sorcerer.

"Your highness." Gaius was standing by the table, a dozen different concoctions bubbling in various colors before him. Since one of them was glowing in the light, Arthur assumed that Gaius was experimenting with magic again.

"Gaius."

"What brings you here, Sire? Merlin has left early. He is needed in the lower town. Margaret is having her baby, so it can't wait."

Arthur flushed slightly and cleared his throat. "I wasn't here to see Merlin." Though it would have been a nice bonus.

Gaius raised a brow. "So you wished to see me. How kind of you. What is it?" The sarcasm in that tone could only be matched by Merlin's, Arthur thought mortified.

Arthur didn't know why, but he found himself flushing harder. "It's ABOUT Merlin."

Gaius raised his head in a slow nod, as if to say: "Oh yeah, that makes much more sense."

Arthur hated him. "About his magic, actually. Has he talked to you about it yet?"

Gaius inhaled deeply before turning his attention back on the concoctions. "He has informed me that you believe his magic was getting tied to the lands." Gaius raised a vial in front of his eyes, shook it and made a slight 'ah' sound, then continued. "I believe you're right."

"Really?" Arthur felt relief wash over him. "That is not a bad thing, is it?"

Gaius shook his head before turning to another vial. "No. Unless anything happens to Merlin, Camelot will flourish. He told me about your concerns with the rain, but you need not worry, my Lord. Merlin's emotions feed the land. It will rain whenever it is needed, I am sure."

"But the perilous lands became a desert." Arthur bit his lip. "I know he was injured, but -"

Gaius nodded. "Precisely, Sire. He was injured, so his body took back the life energy from the land to sustain him. Merlin is all fine and well, so he can give his powers to the land."

Arthur wasn't convinced. "I'm still worried."

"Of course you are."

What was THAT supposed to mean? Arthur ignored the dig and turned to leave. "If something comes up, if there is even the slightest chance -"

"I'm sure you'll notice if there is a storm coming, my Lord."

That shut Arthur up and he sighed. Maybe he was overreacting. Maybe he was too concerned for Merlin's wellbeing. The man was immortal, had magic for life and controlled the literal weather. Arthur rubbed at his temples before he decided to leave. Things would be fine. Surely, things would be fine.

—-----------------------------------------------------------

Merlin didn't look at him anymore.

Arthur noticed it the next morning. Merlin's eyes were dull, clearly suppressing his magic, his smile was plastered to his face, but his gaze always averted. Merlin's fingers were twitching whenever he was near Arthur, which was during the Council Meeting, and Arthur noticed that Merlin was also sweating. His temples glistened in the sunlight, and the temperature raised to unusually high degrees.

It was supposed to be winter soon.

"Merlin, I think we should discuss -" No one had left yet, but Arthur still wanted to know Merlin's opinion about a potential tax raise. The reason for that had to do with the increased harvest and the unhealthy state of the roadways to Camelot.

"I'm sorry, Sire. I will have to ride out this afternoon. There is a sighting of a magical beast in the forest and -"

"There was? Shouldn't I be coming with you?"

"No, no. I don't want you to get hurt." Merlin quipped at him before turning around and leaving.

Arthur watched how Merlin's dark frame vanished from the Council room as the door snapped shut. Even the knights stopped to look after him. Merlin was usually the last to leave. He ALWAYS had something to discuss with Arthur.

Something heavy settled in Arthur's stomach. He clenched his hands into a fist. Something desperate gnawed on his heart, something close to panicked anger filled his stomach. A storm was coming.

Merlin was hiding something.

—--------------------------------------------------------

"Where is she?"

She, the Dolma, the woman that Gaius had promised would save Morgana. Arthur stood at the shore of the lake that his Court Physician had sent them to. He was the one holding the unconscious Morgana, since Gwen had staggered under the weight after a while. She had been exhausted from the ride and tired from the emotional stress she had been under. The woman now stood beside Arthur, gaze focused on her oldest friend and lips quivering in anticipation. The sky was cloudy and dark, foreboding nothing good.

Arthur twirled around, his unconscious half sister still in his arms. "Merlin, where is she?"

Afterwards, Arthur wouldn't be able to tell why he had blamed Merlin for the Dolma's absence. It was Gaius who kept trusting the wrong people. It was Gaius who sent him to find Dragoon who had killed Uther Pendragon. It was Gaius who now sent him to a woman who didn't bother to show up. And why would she? Magic was outlawed and Arthur was a goddamn hypocrite for even asking her help. That didn't mean Merlin was to blame.

