Summary: Arthur has spent the last years of his life trying to be everything his father expected. As an anti-Pride protestor, he has made it his mission to tell people that "Pride is a sin". Then he meets Merlin and his world is turned on its axis. What starts as an unlikely friendship full of preconceptions and misunderstandings turns, little by little, into more. No one gets it till the end.

Ships: Merthur, Gwencelot, Perwaine, (past) Leon/Morgana

Trigger warning: 

Abortion, Homophobia, transphobia, harsh language, internalized homophobia, biphobia, acephobia, TERF-language, sexism, (DM me, if I forgot something)

This is completely self indulgend, but based on real life topics, problems and misunderstandings seen in real life, social media, religion, you name it. I've been exposed to too much hatred lately and needed to take of the edge.

I hope you can enjoy this story anyway :)----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The first time Arthur met his best friend, he hadn't expected them to ever get along. They had met at the local Pride Parade that walked down the main street of Camelot. Merlin had been wearing a rainbow flag as a cape, dozens of colors smeared on his face, wearing a shirt calling for 'trans rights' as he argued with Arthur.
Arthur stood on the other side of the road, behind the barrier, holding up a sign that he had worked a whole hour on making: 'Pride is a sin."
Perhaps it could rather be considered screaming rather than arguing. And technically, it wasn't the first time they had met, since they went to the same public school. The point is, that's when they first noticed one another.

Arthur wouldn't be able to later recall what they had been shouting at each other. He remembered the crowds screaming so loud that his side couldn't be heard. He remembered people so close up in his face, that they nearly spit at him. He remembered same sex couples kissing in front of them, just to taunt them. He remembered Merlin's eyes, those bright blues, narrowed in hatred. The black hair a mess, color stuck to the strands and that voice growingly loud, as though he tried to command a dragon.
Arthur recalled shouting back. He didn't fully remember what. Reasons, perhaps. Opinions, most likely. He didn't understand a word that anyone was saying. He could only feel that deep rage within him that made him want to punch Merlin in his stupid face. Pride and Wrath couldn't be friends, it seemed.

—--------------------------------------------------

Arthur met Merlin again the next day on school grounds. The boy looked tired, his head hanging low as he yawned. His hair was a black mess, as if he had forgotten to brush it. His skin was pale, but you could tell that he spent a lot of time outside. Right now, he was apparently walking to a science lesson, considering the direction he was headed. Arthur didn't know much about him. Only that the boy was in a parallel class. Arthur had seen him around and there had been events between the years where he had seen him walking past. Now, it seemed, Arthur would only notice him more from now on. That was a fact that extremely annoyed him. Because Merlin was gay. And that was a fact that enraged Arthur more than anything else.

"OI!" Arthur yelled in his direction and watched as Merlin turned around. His eyes widened before his expression morphed into an equal frown. Arthur marched towards him, until they were only an arm's length apart.

Merlin didn't even pretend not to know Arthur. "The hell do you want!" It was not a question, it was a challenge. It was an invitation to a fight. Arthur knew he was on school grounds and he couldn't very well risk an actual brawl out in the open. His father would kill him, no matter what Merlin was. But that didn't mean he had to back down from this.

"You're the gay kid from yesterday. Stay out of this school."

Merlin laughed without any humor in his voice. "Funny, I could tell you the same."

Arthur glared at him. "Have you any idea who I am?"

"Yes. You are an insufferable prat who gets offended at people advocating for human rights. This is a public school. You cannot kick me out, just like I can't kick you out. Now fuck off." Merlin crossed his arms, about to turn around.

"You're not advocating human rights. You're advocating crimes.", Arthur retorted back, unwilling to back off yet. Instead, he stepped forward.

Merlin paused. "Being gay hasn't been a crime in years, idiot."

Arthur growled. "It should be."

"And why is that?" Merlin crossed his arms. "You wanna tell me about your religious sin bullshit again? I'm not Christian, so don't push your stupid faith on me. I exist. Whether you believe it or not."

"Pfft." Arthur rolled his eyes. "I'm not saying you don't. I'm telling you to not advertise it on the street where children can see you! You can do whatever the fuck you want."

Merlin stared at him for what felt like a minute. Arthur was sure that Merlin was checking him out. It only fueled his anger, but Merlin didn't seem to notice what he was doing. "I'm doing it BECAUSE children can see me. You may think you're protecting them. But you're telling them they can't be themselves. They are afraid of YOU, not of me."

"You're telling them to sin. You may as well tell them to steal from shops!"
Slowly, without them noticing, their voices had gotten louder. All around them, people were stopping to listen in. They were blocking the hallway and class was about to start very soon. Arthur didn't care. This was more important.

"Of course I'd be telling kids to steal from shops. If they were starving that is. So what, you'd go and call the cops on a starving kid?"

Arthur flushed, as he noticed the error in his own words. "Fuck you." In hindsight, he should have known better.

"Not with that attitude."

Arthur flushed bright red and was about to punch the bastard, when a teacher exited a classroom, forcing them apart. It would be the last time that Arthur saw Merlin before summer break. Arthur wouldn't see Merlin during summer break either. And for a few months, Arthur was sure that had been the end of it.

—-----------------------------------------------------

And then, starting the new year, Arthur and Merlin were suddenly classmates.

Arthur stared at the boy that sat just next to the window seat that Arthur always chose, no matter what year or what classroom he had been assigned to. Immediately, an anger overcame him that he hadn't predicted. "That's my seat."

Merlin, who had been staring out the window, slowly turned to Arthur, only now noticing him. For a moment, Arthur could see alarm in his eyes, then anger, then silent resentment. "How unfortunate for you."

Arthur's eye twitched. "I'm not going to sit next to you."

"That better be true. Go and get yourself another seat then, before all of them are taken!" Merlin rolled his eyes and made no move to change seats.

Arthur crossed his arms, displaying his biceps just a bit to warn him. In the meantime, Merlin's prediction became true, as more and more people filled the room and the surrounding seats. "I said-", Arthur remained stubborn, because his back was turned to the rest of the class. "I'm NOT going to sit next to you."

"What, you want to sit on my lap or something?" Merlin raised an eyebrow. "Because that's about to be your last option, if you keep staring at me like that."

Arthur twitched, part angered, part believing Merlin, but he refused to look around anyway. "I'm telling you to go sit somewhere else, you idiot!"

"What an eloquent insult, your highness.", Merlin's tone was sass pure. "It describes you perfectly."

That was the moment that Arthur decided he's had enough. Only that this was the moment their teacher entered the room. "Mr. Pendragon, would you please take a seat.", said Professor Gaius. With horror, Arthur looked around and realized that the seat next to Merlin was indeed the only one left.

"But -"

"SIT. There is a seat just beside Mr. Emerson."

Arthur wanted to protest, he really did. But he couldn't pick a fight with a teacher. Even his stubbornness to never back down a fight wavered in the face of actual authority. Grumbling, Arthur put down his bag on the seat he usually sat on. Even if it was beside Merlin's.

Merlin was obviously trying not to laugh at this point, so Arthur ignored him. The boy couldn't seem to shut up though. "That's your own fault, you know."

"Shut up."

"Yes, Sire." There was that condescending tone again, as Arthur put his school work on the table. It was infuriating and Arthur wished he could punch the guy. The choice of seats would remain to decide their seats for the rest of the year! Sure, he got his window seat, but now, everytime he faced the board, he saw Merlin's profile in his peripheral vision. Arthur sighed. This was bound to become a troublesome year.

—-----------------------------------------------------------------

They didn't talk much. It was Arthur's determined decision to ignore the other boy's existence and Merlin seemed to have a similar mindset.
So, Arthur mostly concentrated on his school work, while Merlin twirled his pen in his hand or slept through the lesson. Unfortunately, that didn't mean that Merlin was an idiot, as Arthur soon realized. In fact, Merlin was pretty smart. Arthur wouldn't have believed it, until the moment they got their first tests returned. Merlin barely scanned his results, then hummed a pleased tone and pushed the work in his bag. In a way that Arthur was sure the papers were going to rip in half, that's how much force Merlin used for that. Arthur frowned as he saw it and looked at his own grade. He wasn't bad either. Arthur went through all his answers step by step and growled as he realized he had two points less than Merlin. Just HOW on earth was that possible? Arthur studied hard, paid attention and Merlin? Merlin SNORED.
Arthur put his papers in his bag, orderly and careful to not get them crinkled and spared a side glance at Merlin who was sending a knowing grin his way. A vein popped in Arthur's head at the sight of it. That grin was another challenge, he could feel it. He could really not fall behind this guy on the next test, that was for sure!

To Arthur's delight, it turned out that Merlin sucked at sports. He wasn't bad, per se. But he was clearly average. Which meant that Arthur was chosen first for team sports. It meant that Arthur was more athletic and more capable of all sport challenges. Meanwhile, Merlin struggled with simple push ups.
And it would have been a nice sight. Seeing him struggle like that...
If Merlin wasn't the first to be chosen, once the athletic guys had been picked out into their usual team constellations. They weren't even subtle about it. The girls all wanted him on their team. The guys argued that Merlin was good at strategy stuff. Others said he was just easy to get along with. And when the boy did his push ups, he had three girls watching over him and cheering him on.
Again, Arthur wanted to punch the guy. It became even clearer during shower time, how much people preferred Merlin over Arthur. Or rather, how little people cared about who Merlin liked. While Arthur had to force himself to face the wall and shower as normal, unsure whether or not to expect leering gazes, he overheard the other guys chat normally with Merlin.

"How was pride, Merls?", asked Gwaine. Arthur knew him as the school's heart throb. He had broken a dozen of hearts, as he was very open about his one night stands and open relationships. Girls flocked to him for reasons that mostly annoyed Arthur. He had great hair, was pretty good at sports and liked to flirt with nearly anyone.

"Oh, kinda alright, I guess. I saw quite a few homophobic idiots there, but otherwise it was nice."

Arthur's eye twitched again. He knew exactly who the homophobic idiot was supposed to be. But Arthur wisely kept his mouth shut as he rinsed out his hair. He knew that most people at this school were for all that gay nonsense. Not everyone, but quite a few had lost their marbles with all this tolerance nonsense. And Arthur understood it, in a way. He wasn't someone who wanted to control other people's lives. He didn't like to judge either. Didn't mean he wanted to have anything to do with gays. And then they went and hijacked an entire month to celebrate their vulgar lives. Arthur felt his stomach turning, just thinking about it. He felt uncomfortable, alright? That's why he went every year. He knew it wouldn't stop them. But if he didn't say anything, then they might think they had the right to do just about anything.

"That must suck. Say, did you get your girlfriend to come with you this year?", said Gwaine.

Arthur paused. He was still facing the wall. What did Gwaine mean... girlfriend? Merlin was gay! He had been at Pride! Why would he have a girlfriend? Was this an alibi thing?

"You mean Eleanor? No.", Merlin sounded bitter. Besides their conversation, all Arthur could hear was running water and some people slowly leaving the shower room. No one else was listening. "I told her I was bi last year and she took that entire year to figure out she rather did the cheating than be cheated on. She got incredibly mad, too."

Arthur's mind made a connection. Being bi meant having two partners at once, right? Somehow, that only made him more angry. Merlin was a two timer. Well, then he got what he deserved. If she knew and took revenge on him -

"Urgh. Damn, mate. I'm sorry." Gwaine sounded truly apologetic.

"You never liked her." Merlin laughed. "I should have listened to you."

Arthur decided he had heard enough and stopped the shower. He took his towel and his shampoo bottle and was about to leave, when he heard something. The bottle hit the floor, as Arthur yelped.

"My offer still stands, you know? If you ever wanna hit it off..."

Merlin laughed. Though, stopped abruptly, when the sound of the bottle carried on to the two of them. They likely had tuned everyone out. But now Arthur was turned to them and had to quickly pick up his shampoo bottle. His eyes locked with Merlin's for a second. Strangely enough, Arthur felt caught.

Gwaine stepped forcefully between them. His naked body, of course, open on display, because Gwaine knew no shame. "Oi, Pendragon. Mind your own goddamn business."

Arthur frowned at him. He hadn't even said anything. "I have every right to be here. Maybe put your bedroom talk in a more private setting."

Gwaine growled. "I'm going to show you private setting -"

Merlin sighed. "Gwaine! Leave him."
That made both guys turn his way, eyes wide. Arthur couldn't be more surprised. Gwaine, however, seemed to have known Merlin much longer. His shock remained rather subtle.
Merlin shook his head. "Unfortunately, he's got a point."

"You can't be serious! If he were chatting up a girl -"

"Gwaine! If he were chatting up a girl in the showers, I'd call a teacher because I'd think he was molesting someone. He didn't even say anything, before you did." Arthur's eyes widened even more.

"That's not even nearly the same!" Gwaine's voice softened. "If he were talking about who he hit it up with last night, no one would say a word."

"I regularly tell you to shut up. He was ignoring us up until now. Don't go start things over nothing.", Merlin argued back.

Gwaine sighed and pushed his wet hair out of his face. "You're lucky I like your blunt honesty, Merlin. Don't throw me under the bus like that. Arthur is a homophobe, you know? I'm just worried."

Merlin rolled his eyes again. He pushed his own hair out of his face and corrected the placement of his towel. "I'm aware, trust me."

"Then why -"

Arthur wanted to ask the same thing, really, but Merlin never really answered the question.

"Gwaine, I can handle it."

"Are you sure?" There was a worry in Gwaine's voice that spoke of a history that Arthur was unaware of.

It spoke of pain and concern and it made Arthur a tiny bit curious. But more so, it made him a tiny bit angry. "I'm not a threat, you know?!" Arthur growled. "Don't talk about me, as if I have no self control. All I want for you is to stay the fuck away from me. Why is that so difficult for you to understand?" With that, he turned around and hurried to put on his clothes. He was gone before either of them decided to follow or question him. It had only been the three of them anyway. If anything, then Arthur felt the one who had been attacked. He hadn't wanted to be a witness to their bedroom talk. Nor did he want to know anything about Merlin's cheating habits.

Arthur went home that day, feeling like he knew far too much about Merlin, and yet, far too little.

—--------------------------------------------------------

The next day started as it had the previous couple of weeks. They both remained completely silent. Ignoring each other and being fully content with it. At least, that's what Arthur had thought. But the more he thought about it, the less he understood what he had heard the other day. The curiosity ate him up until their final lesson. Their last class had ended early, so that their 5 minute break was lengthened to 15. Normally, Merlin would have gotten up at that point and talked to 15 different people at once. Instead, today he was doodling on his papers. Arthur considered him for a moment. Then he crossed his arms and stared straight ahead without looking at him. "I didn't need you to stand up for me."

Merlin paused. "You mean Gwaine?" Arthur didn't answer. He knew that the non answer would be enough. "I didn't do that for you. Gwaine tends to get himself into unnecessary fights. He doesn't always know when to stop. He's very protective of me."

"Yeah. Friend." Arthur gritted his teeth. "Do you sleep with all your friends, or just two at once?" Bi meant two after all.

Merlin turned his head, one eyebrow raised. "Bisexual means that I like both genders, you dolt. How come, you haters always point your fingers first, but don't even check your facts? Whether or not I sleep with one or more people is none of your concern, btw.."

"You're the one who discussed it in the showers.", Arthur kept staring ahead.

"Yeah. Like your friends usually talk about which girls they like to hit on. I've heard far more vulgar things than that. Just ignore us, if it bothers you so much. You were far longer in the shower than anyone else. It's not my fault that you decided to spy."

Arthur sputtered and turned to him with an incredulous expression. "I was NOT spying."
Their eyes locked for a moment. It made blood rush through Arthur's veins and he could feel the rage flaring up again. There was something unnerving about Merlin's eyes. They felt strangely dangerous. Probably because he seemed to pick up on those subtle but obvious things that made Arthur look like an idiot.

"You know. For someone who hates my guts, you're being awfully calm around me." Merlin narrowed his eyes and leaned his face on his elbow.

"I don't hate you. I just disagree with your way of living." Arthur retorted.

"Disagree?" Merlin raised an eyebrow. "I'm not living an opinion."

Arthur scoffed at that. "You're living as a gay, bi, whatever person. You go to pride, advertising your sex life. I'm straight. I go to pride to tell you to rethink your life. I cannot change YOUR mind, fine. If you want to be damned, that is your problem.
I'm just telling you my opinion. If I cannot change your mind, alright then. We won't get along. So we ignore each other. Isn't that enough?"

Merlin stared at him. "Oooookay." He stared some more. "Why aren't you ignoring me then?"

Arthur opened his mouth, again to protest. Then he realized that it had been him who faced Merlin that day after Pride. It had been Arthur who sat down next to Merlin the first day of school, because he forfeited every other option like an idiot. And now, it was him who had approached Merlin to talk about the shower incident. "You irritate me.", said Arthur, because it was the only thing that came to mind. They had met while shouting opposite opinions. And since then, Arthur felt his blood boiling whenever he saw Merlin. It irritated him how good Merlin was in school, while Arthur worked so much harder for inferior grades. It irritated him that people seemed drawn to Merlin, somehow. And it pleased him, when he found himself better at sports than Merlin.

"Thanks?" Merlin sounded confused. "The feeling is mutual."

—----------------------------------------------------------------

Arthur didn't think much of their conversation after that. All he did was google the term bisexuality and realized that Merlin was right. To his great irritation, bisexuality only meant being attracted to multiple genders. It had nothing to do with cheating and apparently it was a common misconception about the sexuality. It took Arthur a couple days to puzzle together that Merlin's girlfriend, or rather ex girlfriend, must have been under the same misconception. Her revenge cheating had actually just been... cheating.
Arthur's mind was still reeling from the new information. On the one hand, he still didn't like Merlin. On the other hand, he felt sorry for the guy. Mainly, his mind was occupied trying to order the information that there were allegedly more than two genders and secondly, that people could be bisexual, while being in a straight relationship. It sounded strange to him. Why bother explaining that, when you were committed to a relationship? Wouldn't your partner feel like they weren't enough, if you told them they couldn't be ALL you liked? This was why Arthur didn't like researching these things. It all sounded so unnecessary and intimate.
Arthur yawned as he left the bathroom. It was Monday again and he felt tired. He didn't think further about it, when he suddenly heard a commotion. Arthur paused, as he saw the crowd of people gathered on the school ground. Curious and sort of eager to see a proper fight, he pushed himself through the crowd.

His face fell, as he walked in on a teacher already berating three boys that must have been the ones fighting. Gwaine was screaming at the teacher about something Arthur couldn't hear. Finally, he pushed through the last of the crowd and caught the last words.
"That's NO fucking reason to hit him! What was he supposed to do? Take it?"

Arthur's eyes widened, as his eyes fell on Merlin. Merlin looked like he hadn't just lost the fight, but like he was one punch away from hospital care. Gwaine looked better and Arthur was 90% sure that the black eye of the other unfamiliar boy had stemmed from Gwaine.

"Gwaine! That is no reason for you to join the fight!"

"He WASN'T DEFENDING HIMSELF!", Gwaine argued again, while Merlin swayed on his feet. The other guy just scoffed at Merlin.

"He deserved it.", said the stranger and spit at Merlin's feet.

Merlin's nose was bleeding. One eye was swollen shut and Arthur could tell that he was favoring his left leg.

"What did he do, Cendred?" The teacher, Mrs. Nimueh looked annoyed. But she was willing to listen.

Cendred gritted his teeth. "He knows."

"That's enough. Detention. All of you." Nimue's eyes held no mercy. "Merlin, you should go see the infirmary."

Gwaine nodded. "I'll take him there."

"No, you won't." Nimueh's eyes were cold. "You and Cendred will report to the headmaster." While Gwaine looked upset, Nimueh's eyes glanced over the students. And of course, her gaze fell on Arthur. "Arthur Pendragon. Please, take Merlin to the infirmary."

Arthur's eyes widened, just like he saw mirrored in Merlin's and Gwaine's expressions. Cendred laughed, head thrown back. "You're kidding.", said Gwaine. "Do you hate Merlin, or something?"

Nimueh rolled her eyes. "Pendragon, now, please."

Arthur shook himself from the statuesque state he had found himself in. He walked towards Merlin, looked him over once and sighed. "Come on." What else was he supposed to say? Merlin seemed to think the same thing, because he followed Arthur quietly. The crowd parted for them. Some were shouting comments after Merlin that Arthur would usually agree with. Right now, however, he found them misplaced.
"Oi, Arthur, finish him off, for me, will you?" The third boy, Cendred's voice, made Arthur turn once. Arthur had a reputation, but he had no clue what that fight had been about.

...

Arthur quietly sat Merlin down at the infirmary. He didn't speak with him. Why would he, anyway? And there was no teacher here at the moment. So Arthur guided Merlin to a sit down and rummaged through the fridge where he knew from experience, they kept the ice bags. Wordlessly, Arthur packaged the thing in a towel and handed it to Merlin. Merlin quietly pressed the ice bag to his face, neither thanking nor frowning at Arthur. He looked tired. Arthur bit his lip, wondering what else to do. So he got up and brought Merlin tissues to take care of the bleeding nose with it. After that he checked where Merlin had fallen and scraped his knee. All Arthur knew about wounds, he had learned from soccer. A lot of accidents happen at soccer and so he had a basic knowledge on what to do. So he cleaned and disinfected the wound, put a bandage on and then sat down in order to wait for the teacher and their decree about Merlin's state.

"You've got nothing to say?" Merlin eventually spoke up, before he hissed. His voice sounded muffled from the blood. Arthur felt himself wince with empathy.

"I have no idea what that fight was about. I got there at the last second.", Arthur confessed.

Merlin closed his eyes. "Figures. Otherwise you'd probably finish what he started, huh?"

Arthur frowned. "I don't even know him."

Merlin chuckled painfully. "I'll give you a hint. I fucked his brother. Two months ago. He just found out."

Arthur choked at the sudden honesty. "The hell, man. Why would you DO that?"

