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Today was Mahira's first birthday.
And my daughter, unlike all days was up early.
Bela had been freaking from last one hour to make her dress, for the worship, we would do together to thank God, for giving us such a lovely daughter, and obviously bless her for the long life ahead.
Vyom, Sakshi, Suhani, and Bela's dad were already here.
Her brother face-timed early in the morning from his cantonment area, to have a look at his niece.
Bela's sister would arrive at the party with her husband.
My dad was also here, discussing business stuff with dad, as Mahira was busy pulling his tie.
Bela's mom, however has been pretty hostile regarding the divorce. She had a condition, that she'll see Mahira the very day, I break all connection with her. Because she hated me, to such extents that it extended to my daughter.

I have been pretty ignorant towards her harsh words and anger until yesterday.

"Are you alright!?", Vyom asked me the seventh time today.
I smiled at him, "Why do you doubt it!?"
"Because I know you're not. Even Bela requested me to budge you to have some breakfast before we go to the temple, because you have been ill lately.."

I smiled, "She's too kind to give it a thought, and I am too disgusting to deserve even a bit of it."
He sighed.

"At least be happy for your symbol of love is one years old now.", Our both's gaze shifted towards Mahira.
"You don't have to mend it for yourself. You have to do it for her."
"Had I been at her place, I would have definitely hated my dad for what he did to my mom. She'll eventually end up hating me Vyom!", My voice cracked at the end.

My head was down, and that was when, I voice I desire to hear every second came, "Get ready....Both of you...We should leave now."

Not snapping my head in her direction, to show her my melancholy, I practically ran to my room.
Since it was Monday, Mahira was with me, and so everyone came here, in my penthouse.
However, yesterday she slept with Bela because I was late and exhausted. I just went to her, kissed her good night, came back and then cried to sleep.

We would go to the temple and then head towards the farmhouse, where the party was to be held. The party was scheduled in the early evening, because there's no point in having a late night party when the reason for the party will be fast asleep by then.

I picked up my shirt, and wore it. My hand now showed no trace of pain, however the tape was still there.
I started buttoning the shirt, standing before the vanity, still adored with her bangles and earrings, that she never bothered to pick up. May be because they were all bought by me.

I heard someone clearing their throat. And when I turned, I saw Bela standing with a tray.
I was overwhelmed with love at that very moment..

She proceeded forward and kept the tray on the bed.
"Everything will take more than two hours, and I think you should eat. You aren't well..", she tried to hide the concern and care behind the coldness of her eyes. But failed. Terribly..

In moments lik these, I can read her. Even those un-written pages of her heart.

I picked up the chocolate milk and offered her, "As far as I remember, you were the first one to faint.."

"I..uh...!"
"Drink it Bela, before I shove this glass all the way your oesophagus down to your stomach!", A wave of nostalgia hit us, as I simply pasted her sentence, she used to say while I was ill.
She tried to fight back a smile and then took the glass from me.

I began eating the sandwiches she made..And there was a comfortable silence between us.
I was halfway the sandwiches, when she gave me the glass that still had some milk.
And as if on queue, I gave her my half finished sandwich, which she took without any protest.

"Mahir!!", Vyom yelled from downstairs, "We are going to the temple, and not to a fashion show!"
"I am coming!", I yelled back with a grin.

"I am glad you are back with Vyom.", She said picking Mahira's bag, that I prepared.

"And I would have been even more glad, if i could be back with everyone I love!", I said combing my hair.

That caught her off guard, and she snapped her head in my direction. May be getting the hidden meaning of it.
Her eyes grew colder, even if that was possible. She made her walls again, allowing me no entry through them..

She stood straight, and then smiled.
"Some people are part of your history, not destiny."

At that moment, I realized that it was not just to tell that she's my history, but also to tell that I am her history..

That broke me apart then and there.

"Come downstairs. Everyone is waiting."

What is tearing me apart? Her love.
What is keeping me together? Her love.
I was no more messed up.
I was sorted.
Unknowingly, she gave me the answer to the question that I was longing to be answered.
Is there any chance of us being together?

I know where my life is heading now.

I grabbed the keys and ran downstairs.