Merlin's gaze lowered, his eyes trained on a sack of clothes in his hands. Wind played at his hair. The moment was oddly serene. Arthur's and Merlin's mood were mismatched. One anger and annoyed, the other sad and determined. Merlin seemed to be contemplating something. Then, finally, he threw the bag to the ground and faced Arthur head on. "There is no 'she'."

Arthur remembered staring at him, irritated and anger flaring. "You mean, we rode all the way down here for nothing?"

The clouds seemed to get thicker and thicker and Arthur couldn't remember Merlin ever looking so tired. The servant wasn't scared, wasn't even upset. Just tired, resigned. "No."

Arthur had almost thrown his sister to the floor to express his frustration and have a serious talk with Merlin, when Gwen stopped him by putting a hand to his upper arm. The feeling naturally distracted Arthur and he turned towards her. She didn't look at him, which meant that she was NOT trying to tell him something. Her eyes were directed at Merlin and Merlin only. She was steading herself, as if she saw something Arthur didn't.

Even further irritated, Arthur followed her gaze and found nothing but determination in Merlin's face. There was nothing else in that expression as Merlin's eyes fell to Morgana. "I'm sorry, Arthur. I should have told you. I should have... Gaius thought it was better to keep it hidden, but -"

"Stop babbling and tell me already. If we came here when the woman doesn't even exist-" Arthur would have clenched his fist, if his hands weren't clutched into Morgana's knee and shoulder. 'What was Gaius thinking?'

Merlin shook his head. "It's me."

"Huh?"

"The woman is me."

Arthur stared at him, information slowly trickling into his thick skull. "You're a woman?'

Merlin frowned. "No. I'm... The Dolma is-" Merlin shook his head and sighed. He seemed too tired to argue. "Fuck this." Instead of explaining, Merlin raised a hand over Morgana and closed his eyes.

Arthur was so focused on Merlin that he barely felt Morgana stir until she jumped to her feet, hatred in her eyes. Arthur failed to connect the dots, too disturbed by her waking. His mind screamed at him that he hadn't been careful enough. But Morgana was supposed to be drugged. She shouldn't have woken up so soon! He grabbed her shoulders, stopping her from moving and praying that she was too delirious to use her magic against them right now.

Merlin didn't seem as surprised. "Gwen. Now, please."

It was only then that Arthur managed to slowly puzzle the pieces together. He couldn't see Merlin now, as Morgana stood in his way. But Merlin was giving them instructions, Merlin was not surprised that she was awake. Gwen was staring at him too, eyes wide, mouth covered by her hands.. But it was Morgana's words that hit it home. She managed to turn around, before Arthur could hold her again, this time, he twisted her arms behind her back. "YOU! YOU'RE EMRYS!" Arthur blinked. Who?

Back then, she must have seen gold in Merlin's eyes or something. Arthur would never learn how Morgana had known, mostly because Morgana didn't remember it afterwards. "YOU HAVE MAGIC! MEEEERLIIIN!" Her scream hammered the truth into Arthur's world.

Arthur froze.

Too shocked to recover anytime soon. Before Morgana could use his immobility, Merlin raised a hand and locked Morgana in place. Merlin's eyes were sad... and gold.
Ba-dump.
"I'm sorry, Morgana. For everything. It's my fault Morgause got a hold of you. But we're going to fix this. We're going to get you back." Merlin then turned back to Gwen. "Guinevere, please."

He didn't use her nickname. For some reason that was what Arthur's mind latched on to.

He didn't listen to what Gwen said to Morgana as she obliged, which was no doubt beautiful. And romantic and convincing. Morgana's eyes filled with doubt and she and Gwen walked into the lake. This only worked because Gwen was focused on the goal.

Arthur was not. His mind was nowhere near their goal.

Arthur was fixed on Merlin, on the way the man turned his back on him. Without a glance at Arthur, Merlin raised his hands over the lake. Morgana and Gwen were completely engrossed with one another. And then Merlin began to speak.

In the language of the Old Religion.
Ba-dump.

Arthur's first emotion should have been anger. He should have seen a traitor and killed him where he stood. Merlin's back was turned to him. Arthur would have had every opportunity, every tool to do it.