Merlin stared at the ground, as if he could make the floor explode with his gaze. " He was hot and he was into it." Merlin met Arthur's gaze. He held it for a moment. When Arthur didn't react, mostly because he didn't know what to say to that, Merlin's eyes gave way to random confusion.

Arthur felt strangely forced to answer an unspoken question. "I told you, I don't know that guy! I mean, you're goddamn suicidal, if you ... I mean, it's his BROTHER. What did you expect? Jesus, man."

Merlin still stared at him. "You're not punching me."

Now it was Arthur's turn to stare. "You expected me to punch you?"

"He told you to."

Arthur frowned. Arthur shook his head. That comment was so stupid, he didn't find it worthy of an answer. "How is your head?"

Merlin blinked. "What?"

"He seemed to have hit you pretty hard. Are you dizzy? You might have a concussion or something." Arthur shook his head. "Not that I know much about medicine. I do know first aid, though. Need it on the soccer field. I sort of know what I'm talking about."

"You're avoiding my question.", said Merlin slowly.

"It was a stupid question. I mean, I sometimes WANT to punch you. That doesn't mean I'll actually do it. I WOULD, had you slept with my sister, though. Well... and if she had complained about it. And if she couldn't defend herself. Seriously, don't ever get on her bad side."

"I assure you, he didn't complain.", Merlin said suggestively, ignoring the rest of the comment, then tilted his head. When Arthur still didn't react, he shook his head. "I was sure you'd be mad."

Arthur got the vague sense that he was being tested. "We'll never agree on this, you know that. Doesn't mean I'm going to beat you up. And it doesn't mean you deserve what you got. Even IF you provoked it somehow. Now, are you dizzy or not?"

Merlin gaped a little. "You make zero sense."

Of course, that's when the teacher entered and prodded Merlin with a dozen questions. That was Arthur's cue to leave and he was quite glad that he did.

—----------------------------------------------------------

Merlin's wounds healed slowly. Arthur noticed the swellings getting less and even overheard Merlin explain at some point that his nose wasn't actually broken. The bruises turned from black to blue to green and eventually faded into nothing. Arthur didn't talk to Merlin again during that time. He wouldn't know how to. He did, however, sometimes catch Merlin looking at him curiously. Arthur ignored it.

Instead of such useless conversation, Arthur met up with the group of people that he went to the Anti-pride parade with. It was Arthur's father who organized those meetings and they were held in the hall of Uther Pendragon's company. Uther Pendragon was founder and leader of this group that discussed the worrying rise in LGBT+ friendly marketing among other things. Arthur spent most of his time just listening to the discussion. Today, however, he saw a familiar face there. When Cendred spotted him, Arthur was met with a scowl.

"Hello, Pendragon." Cendred crossed his arms. His eye looked much better, but his pride had apparently taken the most damage.

"Hello, Cendred, right?" Arthur reached out a hand. Cendred hesitated, then shook it politely.

"So, you're friends with that faggot?"

Arthur flinched, then schooled his face into a neutral expression. "I don't know who you mean."

"That Emerson guy. You sit next to him in class, I heard. And you helped him after I beat him up."

Arthur raised both eyebrows, relaxing slightly. "I only sit next to him, because it was the only place available at the start of the year. We're not friends. I just don't see the point in beating someone up. Especially, when it's so obvious how weak he is. He's scrawny. He hasn't hurt anyone, as far as I've seen. What were you trying to prove?"

Cendred narrowed his gaze. Then he spit on the floor that was more expensive to clean than Cendred's entire outfit. "He's gay. That's reason enough."

"Bi, actually." Arthur didn't know why he said it. It just felt strange to insult someone when the thing you were mad at was factually incorrect.

"And that makes it better?", Cendred huffed. "He's the reason why I don't have a brother anymore. You think I feel better knowing he could make moves on my girlfriend, too?"

Arthur shook his head. "I didn't say it was." In fact, if Arthur thought about it like that, that made it worse, didn't it? For a moment, Arthur felt a bit startled at the concept. Was it greedy to like both? Was Merlin greedy? Arthur saw Merlin sometimes bring extra food to class, just to share it with his friends. He even left some candy on Arthur's desk sometimes. Arthur was never sure if he was supposed to take it or not. But Merlin pointedly shoved the candy closer to Arthur. Merlin spent half their breaks in between classes explaining lessons to those who couldn't follow the lesson. Arthur had been the one who brought Merlin to the infirmary the other day. Usually, it was Merlin who took care of the other students. Arthur had heard in passing that Merlin wanted to be a doctor. Merlin was many things, but greedy?

"You should get rid of him, Pendragon. Just like you did with that Knight guy."

Arthur had to use all his energy to not fall into a fit of wrath. "I didn't get rid of Leon. He moved away."

"Right after he came out to you. You beat him up real hard, didn't you? How long was he hospitalized again? Two weeks? Admit it, Pendragon, you attract faggots. I'm sure that that scrawny new friend of yours will need longer to recover." Cendred grinned. "We could be friends, you and I. Your father already likes me. We could get rid of all of those weirdos."

Arthur stared at him. Another wave of rage washed over him. "I don't like people who beat others up without reason."

Cendred's expression turned back to a scowl. "That again? We both had the same reason!"

"We do not, Cendred. If you can't even distinguish between gays, bis and aces, then you don't know what you're fighting against."

"They're all the same to me." Cendred's nostrils flared up. "I don't care what they call themselves, they all stand for the same thing. If you want to be respectful or whatever, have fun. But we both know you're a hypocrite."

"Leon was my best friend." Arthur said that quietly.

"He was also your only friend, as far as I've heard. It seems to me you want to keep it that way." With that, Cendred turned around and stomped away. He looked oddly displeased, but also satisfied. Arthur couldn't read the boy's expression well. All he could see was that the smoking Cendred wore, made him look ten years older than he really was. Arthur sighed and chucked down a free bottle of water, before joining his father in the conference room again. They had moved on from sale discussions to health insurance discussions that had nothing to do with pride anymore. Arthur was glad for it. He always felt so tense when the subject came up. It was like someone was stretching his logic for him and sometimes, Arthur wondered if he'd snap soon. At least, these old people tended to agree with him.

—------------------------------------------------------

Arthur was sitting at the school cafeteria, eating what was likely supposed to be a meal. It tasted a bit cheesy and Arthur was sure it was supposed to be Lasagne. Maybe, if he squinted his eyes, he could imagine that that's what it was.

"Hey." Someone slid into the seat before Arthur, making Arthur look up. Merlin was smiling and showing his big teeth. His entire face always scrunched up with his smiles. It made him look incredibly genuine. The girl beside him was Elena. Arthur had known her since kindergarten. She tended to keep her distance from Arthur, so all he knew about her was that she was incredibly clumsy. As a child, she had often had been missing due to medical reasons. Arthur didn't know exactly what had happened to her, only that she was rather shy as a kid. Otherwise, she was super kind.

Arthur raised an eyebrow. "What do you want?"

Merlin ignored the warning tone in Arthur's voice and began to eat something that vaguely resembled potatoes with sauce. Elena didn't have any food with her, only an ice tea bottle with a straw that she promptly drank from as soon as she sat down. Perhaps she was here as support, Arthur had no idea. Merlin didn't look all that uncomfortable.
"I have a question.", said Merlin.

Arthur could see Gwaine sitting on a nearby table, looking over. He didn't look angry or anything, just protectively worried. Arthur wondered if Merlin got beat up often. "Out with it, then."

"Why are you always sitting alone? Aren't you the team captain of the soccer team? They're sitting over there." Merlin pointed at a table behind Arthur, where he KNEW his former friends all sat.

Arthur rolled his eyes. "I had a fight with our goalkeeper."

Merlin grew quiet. "Leon Knight, you mean. He got beat up after he came out as Ace... Before he moved away." Merlin's eyes narrowed. "You know, everyone knows what you did. Which is why I don't get it. The other day, when I got beat up, you helped me. You even told me that I don't deserve it."

Arthur looked at him. "You wouldn't understand it."

"I understand that it has to do with your homophobic bullshit. My question is, why on earth is not liking anyone a reason to get beat up? I'm bi and you haven't beat me up. That's what I mean. You're not making sense."

Arthur closed his eyes. "Leon was my best friend. It's different."

"So what. You're mad he didn't talk about girls with you?" Merlin looked confused now, but he seemed eager to figure Arthur out. His voice was half accusing, half interested.

And perhaps that tiny bit of genuine curiosity was what made Arthur consider. The words themselves stung. Leon and him had never talked about girls. That hadn't been them. It's what had bound them as friends, because Arthur hated judging girls all day based on the size of their boobs and talking about whom you scored. Arthur shoved the food away, knowing he wouldn't finish the plate anyway.

"No. I was mad that he knocked up my sister and then told her he could never love her."

Merlin's mouth closed shut at that. Elena choked on her drink, but Arthur felt even more rage well up with him. It was this moment that Arthur noticed he fucked up. People were already spreading rumors about Leon and Morgana. They spread rumors about Arthur too, but those were his problems. He didn't need people to know about the abortion thing. Nervously, he looked up at both Merlin and Elena. Now Arthur was the one spreading the story, after everything he had done to keep it. Why was it that his secret just slipped? Perhaps the accusation in Merlin's voice just made his tongue slip. Instead of talking himself into further trouble, Arthur got up. He didn't say another word. He didn't trust himself anymore. And he didn't want to think about last year anymore.

—----------------------------------------------------------

"The answer is wrong."

Arthur looked up, feeling rather disoriented. They were currently sitting in Math class. Arthur would admit that he was elsewhere in his mind. Shockingly, his sister's pregnancy story hadn't been spread at all. It was strange. Since then, Merlin slept less during class and spent much more time watching him than Arthur found strictly comfortable. On the other hand, Elena greeted him now more often. She looked rather worried though, most of the time.
"Don't irritate me. I used the right formula.", Arthur muttered and checked the equation. He couldn't find a mistake, what was Merlin getting at?

"Yeah, yeah. The formula is absolutely right. Textbook like, even. That's not what I mean. Look, there. 6 times 7 is 42, not 56. See?" Merlin pointed it out so easily that it made Arthur cringe with embarrassment. When he was young, a mistake like this would have gotten him locked in the restroom for about a whole hour.

"Thanks.", Arthur gritted out. He looked up, about to glare at Merlin, when the sunlight fell through the window, enlightening Merlin's face in the perfect angle. It carved out his prominent cheekbones and the shape of his lips. Sunlight dripped like gold from the tips of his eyelashes. He had such dark eyes, too. They looked like a sea storm, wild and dangerous and right now, the weather dropped into Arthur's stomach. For a moment, Arthur was distracted by it, then he returned his gaze to his math equations. He glanced at Merlin's sheet and saw that Merlin had already finished the assignments for this lesson.

"Would you like to hang out with me after class?"

Arthur's eyes snapped back to Merlin. "What?"

"Would you like to hang out with me after class? This afternoon.

"No." As if Arthur would EVER hang out with him.

Merlin stared at him for another minute. Then he took the paper he had been working on and ripped off a piece.

"Oh, please don't do that.", Arthur muttered, but knew that nothing good came from the chaos in Merlin's school bag.

"That's my number. If you ever want to hang out, or just talk, text me." With that, Merlin turned back to leaning on his arm, staring at the board. He considered the conversation done. Arthur, however, found his eyes glued to the piece of paper.

"Why would I talk to YOU?"

"Everyone needs someone to talk to."

"Well, I don't." Arthur felt himself grow more and more irritated. "Especially not to you."

"I'm not hitting on you, if that's what you think." That was in fact what Arthur had thought and it made him flush to be called out like that. "I just know that it can be tough to be alone with your own thoughts. I'm not going to use any of it against you, I promise." For some reason, those words calmed the storm in Arthur's heart. In fact, he found that he quite believed him, too. So, Arthur folded the number and put it in his pocket. He knew that Merlin saw that, because the asshole dared to smile at him.

—-----------------------------------------------------

Weeks passed without Arthur ever using the number. He had burned the paper after saving it to his phone at home. He didn't know why he felt the need to burn the paper. All he knew was that he felt safer that way. Arthur checked his phone sometimes, only to find that his sister had sent him a dozen messages. He left all of them unanswered. Instead, at night, he would hover over Merlin's profile and wonder whether or not he should text him. He'd look at the impersonal profile, since he hadn't texted Merlin once and the boy didn't have Arthur's number saved. He wondered what kind of picture Merlin would use.
Merlin Emerson had been the first person who ever offered help to him. Up until now, Arthur always did things by himself or had to gather his courage to ask for help. The mere concept of someone offering help was foreign to him. In the end, his loneliness and his curiosity won over his pride.

It was a Saturday night. In fact, it was around 3 am. Arthur didn't expect Merlin to be awake. Moreover, it was one of those ideas that you got past 9pm that you shouldn't trust. But Arthur had been thinking all night and wrote the text in an almost dazed state of mind.
"This is Arthur. Can we talk?" For a moment, nothing. Then, eventually, the profile turned on, featuring a black cat in a red scarf.

Ten minutes after Arthur's initial message, Merlin replied with an address. And: "I've got snacks."

Arthur hesitated as he read it. He shut off his phone and stared at the ceiling. His heart was beating fast. Was he seriously going to do this, now? His father would kill him, if he knew. In the end, the last part was what dragged him out of bed. He sneaked down the stairs as quietly as he could and locked the front door behind him. He didn't bring anything with him, as it was a warm enough night. He had put on some pants and a shirt, but that was about it.

Then he followed Google maps to Merlin's location. He didn't dare use his motorcycle or a bike or any kind of transportation at this hour. He'd be too loud and found out. Arthur took two different buses, until he ended up in a very small corner of the town they lived in. The street was called Ealdor. Arthur looked around with open eyes. There was so much Green here. It was like the houses were overgrown with vines. Everything looked alive, as if from a fairy tale. It was magical, even compared to the castle that Arthur grew up in.
Arthur found Merlin's house easily. It looked like an actual wizard was living in it. Arthur looked into the garden and found that Merlin's family must be growing a ton of herbs here. Arthur hesitated for a moment. Was he seriously going through with it? What if Merlin was only making fun of him? What, if he was going to kick him out? What if Merlin told everyone in school about this meeting?
Arthur was lucky that he had so little to lose, otherwise he would have turned around that night. He was incredibly close to bolting. Instead, he texted Merlin that he was there and noticed with a tiny shock that it was 4 am already.

A moment later, Merlin opened the door. It was too dark to fully see him, but Arthur could see that Merlin was dressed in bright blue pajamas. Arthur took a deep breath and climbed over the small wooden fence. Then he stopped one last time, allowing himself to doubt it all. Then, he followed a wordless Merlin into a small cranky looking little house.

The inside of the house was almost as green as the Garden had been. Except for the walls which were white and clean, with pictures decorating the room with memories of a happy upbringing. Arthur saw dozens of tiny Merlin's in the well lit room, smiling from the frames. In the pictures was mostly a woman he guessed was Merlin's mother with him and sometimes a few of his friends. Of them, Arthur recognized a few. He saw Gwaine and Elena and Guinevere Smith with her younger brother Elyan. Arthur noticed how there were very few pictures of Merlin with his father on it. He recognized the man from the similar cheekbones that Merlin had inherited. Because Merlin was always very young in the pictures with him, Arthur guessed that the man was no longer in the pic.... gosh darn it, what a bad pun.
Oddly, there were also a few pictures with Merlin and Gaius... their biology teacher in it.

Arthur followed Merlin into a very messy bedroom. While the hallway had been somewhat clean and cozy, despite all the plants vegetating in the corners, Merlin's room was a mess. The boy seemed to live between staples of books and thrown about pillows.

"Sorry. I didn't clean up. I didn't want to concern my mom. I only clean at night, when I'm anxious." Merlin sat down on his bed and offered Arthur a giant pillow to sit on.

Arthur was at a loss of words. "Isn't that a good thing? I mean, your place is a mess." Okay, maybe he was being rude.

Merlin raised an eyebrow. "I suppose that means, your dad wouldn't check up on you, when you have quite obviously a mental breakdown?"

Arthur stared at him. "Why should he check up on me?"

Merlin blinked at him. "Because he's your father and he cares about you?"

Arthur opened his mouth, then closed it. "Why are you awake at 3 am?"

"I wasn't. My ears are just very sensitive and I woke up to your message. Would you like some snacks?" Merlin tossed him a bag of chips.

Arthur's stomach sank. "Oh." He made a sound. "I didn't mean to wake you up. Seriously, I thought you were up gaming or something." Quite honestly, Arthur was freaking out a bit. He's kept Merlin up for over an hour already!

"It's fine, really. Come on. I'm surprised you still had my number. I thought for sure you'd never use it."

Arthur felt selfish. The chips' package crackled in his hands and he wished it would stop. He put the package aside. "This is stupid." Arthur didn't want to be here. Which was also stupid. He didn't want to be home either. He felt so utterly lost at the moment and Merlin seemed to notice.

"Did something happen?"

Arthur shook his head. "No. Nothing's happened. That's kind of the problem."

Merlin raised an eyebrow. When Arthur didn't answer the unspoken question, he opened his mouth. "You know, I didn't offer to talk just to make fun of you, or to throw you out of my house in the middle of the night. You don't have to talk, if you don't want to either. I suppose you didn't want to be alone, right? We can watch a movie, if you want."

"Shouldn't you go back to sleep?"

"Like hell. I have Arthur Pendragon in my house. If I fall asleep now, I'll write it off as hallucination." Merlin smiled. He had an intoxicating smile, Arthur realized. It was kind of calming and exciting at the same time.

Arthur closed his eyes, feeling quite relieved. "Alright. Fine. I'll talk.", is what he said, before he fell silent for a couple more minutes. Arthur didn't know where to start. So, he decided he'd start at the reason for why he had come.
"I don't sleep well, often. My mind keeps me up at night. And just now, I was thinking about my sister and how she keeps texting me, but I can't quite get myself to answer her."

Merlin sat up. All hopes for a movie forgotten. "Is it about the baby?", he asked.

Arthur blinked. "Oh. That. No. No, she... she didn't go through with the pregnancy."

For a moment, there was silence. Merlin stared at him. "You mean... you're pro choice?"

Arthur almost laughed. "What? Is that so surprising? I'm a man. Who am I to tell a woman what to do with her body? Seriously."

Merlin's smile widened. "I just assumed, with your christian beliefs and all that."

"If my christian beliefs mean my sister has to die, then no thanks." That came out dryer than Arthur had wanted it to, but it felt oddly relieving to say it like that. Arthur sighed, when he saw Merlin still stare at him. "Miscarriages... and death... are a huge issue in my family. Both my mother and my father's mother died in childbirth. Morgana is my half sister, but her family is just as cursed as mine. Morgana's mother got sick after giving birth and died when Morgana was 5. They aren't the only ones. It goes back like... at least seven generations. When Morgana learned she was pregnant, she freaked out. Understandably. She had plans to study abroad, become a musician, all those things. And my best friend fucked that up for her.
I didn't mind them going out, really. But he nearly killed my sister with something that doesn't even mean anything to him." Arthur sighed once more and scanned Merlin's room for more signs of what kind of person he was. He found the wall oddly covered with pop stars of all genders... half naked. Arthur blinked his eyes away from a male actor he vaguely recognized and decided to ignore it. It reminded him of why he shouldn't be here. At the same time, it made him feel less weird, if that made any sense.

"What happened then?" Merlin crossed his legs, listening intently.

"Well... my sister decided that she couldn't get the baby and went to a health clinic to get an abortion. We kept quiet about it. I didn't want my father to know, because I knew he wouldn't react well. It was tough. She had to fight protestors who told her she was a murderer. You know? Because she didn't want to DIE. The doctors agreed with my sister, thankfully. They confirmed that Morgana would have gone through several complications during both pregnancy and birth and that made it all ... a bit easier to go through with it, I guess. She was lucky she noticed so soon, otherwise she would have crossed the line of when you're legally allowed to abort.
Yeah... So, I drove her to the clinic. And Leon knew, but he was supposed to keep quiet about it."

"He didn't.", Merlin wisely assumed.

Arthur nodded. "He told his parents. Apparently he had tried coming out to them as ace and well... when they didn't accept that and told him he should try having sex first, he let it slip. He had ONE job. ONE. But no. He couldn't keep his stupid label to himself, for after things were settled. His parents told my dad. And my dad kicked my sister out. For being, and I quote "a hore and a murderer."." Arthur took a deep miserable breath. "I had to watch my father literally kick my sister out the door. He was mad at me too for not protecting her. Since, you know, Leon was my best friend and all that. When I got back to school, Leon explained to me what he did and why. I guess, I just lost it."

Merlin didn't interrupt him, he just listened up until this point. When Arthur stopped talking, waiting for a reaction, Merlin finally made another accurate guess. "That's why you beat him up."

Again, Arthur nodded. "Yeah. I mean, he did feel responsible enough to take Morgana in after that. When Leon moved away, they took her with them. Morgana texts me sometimes, but how am I supposed to talk to her now? I should have never allowed them to get together." Arthur sighed. "I lost both of them, you know? And everyone else, too. My relationship with my father has never been worse and ..." Arthur closed his eyes and winced. "I don't really know where to turn anymore."

With that, Arthur was done. His heart was beating wildly, his story hanging out there in the open like a wet towel to dry. Merlin's eyes were still fixed on him. "It's not your fault, you know?"

"Of course it isn't.", Arthur scoffed, but buried his face in his hands.

"It also explains quite a lot about you.", Merlin mused and leaned back on his bed. "This is why you don't like LGBTQIA things, right? And coming outs and Pride and representation..."

Arthur frowned. "That has nothing to do with it. I'm not here to get a change of mind." At that point, Arthur was beginning to regret coming here.

"I didn't say you were. I'm just trying to understand you." Merlin halted again. "It's fine. You don't like the topic. Let's move on then. Tell me about how your father is treating you."

