Let go by BTS is a good song for this chapter too💜❤️

My fingers roll the ring back and forth — a soothing effort to minimize everything tied to this silver object. The sunlight sails in from the parted curtains, glimmering our black italics initials. It's the first time I entered this room since the shattering events from a week ago. I run my hand over the stubble on my chin, pinching my eyes shut.

It still smells exactly like her — strawberry mist.

By the time ambulances and fire trucks arrived on the scene, there was nothing left but flames they couldn't put out in time to save anything. The building burned away into dust, leaving nothing but a charred, empty reminder in its wake. None of the bodies were recognizable. They were too burned to be identified. It's stupid of me to cling to the hope that continuously failed me and believe that somehow Mika made it out of there.

But it's just not possible.

Mama died the following night.

I should have never left her to fight alone. I should have taken the bullet in the stomach-- because now, I don't even want to be here anymore. I could've saved her, but I walked away instead. Mika is dead because of me. Everything I have is pointless without her. It's pathetic of me to cry, to want change when I'm the catalyst of it all. I broke up with her. I threw our entire relationship away to honor my brother-- my brother, who's a rapist.

Why wouldn't Mika tell me?

Why let Mateo be the bearer of the tragic news? The truth coming from Mateo is incredibly hard to believe, but how can I turn a blind eye? There was a certain spine-chilling glimmer in Mateo's eyes when he mentioned Ander's involvement like he couldn't be any happier to wreck my view on Ander. A sinking feeling deep in my gut tells me it's the truth.

Ander wasn't the perfect big brother that I thought he was.

My attention snaps to the knock on the door. "Sorry to interrupt, Jefe. It's time to head to the funeral."

I sigh, running my palm down my face. "I don't want to. Going means accepting it's real, and I don't want to. I-I can't."

Julian sighs deeply and slumps down onto the mattress, causing my body to jolt upward. "Asiel, you need to go. Take this as closure. To find peace to move on from everything that's happened."

Tears well up in my irises. "Please don't force me to go. I don't want to cry anymore. I don't want to feel this ache in my heart anymore. Seeing her name on a grave will cause more harm than good."

Julian stands up from the mattress. "I won't force you, Asiel. You're twenty-two, you make your own decisions. I'll wait ten minutes in the car in case you change your mind, but I'm going." The ground creaks against his shoes as he leans against the doorframe. "I think Mika would want you to be happy, Jefe. Not loathing in your bedroom. She would want you to say goodbye and move on."

I wipe my tears with my hoodie, glancing at the backside of Julian. "I want to be alone."

"Okay."

With frustration fueling my movements, I toss the ring into the bedside table, sitting it at an angle in the drawer. Julian is so fucking annoying! I know that's what Mika wants, but I can't do it. How am I supposed to find a purpose? What is there left for me to accomplish? I failed at every task thus far. I might be twenty-two years old, but tantrums aren't below me.

I throw every single thing in my room.

I want this fucking place unrecognizable.

Memories of us decorate every inch of this room. Cuddling, kissing, making love, laughing, talking-- it's happened here. Every blink, every wallpaper, every inch stirs the pang in my soul. How do I let go if she's everywhere I breathe? My rampage halts at the sight of Mika's duffel bag in the corner of the room--from the night when Mateo unleashed everything.

Pain sears my chest, leaving a permanent mark on my heart.

Unzipping the bag, I find enough undergarments for three nights and a pair of her favorite black pumps. Underneath is a thigh-length white bodycon mesh dress with flowers decorating the fabric along with a white veil. This must've been her wedding dress for the ceremony. She would've been the most gorgeous woman in the room, like every day of her life.

But another thing captures my attention-- a white envelope dedicated to me.

Mika's last words.

In a swift beat, I rip the envelope open, unfolding the letter contained inside. Chewing on my bottom lip, I hold the letter to my chest, debating over reading the last message. Should I wait? Something to look forward to, to keep a piece of Mika with me everywhere I go? Or do I need this now more than ever?

Fuck it.