His first emotion should have been fear. He was looking at a powerful sorcerer. One who was slowly being engulfed with light. Only light. He was a warlock, mighty was his tongue.

His first emotion should have been pain. Arthur saw a traitor who pretended to be his friend. Saw a criminal where he once saw justice and law and loyalty.

And he did feel all of it on a subconscious level somewhere. But all of it was overshadowed by something else.

Ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump.

Because his... this was Merlin.

What had once been hidden was now laid bare in front of Arthur. And it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. In the most terrifying, shocking and painful way imaginable, this was Merlin. Standing strong and fearless in the rain while Arthur's heart bled and wept and longed. Caught in involuntary awe.

Arthur couldn't move. Couldn't pinpoint his anger or entwine the knot in his throat.

The feeling passed in the blink of an eye, after years of trying to figure out what it was that he was seeing. Arthur would never forget that sight. Couldn't if he tried and wouldn't if he could.

When Merlin turned around, Arthur's ears were deaf to the sound of Gwen's relieved laughter and Morgana's complaints about the cold. Arthur was deaf to Merlin's words, his explanations, his apologies, anything, even Arthur's name on his desperate lips.

When Arthur's shock faded, his heart cramped, exposing him to pain and nothing else.

Merlin was waiting for a response.

Arthur ought to be relieved for his sister, his old friend. But his pain ...
He turned around and stumbled away. All his senses told him to get away. He didn't have the power to withstand that need.

He knew that Merlin was following him, but his heartbeat was too loud to hear his steps. Against a canopy, a natural shelter of rock, Arthur sank against the stone wall. Arthur wound up wet and cold against solid ground. He hadn't even noticed the rain. He knelt there, his legs bent at an odd angle and his brain filtering everything out but that light and that frame.

Merlin was a sorcerer and Arthur was trying desperately to deny it.

He had felt this before.

His first mission as a prince to lead his knights to raid a Druid Camp. A slaughter. Knights who didn't listen. They had betrayed his faith in the knight's code.

He had felt like this when Morgause revealed Uther's secret.

He had felt like this when Morgana betrayed them.

Or when Agravaine did.

Over and over and over again had he been lied to and betrayed and every single time Merlin had been there to save him. Merlin had been there. And Arthur had latched unto Merlin's faith, his trust, his honesty. After Arthur had lost everything, he had found a home in a servant. A brave one. A loyal one. An honest one. Merlin had been the ground he walked on, and now it had been ripped out from under his feet.

Now...

It was all a lie.

Arthur thought of the sight of Merlin, ready to tell Arthur his secret, saving Morgana, risking his life and he hated that he understood.

Arthur thought of Merlin, using elements that should be forbidden for mortals to use and he looked like he was finally free. Like he had hidden himself away, like he had never been able to be himself around Arthur, never fully. Like he belonged here, into nature, into godhood, and not with Arthur. Merlin looked like he was about to disappear.

And Arthur thought of both at once. The betrayal, the pain Merlin had been in. The loyalty he just portrayed while living his truth. It didn't make sense, yet it did, because it was Merlin. The same Merlin who was kneeling beside him, touching his shoulder and trying to talk to Arthur, but his words didn't make sense in his mind.

Arthur couldn't untie this feeling. This knot of emotions. The blame, the guilt. And least of all this all consuming pain that was so numbing that he felt his entire body shut down.

He had been prepared for everything today. Had considered every possibility. Anything from being utterly and completely betrayed by yet another sorcerer, up to repeal the magic ban based on a single action of kindness.

He had not been prepared to lose Merlin.

—------------------------------------------------------

Inaction wasn't Arthur's thing. There had been a few instances when he had refused to take a stand. Most of them had been orchestrated by Merlin. The few other times had been stupid or cowardly.

But Merlin had promised him to never lie or hide again. If Merlin thought Arthur would just let him turn on that promise, then Merlin would have to live with the consequences. Dire consequences!

Like cleaning all the chamber pots in the castle without his magic.

Since the change had been sudden, Arthur had decided to walk back Merlin's steps from the moment he acted weird to the moment where he'd still been normal.

So, Arthur went to the woman who had been in labor that morning first. Not without threatening Gaius to give him the address, of course. Or rather, Arthur had feigned interest and Gaius had explained who the woman was, conveniently forgetting that he wasn't supposed to disclose any personal information about a patient.