Arthur didn't particularly like that topic either, but he got what Merlin meant. "He doesn't really talk to me anymore. He still blames me for Morgana, I think. But well, I'm still his only heir for the company he build, so he keeps up pretenses. That is, if I don't botch up our final exams and be like... scored second in our year." Arthur glanced at Merlin.

Merlin opened his mouth and closed it. "Oh. Sorry."

Arthur sighed again. "I don't blame you for being better academically. It's just infuriating, with how little you pay attention in class."

Merlin twitched a smile. "So, you admit that I'm smarter than you."

"I admit that teachers like you better.", Arthur retorted, but when Merlin laughed, he realized it wasn't as much of an insult as it was originally meant to be. For some reason, the laugh didn't edge Arthur on to get defensive or angry. Instead, it halted his perception for a moment and warmed his heart. It was an odd feeling, but Arthur didn't hate it.
"What about you? I've talked enough about myself, don't you think?"

"What? Oh, no, not at all. You can keep talking. That's why you came here after all."

"Come on." Arthur kicked Merlin's leg softly. "Don't pretend to be interesting. There must be something going on in your life. Don't put me on the spot here."

Merlin's smile went down a bit. Then he shrugged, as the curse of past 9 pm decisions caught up to him as well. "Well. I mean, I grew up with my mom, mostly. I don't have any siblings. My dad died when I was like... five I think. So it's just my mom and I and Gwaine, who lives next door -"

Arthur froze. "He lives next door?"

Merlin looked at him. "What, you think he's watching my window at 4 am to see what you're doing in my room? No, don't worry. He may have a good relationship with his parents, but he often hangs out with his friends at the lake. Or you know... sleeps, like a normal person at this hour."

"And you don't?" He was referring to the lake thing, not the sleep thing.

Merlin wisely understood that. "Sometimes. But I don't like my books getting wet."

Arthur looked around and realized stupidly that there were so many books here, because Merlin was READING them. "You should get a kindle."

Merlin laughed again. "You want me to kindle my books? No, thanks. I prefer the texture of good old plain paper. It hurts my eyes less, too."

Arthur nodded, somewhat getting that. "You said that Gwaine doesn't stalk you. Could have fooled me. He's very fixated on you." Also there was that offer from the sports shower, but Arthur decided not to mention that.

"Gwaine was there when I figured myself out. He's never bothered with coming out and all, since his uncle is gay, he has two moms of which one is a trans woman. Their family doesn't care and that's why he was a great help. It never bothered me much at the beginning either, since my mom always got along with them. That's how I grew up with Gwaine, kinda. He's like a brother to me. The only reason he flirts with me, is because it makes me feel less insecure. He's not serious, you know?
The rest of this town has more mixed feelings about my coming out. You never know whom to trust. I don't look very strong, so I got picked on a lot. Especially when I was younger. When I came out, people made jokes about sticking me in dresses and all that.
Back in Middle School, I was forced to play Snow White, even before I came out and some people sent the pictures around. They got viral, I'm still a meme and yeah... . I get recognized sometimes. People beat me up for being gay, for cheating that I never did, or for being trans, which I'm not. I get misgendered on the internet on purpose, even though half of them get that wrong anyways. There is nothing wrong with being trans, but the comments are something else." Merlin looked down. "Gwaine was there through it all. That's why he's so protective."

Arthur didn't know what to say, really. He looked at Merlin and wondered how he had missed all that. Faintly, he remembered a meme going around about a girl their year in a Snow White dress up... but Arthur had always just found the picture rather pretty. Now that he looked at Merlin, he could somewhat imagine it. Merlin did have a pretty face. Even though Merlin was a bit scrawny, he had a nice build, too. He could pull off a very masculine look, Arthur thought. But he was definitely pretty enough to wear a dress. "Huh.", Arthur made, finding all his observations rather odd. He probably wouldn't like to be called pretty or to be stuck in dresses, so he decided not to voice his thoughts.

"That's all you have to say? 'Huh?'" Merlin sounded a bit amused.

Arthur shook his head. "Sorry, no. I was just surprised that this is the first time I heard of that. I think I know which meme you speak of, but it's not a bad picture."

Merlin sighed. "You don't get it. Bullying fucking sucks, no matter how good I look in a dress. Which I do, thanks for noticing. This is why I go to Pride, you know? To show people that none of those things, wearing makeup or dresses or kissing boys or whatever, is strange or bad. It's normal, it's okay. That, should they see me anywhere, they don't have to be afraid of who they are. I was bullied for all of these things. I was a kid and I still get beat up for wearing a dress once. Either that or I get to be with people whose fetishes put me in a dress again, you know? I need Gwaine to watch over me, when I shower in school, so no one steals my clothes and replaces them with skirts. Not because they do it anymore, but because I've got unnatural fears about it. It's... urgh. It's stupid." Merlin flushed. "Gosh, I can't believe I told you about the dresses."

Arthur didn't know what to say. "I promise, if I ever put you in a dress, I'll let you choose the color." That was about the stupidest thing he had ever said and he cringed at himself. This was a serious issue for Merlin and he couldn't even answer in kind.

Merlin, however, laughed, sounding surprised. "If you put me in a dress, then you'll have to commit, too. I swear, I'll force you into a pink summer dress with loads of ruffles and puffy arms and stuff."

Arthur flushed, but relief filled him regardless of the mortification he felt at the idea. "Deal, I guess?"

"Knowing you, that makes me feel very safe. You'd probably dress me in heavy armor, before you have to follow through on your end of the deal."

"Absolutely.", Arthur agreed, somewhat thankful that Merlin seemed to have gotten a grasp on his character. His mind was running wild with images of exactly those images. Merlin in armor and Arthur himself in a dress, both kicking ass in a historic setting and defeating dragons or some shit. "Damn, I don't think I could run in high heels."

Merlin paused, seemingly not having expected that. Then he bent over, laughing. "I can't believe I'm having this conversation with you."

"Trust me, me neither." Arthur shyly smiled back. He didn't know why, but the room felt suddenly warmer. Somewhat electrified. He felt at ease, and yet vulnerable.

They kept talking like this. Arthur still felt strange, every time Merlin talked about his boyfriends or about Gwaine's open relationships with about anyone imaginable, but in this room, those stories didn't feel like moral concepts. They didn't feel like someone pushing their beliefs on Arthur. Arthur knew Merlin better now. He knew that the things said were decisions Merlin had made at some point in his life. Or decisions that had been made for him. Or things that he witnessed or that simply happened. When Merlin talked, it sounded like this was simply a part of his life. An unchangable, integral part of his life that caused him more problems than did him any good.
"Say, Merlin, why are you bi? Why don't you just... pick one gender?"

Merlin stilled. His laughter died and Arthur immediately regretted his question. "It's not a decision, Arthur."

Arthur shuffled on his seat. "Isn't it? I mean, you talked about your exes. Why not call yourself straight, when you're with a girl?"

Merlin sighed, as if that were a stupid question. His voice was dry and Arthur just knew that Merlin didn't expect him to understand. "Say, Arthur, if I gave you two options, a cheese cake and a banana cake, but you can only choose one cake. Which flavor do you like?"

Arthur stared at him. "I don't know, I'd just take a cheese cake, I guess?"

"I didn't ask you which cake you would eat, I asked which one you like." Merlin put his face in his palms, leaning on them, smiling at Arthur knowingly.

"That's -" Arthur paused, the message slowly getting through. "I'd take the cheese one." He said that very slowly, realizing how wrong the answer tasted.

Merlin pursed his lips. "So, you only like cheese cake then?"

"I mean, I think I'd also like banana cake, but why is that -" Arthur paused.

"That's the point, Arthur. If I date a girl, it doesn't make me straight, because I'd still find men attractive. I don't magically stop finding people attractive, just because I commit to a relationship. Just because you eat cheese cake today or for the rest of your life, it doesn't mean you don't also like banana cake."

"Why are you comparing sexual attraction to food?"

"Because everyone eats and everyone has their own tastes and that makes it similar and relatable."

"I see." Arthur paused anyway. "And Leon then just starves?"

Merlin snorted. "No, I don't think the example fits in his case. For him it's more like... I don't want to do the cake example. Aces have the consensus that they all love cake. Imagine someone you're not attracted to and then imagine that feeling counts for everyone."

Arthur nodded. "Then why did he sleep with my sister in the first place?"

Merlin sighed. "Have you never made a mistake? Ever slept with someone and then realized you didn't really enjoy it? Not necessarily because the other person is bad at it, but because you're just not into them?"

"Why would I sleep with someone that I'm not into?" But Arthur felt those words resonate within him somehow. He's slept with girls before... and it's not like they had been bad at it, (or him. None had complained so far. Quite the opposite, really.) It was more like Arthur felt more tired after doing it than he did after an exam. Something was churning inside his guts, a foreboding sign that he didn't quite like.

"Figures.", Merlin sighed. "Guys like you are so simple minded, when it comes to sex."

"So, like.... Wait a second, let me figure this out.", Arthur paused. This was actually worrying. He didn't like that memory very much. But it was the best way he could understand it, that's for sure. "You know Guinevere, right?"

Merlin gaped. For a moment he seemed puzzled. Then: "Oh my god, don't tell me you slept with HER and regretted it." He looked disbelieving and honestly shocked. "Dude, Guinevere is like... a Queen or something."

"Shut up, I know that. I didn't sleep with her. Nevermind." Arthur felt weird. He hadn't talked to anyone about that before and he was beginning to regret mentioning it.

Merlin paused. "Oh no. No. Go on. Tell me. I want to know now. And you should learn to understand your friends. Let's go. I won't judge, I promise."

Arthur nodded, hesitated, then hesitated some more. Eventually, he got up his courage. "So... I kissed her once. We were like, 14 I think. That was before Lancelot moved here. We got along well. I really liked her. I think, we like, could have dated or something. I think she wanted to, back then. And as you said, Gwen is like... perfect. She's kind, she's smart, she's pretty, she could probably knock out Percival, if she tried. She's like, the whole package."

"Absolutely agree. No flaws in that logic. Go on.", said Merlin, looking somewhat intrigued.

"I didn't like kissing her.", said Arthur finally. He held his breath.

Merlin blinked. His answer took a moment, but he seemed to shake himself out of a question. "Well. I mean. You were fourteen. How good can you kiss at fourteen." He leaned back against the wall behind his bed. The one with the half naked male actor that Arthur felt so awkward looking at.

Arthur pressed his lips together. "You don't get it. It's just like what you described. It's like I was up to eat a nice cake, only to learn that the frosting was actually mayonnaise."

"That sounds disgusting."

"I mean, it wasn't that bad. I just... I don't know. I thought something was wrong with me. I still do, sometimes. Have you had that? Like, ever? That you expected ... more?"

"No." Merlin shook his head, but he looked at Arthur in that stormy haze of his eyes that made Arthur feel somewhat endangered. "I doubt I'd feel like that after kissing Guinevere goddess Smith. Not that I would do that to Lancelot. So no, I don't think I've ever had that."

"You don't think it's weird?" Arthur had felt so anxious about it for so long, he had half expected Merlin to make fun of him.

"Do you think Leon is weird for feeling like that towards literally ANYONE? No. I don't think it's weird. Maybe she's just not your type. That's okay. You've had relationships after that, right? Did you feel the same way there?"
Arthur didn't want to admit that he did, so he shook his head. Merlin nodded thoughtfully. "Well, you dated Vivian and Mithian. Maybe, you just like blondes. Either way, don't worry about it. It doesn't make you any less straight, just because you have a type, right?"

Arthur smiled. In the same moment, his heart screamed at him. Something was wrong with that sentence. Something made him panic. He had never considered that. He didn't want to think about it like that. For all his fighting at Pride demos, Arthur had never considered if he might actually like... nope. Nope. Absolutely not going there. His heart was beating fast. That was ridiculous. Arthur didn't even grow up knowing about what Pride was. At 14, he hadn't ever seen a pride flag, nor known what the rainbow stood for. There was NO WAY his straight business oriented father had raised him in such a direction. Absolutely not. The last part calmed him a bit. Arthur had always only dated girls, always only paid attention to the girls, he was absolutely fine. He wasn't going to be seduced by the devil like this. That was ridiculous.

"Are you okay? You're not one of those guys who are like: If she doesn't use makeup she's basically a man, right?"

Arthur laughed at that. "What? No. I was just thinking of what my type is." Where did he even get that idea from? Oh, maybe it was the 'being less straight thing for having a type'.

Merlin smiled. "Well, you have time to figure it out." He was actually taking such a small thing seriously.

"How did you do it? Figure it out, I mean?" Arthur guessed it had been the neighbors. Arthur hoped it had been the neighbors with their lifestyle and GWAINE. Fucking Gwaine.

Merlin frowned. "Well, I mean, I guess I always kind of knew. I suppose, having an open family like mine makes you kind of aware of things. I felt safe here, as I said. But when I was in school, I had to pretend that my family was 'normal', or however they called it. First I hid them. Then I watched movies and as you can see..." he slightly waved up his arms to point at the posters in his room. "I had too many crushes on too many celebrities. So after the dress incident, I had to hide myself as well. I was trying to protect my family. Then my mother told me that I had nothing to be ashamed of... and yeah. That's how I outed myself eventually. I regretted it for a while. I wasn't 100 % sure in the beginning. Then I kissed a guy and I knew I liked that. I kissed a girl and I realized I liked that, too. I suppose you would rather that I didn't tell you all that? Keep hiding, right?"

"What?" Arthur had been too intent on listening, that the last question threw him off guard.

"That's what you want, isn't it? With you demonstrating against Pride this year? You literally told me to hide. You wanted to throw me out of school, remember?"

Arthur stared and tried to puzzle that together. It didn't help him find a proper answer, however. "Why didn't you keep hiding?"

Merlin shook his head. "I knew you'd ask that. I was scared. The entire time. Of everyone. I could never know who was an actual friend who'd stay and who would toss me aside, if they figured it out. Eventually, I just wanted to be myself. It's better to be hated, than loved for something that you're not." Merlin paused. "I'm not safe, if I'm hiding, neither am I if I'm out. But I can show that I'm safe for someone else, don't you think?"
Arthur looked at Merlin, saw the same smile he'd gotten earlier. For some reason, it felt like Merlin was doing just what he said. He was being a safe space for Arthur, wasn't he?

A car passed by the window, illuminating the room further. For a moment, Merlin shone bright from the headlights. And it was at that moment that Arthur felt it for the first time. The tingle. A tiny, simple feeling that was neither goosebumps nor shaking. It felt like the energy in the room had hit him. It went up from his fingers and all over his body, until it settled in his stomach and remained there as a nice little rumble.

...

It was 6 am, when Arthur left. Merlin yawned after him, but smiled regardless. "It was nice talking to you like this. Don't be a stranger tomorrow!"

Arthur smiled awkwardly. "I guess."

Merlin shook his head. "All in your time. Let's hang out together again."

Arthur nodded. "Yeah. Sure. Let's do that." He didn't know why his voice sounded so strangled. Maybe it was just so late. They had talked for a long while and Arthur was incredibly tired. He waved Merlin one last time, then he made his way back home. During the ride, he thought about all they had talked about. Merlin was nice to talk to. He was kind. And sure, Arthur still found the whole Pride thing uncomfortable and Merlin could be condescending, if he wanted to be, but still. Arthur felt that he understood far more where Merlin was coming from now.

At home, no one had noticed Arthur's absence. Silently, Arthur sneaked back into his room and lay down on his cold bed. He stared at the ceiling and wondered why he didn't have glow stars on it, like Merlin did. He looked at his wall and wondered why he only had posters there of soccer teams. He wondered why the only picture of a person on his wall was that of a soccer player whom he had always admired. He wondered why he didn't own any porn books, like the few he had noticed under Merlin's bed. (It had been a bit awkward, but Arthur had pretended not to see it.)
He had always thought the reason was that he worried what his father would say. But Uther had never been in Arthur's room. He's never mentioned it in conversation either. And yet, Arthur always kept it extraordinarily clean.
And then, Arthur's mind wandered back to Merlin. His judgment was protective, yet open for consideration. And the patience in which he explained to Arthur the things he usually refused to think about was extraordinary. He told him things and explained in easy words what Arthur couldn't grasp online. And it brought him back to the strange tingling sensation he had felt. The thought of it was utterly distracting. Were they friends now? Arthur hadn't made a decent friend since Leon and he had known Leon since they were really young. Why had Arthur never talked with Leon about girls to the point that Leon dating Morgana came out of nowhere?
Was this tingle a feeling that friends had for each other? Deep down, Arthur knew he was kidding himself, but he wanted to ease himself into this thought. It was a lot.

He didn't have much time to think. He had training in about 4 hours.

—--------------------------------------------------------

Monday came and Merlin was late again. Arthur knew that already. Merlin slept through the lessons so much, it was a wonder that he bothered to come at all. Today, the idiot stumbled through the door just as the Caelich began the class. Merlin apologized profusely for his lateness and sat down next to Arthur.

Arthur was instantly distracted. From the moment the door opened, to the moment Merlin sat down, Arthur's heart seemed to have forgotten that it was meant to beat rhythmically. And, as nature willed it, the sun illuminated his pretty face just right. Slowly, the weird tingle crept up Arthur's spine, causing that strange buzzing sensation again.
Quickly, Arthur mumbled a "Good morning" and forced himself to focus on the lesson. Seriously, he felt strangely warm now. Was the sun that hot?

Throughout the day, Merlin paid him more attention than usual. Here and there, Merlin corrected some careless mistakes that Arthur had unfortunately made a habit of. They talked a bit during break about the class, until Merlin made a reference to a show that Arthur actually recognized. From there, their conversation spiraled into nerd town. Arthur barely noticed time passing by.
At lunch, Merlin sat down beside him as if it were normal. Gwaine joined them, suspicious of Arthur at first. But when Merlin seemed to feel comfortable around Arthur, he relaxed and joined in on their nerd talk.

It was sort of nice. For the first time in a long time, Arthur felt like he had friends. He still missed Leon, of course. He had been his best friend. And maybe one day, they could talk with one another again. Today, however, Arthur wasn't ready for that conversation, yet.
What did surprise Arthur, was that the soccer team seemed to notice the change in Arthur's company. They didn't seem entirely convinced, but a few of them sat down with Merlin, Gwaine and Arthur and suddenly Arthur wasn't completely ignored in soccer anymore. In fact, Arthur wasn't all that alone.

It all came down to the day when Elena suddenly outed herself. She didn't do it in front of the entire school and she wasn't in Arthur's class. But Arthur heard of it through Merlin, who texted him about it. Mostly with a subtle warning that if Arthur would not respect her, and he knew Arthur would hear of it, because rumors were already spreading, Merlin would make Arthur's life a living hell. And, apparently, to make sure that Arthur knew what Elena had confessed, before Arthur could get the wrong idea about it and be disrespectful by accident.
First things first, Elena would use she/they pronouns from now on. As she considered herself a trans woman.
At first, Arthur didn't understand what was going on. Elena had always been a girl. It didn't make sense to him, so he asked Merlin why she was doing this.
So, Merlin had to explain the concept of intersex to Arthur. And, if Arthur was honest, what he learned wasn't completely new to him, but it still shocked him. No. Not the part about a child being born in a way that made their sex hard to define. You heard stories like that sometimes. No. Arthur was shocked about the part where Elena's parents had decided for her who she was growing up to be. Apparently, all those hospital visits Arthur remembered her having as a kid, hadn't been because she was fragile. It had been to supervise her development as a girl into a woman. Arthur had never heard of this before that.

And thus was, how that afternoon, Arthur sat down at his father's conference room, where they were once again talking about LGBTQIA issues without even knowing more than the first four letters, never mind what they stood for. And for once, Arthur listened with full attention. When it came to matters of being trans, they kept saying children shouldn't get forced into surgeries because of a trend. Children should be protected, not mutilated.
And then Arthur looked at his phone, that lay locked and silent on the table before him, silently remembering the conversation he's had with Merlin. About how gender affirming care was the medically approved method to deal with trans people. That Gender affirming care started with reversible methods like pronouns and bathroom uses. That in puberty, it would move to hormone blockers and only in very few, very extreme instances to surgeries, which literally saved lives. That it was supervised and controlled by multiple instances, before someone could get hormones, which was still partly reversible. And only after that, at an adult state, did they allow irreversible surgeries.
Arthur listened, as these people talked about how children were raised to be trans or that it was caused by bullying, when Merlin explained that in truth, bullying made you hide your identity. Made you conform to being cis, rather than encourage transition and how that leads to dysphoria and severe depression.
And if that wasn't enough, when it came to someone who was intersex, the parents were allowed to decide for the child. How was it protecting kids, when those men in their black smokings allowed for intersex kids what they called mutilation for trans children? When they practiced, what they demonized, while what they demonized wasn't practiced. How was it, they called it protecting children, when they would rather hit a child, than let them wear dresses?

The logic was completely inconsistent.

Arthur felt more confused than he ever had in his entire life. He left the meeting that day, feeling defeated and enlightened and sick.

—------------------------------------------------------

Sometimes, Arthur noticed that people were avoiding Pride topics around him. Elena eyed him nervously sometimes, after she came out. And Arthur couldn't exactly say he knew how to really support her, so he mostly ignored her, too.
Even Merlin stopped bringing it up, after he decreed Arthur's behavior as non threatening. Arthur didn't think that was enough, but apparently Merlin didn't have higher expectations than what Arthur had (not) done so far.

