The original version of this chapter contained rape in the latter half. The scene is detailed, and its intent is to show how deeply twisted Bai's feelings have become for Mu, but I was concerned that it would not make the site's contents guidelines. As such, it's has been removed from this version. If you are +18 and would like to read it, you can PM me.

Summer Palace, Kingdom of Moutan

1st year of Fusang, Late Summer 1463

Staying at the summer palace in the south, Prince Iseulbi and the younger Shadow guards could only wait for news as Shobu attacked Moutan in the spring of 1462. The war dragged on as spring became summer, then fall, and then the year turned again as the two kingdoms fought viciously. At points, Feiyan thought she could hear the clash of weapons and screams of dying men all the way to the south. She knew that she was imagining it, but her fear felt like a heavy stone had been swallowed into her chest.

And helplessly waiting for news was the hardest...especially since the news only became worse as the Shoban army unleased demons onto the battlefield.

Although he was at the center of the fighting, Lord Mu never failed to send news to Feiyan by bird, and she religiously stood in the courtyard at dawn every seven days waiting for her father's carrier hawk.

That morning, even before the hawk had flown away, Feiyan was twisting the code locks on the messenger cylinder and nearly ripped the letter out in her haste when it opened with a click. Unfolding the paper and scanning over her father's vigorous brush strokes, written in the Shadow guards specific code, the familiar scent of her father's specially blended ink stick made her hands tremble.

Iseulbi had come out with her this morning and he froze when she made a small cry and covered her mouth.

He saw that Feiyan had clenched the paper in her fist and that she was trying not to sob.

Xia who had rushed out from the dorms came to stand in front of her with a stunned expression, his face eyes brimming with tears. He was also holding a letter in his hand that had come separately. Xing was behind him with a solemn expression on his face.

"Your Highness...we have...visitors..." he said, quite grimly.

The Prince nodded, but his eyes were still on Feiyan.

"Xiao Yan?" Prince Iseulbi prompted her, fear written all over his face. From her earlier expression, he had already realized that the news from the capital was bad.

"Father writes...that Moon was killed in battle at Beichun river...we...we are suing for peace as the war is now lost," Feiyan whispered raggedly between sobs, her voice thick with grief as she passed the crumpled tear-stained letter to Prince Iseulbi. "I-I can't imagine what he must have felt writing this letter."

How he must have felt sending Moon to his death...how could mortal men ever fight an army of demons? Father! Father!

Her heart broke wondering how he could bear his grief alone while she was here and unable to comfort him.

Scrubbing her gloved fist roughly over her eyes, Feiyan took a deep breath to try to calm herself, but she could not choke back the quaking sob in her voice.

Iseulbi looked shocked for only a moment, but then he carefully unfolded the crumped letter.

Xing and the others gathered around Feiyan as Iseulbi grimly scanned the contents for the details. He had already realized that the 'visitors' that Xing had referred to were probably members of the Royal Guard meant to escort them back to the capital.

"Lord Mu writes that the Shoban army has already swept south, but inexplicably they are agreeing to a cessation of hostilities..." said Iseulbi in confusion. "It's not actually a surrender, but an armistice..."

Xing, not caring for the details, concentrated on Xia and Feiyan.

"We...we should burn some incense for Captain Moon..." Xing mumbled, trying to comfort Feiyan with a gentle pat on the shoulder. "Since we can't observe the rites until we return, Xia, you especially should do something for your Master."

Xia looked pale.

"I should have been with the Captain..." he said hollowly.

Xing shook his head.

"Then you would have been dead and Captain Moon wouldn't have wanted that!" snapped Iseulbi.

"What?" Xia blurted, stunned.

"Your Highness!" Feiyan startled as the Prince turned and abruptly stormed away.

"Let him go..." said Xing, clapping a hand on her arm as she turned to run after the Prince. "He is feeling the heavy burden of responsibility, being a royal of this country...give him some time."

***

Mu Shan eyed the jeweled dagger in his bloodied hands. It had been Moon's and only the sharp slice of the blade against the skin of his lower arms had felt real in the seven days following his lover's death. Hissing, he flung it away. His throat felt scratched up as if he had spent all night screaming in his dreams.

The dagger clanked and rattled as it hit the floor, before spinning to a stop in a corner.

Tilting his head back, Mu Shan lifted the wine jar to his lips, tasting his own coppery blood and the searing warmth of alcohol as it slid down his throat and into his stomach.

The room was a mess and all his servants hadn't dared come near his room except his body servant.

"My Lord..." the servant pleaded softly, hurrying to pick up the dagger. "My Lord...you cannot drink this much or harm yourself like this ...Captain Moon wouldn't have wanted this!"