Arthur sighed as he looked outside. The sky was covered in thick gray clouds. He needed to fix this fast!

....

Alice was a nice young woman who had just born her first child. She was on bed rest for the time being. Arthur warmed her up a bit, complimented her, congratulated her and her husband on the healthy child. He didn't want to overwhelm the woman with his anger, not when she had cried tears of joy that the King himself bothered to visit her.

"Merlin? Oh, he is such a kind young man."

"Yes, he is. He helped with the birth, right?"

She smiled. "Yes, he did. I'm so glad magic is legal again. His healing hands took away almost all the pain." Her gaze fell to the windowsill and a dreamy look took over her features. "He brought us these flowers, too."

Arthur followed her gaze and saw a bouquet of flowers there. It was an orange kind, star shaped. Arthur thought it might be a lily, but he wasn't quite sure. Flower language was more Geoffrey's thing.

"It's an Alstroemeria. I don't know where he found it. But it speaks for itself, doesn't it?"

Arthur shrugged. "Is it a special flower?"

The woman nodded seriously. "This flower speaks of a connection so deep and intertwined that words cannot fully grasp them." Her love filled eyes found her husband who held their child in his arms. "Like what we have for each other and our daughter."

Arthur smiled, genuinely happy for their luck. But if all they could tell him about Merlin was that he brought them flowers, then Arthur was wasting his time here. So, he thanked them and left.

....

Arthur followed Merlin's footsteps from one servant to another. All he found was some chattering servants who talked about the bloody weather. Then, Arthur decided to take a walk through the forest and look and behold... Where Arthur and Merlin had walked hand in hand the previous night, the same flowers sprouted that Alice had been gifted.

Arthur scratched his neck. He was fairly certain that if these flowers grew here so vividly and only here, then Merlin might have accidentally created them with magic. Or had he done them on purpose to give them away? Arthur didn't understand. Unless something was very wrong with this flower, then he had no idea why Merlin would be upset.

Then again, the first time Merlin had ever hidden something from Arthur unsuccessfully, it had been a bouquet of flowers meant for Morgana. Arthur sighed. But why would Merlin hide that they existed? Merlin sprouted flowers whenever he was happy... or so the theory.

Arthur contemplated for a second, then he bent down to gather a couple of them. If he was going to question Merlin, he would have to have evidence.

—-----------------------------------------------------------------

Thud.

Merlin paled instantly, as Arthur threw the flowers down on the table before him. Arthur had cornered him in Gaius' chambers and locked the door behind him while Gaius was at the market to visit some old friend.

For a moment, Merlin and Arthur were engaged in a stare off, before Merlin lowered his gaze and fumbled with his hands.

Arthur sighed. "Merlin. You promised, no more lies. No more secrecy. You SWORE! You've been avoiding me this morning and I want to know why."

Merlin twitched at that. "I... erm..." He pressed his lips together and stared down at the flowers. Then, he grimaced. "You already know, don't you?"

Arthur blinked, then tilted his head. "No, Merlin. I need you to spell it out for me. Because unless these flowers are a magical secret plan to overthrow an enemy kingdom without me knowing, because you want to play hero again, I have no idea what you're hiding." Arthur frowned. "You SWORE, Merlin."

Merlin gaped, then stared at the flowers, then back at Arthur. "You mean, you DON'T know what these flowers mean?"

Arthur glared at him. "Alice said it's love language is deeper than other flowers, or something."

Merlin opened his mouth, then closed it. Then he covered his face. "Oh my god." It was a whisper.

Arthur hit the table. "MERLIN!"

"DO I REALLY NEED TO SAY IT????? THEY SPROUTED WHEN WE HUGGED LAST NIGHT!" Merlin flushed behind his hands, ears more prominent than usual. "I hadn't realized until Alice told me... I don't CHOOSE what I sprout... to think..." Merlin took a shuddering breath, as Arthur's mind short circuited.

"You mean... they just... reflect your feelings. For -" Arthur's heart was too loud.

"You." Merlin's whisper was almost too quiet to hear.

Relief. Warmth. Arthur tensed in a strangely comfortable way. "Oh."

Merlin winced.

And Arthur? Arthur walked around the table and carefully uncovered Merlin's face. Any redder and Arthur would be searching for a wound. "You love me."

Merlin winced again. "Shut up."

"That's my line." Arthur smiled despite himself. "Why were you hiding it?"