So, Arthur looked up the different labels himself. A part of him wondered if he could find something that would give him closure. That would turn his world view back the way it had been. Instead, he found labels upon labels. None of them with a definite prescribing function. They were all descriptive. All just describing how people felt about themselves in order to accept their own feelings and not lie to their partner about them.
It reminded Arthur of Leon. And he wondered if Leon had lied to Morgana on purpose, or if he had lied to himself. Or if he simply hadn't known.
It seemed as if none of what Arthur had found was based on choices. None, except which label you chose. An act that was apparently a step to gain control over your life again. And it wasn't even forcing straight people out. Straight, too, was a label. It was such a common one that Arthur had never considered it part of it all. It just wasn't part of the LGBT+ community, because the community consisted of people who were threatened by the law...
After looking at some News about how there were laws in different countries that punished ignorance or tolerance of someone else's homosexual practices, while being aware of it, he wondered if that was entirely correct.
But that wasn't a conversation for Arthur to have. Arthur himself was cis. That much he knew. He used he/him pronouns, as his father had chosen for him, ironically enough. And at the end of the day, he was strai-

"Hey, Arthur."

Arthur looked up to find Merlin grinning mischievously at him. Arthur immediately frowned. Merlin was up to something, that's for sure. "Oh, I don't like that face. What are you scheming?"

"Rude. I have a beautiful face. Anyway, you know about that soccer game you guys are playing this sunday?"

Arthur nodded slowly. "What about it?"

Merlin bounced back and forth on his toes. He didn't look fully comfortable, but there was a form of hopeful trust in his eyes that Arthur didn't want to disappoint. "Well, your team decided they wanted to use that opportunity to show some support for Elena. So, we're going to make some flags. A rainbow one, a trans one and an intersex one. I'm just warning you, so you don't freak out."

Arthur blinked. Okay. Hold on. His mind needed a second to process what Merlin was asking of him. Putting up Pride flags. Showing support. Right. That made sense, coming from this context. Kinda. "Aren't we going to put her on the spot, like that?" In all honesty, Arthur was still worried. He didn't want Elena to get hurt.

Merlin blinked. "Silly, that's why we make the flags. If someone wants to hurt her, they won't know who we're protecting, but they WILL know that that person is protected."

Arthur looked down, frowning even more as he thought about the phrasing of Merlin's announcement. "Hold on, why would I freak out?"

Merlin bounced on his feet a bit and then pulled something from his pocket. "The team has decided that everyone has to wear these." They were rainbow shoe laces. "They said, anyone who refuses to wear them, will sit on the bench."

Arthur stared at the shoelaces. "You want me to walk on your side of Pride." He had known that before, but having flags everywhere was one thing. Wearing those shoelaces was a whole other story. Arthur blinked again.

Merlin blinked. "Well, this isn't exactly Pride, but yeah. Kind of."

Something was off with Arthur. He felt uncomfortable. The idea of wearing those shoelaces made alarm bells ring inside his head. "I don't get a choice in this? The guys are blackmailing me to sit on the bench?"

Merlin's earlier smile froze. "That's not what this is."

"It's how it sounds. You're putting a condition on my friendship." That's not what Arthur meant to say, but it was, unfortunately, how he felt.

Merlin's frozen state turned into anger. Suddenly, Arthur felt a piercing pain in his stomach. "Yes, Arthur. The condition is to support your friends, like they would support you. The condition is not to be a dick. You have a choice here. We'll still talk to you after the game, but you'll be showing what you think of your own friends. I don't know if the friendship can survive it, if you basically tell Elena that you don't think she deserves rights." He sounded cold. There was no longer the friendly warmth in Merlin's voice. He sounded disappointed. Arthur understood why, but the passive aggressiveness still put him on edge.

Suddenly, Arthur was 8 again, when he had made a tiny obvious mistake with numbers. His father locked him in the restroom for a whole night, until Arthur was a tired, screaming little mess who learned the hard way that disappointment cost you everything. That a misunderstanding, a careless mistake costs you respect, it costs you your father, it costs you your family and everything you build for your future. It looked like Arthur's worries were about to make him lose Merlin. And for some strange reason, Arthur felt himself panic.

"I'll tell the others not to bother asking you." Merlin looked down. He seemed to be fighting with himself and Arthur knew that for once Merlin really wanted to hit him. He didn't, though, for reasons Arthur couldn't quite grasp. Arthur stared at him, already recognizing the sharp pain in his guts as loss. He wasn't quite losing Merlin, but he was losing something between them and that filled him with fear. Merlin's eyes were an icy storm in the wind that played with his hair. And for a moment, he looked ethereal. He looked like a mighty god. Arthur didn't want him to go. He didn't want to disappoint him. He didn't want this to end how it did with Leon.

"Merlin, wait." Arthur grabbed Merlin's arm, before he could leave and froze at the sudden wave of tingling that went up his arm. It buzzed into a nervous flutter, startling Arthur into a mild panic. "Give me a day, please. I need to think this over."

"What is there to think about?" Of course, Merlin wouldn't get it. He'd never really been to those soccer matches. He didn't seem the type. And yet, Arthur couldn't bring himself to say it. It felt like an excuse. A horrible excuse. Arthur bit his lip. Merlin sighed and relaxed as he saw Arthur's nervous state. "I'm sorry." The excuse came out of nowhere. "I know you struggle with all of this. Just... I don't know how to say this. You can't be a dick about this. We want Elena to feel safe. How can she be your friend, if she can't be safe around you?"

Arthur opened his mouth and closed it again. "I understand that, I just ..." He couldn't say it. He couldn't say that he didn't feel safe himself. He couldn't say that as someone whose identity was encouraged by the law, rather than threatened or exploited.

Merlin nodded. "I consider you my friend, you know that, right?"

Arthur's heart nearly stopped. It was a powerful thing that he hadn't seen coming. "I mean... yeah. Sure, thanks, I mean. I see you as a friend, too."

"Would you wear the rainbow for me?"

Arthur closed his mouth. "Would you stop wearing it for me?", he countered. It was almost a whisper, but he saw Merlin's eyes narrow at him.
Arthur wasn't sure what answer he expected. He just knew that he wasn't ready for this conversation, so he shook his head and turned around. "I'm going home. I don't ... I don't feel well."

—--------------------------------------------------------

Arthur stood before his father's study room, feeling strange and unsure. He knocked three times and waited. His father always took his time to answer the door, but eventually he let him in.
Arthur's father was a presence in any room. He was tall, kind of broad and dressed to impress. He resembled a king on a throne sometimes, rather than a father figure. Sometimes, Arthur had to fight the urge to bow to him.
"Father."

"Arthur. What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be at training?"

"Yes. I'm about to go there. I was just wondering..."

"If you don't have training, you should study. We had a deal, Arthur."

"I know. I just wanted to ask if you had plans this weekend to watch my game."

It was quiet for a moment. "This weekend, yes. I will bring the Blackwells. You know their son Cedric."

"Cendred.", Arthur corrected quietly.

"Yes. I have invited them to your game. I expect you train enough not to embarrass me this time. Your game last month was a disappointment. Both to me and my investors."

Arthur nodded and forced a smile. "Yes, of course. I'll be delighted to see you there."

Uther paused in his writing, as Arthur was about to leave the study. "Was that all you wasted my time for?"

Arthur looked down. "Yes, sorry, father."

"Just make sure you shine down there. I don't want Godfried to talk to me about how much my son sucks at anything he touches. He will be using this meeting to talk me down on his level for sure. After the disaster that went down with his faggot of a son."

Arthur's heart was beating faster once more. He wasn't sure what to do. So he had to say it now. "Father, there is actually one thing I was meaning to say."

Uther looked up, eyes narrowing dangerously.

Arthur swallowed. "My classmates don't share my... my opinion on Pride stuff. They have planned to show their support this weekend. All of the players are meant to show their support somehow, otherwise they won't be allowed to play."

Uther's eyes widened. Anger filled them, making Arthur flinch. "They won't allow you to play? This is madness! That's it, then. I'll cancel the meeting and you, you're not going to play. Obviously. Why did I ever sponsor that bloody team? You're going to quit tomorrow, is that clear?"

Arthur opened his mouth, wanting to disagree, but found himself speechless and unable to do anything but comply. "Yes, of course, father."

—--------------------------------------------------------

Merlin stared Arthur down the next day, fingers tapping against his arm, where he had crossed them. "You quit the soccer team."
Arthur looked pointedly away. It's already been done. The rest of the team was glaring daggers at him and stopped talking with him.
"The game is on Sunday and your father just cut the funding. You told your father about our plans? Are you serious?"

"Go away."

"No. I'm not bloody going away! You just ruined your team's chances to go to more matches! This will be their last match! Do you realize what you did? Never mind that, now Cendred is picking on Elena and blaming her for it! Do you realize how terrible she's feeling?"

"Merlin -"

"Don't 'Merlin' me! I knew you were against the whole thing, but did you really have to ruin this for all of us?"

"Just SHUT UP." Arthur finally glared at Merlin and saw him flinch at the sudden noise. The people in their classroom stopped pretending to not be listening to them and for that moment, it felt like the moment was frozen.
Arthur looked around, his blood boiling and he got up. He ignored that class was about to start in five minutes and threw the door shut on his way out. He passed through the hallway, searching for the broom closet the janitor had modified for card games years ago. He walked inside and took in the smell of cleaning supplies, before he sat down at the tiny bench in the dark room. Arthur hadn't noticed that he had been followed. So, when the door opened quietly, he flinched in the dark.

Merlin stood in the doorframe, wearing a confused expression. He closed the door behind him and leaned against it. "Alright, spit it out."

Arthur covered his face. "You already know, so what's the point?"

"There is something you're not telling me."

Arthur looked up. "Isn't it obvious? I just ruined my soccer team's future matches. I put Elena out to be bullied and for what? So I don't have to wear a pair of rainbow shoe laces?"

There was silence after that. "Yeah. That's why I'm mad at you. Why are YOU mad at you?"

"That is the reason." Arthur frowned. "What else is there?"

Merlin looked completely befuddled. "Then why did you do that?"

Arthur looked away. "Because I'm a selfish prick?"

"No. I don't buy that. You're not selfish enough to put everyone in danger because of shoelaces. What is it, Arthur? Tell me."

"That is exactly it, though! I know it's fucked up. Just... I'd have disappointed my father, if he saw them and he'd surely get the wrong idea and kick me out like he did Morgana and I would have put him in that position in front of his stupid business partners and-"

"Okay, hold on a second." Merlin blinked a couple of times and made Arthur pause. "Why would your father see you wearing rainbow shoe laces? And his business partners? What?"

Arthur sighed. "My father watches these games. It's like... a PR stunt or something. Which is why I have to make the most goals and show I'm the team captain and have everyone under control, which I clearly don't. I mean, I can't even talk to them normally. And I can't tell them NOT to support Elena. I didn't think he'd make me quit the team, I thought he'd just refuse to come." Arthur leaned against the wall. "I really, really fucked this up." He felt horrible, really. He hadn't slept all night again. Instead, he had stared at the wall, trying to count the dents in the tapestry.

Merlin paused, then slid down against the door. He put a hand to his mouth, gnawing on it slightly.

"You can go now.", said Arthur, despite the fact that Merlin's presence made him feel calmer in this room. "I can't self pity with you around."

Merlin shook his head. "No. If I go back now, I'll get detention."

"Why did you even follow me? In fact, why did you even talk to me to begin with? I thought I made it very clear what I think about you! Why do you bother?"

Merlin waited for Arthur to regret his outburst again, before he spoke up. "Because you don't make sense." Arthur groaned. "I mean it, Arthur. From the moment we met, there was something strange about you."

"You mean, because I was screaming at you at Pride?"

"I mean, because your sign said 'Pride is a sin'. Not being gay, not being bi or queer or whatever. Pride. I thought that was odd."

"Wow, thanks."

"I didn't think much of it. Especially, when you yelled at me the next day. Until I realized something that I haven't seen with many protesters."

"Which is?" Arthur was already tired of this conversation.

"You were willing to listen. Granted, Pride isn't the best place to have that discussion. But when I called you out in school, you didn't tell me that everything I said was wrong. I kind of got the feeling like you were asking me things in a very roundabout, strange way. Your facts were off, but you knew more labels than I expected you to.
You ignored me, but you also acknowledged my existence. You told me to leave, but when I didn't, you mostly let me be. Protesters often claim people like me would silence them and their opinion, even though Pride things aren't an opinion." Merlin paused. "But you made me realize something about that. They always say it's an opinion and then go on to make being gay illegal. You said it all as an opinion and respected that my 'opinion' ...", Merlin hesitated. "... it's not an opinion, but you pretended it was, and you respected that it was simply different from yours." There was another pause in which Merlin hesitated. "There were those rumors on how you beat Leon up, after he came out to you. I assumed the worst, and then you happened to actually have had a reason."

"Me having reasons doesn't make my actions okay."

"No. But it makes it easier to understand you. And just now, when I thought you actually decided to be an asshole again, I learn that you were actually trying to protect yourself. What am I supposed to do with that?"

Arthur met Merlin's eyes and felt his heart skip a beat. Merlin was smiling at him with that fond expression of his that he wore sometimes, when he was making sense of Arthur. Merlin pursed his lips and Arthur found himself lost again. Merlin had such plush lips.
"Likewise. I thought all you were doing at Pride was spreading being gay, but it's so much more than that. You're not even gay."

Merlin twitched a smile. "Look? That's what I mean. You actually do your research. I don't get how you can be against us with how much effort you put in understanding people like me. You even get the difference between gay and bi. Though I wouldn't go so far and say it's completely different. Not everyone bothers to make the distinction at all, even within the community. Are you sure you're not a closeted bi or something?"

It was a joke. It was meant to be a joke and yet, Arthur froze in that moment. He looked down. How would he even know? He's never thought about men before. Or had he? Arthur did have only men posters in his room. He didn't look at playboys or engage in boy talk about how hot girls were. He didn't particularly enjoy the relationships he'd had with his exes. He always stared pointedly at the shower wall during sports, so he didn't look like a creep. He was polite like that. Even though he did admire their physiques during sports. He assumed everyone did it like that, but after seeing Gwaine and Merlin talk openly with one another, even while half naked, he wondered if that's really what it was. He wondered if everyone just looked at a guy and wondered if they were muscled under their shirts or not. Wondered, if every guy was just willing to think of another guy as pretty or handsome and find themselves staring at his plush lips. Wondered if everyone got caught in the storm of Merlin's eyes, or if that was Arthur's heart making a mess of things.

"Arthur?"

When Arthur looked up, Merlin was still waiting for an answer. He looked confused, as if something was dawning on him. And, as Arthur observed his own heartbeat quickening at that thought, it dawned on him, too. The reason why he had singled Merlin out all those months ago was simple. Merlin was pretty. Merlin was what he called handsome and that had made him infuriating and exciting to approach. And, more than anything else, terrifying. He had instinctively tried to get rid of him.
Merlin was kind and smart and Arthur felt that strange tingling, that fluttering in his chest, when they talked. Arthur opened his mouth, as the realization hit him like a train wreck. The shock was higher than his panic though. In a strange way, it only made sense. It clicked in his perception of his own self like a puzzle piece. "Sorry, what were you asking?" His heart was beating so loud in his ears that he may as well have really been deaf to the question. As it was, he just wasn't ready for this conversation. He wasn't ready for the panic either. Now he couldn't stop thinking about it.

Merlin relaxed. "Well, it doesn't matter. We just need to find a way to get you out of this mess, don't we?"

Arthur snorted. "And how do we do that?" Arthur paused. "Hold on. WE?"

Merlin laughed. He had a nice laugh. Arthur found his cheeks reddening at the realization. How the hell had he missed this before? Not the laugh, but the way his heart fluttered around it?

"You clearly can't be trusted making these decisions on your own. You REALLY messed up. You do know what it looks like, when you boykott a game like that."

Arthur sighed. "Yes, I do."

Merlin hesitated. "Would you have been okay wearing the shoelaces, if it weren't for your father?"

Arthur looked up at him. "I can't say I'd be comfortable. I'm not used to these things. But... I think I'm starting to get why it's needed. I just don't know if that's not manipulating people into being queer, you know?"

Merlin closed his eyes. "Let's imagine that was true... What is so bad about being queer?" Merlin was doing that thing again, where he made Arthur articulate his full thought process. It was unnerving, it was also relieving, because it made Arthur feel heard.

Arthur tilted his head. "I just think that we have social norms for a reason."

Merlin grinned. "I suppose that's true. Maybe there used to be a reason. Like sex outside of marriage used to be a taboo thing to protect women from poverty and make sure the men knew who the father of the child was. The problem is that it is also the society that didn't allow women to work, unless a man allowed it. That's how they ended up in poverty in the first place. The norms are there for a reason, but they tend to be counteractions for things that society already fucked up. Personally, I think that taking away those norms proves that we evolve as a society."

Arthur took that in, considered it and found to his own annoyance, but also relief, that Merlin was right. He often was. "How come you're so wise?"

"My mom makes me eat my vegetables." Merlin smiled again. He was so radiant and yet so warm that Arthur felt both at ease and out of his depth.

"Well then, my wondersome sorcerer of limitless knowledge, how do I get myself out of this mess?"

Merlin thought for a moment. "Is your father still coming to the play?" Arthur shook his head. "Well then. You can't undo what you did. But now that you're free, you could wear the rainbow laces for a start."

Arthur's breath got stuck in his lungs. "You're joking. No one will buy that I actually mean it! They'll think I'm just ... I dunno. Do damage control or something."

Merlin smiled. "It's not about believing you. You broke their trust, you won't get that back just like that. No. I mean, you can go there this weekend and support your team."

"I'm not playing anymore. How can I claim I support them, when I literally stop playing with them?"

"Say, Arthur, why did you tell your father about the game? About us showing pride?"

Arthur looked at him, waiting for Merlin to explain it to him, because he was clearly going somewhere.

"From what I understood, you wanted to support Elena, but knew you'd lose your father, if you did. You could have chosen not to support her and sat on the bench. You chose to confront your father, so he wouldn't watch the game, right?"

Arthur nodded hesitantly. Wow, that sounded like Arthur had actually fought for something.

"Well, I think that proves exactly where you stand. You're standing with us. So, you will be there with me this weekend, and we will be holding a pride flag and you can show them that this is your choice."

"I'll look like a hypocrite."

"Not to me."

Merlin and him locked eyes again. Arthur realized that they seemed to do that often. "Well, shit. If you say so." What else could Arthur say? Merlin was the only person he had left. The only person who listened to him. The only person whom he could still make it right with. "Where do I get flags?"

Merlin smiled again. "I've got you covered."

—----------------------------------------------------------

School sucked until that weekend. Being home sucked even more. In fact, Arthur didn't feel like he came home at all. The house felt empty, compared to the loudness of the school or the soccer field. Every door sounded too loud. Every hall and every room seemed too big. It didn't feel like anyone lived here anymore. And Arthur felt no longer welcome.
Since his realization in the closet, Arthur had dreaded the moment he'd turn the key in the lock of the main entrance. He felt cold, when he did. Empty, even.
Arthur wondered, if somehow, the walls would know his secret. Maybe, they had always known and whispered doubts into his father's ear. Maybe that's why Uther didn't appreciate him much. Maybe now that Arthur knew, his father would be the first to know.

The door to his room clacked shut quietly behind him. Arthur stared at his room. The posters on the wall looked wrong now. The cleanness of it all looked fake, as if the person living here had never been free to make a mess of things. Arthur locked the door, just to be safe. Then he went to take the posters down. He didn't stop, until his room was clean of all the things that used to define who he was. Then, Arthur shut his window, pulled the curtain there, so no one could see him from outside and lay down on his bed.
No one would see it, no matter what, but Arthur didn't feel free to think unless he was completely locked in. It wasn't enough. He put on some music, just in case someone would be able to hear his thoughts. Only once that was done, did he close his eyes and dared to confront his feelings.
His heart was already beating hard in his chest. Then he pictured the face of a man before his inner eye. He made sure it was a man. It had to be a man. Arthur wasn't even doing anything, wasn't even talking to someone or touching himself. Yet, he felt terrified to allow those thoughts to happen. In his mind, he kissed the man.
He shuddered at the idea. He should feel revolted, but that's not how he felt. He felt the complete opposite. Arthur grabbed himself a pillow and squeezed it tight in his hands. He had to play this image out. Had to confront it all, if he wanted to know who he was and what he felt. And so he did play it out. He let his fantasy run wild, tell him things, show him things. In the end, Arthur was cowered on his side, fighting himself not to actually do anything about the way he felt. He felt excited. When it got too much, he tried to replace the image with a woman. The excitement died out almost immediately. Arthur buried his face in the pillow. He wanted to scream.
The image of the man returned, but he was no longer faceless. Arthur saw Merlin in front of his inner eye. Saw every crinkle of his smile, every tooth and every eyelash as clear as day. Arthur was already kissing him, when he realized whom he was imagining. It was a mistake, a careless one that escalated quickly. It escalated so much that Arthur knew he couldn't ever go back from that. He woke up from his haze feeling disgusted with himself. He felt like he had just molested someone.

Arthur knew now. And he felt embarrassed to just think about it. So much so, that he cried silently into his pillow, begging god he could unrealize what he had just come to know.

...

Arthur didn't go to school that friday. He didn't feel like going. He didn't even feel like standing up. Apart from showering, he had done nothing to make himself feel somewhat human again. So, he lay on his bed, scrolling through his phone. He looked at his instagram feed and for the first time, searched for Merlin's profile. He felt like a creep, doing it, but Merlin gave him a sense of safety that he hadn't really known before.
Merlin didn't have many pictures on instagram, but the ones he did post looked like masterpieces. Either he had a good camera or a good sense of shooting photos. Merlin shared pictures about pride, his family and his friends. His profile was open and his bio declared his pronouns, as well as a little welcome note for all queers who needed someone to look up to. Not his words, but Arthur knew that's why Merlin made his profile public.

Merlin had a nice smile, Arthur had always known that. But those pictures didn't do him justice. The camera didn't quite catch the storm of his eyes or the way he sometimes glowed golden in the sunlight, despite none of his features inviting such a phenomenon. Arthur was blond, he should have golden hair in the sunlight. With Merlin it was his skin, his radiant smile. It was a white gold, a blue gold, even a blackish gold in his hair. Arthur had no idea how the sun could love someone to such an extent.