The day went pretty good. It was in the party that I realized that as I wished our clothes were colour coordinated.
There were six cakes in all.
Vyom being a crazy maniac, brought two cakes other than Mahira's.
One was for my fatherhood for one year.
Another one was for Bela's motherhood for one year.
Other four were brought by us and her grandfathers.

That day I realized that my daughter is receiving a lot of love. And I couldn't help being glad at that.
Bela had everyone to look after her.

I was glad that my divorce never affected the affection my dad showered on her. Instead, he distanced from me, because he was disappointed.

Even I am now, distanced from myself.

The best part was, I managed to smile and be cheerful through the party, even when my chest was hurting like it has been slashed into ten.

I was fine. Absolutely fine.
After all it was Mahira's birthday.

****

"Sleep baby! Dadda must be coming..", Bela pushed her down on the bed gently.
"Dadda...boo...choco...lollii...!"
Bela giggled, "Okay brat...You won't sleep until your Dadda brings chocolate, lollipop and.....!?"
"Boost!", I said as I walked in the room.
Mahira squealed less by seeing me, and more by seeing the plastic bag in my hand.

"Don't tell me you made her drink your milk shake!?"
"I did!", I grinned goofily.
"You both are hopeless!", She muttered under her breath, while I chuckled.

Mahira jumped over me, with a chocolate nudging me to remove the wrapper.

After finishing her treat, and spoiling my white shirt, she slept over my chest.

I made her lie on her crib in Bela's bedroom not before kissing her forehead.

When I was returning, I saw Bela standing near the door.
She seemed she wanted to ask me something. But was hesitated.

I moved near her.
"Say it out.", I said loud enough for her to hear.
She looked taken aback for a moment, something I am used to whenever I guessed correctly about what's going on in her brain.

"You had dinner!?", I gulped as she asked me this.
"No..I am going to make something.", I told her.
"It's already late. I made some extra food today...um..You...You can take it."
I sighed visibly.

And then I said it.
"Just when I realize what my real place is, you come up with something like this. Not that I don't like you worrying about me. It's just that I don't want to hold high hopes."
She hugged herself sighing.
"Okay then I'll order something for you.", She said taking out her phone.
"I'll prefer eating the food you made. Just say it to me, looking in my eyes, that you don't love me anymore.", I said it and my shoulders felt light.

Her reaction to this was the gasp I heard.
She moved back, visibly.
"That...t..That isn't the q..question!", She stuttered a bit.
And in a blink of an eye, she ran to the kitchen and came out.

She kept a plate on the table, and then left upstairs to her bedroom.

I grabbed the plate and left for my penthouse.

Five days after Mahira's birthday, and it was the day of the second transfusion.

I was sitting on my bed, after the dinner.

When my eyes suddenly darted to the box in my hand, which was a bit bigger this time, I felt the urge to look through it.

When I opened it, there was that letter, this time in green colour, and that draft.
Something that caught my eyes was a box of chocolate sweets.

I proceeded to read the letter.

"Hello Mr. Donor,
I hope this transfusion went well with you. This week was special for me, as I have been feeling very lively now. Your red blood cells are definitely doing the magic."

I chuckled.

"However, I am upset over you not texting me. At least be a secret critic to my book. And to have a least bit of contact with you, I have kept a private sim. Don't talk to me, but text me. I will be super happy! However, I am not forcing you, it's just a wish."

I looked in the box and there was a tiny private number sim. I smiled and then decided, that I should use it.

"It was also my daughter's birthday this week, and so these sweets. I hope you like chocolate like every human on earth does.
Make sure you eat healthy. Because, making you ill is the last thing I want. Take care. Bye until next time.
The draft is there with chapter 2.
Happy reading!
  - Bela"

****

MY HEART SPILLS-2

It looked like I am walking towards a cliff. A cliff too high. As high as the walls I have build around myself.
As his name crossed my memory, all I could do was spot myself nearing the edge of the cliff. Unaware of what it had beyond this. What will I do if I end up falling!?

Xavier Dawson.
I couldn't help my smile when I read his name in college's editorial team.
He was my senior.

Beside him, were written his achievement in various competitions.