Merlin stared at him. "Are you serious? WHY I would hide my feelings from you? It's embarrassing! ALL my feelings are out for EVERYONE to see already! The bloody weather changes at my heart beat! That's bad enough!"

Arthur frowned. "Is it?"

Merlin flushed. "What? You want me to just go to your chambers and ask if I can hold your hand?"

Merlin's hands were warm in his, as Arthur sqeezed them.

Merlin stopped to stare at Arthur. "What are you doing?"

Arthur met his gaze. "You said you wanted to hold hands."

"I..." Merlin looked at their intertwined hands. "You just -" He stuttered, then faced Arthur again. He squinched his eyes as if to test him. "Does that mean I can ask for a hug now?"

Merlin's frame was broader than one would expect, but he fit perfectly in Arthur's arms and Arthur buried his nose in Merlin's neck. Merlin squeaked.

"Arthur..." His voice quieted. He swallowed. "Are you... are in love with me?"

"No."

Merlin was about to say something, when Arthur interrupted him again.

"I'll stop you right there, Merls, because you misunderstand me. I don't know how to explain it... but you've got it wrong."

"I don't get it." Merlin's trembling hands fell to his side and the wind picked up.

"Do you understand why I don't want you to lie to me? To not keep things from me?"

"Because you're obnoxious and controlling?"

"Because you're my world, Merlin." Arthur parted to look at Merlin from barely an inch away. His arms remained at Merlin's shoulder blades. Merlin's eyes widened. "And I don't mean it in a simply romantic, cliché kind of way. You're literally all I see. Before I knew of your magic, you were Merlin. My clumsy idiot servant who was always too honest for his own good, who believed in the laws of magic but was too good to look away when druids were treated unkindly. You were my reassurance, you were the Camelot I wanted to see. And you were the only person who never betrayed me."

"Until I did." Merlin was about to turn his head but Arthur forced him back to face him with one hand.

"No, Merlin. You never did, and I knew it, even then. But you stopped being YOU. You were the open and honest clumsy servant who had doubts. That was what I knew. But really, you're the sorcerer who condemned himself to suffering and injustice under MY hand. I was the one who damned you. Because I didn't even know who you are. Because all the decisions I've ever made were based on a version of you that I failed to properly construct in my head."

Merlin stared at him.

"I ALWAYS want to see you happy, Merlin. I want you to be free and yourself. I can't bear you to turn away from me to pretend you're someone else. So don't ever do that again!"

Merlin kept staring, so Arthur continued.

"I only ever know I do the right thing when I see you smile. I only ever know what is right and wrong, when I know what YOU think. If I don't, nothing makes sense anymore and I keep doing the wrong thing. I ALWAYS regret it! You are the center of my universe. I can't love you, because it is because of you that I get to love everything else. You MAKE me love everything. Camelot, my knights, my people, myself. What I feel for you is... Something else. Something more. It doesn't compare. So, please, Merlin, whatever it is you want, whatever makes you happy, say it and it will be yours. I don't want to see you sad ever again."

Merlin was breathing oddly fast. "I don't want you to force yourself - I ... I don't- Arthur, what are you saying?"

Arthur smiled. "You heard me."

Merlin lowered his head and rested it against Arthur's collarbone. "How are you not embarrassed to say all that?"

Arthur shrugged. "It is an honor to ..." He stopped. "I don't know what word to use." Arthur decided that it was good enough to just be honest. "After everything you've done for me, Merlin, my heart is the least you deserve."

"You make it sound like a sacrifice."

Arthur grinned. "I want you to have it. I want you to have everything you want."

"You're so embarrassing." Merlin buried his head deeper into Arthur's chest. "I can't believe you noticed my feelings the moment I noticed them myself."

Arthur beamed. Small, happy butterflies fluttered in his chest. He didn't need to say it, Merlin must know that Arthur was happy that he knew Merlin that well. Finally. Finally the Merlin in his arms was real. It didn't matter that it was raining outside. There was a rainbow in the clouds and flowers bloomed all over the castle walls. The petals painted Camelot in lovely orange hues and the gold in Merlin's eyes returned, as Merlin hesitantly let go of his suppressed magic. Single sun beams made their way into Arthur's chambers and enlightened them both.

When they stepped back enough to shyly smile at one another, Arthur remembered that happy tears were a thing.

====================================

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