A notification popped up. It was Morgana. Arthur flinched. For a moment, he felt caught, that's how lost he was in Merlin's pictures. Then, he hesitated, before he opened one of twenty open messages of his sister.

"Hey, Arthur."
"hey."
"Arthur, I know you're angry at Leon, but can you please unblock him?"
"You guys need to talk."
"Seriously? You're avoiding me, too?"
"Hey, Arthur, I just wanted to let you know my new address. It's Road of the blessed 4. You should come over sometime."
"Leon thinks you only blocked him, because you're sorry. You've got a funny way of showing it. I just think you suck."
"Arthur, come on. You're my only brother. You can't avoid me forever!"
"Did Uther take your phone? He's a right bastard, you know that, right?"
"You've got to be kidding me. I saw you at fucking Pride! You can't be serious! Pride is a sin? Really? So is wrath. Gosh, if this is who you are, I don't WANT a brother anymore."
And the last message: "Arthur, we really need to talk."

Arthur smiled. He tapped the chat box. He wanted to answer it. Wanted to say something. He didn't know what. He couldn't apologize. It felt too late and too insincere. Especially over the phone. He stopped typing, deleted the message, tried again and then deleted it fully.

"I saw you typing, asshole. Just answer me already. A hi would be enough."

Arthur smiled. Wondered how far away she lived now. He knew, theoretically, that Leon moved across half the country and Morgana with him. Arthur shook his head, then he began to type. He needed Morgana to understand what was happening. But how was he supposed to sum up everything he had done and felt in the past couple of months? He didn't want to type out an apology. He couldn't put his feelings into words and he couldn't explain the complexity of it all. In the end, he typed it all out anyway and hit send.
"I think I'm gay."
Arthur's heart was beating wildly. It was unnerving, seeing the words right before him. Anyone could walk in and see it. Required, they broke the door down and ripped his phone from his hands, but still. Morgana was already typing. Then stopped. Then typed again. Then stopped. Arthur archived their chat and locked his phone. He didn't need an answer. He didn't want an answer. It just was all he could give her right now. And he had needed to tell someone, without having to actually say the words.

His phone binged again and Arthur was sure it was Morgana. Instead, it was Merlin. He sent a message. Arthur sat up immediately.

"Hey. You weren't in class today. R U alright?"

Arthur's heart melted. "I'm fine. Just didn't feel like school today. How are you?" Once Arthur hit send, he cursed himself. The HELL did he just ask? How are you. WOW Arthur, great job, why don't you just ask him about the weather next.

"So, not sick then? You're not skipping out on Sunday, are you?"

Arthur smiled. "I feel like you'd drag me there anyway."

"True. U free right now?"

Artur stared at the last message. His heart skipping another beat. "Yeah."

"Cool. I'm going to the pool with Gwaine and Elena. Wanna come?"

And there, Arthur's heart dropped to his stomach. "I thought I was supposed to come on Sunday? I can't do that if they drown me today."

"It's your one way out. The offer only stands for today."

Arthur was undecided. Then, Merlin sent him another text. "Come on. I bet with Gwaine about whether or not you'd hang with us queers. There are 10 dollars and a kiss on the line."

Arthur immediately got out of bed after that. Like hell he'd let Gwaine take those ten dollars from Merlin. It was definitely that. And only that. Arthur's blush meant nothing. "Alright, I'll be there. But only, because I don't want Gwaine to ever be right."

Merlin sent him a laughing emoji.

—-------------------------------------------------------------

The pool was fuller than Arthur expected. Arthur nervously carried his bag around, searching for familiar faces in the queue. To his nerve wracking realization, he saw Cendred in the crowd of people. He was talking to some unsuspecting girls who seemed slightly annoyed with his presence.

"Arthur!"

Arthur's head whirled around to find Merlin leaving the queue a couple steps to invite him to come over. Unfortunately, so did Cendred. Whom Arthur noticed frowning. Arthur decided to ignore him, despite his nerves warning him of the chaos this man would bring to his life. Arthur, sweating bullets already, waved back at Merlin and forced himself to walk over calmly.

Merlin beamed. "See? I told you he'd come."

Arthur reached the three people with mixed feelings. Gwaine had his arms crossed, but didn't seem too pissed to see Arthur there. Elena looked far more nervous than either of the other two. "Hey.", Arthur said quietly.

"Yeah. He absolutely looks like he wants to be here." Gwaine scanned Arthur with a frown.

Merlin blinked, then followed his gaze. "Is something wrong?"

Arthur bit his lip. "I saw Cendred over there.", he tilted his head in the direction.

"So?", asked Gwaine, one eyebrow raised. "What do YOU care?"

Merlin paled. "He IS?"

Arthur nodded, his lips pressed together to a thin line. "His father works for mine." He looked at Merlin and Merlin's eyes widened.

"Oh, shit."

"Yeah."

"You can go, you know? If you don't feel... you know... comfortable."

Arthur considered those words. He saw Gwaine throwing up his arms, resigning from the conversation. Elena's fear turned to curiosity. "No. I mean, I'm not comfortable, but..."

"But?"

Arthur couldn't explain it. He stared in the air, feeling somewhat calm. It prodded his mind, made him wonder WHY he felt this way so suddenly. He looked at Merlin and realized that it was him. It was Merlin. Taking him seriously. Knowing from just a few words how Arthur was feeling. "Let's just go swimming."

"Okay." Merlin still looked worried. Merlin knew what Arthur was risking, hanging out with them in front of someone who could easily ruin his life.
All Arthur knew was that it had something to do with what he had realized last night. It had something freeing. But he couldn't quite place what it was. Despite his fear, despite the fact he had felt defeated, it was like a dam had broken. Admitting it to Morgana had magnified that effect and suddenly Arthur didn't feel scared anymore.

And so he spent a nice day at the pool with Merlin, Gwaine and Elena. The latter two seemed worried about his presence, but they learned to ignore him after a while. Arthur's worst battle was probably seeing Merlin in just his swim shorts. Not that Merlin was particularly tanned or muscled, but Arthur still had to force his eyes elsewhere. He was half certain Gwaine noticed, while Arthur found himself quite overwhelmed by his own feelings. Then Gwaine glared at him and leaned over to whisper in his ear. "I don't know what you're looking at him for, but I swear to god, if you make him feel insecure in any way, I'll chop your balls off." Arthur had awkwardly laughed at that and forced his gaze away even more. To his relief and yet to his confusion, Gwaine must be thinking that Arthur was judging Merlin's body? Compared to who? Himself? Gwaine? Maybe Arthur was a bit biased then as he couldn't find a thing he could possibly not like about Merlin. Even if it made him feel weird in his skin.

Elena had brought them a picnic with a giant blanket that they could all sit on outside. Arthur bought them drinks from the kiosk and tried to enjoy being out in the sun with friends and moving a bit. Without soccer training, he felt himself grow tired already. He needed to find a sport to replace it. Maybe he could join the swim team.
Arthur turned around to look for his friends, while standing in line, only to see a scene had anticipated, but hoped he could avoid. Elena was standing at the edge of the blanket, framed by Gwaine and Merlin, when Cendred was standing over them. Arthur nearly forgot to pay for the drinks. Then he hurried back over.

He only caught the end of Cendred's comment. Cendred wasn't alone there either. He was framed by two of those overly annoyed looking girls he'd been with and one giant muscly guy. "Dragging Pendragon into your cult. You guys are disgusting." Arthur paused behind him and waited until Cendred noticed him. Cendred turned around, grinning wildly upon seeing him. What was he, a Disney villain? "Ah, Pendragon. I was already wondering what had happened to you. Joined the faggots and trannies, I see."

Gwaine fumed. "Excuse me?"

"You're blocking the sun, Cendred. Fuck off." Arthur handed the drinks to his friends, who took them hesitantly.

Cendred scoffed. "Does your father know you're here?"

Arthur almost laughed. "No, of course not. Do you report to YOUR father everywhere you go?"

"I meant, if he knows that you're queer now." Cendred narrowed his eyes. "I knew there was something wrong with you. Right from the beginning you were always so damn lenient with them all."

Arthur slowly nodded his head in consideration. "How about you mind your own business, huh? You're making a scene."

"It IS my business, when you're out here, advertising your new agenda right in my face. Do this somewhere else."

"I don't know what you're seeing, but I was out here swimming with my friends. We're not having an orgy here. Just look away, no one wants to talk to you anyway. " With slight satisfaction, Arthur heard Merlin snort.

"The fuck?" Cendred squared up.

"You heard exactly what I said, Cendred. The only one pushing their agenda on anyone is you. But you wouldn't even realize that, would you? You still don't know what you're hating on. You don't see your own hypocrisy. Maybe do your research first."

"You're out here with a tranny and a crossdresser and a slut and telling me I'm a hypocrite?"

Arthur could hear Gwaine fume behind him and didn't need to see him to know that Gwaine was preparing to punch Cendred. "I call them my friends, actually."

"Friends. And what, pray tell, will your father say if he knows who you're hanging out with, huh? Think you'll still be doted on, then?"

Arthur felt himself calm down dangerously. "You don't know my father, Cendred."

Arthur and Cendred glared at one another. None of them broke eye contact, until the muscular guy spoke up. "Cendred, is that really necessary? These guys have done nothing to us."

"Shut up, Percy, I'm talking here."

The muscular guy mumbled under his breath, looking somewhat uncomfortable, while the two girls seemed to rather be elsewhere as well. It dawned on Arthur then that he knew this guy. The muscular one. He couldn't place him at first, but he was sure he'd seen him at Pride last year. Arthur was 90% sure that the guy recognized Arthur too, according to how confused he seemed. And then Arthur caught the guy glancing at Gwaine here and then, scanning his entire body. Arthur watched him for a moment, but decided to store that information away for later. This wasn't his fight. He focused on Cendred instead.
"Actually, Cendred. You're NOT talking here. You're going to leave, before I report you to the staff for harassing us."

Cendred's eyes widened. "Harrassing you? I'm not -"

"Yes, you ARE. If you want a fight, go somewhere else. But leave us alone."

"I'll tell your father about this."

Arthur stared at him, feeling incredibly empty inside. "Go ahead.", he said dryly. A challenging tone supporting the warning in it. "Tell him. See how I'll feel about it."

"He's not going to let you get away with this!"

"You're right. He won't.", Arthur agreed. "Now mind your own fucking business already."

Cendred stared at him, clearly trying to figure out what was happening. Then, eventually, he waved at his friends and left the scene. Percival sent Arthur an apologetic glance that Arthur just nodded at. They understood each other. It was fine. Arthur got the feeling.

It was quiet for a moment, until Gwaine spoke up. "What the HELL was that?"

Arthur sighed loudly. "Just a guy I know from those anti-Pride protests."

Gwaine stared at him, mouth slightly open. "I meant YOU!"

Arthur blinked. "What do you mean?"

"Did I miss something? Do I have a stroke? You just defended us!", asked Gwaine, urging him on to say something. But Arthur had no idea what Gwaine was referring to. Though, to be fair, it must seem a little odd, considering what Arthur had done to the soccer team.

"That muscly guy was checking you out.", Arthur said instead.

It had the desired effect. Immediately, Gwaine snapped his head around to look after Cendred and his company. "Wait, for real? The hot one?"

Arthur chuckled at that and turned to Merlin who looked awfully worried. He eyed Arthur, but he kept his mouth shut. It was likely that Merlin had noticed how careless Arthur had just been. But Arthur couldn't bring himself to bother. "Race you to the water?" He had already drowned out Gwaine and decided to focus on the important things in life.
Merlin hesitated, but then seemed to realize that he couldn't change Arthur's stupidity, even if he tried.

For the record, Merlin won the race, but only because Arthur threw him in the water. Merlin came back up, shouting at Arthur for being a dollophead, then he splashed the water at Arthur as revenge. Elena joined them soon after, offering to avenge Merlin's death and body slammed Arthur into the water. Arthur couldn't help but shriek. It may be a rather hot day, but the water still burned like ice on his skin. Arthur came back up, almost instantly freezing. Merlin laughed at him and made Arthur grin along with him like the lovesick fool that he was. Elena laughed louder than both of them combined.
Gwaine joined them half an hour later, featuring the wildest smile Arthur had ever seen. And he brought company. "Hey, guys. This is Percival, Cendred's very much not so straight friend." Percival ducked after that comment, as if Gwaine had physically hit him and Arthur wondered if the guy was even out.

"Welcome to our humble group of idiots.", Arthur welcomed him.

"Yes. Arthur is our king and Gwaine is a knight and Elena is our Princess.", said Merlin, sounding half serious. It seemed to calm Percival that no one addressed the unwanted outing, but moved on to whatever this bullshit story was.

"Why am I the princess? Why can't I be a knight?", Elena pouted.

"Because you always steal Peach, when we play Mario Card and now you have to commit.", Merlin reasoned.

Elena snorted. "Alright, fair. But only if I can be the cursed Princess who's like... half fairy or something."

Arthur couldn't help but laugh at that. He shook his head, then pointed at Merlin for Percival to see. "By the way, this is Merlin, our court jester."

"I'm a warlock, actually."

"Don't be stupid. You barely pass as a servant.", Arthur rolled his eyes and pushed Merlin from the pool edge. Merlin swam a few meters to evade him, but then returned, his smile radiant in the sunlight.

Percival seemed nervous. "Well, erm. Nice to meet you all."

"Likewise.", Arthur grinned at him.

Percival glanced at Gwaine, who was staring him down in turn and seemingly appreciating what he had acquired. Percival blushed deeply. Then, to Arthur's almost annoyance, Gwaine turned to Arthur. "You still have some explaining to do, you know?"

Arthur stalled, just appreciating the sun gleaming on his neck. He didn't pretend like he didn't know what Gwaine was referring to. He'd have to say something at some point. "Well... There isn't much to explain. Cendred is an arse. He just likes hating people. He doesn't even try to understand them."

"Ah.", Gwaine paused. "So, you said all that because you don't like Cendred?"

Arthur raised an eyebrow. "Gwaine, I've made a mistake and I know that. But it's not like I've had much of a choice until now."

Gwaine blinked. "Right... Is this about your father?" Arthur and Cendred had probably talked too much about Uther.

Arthur shrugged. "My father doesn't like disappointment."

"Ah." Gwaine frowned, then something seemed to dawn on him and he exchanged a surprised glance with Merlin. But Merlin didn't return it. His own frown was focused solely on Arthur, who felt increasingly awkward right now.

"Guys. I came here to have fun. Let me NOT think about my father for one day, alright?"

That was enough of a cut in topic. Merlin grabbed Arthur by the arm and made him turn around with that. Their eyes met for a moment and Arthur felt like he was being scanned. The thought made him shudder. Eventually, Merlin seemed to be satisfied with his examination, because then he pushed Arthur down and under water. That ended the conversation.

—---------------------------------------------------------

Elena was picked up by her older sister from the pool, when the sun was already disappearing at the horizon. Her sister was pretty, Arthur thought, though she looked tired and somewhat concerned for her sister. She only relaxed when she saw Elena laughing her goodbye at the guys.
Gwaine and Percival had gotten along well that day and suspiciously left the scene together. Of course, only after Gwaine pulled Arthur aside and put a daring finger to his chest. "You're going to bring him home. Make sure he's safe, alright? I'm trusting you with my best friend here. After everything you've done, that is a lot!"

Arthur nodded, feeling oddly touched and honored. "I'll tug him in, too, if you want. I could send you a picture of that."

Gwaine twitched a smile that he clearly hadn't meant to let slip. "Alright, Pendragon." Then he offered Arthur his arm to clasp. Arthur followed that offer and sent Gwaine a smile. After that, Arthur was alone with Merlin.
Merlin had waited for him, had hugged everyone goodbye and now stood there expectantly. Arthur's heart was beating out of his chest, as he realized it was just the two of them now. Despite his hopes from that noon that Merlin would spend all day with him like this, Arthur didn't feel quite ready. In fact, he worried that it would become awkward now. Arthur DID just figure out his own sexuality through Merlin and it was quite unnerving to have him all to himself.

"You look like a startled stoat.", Arthur said conversationally, when Merlin didn't move for a moment. Of course Arthur was the insult-when-nervous type. He should have known.

Merlin cracked a smile, about to challenge Arthur that much an idiot could see. "I'd take that as an insult. But do you even know how cute stoats are?"

Arthur hitched a breath. He shook his head. "I do, actually." Before Merlin could think too much about it, Arthur pulled him in a headlock and ruffled his hair. Arthur was being manic. Who decided it was a good idea to leave him alone with Merlin? He needed to have a serious conversation with Gwaine about this.

"Ow, ow, ow." Merlin still laughed, but eventually wriggled himself out of Arthur's hold. "That doesn't get you out of it, you know! You called me cute. I'll hold that over your head for the rest of your life."

Arthur couldn't help but feel his heart jump at that. The rest of his life... What a nice thought that was. To have Merlin there that long. Arthur needed a moment to shake himself out of the everlasting smile. So he pulled Merlin into the direction of home and began walking. Merlin lived only 20 minutes from the pool, so Arthur went that direction. He'd take a later bus home. "I'm not ashamed to admit it, you know? You can't blame me. You're adorable. Have you seen yourself?"

Merlin fell in step with him. He didn't look at Arthur for a moment and bit his lip. "Adorable, huh?" His smile turned wistful, then almost sad. "Hey, Arthur?" He looked up at Arthur who was walking silently beside him. They had jumped into a rather quick pace, but Arthur was sure that were only his nerves. "What do you think makes me so adorable? Everyone keeps saying it. I mean... It's kinda nice. But it's also..." He bit his lip again. "I mean, I'm a guy. Being called cute, adorable, pretty... It's okay, don't get me wrong. I just wonder why everyone associates me with cute things. Even you." Arthur tilted his head, still walking. It took him a moment to understand that Merlin was sharing some kind of insecurity with him. "I mean... you've seen Percival earlier. And Gwaine. No one would call them cute... or pretty."

Arthur hesitated. "I would call Gwaine pretty. It's the hair, I think. Percival is too broad and angular. He's more handsome than pretty, I think." Arthur awfully felt like he was skinning himself.

Merlin sighed, and buried his hands deeper in his hoodie. "I mean... yeah. I guess that's true." He still didn't seem quite happy. And so they walked in silence for a couple minutes. Merlin gnawing on his self perception and Arthur fighting with his inner urge to compliment the HECK out of this boy. Eventually, Merlin spoke up again, seemingly desperate to justify himself. "I mean, I'm not unhappy to be called pretty. Being feminine isn't bad..."

Arthur couldn't keep it in. "Merlin, you're pretty. You're not feminine. Unless you want to call yourself that."

Merlin sighed. "Of course you would say that. People DO call me feminine, you know? I mean, I get it. I'm not broad like you or Percival, or ... Jeez, Sorry I'm such a mood killer." Merlin sighed and kicked a stone over the road. Then obviously just decided to stop the conversation, already regretting starting it in the first place.

Arthur sighed, feeling the whole conversation bothered him quite a lot. "I think it's your smile."

"What?" Merlin looked up and met Arthur's embarrassed expression for but a moment, before Arthur stared at the road ahead.

"You've got a wide smile. It makes your eyes sparkle. There is something... I dunno... naive about it. It makes one want to protect you, I think."

Merlin sighed. "My smile huh?" He frowned. "I have a pretty... smile."

"Yeah. But you also have that other smile. I don't know how to explain it. You can look quite scary, too, if you get mad. I think it depends on whom you're looking at. When you're friendly, you're pretty and adorable, that's true. But you're also really tall, I mean, you're taller than me, and you may not be THAT broad, but you're not exactly a stick either. When you insult people, when you get angry, when you defend your friends, but also when you're just confident about yourself, you go to the exact opposite spectrum."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Merlin sounded honestly confused.

Arthur sighed. He had hoped he wouldn't have to say it. "I'm saying you're handsome, Merlin."

Merlin blinked, then stared ahead. "You really think so?"

Arthur wanted to scream at him. "Trust me, it's infuriating. You pull off both being pretty and cute. And now you're handsome too. It's not fair."

Merlin laughed. "Jealous, ey?" He elbowed Arthur in the side. "Don't worry, you're attractive too, despite your obvious flaws." Arthur rolled his eyes, knowing Merlin didn't mean it like that. It was a bit awkward, but Arthur could tell that Merlin cheered up a bit.

Together, they eventually arrived at Merlin's place. Arthur stood at the entrance awkwardly. Wondering if Merlin would let him follow inside, or if he was meant to leave.

"Would you like to come in?"

Arthur sighed with relief. "Yes, actually. And don't forget to text Gwaine that I brought you home. He'll kill me if you don't."

Merlin nodded with a smile and already took his phone from his swimming bag, texting Gwaine as fast as he could, before he put the phone away and brought out the keys. Then he looked at Arthur again. "You know... you can also stay over. I don't know if you want to go home... just in case, I mean."

Arthur's heart nearly stopped. "I mean... yeah. I mean, no. I'll be fine with my dad... kind of. I think. Not fine, per se, but I'll figure it out. But I'd like to stay over." He didn't want this day to end. He wanted to stay up with Merlin far too late; wanted to watch stupid movies and comment on the bad acting; he wanted to go through Merlin's books with him and learn what Merlin loved about them. Arthur wanted to get a glimpse of what it could be like to be with Merlin. Even if it would only ever be a glimpse.

Merlin beamed at him, then opened the door for Arthur to let him in.
"I can put your clothes in the wash, if you want." It took Arthur a moment to understand that Merlin was referring to the wet swim stuff in his bag and not the stuff he was actually wearing.

"Oh, yes. That would be good, I think."