Dear Asiel (also known as my Muneco),

There was once a girl who lived in the wealthiest neighborhood in New York. She had big dreams, just like any other child. They would alternate. One day, she wanted to be a doctor so she could heal the bruises that marred her mother's skin. On other days, she wished to be a police officer, so she could arrest her father for his abuse and addiction. But those dreams were immediately shot down by the reality she was stuck in.

For her, dreams were only dreams, and they were quickly left behind in fairytale land.

At a young age, she was exposed to death and became accustomed to it. Not surprising. She strained her own hands with blood-- her parent's blood. It seems like that's what the universe had planned for her--to live her life with blood-soaked hands.

I was right.

Even though my parents were dead, I had to pay for their sins. Any childish innocence disappeared when I started selling to crackheads on the street. From ages seven to fourteen, I lived underneath the bridge in a box with Diablo's lunches keeping me afloat. Any money I learned went towards my parent's debt-- that's why I stole two hundred grand from the Morterero family.

It was stupid-- I know, but Riley and I accidentally killed Mickie and knocked out Gato-- the money was left unattended. I needed to leave this hellhole of life once and for all.

But I failed.

My selfishness brought Riley to her premature, brutal death.

I don't want this to change anything. I don't want you to feel pity for me and understand why I did what I did-- regardless; it was wrong of me. Mateo organized everything along with your father. This was their lesson for going behind their backs and questioning the strength of the Morterero family.

Every high-ranking member of your family raped Riley and me-- including Ander. Actually, he was my first-- he took my virginity against my will to pay for my crimes. I know it's hard to believe because he's been an amazing big brother to you, but every good has a bit of bad in them. Gato, Limon, Xaixer, Javier, Felipe, your dad-- they all took their turns with us.

Furthermore, I grew up alongside Diablo, following his demands in exchange for what I thought was a family. Diablo trained me to become an assassin, a skilled one, incapable of human feelings. Eventually, I came to believe I wasn't human at all, but a robot impersonating a human. Ironic enough, in order to live, I had to fill my hands with the blood of others-- a permanent fixture.

For the longest time, I wasn't human.

Humans were ugly, pitiful, flawed-- Mika Santana had to be perfect.

She had to search for the beauty in her killing. The act of service she was doing for the world. I know now that Mictlantecuhtli was a monster.

Because the Mictlantecuhtil became human.

One night, I met a man under the dim lights of an underground sex club. It was obvious he was nervous, out of place--too pure for this hellhole he walked into, but I pulled him under my spell. Ruin him, break him, use him, make him become yours-- that was the original plan.

Instead, I found myself falling, falling down the deepest pits of hell. I woke up amidst the ashes and decaying bones of all my victims. Suddenly, everything wasn't beautiful anymore. I wasn't any better than them-- I was one of them. Human. I fooled myself into believing I was better, different from everyone else, to justify everything I had done.

But I'm human.

You helped me see that, Asiel. It was you who taught me how to feel. Love? I didn't know what the fuck that was. I was fucking petrified. It was a foreign concept to me, but I'm glad I got to feel it.

I'm so happy that it got to be with you.

Asiel, you brought out the little girl within me out of hiding. The young girl with big dreams. Now, I realized that her dreams weren't big-- they were simply realistic. But back then, they seemed too high to reach. The girl didn't want to become a princess or a doctor. All she wanted was a normal life. I wanted to feel some sort of relief from the abuse I suffered.

I wanted an escape.

Thank you for being my escape.

Never in my life would I have imagined I would meet his extraordinary man, too perfect to be real, that loves me. Like you actually love me-- it's still hard to wrap my head around even when you whisper it to me every night before going to bed. Out of everyone--me? The sad excuse of a human being.

The last couple of months with you have been the best days of my existence-- I guess that's why it's been so hard to tell you the truth. I didn't want to lose you, but I realized I love you too much to keep lying.

I killed Ander.

I killed Spencer.

I killed your father.

I'm sorry for harboring this secret. I'm sorry for ruining your life in ways I didn't know I could. I'm sorry for taking your big brother away from you. I could write it over a million times, but none of it would make it better. The words would become meaningless by the end of it. No amount of apologies could ever fix all the pain I caused you. You don't have to forgive. You can yell, scream, kill me-- I won't ever blame you.