"What's the point of telling me so when that person will never return?" Mu Shan sighed, his head wobbling slightly, as he leaned back against his bed post, robe in disarray. "You know what I'm like..."

I want to die...why can't I just die...I'm so tired of all of this.

"My Lord!" protested the servant. "Please quell your grief!"

"I'm not sad."

"My Lord..." the servant huffed in anxious disapproval, continuing to pick up empty wine jars and shattered pottery. After a moment of silence, the body servant broached a different subject.

Although he had already reported three times that a messenger was waiting for him, the Lord had either ignored it or completely forgotten in his drunken stupor. The messenger had now been waiting patiently for two days.

"Will you not see the guest?" asked the body servant, trying a different tack as the Lord took another gulp from the jug, spilling wine down his chin. Any mention of military affairs had driven the Lord into a frenzied rage, so avoiding the use of the word 'messenger' would be best.

Mu Shan sat up, nonplussed. Then his expression turned the anger.

"When was there a guest? Who would have such bad taste as to visit now? Can't you all see I'm in mourning?" he shouted. "Leave me alone!"

Apparently, the guest's patience had run short as there was a crash downstairs and moments later heavy footsteps stamped up the stairs.

"Mu Shan, open the door right now," said a deep baritone, rough with barely suppressed anger.

"You...you leave, right now..." Lord Mu said abruptly to his servant, sitting up with sudden sobriety as the voice penetrated keenly into his brain. "Nothing good will happen if you're still here when he barges in. Leave quickly..."

"Yes my Lord," the body servant bowed and scurried into the next room.

The antechamber door swung open of its own accord and Bai Xie'an walked in, a wind swirling around him, thick with dark clouds.

"Get up," he gritted. "Who allowed you to drink yourself into oblivion while I waited for you?"

Mu Shan looked blankly and then realized that Bai had used a concealment spell to change his appearance so that no one would be aware of his true features. To anyone else he just looked like an ordinary commander of Moutan's army.

"When...?" he asked, a bit dazed, wondering when Bai had arrived.

"Some time ago! But...who said that you could be like this?" he demanded, grabbing Mu Shan's loose robes in his fists and shaking him hard.

"Why are you so angry? This has nothing to do with you," Mu Shan grumbled, shrugging him off, and lifting the wine jar that he had not put down this entire time.

Bai snapped his fingers, putting a barrier up around the room, and then yanked the wine jar out of Mu Shan's unsteady hand before smashing it onto the floor, scattering pottery and wine everywhere. With the barrier in place, the smashing sound was not heard below.

"Y-You!"

"Stop it!" Bai growled. "Why are you like this? You were like this when Yu'er died, and you're like this now, but who says you can kill yourself over a lousy mortal lover!"

Mu Shan punched him with all the pain and rage he'd held in his heart, his storm blue eyes glowing almost white with fury.

"How dare you! Why can't I mourn him? Why not, you selfish ass?!" he yelled, punching Bai again, smearing blood on him. "I loved him!"

Mu Shan felt tears rise over his eyes and he blinked to clear them.

Why am I always sending the people I love to their deaths?

Bai's lip had been split with Mu Shan's first blow, and the second had bruised his cheek. Eyes glaring, he stared at Mu Shan with a cold expression on his face.

Rising from his crouch on the floor, Bai stood and backhanded Mu Shan across the face, throwing him into a messy sprawl onto the bed. Dazed, Mu Shan started to thrash when Bai crushed his body down on top of his.

***

Much later, Bai's shoulders shook as he covered his face, feeling remorse and shame coursing through him.

He recalled Hong Yi's warning from so long ago: Your flaw, my little white ghost, is that you selfishly want the upper hand in everything...possessing and controlling him. Mu is fierce and proud, but his sharpness hides a tender heart. If you try to hold him too tightly, you'll break his spirit, but that is what makes him precious to you, is it not?

Bai's feelings of hate and love had been mixed together so intensely that they couldn't be separated. In the end, they had both hurt each other many times throughout their lives...and perhaps now it was far too late to mend the relationship. Despising himself, he took care of Mu Shan's body and then left.

When Mu Shan finally woke, he found that his wounds had been healed and his body was clean. He felt strangely energetic, and out of suspicion he circulated his energy, instantly recognizing that Bai had passed his own vitality into his body. Except for that trace, Mu Shan felt like he had dreamt the events of the day before, but when he sat up, he saw that white mourning robes had been laid out for him, and on top of the neatly folded sash was a white jade token carved with a single character. Fumbling a little, he wrapped his fingers around the cool jade, gripping its solidity.

For a time, he simply caressed his fingers over the character, lost in thought. Then, he took a deep breath, and stood up to attend to Moon's funeral arrangements. While, Mu Shan despised himself for being alive, at the very least, he realized that Moon would have chided him for not taking better care of himself.