"They'll be done by morning." Merlin took the bag that Arthur handed him and disappeared in what Arthur assumed to be the washroom. Arthur took that moment to find his way to Merlin's room, where they had met last time. It was even more unnerving than Arthur remembered. This time, he took his time to appreciate the place he had been invited to. Arthur was 90% sure that the books on the floor were different from last time. Which meant, Merlin had probably read them all. HOW had he had the time?
Arthur wondered what it would be like to be a book in Merlin's hands. To be held all afternoon and studied to the very depth of your soul. Arthur shook his head. It was even more embarrassing, because Arthur HADN'T been referring to a sexual act. He just thought of spending time together, of getting to know one another. Arthur had it bad and he knew it.

"Hey, Arthur, which movie should we watch?"

Arthur turned around to see Merlin standing in the doorframe. "I don't know. Which one would you like?"

Merlin rolled his eyes. "Just look at the shelf. My movies are next to the manga section."

Arthur nodded and turned around to find the shelf in question. It wasn't easy, since Merlin's entire wall was covered in shelves. But it turned out that the manga section was the brightest one and the only one where the books all had the same format. Arthur didn't read manga, but he found himself somewhat interested in this particular choice of books. Or maybe it was just his interest in Merlin that made him want to check them out. He shook himself out of it and turned his head to the movie section.
Half of these movies Arthur hadn't seen before, so he wasn't sure if they were safe to watch. Some of them made him blush, as he knew there was queer representation in them. Would that look pretentious? Would it give him away, if he suggested a romance story? Arthur shook himself out of it. Maybe he shouldn't choose Love, Simon on his first sleep over at Merlin's place. He took a deep breath and pulled out Venom.
Venom was a safe movie, right? There was only one couple in it, and they may play a major role in the story, but they were still minor characters. He couldn't do anything wrong with Venom, right?
Arthur held up the DVD. "Would that be fine?"

Merlin tilted his head. "Oh yeah, sure. I've got both parts. Have you seen the second movie, yet?"

Arthur shook his head no.

"Heck, seriously? I love that one."

....

In hindsight, Arthur should have known. Merlin had maneuvered Arthur into the living room. He put snacks on the small coffee table before the giant couch and brabbled on about his mother doing the nightshift at the hospital.

Which meant, they were completely on their own. Arthur was starting to feel sweaty with nerves. Which was stupid, they weren't going to do anything but watch a stupid movie about aliens and then go to sleep.

Turns out, Venom 2 was...

"Why are they acting like a married couple?" Arthur had not seen this coming. They were just at the break up scene in the middle of the movie and Arthur got very heavy domestic violence vibes. Which was odd.

Merlin was munching on his chips, his legs pulled close to his body and lying comfortably on the couch, his back stretched out over the entire couch. Arthur had cowered himself in a corner to not take up too much space. He was also trying not to show his discomfort.

"Because they are. You'll see. They're going to a wedding in this film to see their son."

Arthur choked. "The HELL? Why is this movie.... I mean... what?"

Merlin chuckled. "What? You didn't think Eddie Brock was straight, did you?"

"I watched the first movie! Why did they make him queer?"

Merlin bent over, laughing from that. "They literally kissed in the first movie and you thought they weren't queer? Are you for real?"

Arthur threw up his hands. "It's VENOM. He's an alien. He possessed Ann in the first movie, otherwise they wouldn't have kissed!"

"Yeah, but it was Venom's idea."

Arthur felt embarrassed. He had made sure they wouldn't watch a romantic movie and now? "He's shipping them. It didn't count. Now they're... what? Annnd... he's out of the Eddie closet what the fuck? Why would they stray so much from the comics? I don't get it."

The laughter that followed after that really teared at Arthur's ego. Merlin was wiping off tears. "Oh my god.", he made. "You're one of THOSE guys?"

"What?"

Merlin put the popcorn bowl aside and pressed pause, then he turned to Arthur. "Arthur, I know this is all mindblowingly new for you... but like... if they made this movie like the comics, then they would SAY that Venom and Eddie are married and not just lead them to the altar. They would say "I love you" to each other through half the film and at some point, Eddie would be pregnant. So please tell me again how much they're straying from the comics." Merlin was trying so hard not to burst, Arthur could tell.

Arthur flushed bright red and cowered further into himself. "That can't be true."

Merlin chuckled and pressed the remote to restart the film. "It is. Why, are you uncomfortable watching a romcom with me?"

Arthur's flush got worse. "I dunno. It's just... weird."

Merlin's smile twitched a moment. That seemed to bother him a bit, apparently. "You do know I'm your friend, not a date, right? I'm not going to make a move on you because of a movie. I'm not dangerous."

Arthur's breath hitched. He didn't know what to say to that. Didn't know how to answer that without giving himself away or sounding like a total asshole. "That's not what I meant by that."

"Oh, really?" Merlin grabbed himself a cup of hot chocolate that he'd made despite the hot weather. He insisted. He said movie nights have to involve hot cacao or else he'd flip. "So you're not feeling weird about a queer movie, because you're sitting next to a queer guy?"

"Yes, no. I mean -" Arthur bit his lip. "I'd just... Do you watch queer movies with all your friends?"

Merlin had his eyes glued to the screen. "I've watched porn with them. It was a drinking game and we had to drink every time someone laughed, but still. It was Gwain's idea."

Arthur gaped at him, but reeled in the warning in his heart. "So, how drunk did you get?"

"Drunk enough to fuck Cendred's brother." Merlin laughed. "Jesus Christ, that was such a mistake. He had no idea what he was doing."

Arthur flushed bright red. This was so not the direction he had wanted this conversation to go. He had wanted to watch a movie. Now, he saw Venom outing himself in a rave party, but could still only focus on Merlin. "He got kicked out, you know?", Arthur said.

"That's not my fault.", Merlin said and shook his head.

"Isn't it?"

"I have no authority over his house or his parents or his own autonomy. I was drunk. So was everyone at that party. I didn't force myself on him and I'm not the one who told his parents about it. I only went there to get over my crush on Lancelot. You know, Guinevere's boyfriend? He's straight and perfect for her. What a shame."

Arthur glued his own eyes at the screen, otherwise he'd show how his heart was breaking at every word. "Lancelot?" His voice came out colder than he intended. "I know him. What's so great about him?"

Merlin hummed. "He's just super kind. And hot. He's up to any shenanigans, if you ask him to join and he still somehow ends up morally right. It's infuriating, really. I'm happy for him, though. He's been pining after Gwen since the day he moved here."

"I see." Arthur didn't dare look at Merlin. He felt like he would cry any second. "Do you, er... still like him?"

Merlin seemed to consider that for a while, then shook his head. "No. I think I would have gotten bored with someone so perfect. I mean, who can keep up with that? Except Gwen, obviously."

"And what about the girl you dated after? I mean... I overheard you talking to Gwaine how you broke up. She cheated on you, you said."

Merlin sighed. "You mean, when you were spying on us in the shower. Yeah, I remember." It seemed to be getting worse and worse for Arthur. "Well, I thought I liked her. We weren't together for very long. She said I was selfish for being bi. Then cheated on me and blamed it on me advertising to cheat. She didn't get the difference between sexual orientation and sexual practice and since then I've kind of... not been in the mood for a relationship.
Besides, now someone has got to take care of you and make sure you don't make a fool of yourself, am I right?"

Arthur tore his head from the screen and locked eyes with Merlin. Arthur swallowed. He got the feeling that he should be saying something, should probably make a joke, but Merlin rendered him speechless.
"Yeah, I suppose.", Arthur said after a minute, after he had already lost all his brain functions to make sense of the initial question. He focused back on the movie, but couldn't help but steal glances at Merlin in between.

...

The movie was over and done with, the DVD put back in its box and Merlin and Arthur were tucked in bed - Merlin in his own, Arthur in a makeshift bed on the ground right next to him - that Merlin restarted the conversation. "What about you? Do you have a crush on anyone right now?"

Arthur's eyes widened. Adrenaline rushed through his veins, making him full alert. Arthur wanted to lie, initially. Then he thought better of it. Merlin and him were barely friends. You don't build relationships on lies. Arthur felt himself breaking into sweat. "Kind of."

Merlin remained quiet for a minute, then chuckled. "Well, who is she?"

Arthur swallowed hard. Right. Arthur wasn't out. He wasn't supposed to like men and Merlin didn't know. He surely wouldn't mind, but if Arthur started with that, then he was bound to tell Merlin everything. "It's complicated."

"Oh come on. I just told you all my sorrows. It's your turn. You don't have to say who it is, but give me a hint."

Arthur groaned. "We're not having this conversation."

"Is it someone I know?"

"Merlin -"

"Yes, sire?"

"Shut up."

Merlin giggled. "You don't need to be embarrassed. I know you don't want to tell me her name, but don't you want to gush a bit?"

Arthur did, actually. But not HERE. Not now. Not in front of people. Especially not in front of Merlin himself. "I told you it's complicated. I can't talk freely about it like you can."

"Your father isn't here. What, he wants you to only date some real rich woman who you can marry in ten years?"

"Among other things."

"And the person you like would disappoint him? Is she poor? Is she not white enough? Is she... I dunno... not woman enough, whatever that means to your father?"

Arthur's heart was beating wildly and he grabbed the sheets around him tight. "I suppose."

Merlin sat up a bit, Arthur could hear him shifting in the dark. "Is it Elena? After she came out, I can imagine how your father would react." His tone was bitter and clearly displeased with the thought.

It felt like a slap to his face. "No."

"Arthur, come on. Tell me. You're making me curious."

"It's not Elena, alright? Can we sleep now?"

Merlin groaned. "I can't sleep if I don't know. I thought we're friends. You can tell me, no matter who she is. I swear, I won't tell."

"Merlin -"

"Hmm... Not woman enough in your father's eyes. Who could that be? Is it... Argh, it's so hard to follow the train of thought of someone so bigoted. I think Jessica is very confident and straight forward. Is it her?"

"Merlin, stop it."

"Pleeeease... I want to know who it is! I can keep secrets, I promise!"

"Too bad. I'm not talking about this, Merlin."

"Alright, alright." Arthur was a fool to think that this was it. He shouldn't have thought he was safe now. He shouldn't have closed his eyes, thinking this was the moment he could sleep. "Have you ever kissed a guy?"

Arthur's eyes snapped open. "What?"

Merlin laughed. "Sorry. I was just thinking."

"You were thinking about me kissing guys?" Was Arthur hearing things? He shifted in his position, his heart racing like crazy, as he tried to pay close attention to Merlin's words.

"Look, I have very strange thoughts sometimes. And I know you're straight, I just wonder if you've ever tried. You know. Kissing guys. Or you know... if you at least got a peck by one at some point."

Arthur held his breath.

In his mind, the lights went back on. In his imagination, Merlin sat up. For a moment they just both looked at one another. Merlin seemed to be gathering some courage then he laughed a little. "You know, I'm just kidding. I was just wondering, since we talked about Gwen and Lance earlier. And you know, me saying I had a crush on Lance reminded me how you told me that you were confused because you didn't like kissing Gwen when you were 14. So, I was just wondering... If that confused you, how can you know you don't like kissing guys?"
And then Merlin would ask him, if he wanted to try and Arthur would say yes.
It would be immediate fire. Arthur's heart beat loudly in his chest, he could feel the blood rushing to the very tips of his fingers, to his lips. At the same time he tasted a salt and peppermint from Merlin's lips. It burned in all the pleasant ways that kissing girls never did, especially once Merlin pressed back. It would be soft and exciting. This was everything he had been missing before. The exact opposite of the offness Arthur had used to feel. It felt right, it felt SO right.
Merlin's breath would hitch for a moment and Arthur would use that moment to press further into the kiss. His other hand would be buried in Merlin's hair, keeping Merlin from leaning away from him much. Arthur didn't want to stop. He didn't even want to stop dreaming about it. Merlin's hair was soft and the perfect length to just hold on to. Halfway through he remembered that he needed to breathe. He inhaled through his nose, shuddering from the way the oxygen rushed back into his system. Then he felt Merlin moan into the kiss, parting his lips. Arthur slid his tongue in, loving every push and pull of Merlin's reactions. Every surprised sound, every noise, every demanding press back against Arthur's lips made him want to catalog Merlin into his soul.
And that would be all Merlin needed to know that Arthur was not straight. Not even in the slightest.

Unfortunately, that's when the dream ended. It was dark and silent as Merlin was still waiting for an answer. "So, have you or have you not ever been kissed by a guy?" Merlin's voice still sounded questioning and so much more confident than the version in Arthur's head.

Arthur buried his face in his pillow. "No.", he managed to croak out. "Stop asking me weird things."

Merlin was awfully quiet. "It's not weird." Arthur heard the blankets shift on Merlin's bed and he knew that Merlin had laid down on his side. "It's absolutely normal. That you're making such a big deal of it, is." Merlin's voice was displeased by Arthur's answer.

Arthur tensed. He didn't like that. "You're right." He didn't know what else to say. All he knew was that Merlin sounded kind of upset and that scared him. "I shouldn't be making a big deal out of this, I just... It's not that I'm not comfortable about YOU. I'm just not comfortable with myself." As Arthur said it, he realized how much he meant those words.

It was silent for another few seconds, with only the clock ticking by. "Because you're hanging out with people you used to argue against at Pride?" Merlin sounded confused and Arthur was quite relieved that the lights were out.

He wanted to tell Merlin. About his feelings, his worries, his future... But it was all too much and far too soon. Arthur was still feeling confused. He knew now who he was, but he didn't know how that would influence his life and he was kind of scared where to go from here. Yet, he felt he needed to make a step here. Merlin was asking him about his feelings and trusted his answers. Merlin was trying to make things easier. And while Arthur was scared and unsure how to open up, he knew that this was a safe space. That was all Arthur had ever wanted. He hadn't even known that that's all he's ever wanted.

"Or are you worried that your father won't accept you?"

Arthur laughed quietly. "I've been wondering about that. But I already know he won't. What's the point anyway? Even if he could accept me for who I am, he'll just find something else to be disappointed in. If it's not my friends, then it's my grades. If it's not that, then it's about money or love or his legacy. I'm not what he wants me to be. That was always Morgana and look what happened to her."

Merlin shifted in his bed. Arthur could hear the rustling from his bedsheets. "And?"

"And what?"

"You talk like everything is already lost."

"That's because it is." When Arthur only thought of his little fantasies, he both got shivers down his spine and felt the fear in his heart for the day that his father would figure it out.

"Sounds like your father is quite the disappointment himself, then. Imagine being a father who has no reasons to be proud of the kids he raised." Arthur's eyes snapped open wide. He heard Merlin laugh a little. "Arthur, you can judge your father too. It's not your job to please your father. It's not your job to be what he wants you to be. It's his job to raise you, so you can be yourself. It's his job to support you until you are ready to live your own life. If he doesn't do that, then he is the one who failed."

Arthur hitched a breath and he felt like Merlin had both punched and kissed him at the same time. A strange warmth flooded his system along with the realization that Merlin was right. "You never cease to surprise me, Merlin. How come you are so wise?"

Merlin laughed. "I'm not. I just have a wise mom. I used to think I disappointed her too, you know? There was a time when I hid who I was, because I was terrified of the outcome. I was ashamed of my family. My mom was the one who told me that I was not to blame. That if I didn't feel safe telling people at school about myself, then the school was at fault. And if I were afraid to tell her about my problems at school, then that was her to blame. I have a great mom."

"She sounds nice. Do you think she'll adopt me?"

Merlin laughed again. Arthur loved that sound. "I think if you want to be part of my family, you'll have to marry me first." Arthur held his breath and Merlin noticed, because he laughed again. "I'm kidding, don't worry."

Arthur tried to laugh it off. Tried to be normal about it. "Marriage is a large step. I think I should try dating you first." His ears were burning. Blood was rushing through them, making him almost deaf to Merlin's sudden outburst of even more laughter. He already regretted saying it.

"Wow, you really got me there. I didn't see that coming." Merlin's laughter ebbed down to a teasing tone. "Can you imagine that? You and me together? That's hilarious."

Arthur winced. "Totally." He wondered how his voice was still even. "That would be the talk of the year, wouldn't it?" His heart nearly broke at this point. Arthur bit down on his knuckles to not say something stupid. To not give himself away.

"So? What will you do? If your father finds out and kicks you out, where will you go? To your sister? Did you talk to her, yet?"

"I don't think she would appreciate me calling her after ignoring her for months. Same with Leon. Only that I punched him, so probably less him then. They still live together... I think."

Merlin paused. "Do you have nowhere to go?"

Arthur sighed. "After everything that's happened, you're kind of my only friend. ... Real friend anyway. You've been the only one who's listened to me. The only one who is giving me chances. You're odd, you know? I'm clearly at fault for most of these things that are happening to me."

"What about Gwaine? I think you made a friend of him today. With you noticing the thing about Percival. Nice gaydar, by the way. Oh, and I think Elena isn't as scared of you anymore. Also you took down Cendred." Arthur could hear Merlin smile.

Arthur sighed. "They gave me a chance BECAUSE YOU trust me. It's different. You're different."

Merlin hummed at that. "Yeah. You told me how hot I am today. Wanna keep complimenting me? It was nice."

Arthur laughed awkwardly. "No. That was a one time thing." Arthur bit his lip. If he DID start, he wouldn't be able to stop. "But I meant it. Actually, I'd like to know more about you. That is, if you want to share."

Merlin was quiet for a second. "You're different, too. I can't remember the last time someone asked me about myself. I mean, it's not like I can't talk to people about what bothers me, but no one ever really asks. But you've done that before, too. It's kinda weird. What do you want to know?"

Arthur bit his lip again. He's done another strange thing. "Anything is fine. Your favorite color. What animals you like..."

"Are we in Kindergarten?"

"I've known you for a couple months. Our relationship status is at Kindergarten stage, yes." Arthur should feel embarrassed for this, but he really did want to know those tiny stupid things about Merlin.

Merlin snorted. "My favorite animals are owls. And I like blue. Are you satisfied, my king?"

Arthur blinked in the darkness. "Why owls?"

Merlin sighed. "Well, they are associated with being wise. At the same time they are adorable and fluffy, but also so creepy - I mean, they can turn their heads 180 ̊ and they have so long legs and they have good eyesight. They look so cool, and then they lay eggs in nests of other birds and are so unhygenic. They are so twisted, I love it." Merlin's voice sounded excited for someone who just called this a Kindergarten talk."

Arthur smiled. "You wanna gush about them more?"

Merlin laughed. "I don't know many facts. I just like their aesthetics."

Arthur nodded, then realized that Merlin couldn't see him. "So, then why do you like blue?"

Merlin hummed. "My father used to wear blue. That's all I remember about him."

Arthur held his breath again. What was this back and forth? One moment, Merlin was all excited, the next he was sad again. "Whose favorite bird was the Merlin then? Your mom's or your dad's?"

Arthur could still hear Merlin breathe. He seemed relaxed now. "Gaius, actually. He's my uncle."

Arthur choked. "Seriously? He's our TEACHER!"

"That's not mutually exclusive, you know? Anything else you want to know or have I bored you with facts already?"

Arthur knew he was pushing it, but this was MERLIN. "Not at all. Tell me more."

"Why?"

"I like your voice." In hindsight, maybe he was pushing it too much. This time, he could hear Merlin's breath hitch.

"My voice? Is there anything about me you DON'T like?" He laughed awkwardly and Arthur panicked. He couldn't answer that. He should have known this was too much. Merlin cleared his throat. "You called me pretty today. And handsome. And wise. Now you like my voice? I'm not sure if you're messing with me."

Arthur hated this. Hated this rollercoaster in his heart that went from warm happy feelings to instant panic. "I'm not messing with you."

"Can you say something bad about me then? Just one thing so I can believe you?"

What was this interrogation? Arthur stared at the ceiling, trying to think of something. What was it he didn't like about Merlin? What kind of question was that? The more he stared at the ceiling, the more stressed he began to feel. He hadn't answered yet and Merlin was still waiting for an answer. "I'm sorry, I don't know."

Merlin laughed. "You don't know what you DON'T like about me?"

"Trust me, I'm just as surprised as you are."

"Hmm." Merlin hummed again. Again, some time passed and eventually, Merlin yawned again. "We should go to sleep. It's late." Unfortunately, Arthur didn't know how to answer that either. "Good night, Arthur." With that, Arthur could hear the ruffling of sheets one last time. Ten minutes later and Merlin was snoring.

Arthur bit on his knuckle again and looked at the clock. It really was late. They had long past midnight. "Fuck.", Arthur muttered, half expecting Merlin to wake up. "I'm so fucked.", he muttered again. Arthur couldn't sleep for several more hours. Not when his mind was filled with images on how his life would end. Or how he could tell Merlin that he could imagine them together extremely well and wouldn't mind that one bit. That he would love to tell him all that he liked about him, if he didn't have to fear Merlin to leave him for good. Every time he tried imagining it, Merlin just laughed, reminding him how hilarious the image was. Of Merlin and Arthur together. Ridiculous.

—---------------------------------------------------------------

Arthur slept in. It was Saturday morning and he found himself sleeping soundly on the floor of Merlin's library bedroom. He slept extraordinarily well, really. Until Merlin tripped over his face. There was a loud rumbling sound, as Merlin threw over a staple of books. In the meantime, Arthur jumped from his bed, ready to fight whoever had attacked his face. When he saw Merlin next to him in his Pajamas - don't remind Arthur of how they got changed, it was hell on earth - , Arthur relaxed. "Merlin, what the hell are you doing?"

"Waking you up?", asked Merlin, scrambling himself up from the ground. Then he held his head, where he had fallen into the books with. "Ow."

Arthur pulled Merlin up by one arm. "You okay?"

Merlin looked up at him, eyes wide in surprise. "Yeah, sure. I'm fine. This happens to me all the time."

Arthur furrowed his brows. "You know, if you're clumsy on main, you may need to have that checked. It may not be normal."

Merlin blinked. "No, no. I'm clumsy, but not THAT clumsy. Why.... why are you shirtless?"