Regardless of all the pain, misery, guilt, I'm feeling, I would never go back in time because then I wouldn't have gotten to fall in love with you. I understand you wouldn't say the same. I understand that completely. All I brought you was pain, suffering, and not much else.

If you're reading this, it's probably because I chickened out the night before our wedding and left this at the altar. I wasn't planning on marrying you, Asiel. Not until I opened up about every single thing.

If you don't want to be with me anymore, then that will be my punishment-- to live in a world without you.

Don't feel bad-- I'm used to being alone.

All I ask is for you to forget about me. Don't even forgive me-- it's not right of me to ask that of you, but I hope to just be another blemish in your life. A nightmare that you'll forget when the sun rises. I have no other wish than for you to be happy, and to finally free yourself from me and everything else.

Live your life without me, live it proudly, and live it to the fullest. Be happy.

Maybe in the next life, although I highly doubt it-- maybe God would have us meet again in better circumstances.

                                                                                                       Love you to the moon and back,

                                                                                                                                      Mika.

I lose my breath completely by the end of the letter. Enough tears to fill a fucking ocean drain down my cheeks, dampening the page. What if I never found this letter? She rather I view my brother in high regard instead of her. Mika died, taking all the blame, leaving the most important detail out.

Ander raped her.

He was a part of me.

Ander might've been my brother, but I can't ever look at him the same after hearing. I don't care if Papa forced him to do it-- everyone has a choice. He could've stood up for them. I thought the Ander I knew would, but I'm wrong.

Guilt claws at my bleeding, ruptured heart.

Mika died, thinking I hated her.

It's far from the truth-- why did I let Mateo get into my head?

Maybe then Mika would be here beside me.

Wiping the tears off my face, I drop the letter on the floor and grab the ring from the bedside drawers. I stole one of the coats off the coatracks and slip my feet into my slippers. Lucky for me, Julian just started the engine, darting his eyes at me. I sprint down the driveway and thrust into the passenger seat, earning a slight grin from Julian.

Mika didn't fail me.

I failed her.

I promised to always be there, to always show her love, to keep her alive, but I failed. She had so much to live for. I wanted to make every single one of her dreams come true. Now that she's gone, I have to live for her.

It's all I can do.

It's going to hurt.

It's never going to feel the same, but I need to live for her.

At my request, Julian buried Japanese cherry blossoms near Mika's and Mama's graves. Mama rests next to papa and Ander-- sadly, but it's what she would've wanted. There's another vacant spot by my brother meant for me, but I don't want to be buried by him. I will be next to Mika when the time comes.

Another cascade of sobs escapes me as I kneel on Mika's grave, facing reality once and for all. This might be goodbye, but you're always going to be in my heart.

That promise I'll keep.

I clear my throat. "Julian, I'm leaving tonight."

His eyebrows knit together. "What about the familia, Jefe?"

I laugh softly under my breath. "Fuck them. I don't want to be Jefe anymore. Never did. I can't move on if everything here reminds me of her. You can be Jefe, Julian. If you like or let the familia die with my papa."

Julian's mouth falls open. "B-but I'm not a real Morterero. Are you sure?"

I nod, scrunching up my nose as I sniffle. "Good. That's probably what's best. Every single Morterero is dead other than me. No one will question your leadership. You're the highest-ranking member left."

Julian bows, gently placing his flowers on Mika's grave. "Of course, Jefe. I'll wear the title proudly. What will you do? Where will you go?"

I shrug, kissing the wedding ring and leaving it on her grave. "I don't know. Anywhere. Find something to keep me occupied. You don't have to worry about me. I will make it through this--for her."

I'll check every single item off our bucket list for you, Mika.

I love you forever and always.

Did that letter have you sobbing too? Gosh, Mika🥹🥹 she's much stronger and better than she thought she was...🥹🥹

How do you guys feel? Where do you think Asiel is going to go or do? What do you want him to do? What kind of life do you want for our boy? 😭😭😭

Guys, one chapter is left—- any guesses? Or rather what do you want the last chapter to consist of? 👀👀let me hears your thoughts