Arthur looked down on himself, only now remembering that he'd pulled off the shirt halfway during the night. "I was hot."

Merlin nodded. "Clearly.", he grinned as he scanned Arthur's body. "But please put a shirt on, our neighbors can look into our kitchen."

Arthur knew that with 'our', Merlin was referring to his mom and himself, not to Arthur. The thought still hit him right in the feels. "Your neighbors shouldn't be looking into your kitchen."

Merlin sighed. "Look. If you want to run around like that, be my guest. But people WILL think we shagged last night and I won't be able to explain this away. I'm telling you for your sake." Arthur flushed and grabbed his shirt from the floor. Merlin's eyes remained on him, while Arthur put his shirt back on. It gave him anxiety. He almost forgot how to dress himself. He hadn't trained all week. Was it showing already? Did he stink? He DID shower after the pool, but it had been a warm day and he wasn't so sure about his shirt anymore. "Hmm." Merlin paused. "Shame."

Arthur's mind exploded. 'Shame'????? WHAT THE HELL DID THAT MEAN?

Merlin looked at him. "I hope you like sandwiches. We have a sandwich maker. I could also make us some scrambled eggs."

Arthur didn't need to think twice about that. "Yeah, I'd like that."

"Good. You know where the bathroom is. But be quiet. My mom gets home at 6 am during her nightshift and I don't want to disturb her, while she's sleeping."

"Of course." Arthur understood that well.

And so, Arthur went to wash his face and use the spare toothbrush that Merlin had given him the night before. All the while, Merlin went to make breakfast. So, Arthur checked if he really was stinking and felt quite relieved when he didn't. He met his own face in the mirror and saw how flushed he was. And who would be surprised during this weather and then in Merlin's house? It was nice here, Arthur thought. It was a nice house with nice company. But then again, Arthur was biased.

When he walked down and into the kitchen, he understood what Merlin had meant. The kitchen led out into the garden and that one was connected to the neighboring house. He could see a family sitting there, also looking out into the garden and waving at them. Merlin waved back without any restraint, so Arthur did too. Then he sat down at the dinner table, watching Merlin work. Merlin had already brought out the Sandwich maker and pans and all the tools he needed. Right now, he was taking stuff from the fridge, all while Arthur could appreciate Merlin from behind. Once accepted, Arthur realized, it was impossible to shut down gay thoughts. Merlin looked adorable in his Pajamas that were somehow, or rather, for some reason, too big on him. His hair was a mess and he was humming a quiet tune. They didn't talk. In fact, Arthur didn't dare interrupt this blissful silence. It had something domestic and Arthur began daydreaming about having his own place or better yet, a shared one with Merlin. About seeing this sight everyday.

"Arthur, you can start with your sandwich."

Arthur hadn't noticed that Merlin had already put all the ingredients for Sandwiches on the table. Yet, it felt wrong to only make some for himself. "Okay. What do you want on yours?"

Merlin didn't answer immediately. "It's fine, I can make my own."

"I don't want to eat, while you wait on yours."

"Hmm." Merlin hummed again. "Well then, surprise me. Just don't put olives on it. I'm allergic."

"Why do you have olives in the house if you're allergic?"

"My mom loves olives."

"Ah." Arthur blinked, then decided not to risk it at all and put the olives aside. He looked at the choices and just put on everything. He couldn't help but ask a few times what else Merlin liked or didn't like on his sandwich. In the end, they both had a sandwich each in the sandwich maker and Merlin brought out plates and cups for coffee. Apparently, Merlin drank far too much caffeine.

Merlin put the scrambled eggs on each of their plates, then put the pan aside and sat down in front of Arthur. "So, which one is mine?"

"You can eat either. I don't like olives on my sandwich." Arthur even had to wonder who put olives on anything, ever. Not that you can't, but WHERE?

Merlin snorted. "Well, thank you then." They ate in silence after that. Arthur only sometimes looked over at the neighbors house and wondered if those were Gwaine's parents. It would explain why Merlin grew up with Gwaine, since their garden was connected. It was the perfect space for children to play together.

"Do you have any plans for today?", asked Merlin conversationally.

Arthur blinked once. Right. They hadn't really talked about this. He had just stayed the night, not wanting to go home. He still didn't. He wanted to stay here, talk with Merlin, play some games with him, watch movies, read books even. It didn't matter. Even if Arthur would just sit around and watch Merlin live his normal life, he'd be down for it. "No. I don't."

"Okay." Merlin took his last bite of his sandwich. "Because Gwen is handing out the pride merch today. Would you like to come? I told her to get you a flag. You don't have to wear it or take it home. I'll bring it tomorrow for you. It would be good for you to show up though."

Arthur swallowed. "I was already wondering, why you don't have a pride flag in your room."

Merlin smiled. "It's in the wash. So I can wear it tomorrow."

"It wasn't there last time I was here."

"I took it off, when you texted me. I wasn't sure how you'd react."

"Oh." Arthur felt ashamed. "I don't want to make you feel like you have to hide who you are. I'm sorry."

Merlin just shook his head, but he still watched Arthur with wide eyes. "It's fine."

—----------------------------------------------------------

Gwen lived about halfway between Arthur's home and Merlin's place and was, with that, closest to the school they all three went to. Her house was a rather average kind of building... for the boomer generation. For gen Z it was a villa. Gwen had one older brother that Arthur was / used to play soccer with. Elyan had always been a very kind person but Arthur didn't know much about him other than that he was rather quiet. Now he had taken over as goalkeeper, since Leon was gone and he seemed to be doing a dashing job. Yet, Arthur felt nervous to see him. He also felt strange about meeting Gwen. And more so, her boyfriend, alias Merlin's former crush.

Merlin sent him a glance, seemingly picking up on his mood. "It'll be fine. You're here for the same reason as everyone else. Gwen is cool. You know she is. You'll be fine."

Arthur just nodded and wished he could just take Merlin's hand. He wished he could just breathe and be himself and not panic all the time.

Merlin rang the doorbell and soon, Gwen opened the door for them. She beamed up once she saw Merlin and greeted him with an overzealous hug. Arthur twitched at the sight, wishing he could be just as open as her. When Gwen's eyes fell on Arthur, she continued to smile, but Arthur could feel that there was mistrust in her eyes. "Hello, Arthur.", she said and reached out her hand. Arthur gratefully took it, glad he didn't have to hug her.

Merlin side glanced him and watched his reaction. Arthur tensed and cleared his throat. "Hey, Gwen."

She shook her head. "Come on in, guys. Gwaine is in the kitchen drinking all the beer."

"I didn't know we would be drinking.", said Arthur.

"We aren't. Gwaine is.", Merlin explained and winked at him. Once Gwen turned them her back, he leaned over to whisper to Arthur. "Is it Gwen?" To his credit, Merlin's voice was really quiet.

Arthur still freaked out. It may have taken him a second to understand what Merlin was saying, but when he did, he flushed bright red. "NO. Jesus, Merlin, I told you I don't want to talk about this!"

Merlin laughed. "Alright. But you were really tense around her just now. I'm just saying what I see."

Arthur tensed again. "Please don't."

Merlin laughed again and pushed Arthur into the house and into the living room. Gwen's parents seemed to have a garden that led right into the living room. Half the furniture were covered with plants and Arthur could see both of Gwen's parents working outside. It wasn't as cozy as Merlin's place had been, though. Merlin's place had less space, looked a little less modern and focused a lot on homy wooden furniture, while Gwen's parents could apparently afford style.

The living room wasn't empty. Elena and Gwaine were currently chatting on one of the couches and Arthur really had no idea how they managed to just rear Percival into this whole mess. Elyan was chatting with Mithian, a very blonde woman who was about a year younger than Arthur. She was likely in Elyan's classes and they seemed to get along well. Then there was also Lancelot, currently hanging around a person whose name Arthur didn't know. He had black hair, blue eyes and looked like he was a couple of years younger than them.

"Urgh, it's Mordred.", Merlin muttered, sounding somewhat displeased.

"You don't like him?", asked Arthur.

"It's not that I don't like him. He just likes me... too much."

Arthur blinked and hoped Merlin couldn't hear his heart betraying him. You could like Merlin TOO much? "Why, is he... is he into you?"

Merlin grimaced. "No. Worse. He idolizes me as some sort of bi icon."

"Oh."

That was the moment when Arthur learned what Merlin meant, because once Mordred turned around, his eyes began to glow and he immediately roped Merlin into a conversation. He completely ignored Lancelot who just sighed and shook his head.

Arthur could do nothing but watch. So, he deterred his gaze from Merlin and focused on the boxes on the table. Gwaine and Elena were currently showing each other different flags and comparing which one's they liked best. Arthur could only wonder why Elena was here, when they were all meant to support her. Then again, he wondered why HE was here.
Gwaine eventually spotted Arthur and waved him over. And so, Arthur walked past Lancelot and Elyan, who both looked suspicious about his presence, and let them explain to him what each flag meant. The intersex one, for example was the one in Elena's hands. It was a very simple design. Yellow with a violet circle on it. Gwaine showed him one that apparently described his own sexuality. He called it the pan-flag. Mithian had covered herself in an orange to purple graduating flag and drank something from a white cup. Percival had been handed a similar one that was grading from green to blue.
Arthur couldn't help but be curious. "If that's the gay flag, then what's with the rainbow?"

"Urgh, community?" Gwaine rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. Then he pulled one out for Arthur and put it around his neck. Arthur let it happen with wide eyes. "Here, for the allies. Thanks for taking Merlin home, by the way. I was really worried for a second that you'd turn out to be a dick after I was gone."

Arthur nervously scratched his neck, feeling somewhat overwhelmed by all these colors. "You don't need to be so protective of him. Merlin can hold his own, you know?"

"No, he can't. And even if he could, he wouldn't. He's got too big of a heart." Gwaine shook his head. "That you're here is proof of that. Not that he's wrong about you -" Gwaine gave him a skeptical glance. "I just don't get how you think."

Arthur laughed awkwardly. "There isn't much to get, really."

"Isn't there?"
Arthur jumped around to face Elyan. Elyan looked just as skeptical as Gwaine had. "You've beat up LEON, you best friend for being ace. You just watched as your sister got kicked out and you quit the soccer team for what? Because we're showing Pride! And now you're here. You're not making sense."

Arthur opened his mouth, then closed it again. "It's complicated."

Gwen was the one to stop the conversation. "Elyan, stop it. Merlin said he has his reasons, leave him be."

Elyan scoffed, but listened to his older sister. "I'm just saying that I don't get it is all.'

Arthur was kind of glad to hear this, but he knew there was something off about Gwen's smile. She was hiding something, he was sure of it. It made him even more tense.

Arthur was ripped from his doubts, when Gwen clapped her hands. "Well, everyone. I think this is all of us. You can all come and get your flags and stuff. Don't forget your shoelaces. Elyan, you're taking them for the rest of the team?"

"Since we don't have a team captain anymore... yes." Elyan sent Arthur one last glance, then went to gather his things.

Arthur let out a breath once Elyan was out of his radar. He didn't blame Elyan. Elyan and Leon had almost been like brothers. And since Elyan was currently wearing an aro-flag, Arthur could imagine why they got along so well in the first place. Lancelot and Arthur were the only people who wore normal rainbow flags in this room. Lancelot was straight, as Arthur had learned through Merlin and while Gwen wasn't, she was fine just calling herself queer. The rainbow flags were also more than simple rainbows, as Arthur realized at the large triangular shape at one end. It was a more modernized version and he understood without a second thought that those had more colors and were therefore more inclusive.

After everything was handed down and Gwen got money of each of them (she wasn't rich and everyone had agreed to pay their fair share, since she was organizing it all), Gwen invited them to tea and cake.
Arthur was glad when he finally had an excuse to sit next to Merlin again. Merlin grinned at him, keeping himself from laughing. "Why are you laughing?"

"Nothing. It's just funny to see you in rainbow colors."

Arthur grumbled under his breath. "It's funny to see you annoyed.", Arthur shot back, glancing at Mordred who looked so happy to be included. It must be difficult to be the only open gay person of your year, Arthur thought worriedly.

"I'm often annoyed. Especially when you open your mouth.", said Merlin.

Arthur gaped at him. "Rude. You like talking to me, admit it."

Merlin snorted. But for a moment, Arthur was distracted. Gwen had said everyone was here. Why the hell was she looking at her phone? She was texting with someone, that's for sure. Arthur frowned and decided this had nothing to do with him. When he looked back at Merlin, the boy smugly stared him down. "It's Gwen."

Arthur blinked. "What?"

"It's obvious. Come on, you can admit it."

"Can't we like... eat cake? Why are you so curious?"

Merlin paused. For a moment he stared at the cakes. They were tiny muffins with lots of frosting on top. Of course, all were rainbow colored. Gwen hadn't missed the chance to go all out. "Because -"

Whatever he meant to say was interrupted, when Gwaine pushed himself between them to hijack the conversation. Arthur was both annoyed and thankful, because it meant he didn't have to answer Merlin's questions. Unfortunately that didn't save him from Gwaine.
"Hey Merls, why is my mom texting me that you had a guest last night? When did you pick someone up? I thought I was the only one." Percival flushed.

Merlin raised both eyebrows. "Gwaine... It was nothing. Arthur stayed the night."

Gwaine gaped, then grinned widely. "OOOOh, Merlin. Going for the straight ones now? How is he in bed?"

"GWAINE!", Merlin yelped and Arthur could feel all blood leaving his face with mortification.

Gwaine just laughed. "I'm just kidding. But you should see the look on Arthur's face." With that, Merlin turned to Arthur who was now white as sheet paper. Merlin, on the other hand, was beat red. Their eyes met for a second and Arthur laughed awkwardly, before Merlin turned his face elsewhere. "You two are boring. And you could stand to look less disgusted, Pendragon. Merlin is a catch." Gwaine sent Arthur a warning.

Arthur opened his mouth, but then closed it. Whatever he said now could and would be used against him and Merlin already looked uncomfortable enough as it was. Which was strange, considering he had made about the same jokes at Arthur's expense all night. And Arthur hoped that his compliments from the day before made it clear enough that disgust was the LAST THING he felt towards Merlin.

Thankfully, that had been the height of Arthur's anxiety that day. Merlin did send him odd glances sometimes in between, but that was about it. Arthur ended up having quite some fun with all of Merlin's friends. He even got to like Mordred, to Merlin's infinite annoyance. Apart from that he got along fine with everyone else. Even Elyan was at some point too tired to be annoyed with Arthur and they managed to discuss their plan for the soccer match tomorrow. They ate cheese cake and drank coffee and in the end, Merlin offered to take the flag and the rainbow shoelaces with him and when Arthur said goodbye, he felt confident that everything would somehow turn out fine.

—---------------------------------------------------------------

In hindsight, it was quite obvious that Arthur wasn't that lucky.
The mess began the moment he returned home. He put down his bag and his jacket, when Uther Pendragon came out of his study room. It looked like he had been waiting, the way he now faced Arthur with that scrutinizing glance he only wore when Arthur truly messed up. Arthur immediately froze. "Father."

"Arthur." Uther Pendragon had a cold voice. If Arthur were to describe him as a cartoon villain, he'd name him Hawkmoth. But then he'd have to admit that he watched Miraculous ladybug. Which he didn't do just because he heard Merlin and Gwaine laugh about it in school and he certainly didn't relate to Adrian... at all. (A.N.// seriously though, the newest season is WILD.) "I need to speak with you.

Arthur swallowed hard. "You do? Did something happen?"

His father shook his head. "No. I wanted to remark on what you told me last week. About your football game being interrupted by those woke protestors."

Arthur looked away. "It's soccer."

"Your friend Cendred has informed me that the protest is still happening, despite my intervention." Uther looked expectant.

Arthur frowned and looked up. "I... what?"

"He has offered his assistance to accompany us tomorrow in stopping them."

The words dropped on the floor of Arthur's mind like a coin against stone. It rendered him speechless. It made him stare at his father, made him take in everything he had just heard as if listening to an echo. "Us?"

"Yes. I have mobilized a group of people who understand the importance of leaving these cross dressers and sex offenders from children's sport!"

Arthur huffed a laugh. This couldn't be happening. "Father... is this really necessary? I mean... It's a sunday. Why waste our time on this?" Arthur couldn't breathe.

Uther frowned. "I have spent years wasting my time watching your performance on the football field. THIS is going to have value. I expect you to be ready for it by tomorrow." Those were the last words Uther Pendragon uttered to Arthur that day. And Arthur? Arthur couldn't think, couldn't breathe.

...

He went back to his room slowly. When he lay down on his bed, it didn't even feel like his own. He stared at the ceiling, the wall, the ground, the air. He didn't know what to do. Once his mind was somewhat ordered, he did the only thing he could think of doing. He called Merlin. He knew it was past midnight at that point, but he didn't have much of a choice.

"Hello Arthur. We hung out all day, why on earth are you calling?" Merlin was chuckling under his breath. "Is this about tomorrow? You're not getting cold feet, are you?"

Arthur closed his eyes. Then he took a deep breath and told Merlin everything. Of course, there wasn't much to tell, but it painted the picture perfectly. "This is bad, Merlin. I don't know what to do! I can't NOT come, my father will kill me if I don't. And if I come, then the others will kill me for sticking with my father. What do I do?"

It was quiet on the other line. Then - "Fuck."

Arthur felt affection bleed through his panic. Merlin always listened. Merlin always somehow understood. Arthur had never had someone in his life whom he could just talk to. Someone who would just listen and puzzle together everything Arthur had meant from what little he said. It made something settle in him and he already felt calmer for it.

"I have no idea, Arthur. I can't tell you what to do. We can't just not go through with it, just because we have an opposition. It's kind of the point to face adversary with our protest, you know? I'm sure if I could tell the others what's going on, they'll forgive you for standing on your father's side. You're right, you can't just not go, I get that, but -"

"Please don't tell them."

There was a pause on the phone. "Why?"

"They'll never believe it."

"Arthur, it's the truth! Of course we believe you! You know this is the point of what we're doing! To show everyone they are safe and don't have to be afraid. You are safe with us, even if you can't show you're with us yet. We all know what that's like."

Arthur covered his face. "It's not fair. Why can't I just -"

It was quiet for another while. "Gwaine and the others will call you out, you know that, right? If they don't know WHY you're standing on your father's side."

Arthur rubbed his eyes. "I'm being pathetic, aren't I?"

He could practically hear Merlin shaking his head. "No. No, you're not."

"I'm so sorry."

Merlin sighed on the other end of the line. "Don't be. Your father should be sorry. You're still scared he'll kick you out, right?"

Arthur bit his lip and nodded a quiet "yes".

"Well, let's think about your options then. If you stand with us, as you seem to want -"

"Yes.", Arthur confirmed it as loudly as he dared.

Merlin halted for a second. "- then you need to find another place to stay. I can ask my mom if you can stay with us. I know you don't know her, but she is a right sweetheart. She almost adopted Gwaine and even his parents are annoyed with him. That is, if you're not completely against that idea."

Arthur hitched a breath. His heart was beating fast. Was Merlin suggesting they run away together? And yet... "I'd love that. But I don't want to lose my father, Merlin. I'm not ready for that."

"I understand." For another moment it was quiet. "But if push comes to shove, Arthur, join us. We'll figure out a way."

"Thank you."

"No need to thank me. You're welcome."

"No, Merlin, I mean it. Thank you... for everything. For showing me how wrong I was. For showing me that there are people who do care. For being there. It may not seem much to you, but it means everything to me." Arthur wiped off a repressed tear. He couldn't afford his voice to crack and yet he felt that it did.

"... It means a lot to me to be there for someone. I'll bring your flag, just in case you want to switch sides."

Arthur loved him. At that moment he almost said it, almost let it slip, even though it was the very moment he realized it. His breath hitched through the phone. It startled him so much that he had no idea what to say to that anymore. How did he end this conversation? How could he keep Merlin on the line? There was the tingle again, creeping up his spine and settling in his stomach, settling at the very core of his very being. "Thank you."

"It will be alright. It's just one day, you'll get through it. We can hang out after if you want."

"Yeah that would be nice."

It was silent again. "Arthur, I will have to tell them."

Arthur's stomach dropped. "Is there no other way?"

"None that won't make this more complicated."

Arthur sighed and braced himself. "Well then. I trust you."

Merlin was quiet for yet another moment. "I'm proud of you, you know? I know it's not much, but I know it can be tough. You're doing your best and you're communicating. That's not easy to do."

Arthur closed his eyes. He'd never been told by anyone they were proud of him. Not even once. Now he really wanted to tell Merlin how he felt for him. "Thank you."

"Do you want to watch a movie? We can watch over Zoom together if you want. Or do you want to be alone?"

'I love you, I love you so much.' Arthur cleared his throat. "No, yeah, I'd like to watch a movie. What are we watching?"

"What would you like to watch?"

Arthur hesitated. "Not Venom this time." He could hear Merlin laugh on the other line. Arthur's heart squeezed and he almost choked on his request. "I'd like... I think I'd like to watch Heartstopper."

Arthur could hear Merlin pause and think. "Aren't you scared your father may come in and see you watch that?" No judgment. No questions. Arthur relaxed. He had wanted to watch the series for a while now, but he wasn't confident in watching it alone. But asking Merlin to watch it with him was just as anxiety inducing.

"My father doesn't talk to me if he can avoid it."

"I see." That was all the conversation they had at that point. Then they set up their Laptops and Arthur put on headphones with a mic, just to be sure. Then he let the first episode run with Merlin on the other line commenting away. The thing is, Arthur hadn't expected the characters to look so much like Arthur and Merlin... It made him flush and he was so glad that he'd put off the cam, because it gave him the room to cover his face.
Yet, Merlin remained quiet about any of this. It put Arthur on edge, at the same time it made him feel safe. Because Merlin wasn't judging, wasn't asking, even though usually he would. It's like Merlin sensed that it was different this time. That Arthur was feeling different this time. A part of Arthur was half sure that Merlin knew it all.

—--------------------------------------------------------

POV: Merlin

Merlin hadn't expected Arthur's call. It seemed stupid at first. They had talked only twenty minutes prior. Arthur had seemed fine. What could have happened within those 20 minutes? Then Arthur explained and Merlin had to sit down. Arthur didn't just sound desperate, he seemed downright miserable. Merlin had known that Arthur was scared of his father. He had known that Arthur had made stupid decisions just to please his father, but this really seemed tricky. If Arthur were to walk with Merlin and his friends tomorrow, Uther Pendragon would kick Arthur out. If Arthur walked with his father, then Arthur would lose his friends and yet, that didn't even mean they wouldn't yell at Arthur for his hypocrisy. If they knew, they'd understand, but even that may not be enough.
Merlin was worried. He didn't want to leave Arthur alone with this and it seemed Arthur didn't want to be alone with it either.
So, Merlin suggested they watch another movie. He didn't expect Arthur to suggest Heartstopper. He hadn't expected Arthur to suggest anything queer. What Merlin expected even less was Arthur refusing to make stupid comments about the relationship within the series once. He did sound embarrassed at some points though.

When Merlin said goodnight, it was past midnight, yet they hadn't finished the series. Arthur said goodnight too, very softly and sounding somewhat relaxed. Merlin couldn't help but wish he hadn't let Arthur walk home that day. He wished he'd invited him home again. Now, Merlin's phone was locked, his laptop closed and he stared at the glowstars at his ceiling. Merlin had to admit, he'd somehow let Arthur into his heart. He couldn't say exactly when it happened, but he was sure it had been the moment right after he'd been punched by Cendred and Arthur had wordlessly taken care of him.
It wasn't love. It wasn't even a crush. But Merlin knew there was something there between them. He could see it when Arthur and him were alone. When Arthur completely let go, when he allowed himself to ask questions, when he allowed himself to listen, that's when Merlin felt closest to him. That's when Merlin felt they were friends. It looked like Arthur really wanted to be friends with Merlin.
Merlin blinked himself awake as he refocused on the stars in his room. Arthur tried so hard to understand everyone around him. And he had such a special view on people that Merlin couldn't quite understand. He'd called Merlin handsome. Even though it clearly took quite a lot out of him to admit as much, he'd done what he could to make Merlin feel a bit better about himself. Arthur didn't see the problem in other people. He only ever saw himself, his mistakes and tried so hard to do everything right.

It wasn't a crush quite yet, but Merlin knew it was heading in that direction. It worried him. If he let those feelings happen, then he'd surely overwhelm Arthur. Arthur was risking a lot just being friends with him. Arthur was reshaping his entire world view around this friendship. Merlin didn't want to force him into a situation where he'd be uncomfortable or overwhelmed. He'd only regress into old habits. Merlin bit down on his bottom lip. Gwaine had noticed it. Gwaine always noticed it, otherwise he wouldn't have joked about Merlin having had sex with Arthur, just because Arthur stayed over one night. He did that sometimes. To check if the person Merlin had an interest in would show their true intentions.
Arthur had gone pale. Arthur had a crush on Gwen. Why else would he watch her all evening? Of course he wouldn't want to talk about it, after everything he had told Arthur about their first kiss. Merlin sighed and covered his face. He couldn't let this develop into a problem! And he wouldn't. Tomorrow, he would see Arthur on the other side of the protest and he'd be reminded of why this was a bad idea.

—------------------------------------------------------

Merlin met the others just outside of the soccer field. Gwen was handing out drinks and snacks, because she always took care of such things, even though no one asked for it. Lancelot was helping her hand things out, because he was chivalrous like that. And Elyan was handing out the shoelaces to the other soccer players who had come early just to relace their shoes. Everyone was here. Everyone was wearing pride flags and wore the shoelaces and Merlin was standing here with a spare.

"Merls!" Gwaine beamed as he saw Merlin and forced him into a friendly hug. "Where's your compadre? Has he gotten cold feet?"

Some of the others also turned to Merlin and once again, Merlin had to shake his head and bite his lip. "There is a problem." Then he explained the situation to the others as well as he could.

Gwaine stared at him. "That's bullshit. Is that what he said? That's just bullshit! What is he so afraid of? It's his father. He doesn't think he'll be kicked out for associating with us, is he?"

Merlin frowned. "He is, Gwaine. And he has good reason to be."

Gwaine shook his head. "You mean like he had a good reason to punch Leon? Like he's had a good reason to leave the soccer team? Merlin, don't you think you're too lenient with him?"

Merlin was about to respond, trying to come up with a way not to expose Arthur's sister to his friends, when Gwen suddenly squealed and jumped at someone who just entered the field. Two people, in fact, had entered the field. Their appearance alone made Merlin shut up immediately. Right there stood a very beautiful, tall, black haired woman with eyes as icy as the wind. And with her, had come Leon Knight, their ex goalkeeper.
Leon found Gwaine's face and it was that moment that Merlin realized that he must have heard them. His theory was confirmed, when Leon walked over to them and sighed. "Sorry, I overheard you talk about the... issue between me and Arthur?"

"Leon." Gwaine stared at him, just as surprised at his appearance as Merlin was. It slowly dawned on him why Gwen had been on her phone all day yesterday. "I thought... you moved out, I didn't think we'd see you again, mate." He smiled, albeit hesitantly.

Leon sighed. "Gwen invited us. It was a good excuse to come and apologize to Arthur. Where is he, have you seen him?"

Gwaine gaped at him, eyes almost bulging out of his sockets. "Apologize? To HIM? Why?"

Leon rubbed his arm. "Didn't he tell you?"

Merlin interfered before Leon would say something he'd regret. "Arthur didn't tell anyone. He didn't want to spread rumors."

Gwaine glanced his way, shock mingling with his surprise. "What rumors?"

Leon opened his mouth, then closed it again. He seemed to be considering, then he shook his head. It was odd to see him so speechless, even though Leon had always been rather quiet. He was the kind of person who only spoke when someone needed to take responsibility. He was the kind who spoke up during group tasks and divided the work for them fairly. To see him unsure how to deal with a situation was strange.
The reason why Merlin knew all this was because he used to be in the same theater group as him. And Leon had been the one who handed out the play books and the costumes. If you had any questions you went to him.
Merlin would guess that Arthur was similar. Although Arthur wouldn't just spread the message, Arthur would make the decision on what would be done and probably end up telling Leon what to divide the group in. Though without telling him who needed to take over what part. Sometimes Arthur reminded him a bit of a king, albeit a just one.

Maybe Leon would have told Gwaine eventually. Maybe he never meant to keep quiet about it. Perhaps he had never cared about the story being shared. Merlin would never find out, because in this moment, a threat closed in on them from the other side of the soccer field. Merlin noticed them as his eyes traveled over the soccer players who had run on the field and begun to stretch and warm themselves up. Behind them, a mob of people filled the tribunes. They carried shields and flags with black and white stripes. If Merlin hadn't seen them, he would have heard them, as they were blasting music from a boombox that one guy was carrying around. Merlin didn't recognize the music as it wasn't really popular music. It wasn't bad, it had some kind of rocky sound to it, but it sang randomly about Jesus. None of it said anything relevant to the situation or any relevant bible story, neither about soccer nor about Pride, but it was clear what these people were claiming to be the roots of their bigotry.
Merlin wasn't Christian himself, but he knew that it didn't matter. None of what they claimed actually stood in the bible, and even if it did, there was a high chance that the sentence had been ambiguously translated by some guy a couple hundred years ago who may not have been as good as hebraic as he thought he was. Christianity was about loving thy neighbor. This was not it.

Merlin spotted Arthur in one of the front lines, his shield from last Pride with him, as he walked behind a man that resembled him slightly. Uther Pendragon was a known figure, even in Merlin's life. He wasn't present, per se. He didn't know the man personally, but he had seen his name pop up in interviews or his face in the Newspaper. If Arthur looked like a king, this man looked like a tyrant. Uther Pendragon was carrying himself confidently in wide strides and a grim face.

Merlin's sudden focus on him must have gained everyone else's attention, because now everyone was also looking their way. And as they had spotted them, the threat also spotted the protestors. And as the protestors were spotted, Uther's focus narrowed down to outright hatred. His expression, obviously, was directed at Leon. And his shock at Morgana.
Merlin watched as the man raised a hand and led the masses over the soccer field towards the colorful young adults. The few soccer players who were warming up on the fields with their opponents, as well as their opponents audience who were occupying one third of the tribunes, were pushed out of the way by malicious glares. The bass of the music became louder the closer they came and drowned out the pulsating heart beats of the Pride committee.

Uther stopped right in front of Leon and Morgana who were now standing side by side. His gaze focused on his daughter first. For a moment, all that could be heard was the music, until Uther raised a hand and Cendred turned it down.

Merlin was occupied watching Arthur. Arthur was slightly slouching behind his father. His face expressionless and his eyes avoiding each and every of the people he was meant to be friends with. Merlin saw Gwaine glance at him with clear realization written on his face that Arthur was properly and honestly stuck in that position. He didn't want to be there. A blind man could see it. But Uther wasn't blind. He was simply not paying attention.

"I should have known this is where you'd end up." He glared at Morgana.

Arthur clenched his sign closer to himself, avoiding his sister's eyes even more prominently than everyone else's. Merlin itched to walk over and just take him out of there. Take his hand and lead him home, away from all the hurt yet pitying glances. Away from the expectations. Away from Uther Pendragon and his hatred.
'Pride is a sin.'
Arthur could use more confidence, Merlin thought and bit his lip. Then his gaze fell on Cendred and Merlin wondered what the man was doing here. Why was he standing there with that giant grin on his face, as if making fun of Arthur? Why was he looking at Arthur as if this was some kind of punishment? And then Merlin understood who had told Uther about their protest to begin with and more importantly... why.

Morgana pushed out her chin proudly. "What do you care? This has nothing to do with you."

Uther growled. "You are my daughter. This behavior is unacceptable. You were once my greatest pride. And you've thrown it all away. And for what? A useless nobody who doesn't even love you."

Morgana may have been an evil witch at that moment. "I stopped being your daughter the moment you kicked me out, Uther. I couldn't care less about your pride. I protected my own life and I would do it again any day. I don't regret a thing."

Uther spat at her feet. He walked closer to her, towering over her slightly smaller frame, though they still were eye to eye. "You have disappointed me."

"I had an abortion, Uther." That must have been the moment that made the coin drop for most people present. Suddenly it was quiet. It had been a well kept secret, but Morgana didn't even care. "I was pregnant and scared. I could have died, like my mother, like your wife. I would have, had I followed through with it. Where were you when I needed you? I'm not the one who disappointed you. You ditched me. You betrayed me. You, Uther Pendragon, can go to hell." She raised her head to meet him head on. Was Merlin imagining it or was there a hint of pain in Uther's eyes?

"I disown you.", said Uther.

"Great. It's mutual then." Morgana smiled wickedly at him and crossed her arms.

Again, Uther growled. He balled his hand to a fist. For a moment he seemed to consider. Then he turned to Leon and his anger couldn't have been more hateful, more menacing. "Aren't you ashamed of yourself? What you did to her? What you cost her? You did this to your best friend, too. You did this to my son. You made him lose his best friend, his sister, his nephew!"

Leon's expression didn't change. "Don't drag Arthur into this."

"ARTHUR!", Uther barked. Merlin noticed how at that moment, Morgana actually flinched and her eyes widened, as if she hadn't noticed her brother and was now flabbergasted to see him there. Merlin guessed that perhaps Gwen had let something slip about Arthur joining their side. The sheer amount of shock in her eyes bordered terror, however, and that was something that Merlin couldn't place.

Merlin stepped back from the situation to give Arthur space to walk forward. Arthur had snapped his eyes up in mild surprise that he had been called. But it was nothing more than a flinch. Now that Merlin could see his face properly, he noticed something that had been misleading before. Arthur looked troubled, but not hopeless. He looked irritated more than scared and when he stepped forward, he was only slightly hesitating. His eyes met Merlin's and when they did, something changed within Arthur. His uncertainty faded into determination and he stepped next to Uther to face Leon.

"Tell him what you think of him!", Uther ordered.

Arthur didn't say a word. Leon's expression, however, wavered. "Arthur, I'm sorry.", he said, guild lacing his voice. "It wasn't my intention ... You know I didn't mean to ... I was scared." The exchange made little sense to anyone but Arthur.
Arthur shook his head. "No. I am sorry."

"Arthur!" The one who must be most confused right now was Uther.

Arthur sighed and closed his eyes. "You've done nothing wrong." Arthur turned towards Merlin one last time, exchanged one glance and took a deep breath before turning towards his father. Then he shoved the sign into Uther's hands.

Uther stumbled back from the force of it, eyes blinking in surprise. "ARTHUR, what are you doing?"

"I'm done, father." He looked Uther in the eye. "I'm done."

"What on earth do you mean, you're done! Take that sign back and tell him what he did to you!" Uther held out the sign, visibly conscious of the audience behind him that had begun to murmur among themselves. Cendred was grinning like a fool. Uther frowned. "If you're joining these... fanatics -"

Arthur's fist collided with Uther's jaw in a loud crunch. All breath was knocked out of Merlin's lungs, as Uther Pendragon hit the ground with a dump sound. Arthur remained standing over him, eyes wild and dark, while even Morgana jumped back, covering her mouth in shock. Leon hissed Arthur's name and even Gwaine inhaled sharply.
This was the very moment the coin dropped for Merlin. This was the moment his heart started beating anew. The moment he fell harder than he had imagined possible for the man Arthur was. Merlin stood there in awe, never in his life having expected that punch and perhaps that's what broke the walls inside his heart.

"The hell -", said Uther and Merlin could hear Cendred mutter the very same thing.

"You're going to listen to me, father and you are going to listen to me WELL.", Arthur demanded, towering far above Uther now. "The person who took my sister from me was YOU. The one who took my best friend from me, was YOU. She needed you and you cast her away. She had nowhere to go but with him. And I lost HIM, because I was trying to protect her from YOU by keeping him quiet. She was your PRIDE, you say. Look at the bloody sign in your hand and try explaining to me how any of this is making any fucking sense."

Uther's eyes glanced at the sign, furrowing in confusion. He opened his mouth, then snarled, with blood dripping from his nose. "I did not make this sign!"

"No. It was me. It was me, standing there and telling people not to have pride, while all I ever wanted was for you to be proud of me. But you never will be, will you?"

Uther stared at Arthur's cold eyes, looking shocked. "You think I'm not proud of you?"

Arthur's expression wavered for a moment. Then he exhaled. "Are you?"

Uther stared at him. "You're my son."

Silence fell over the stadium. Everyone seemed to be holding their breath as they watched Arthur's every move. "No. I was your heir."

Uther's eyes widened. "What are talking about?"

Arthur balled his hand to another fist. "Do you think it's enough that you go to watch my soccer games, when it's all an excuse to gain business partners? Do you think it's enough to be a father to lecture me from your study room? Do you think it's being a father throwing every person out of my life that means anything to me? I've been NOTHING but a disappointment to you."

Merlin got the feeling that Uther would have rather been punched again. "You're not a -"

"I'm not? Not a disappointment. You're proud of me! So... THIS is what I've been working for, then? THIS is what I study for, 16 hours a day. This is what I win matches for? This is why I do everything I can to take over your business? With no reward? A cold shoulder and the expectation that I KNOW you're proud of me? When you criticize everything I do and say. When you don't even talk to me, unless you threaten to take away everything from me if I fail?"

"It's your future. I need to be harsh on you! You think leading a-"

"NO, it was YOURS!" Arthur was yelling at this point. "The business is your dream and your legacy. And I hate it." The last three words were spoken with a shaking rage. "You never asked me what I want. And if you did, you'd take back that you're proud without a second thought." Arthur took a deep breath. "I've been standing with you all these years because I thought you knew better. I didn't realize how little sense you have. You don't know me. You don't know THEM -" Arthur's arm spread over the masses of people and he included everyone there. "None of you even BOTHER to think why Pride exists. And nothing you say adds up."

Uther gaped. "You're on THEIR side?" Disgust bled into his expression like a wildfire. "How -"

Arthur's face darkened further. "You claim to protect kids, but you threw your own daughter on the streets without a second thought. You're here, telling everyone your rights are taken away, when in truth, these people are only here to show that they exist. And when you exist, you deserve to have rights. You deserve to live and be treated fairly. But the law ignored that they are people. Your existence is not being denied or erased. If anything, it is validated by showing that it's not a fixed option you have to be, but something you really are. The only reason you're here is to hate on people. And why do you do that? How are YOU threatened by these people? These people who have no legal power over you. These people who aren't asking you to throw away your rights, are demanding that YOU TREAT THEM KINDLY."
Arthur kicked at the sign in his father's hand. "I thought pride was a sin? You are full of it."

Uther was breathing harshly. "Who was it? Who turned you gay."

Arthur didn't even flinch. Didn't stutter or pale as he had before. "I wasn't turned. I was freed."

From all the things that Merlin had expected, this was not it. His heart hammered against his ribcage.

Arthur laughed, shaking his head. Apparently he had expected Uther's answer, because he didn't look surprised in the slightest. "They are forcing their ideology on -"

"And what do you call what you're doing? I just told you, I have no interest in your business. But you've forced me into it since I was a child. And it's never been enough. None of what I did ever will be. At least, when I AM the disappointment, I can stop fooling myself. If you want someone to blame, blame yourself."

Uther finally got back on his feet and this time he faced Arthur the same way his daughter had just done. Only that Arthur was a bit taller and slightly less terrifying. Uther pushed a finger into Arthur's chest. "I've raised you. I've given you everything I own and you dare -"

"I don't even know you.", Arthur let out. "I never saw you. You never talked about yourself. To me, you're barely human. I never needed what you own. I needed you!"
Uther was quiet for a moment. He was thinking, searching for something in Arthur's eyes. And he must have found the same thing in them that Merlin saw. Pain. So much pain. It bled from his eyes into his unwavering frown into the balled fists at his side.

Uther took a breath. He looked around and his eyes fell on Elena who was hiding behind Percival, her eyes wide, the intersex flag around her shoulders pinned in front of her collarbones with a trans flag pin. "So, you're okay with parents mutilating their children?"

Arthur blinked and followed his gaze. Then he found his father's eyes again. Uther spared a look at Morgana, counting her as he counted Elena. "No. No one is. Except if it benefits your binary world view, isn't it?"

Uther didn't seem to understand it, so he shook his head out of it. "You're fine with men in dresses preying on women in bathrooms?"

Arthur didn't even blink. "That's not what happens."

"It IS!" Uther stressed his sentence and for a moment he looked victorious. "You see it all the time in the News!"

Arthur hissed in another deep breath. "Do you know how sexual violence happens? When it happens? Why? Because men like me are born with a dick,-" Uther blinked sharply, not expecting his son to suddenly get so vulgar. "- We get told that this thing between our legs gives us power over everyone else. With it, we're told how to be men. What to like and what to dominate. We push ourselves into that narrative, always more powerful than women and only ever equal or more powerful than other men. And then we fall in love with women and it terrifies us, because suddenly these women have power over us, emotionally and physically. So, we become toxic. We force ourselves on them and take what we want, so we don't have to admit that we're scared of them, of their power over us. WHY would a trans woman fall into that category, when she already steps out of that circle at step one?
A man who falls into that category wouldn't put on a dress, make himself feminine, register himself as a woman, legally change name and pronouns and body, to enter a restroom that has no physical barriers to hold him back. Except the women he preys on but that he considers weak."

Uther didn't answer. No one said anything really.

Arthur nodded. "I thought so. Don't ever claim to think about women's rights ever again, when you reject your own daughter. Don't talk to me about your OPINION, when it's based on bullshit. And don't call me your son, if you refuse to be a father."
Arthur inhaled deeply, then he turned around. No one stopped him and why would they? Instead, Arthur's face seemed to be searching for something.

Merlin remembered to breathe, when Arthur's eyes found his and he finally relaxed. Arthur had found what he was searching for. And that was Merlin. Arthur's hand loosely grabbed Merlin's wrist. His gaze was intense and begging Merlin for them to leave together. Arthur was shaking like a leaf. Merlin nodded slightly and let Arthur pull him away.

Uther's voice was calmer than expected. "Is that him?"

Merlin's heart was beating so loud he was sure the entire stadium could hear it. Arthur stopped in his tracks, but didn't turn around. He didn't answer either. He squeezed Merlin's arm tight, nearly begging him to take him out of here. Merlin pulled at his arm, meeting Arthur's terrified eyes. He looked like he wanted to explain something, but he didn't say a word. And finally, in this context, in this place and at this moment, Merlin's mind put the puzzle pieces together. Arthur's fear screamed "Yes, Merlin. It's you. You're the one who freed me." It suddenly made sense. Why Arthur had been so curious about Pride. Why Arthur had sought out Merlin to begin with, treated him like a threat, had wanted him gone right after the first time they met. Why he had listened to Merlin. Why he had trusted Merlin that first night that they talked. Why he had gotten distracted by Merlin's posters. Why he asked Merlin about his exes, why he had looked so tense when admitting that he didn't enjoy kissing Gwen. Why he asked how Merlin knew he was bi. The awkward silence, when Merlin had said Arthur may just have a type. The odd response, after Merlin had asked if Arthur had ever been kissed by a guy. Why Arthur thought himself a disappointment. Why he faced Cendred in the pool. And then, of course, why Arthur had called Merlin handsome. Why Arthur hadn't found a word to insult Merlin. Why he had blushed when Merlin flirted with him, but paled when Gwaine suggested the same. All those tiny moments fused together in the certainty that Merlin's feelings weren't one sided.
Merlin stared into Arthur's blue eyes. It was also Merlin who answered. "Of course it's me." Then he kissed him.