I met a great guy!
I patted my back, as I entered the editorial office.
"Excuse me sir!.......", And I told him how I want to be included in the team, showing him my certificates in literature.
"Great child. I see you have a good grasp on literature. Just do one thing. Go to your leader, Xavier Dawson. He's in vocal section but he is a good critic for written works. Meet him, take one form, fill it and show him some piece of your work. You'll be selected."
I nodded and left.

It was my third day, at the University and I made just one friend, Stella, who also happens to be my roommate. But since our subjects are different, we can't really connect in academics.

The next day, I decided to go a bit early so I could meet him, after his class.
God knows why, but I was nervous.

My sister and her gang were seated at the same spot yelling songs.
Yeah, they don't qualify to be called singing.

"Hey Amaya!", Ry yelled in my direction.
"Hi Ry!", I went over go him and greeted him with a smile. Obviously ignoring all others there including my sister.

"You're so early here!? Why!?", He asked.
"Actually, I had to meet editorial lead....", Before I could complete, my sister came over me and hugged me.

Huh!? What's so different today!?

"Hey guys! Meet my lil' one! She's cute!? No!", She asked to everyone there.
Girls scoffed while guys gave me a sly smile.
"So little one! How much balance you have in your account!?"
Oh! Great!
"Yeah...I have a good amount. Grandpa gave me a hefty amount before I left, plus dad you know...", I teased her.
She scoffed but continued, "So my little one will give us a treat today. She made so many new friends today!"
Oh really!?
"By the way, little one... You're so early today!?", She asked me.
"Here's this guy...Named Xa....", Before I could complete she yelled again.

"Hey Xav! My love..", she left my hand and went to the other direction.
I shook my head and focussed on the ground.
Another pshyco on the way!

"Little one! Meet my nerdy boyfriend...", I turned in her direction only to find Xavier standing there.
My jaw dropped!

Out of all the girls in the University, this guy was dating my sister! Seriously!

I could see his eyes widening as soon as his eyes fell upon me.
"Meet her Xav... Amaya...My small sister!"

To make the situation in my favour, I forwarded my hand, "Hi! I am Amaya Hudson. I hope you treat my sister well... Because even if I am her little one, there are  times I can be her big brother also!"
My sister burst out laughing.
"Oh! One of the many reasons I love her so much!"

"Okay I'll go now!", I announced and walked past them.

I was feeling something unusual in me. Something I haven't felt lately but I brushed it off.

I was getting in the class when I heard someone calling me.
I turned back to find Ry striding towards me.
"Hey! How are you!?"
"I am good...What about you..!", I answered in a cheerful demeanor.
I don't mind talking to him, as I still had forty minutes to my first class.

"So...Made friends!?"
"Not actually...", I trailed off, "..I am quite slow for that matter."
"Yeah, you are quite sarcastic for that matter too...!", He lips curled up into a smile.
"I had to meet this Xavier guy today, for my membership in the editorial team...", And as I said this, he grinned widely.
"Xavier...Really!"
"Uh...Yes!?", I answered not quite understanding his amazement.

If I only knew, his grin grew wider.
Like something was going on in his mind.
"Uh...Xavier must be your friend. Keeping in mind, he's my sister's boyfriend and you her friend."
"What a guess!?!?", He beamed, "...But you're wrong...!"

I narrowed my eyes at him, "..Huh!?"

"I am his BEST friend!", Someone said in a familiar voice.
Not that I was very fond of my sister's boyfriend, but sometimes I tend to think so much about people that I end up remembering their smallest thing.
Voice also.

However, what he said did took me by shock, but I didn't show it.
I was good at hiding stuff, unless that someone who could even read the un-written walked in my life.

"You look shocked!", Xavier pointed out.

The fact that he read me, made me ignore him that very instance.
He's a semi stranger.

I pulled my guards up, and shoved my hand in my bag to grab the template to the editorial team.
"I want to sign in for this.", I said not looking in his eyes.

Ry whistled from beside us.
"Straight to business, Amaya!", He amusedly looked at Xavier, "You're going to have a hard time dude!"
I lifted my eyebrow at this.
However, I did have a clue to what they were talking about, but pretended as if I am not hearing.

Xavier cleared his throat momentarily, probably to shut Ry up and then looked at me, "I think you know the procedure. We can meet after class to discuss this out."

"OK.. Thank you!", I said to him and then turned to Ry and grinned at him.
"Hey Amaya...I think you still have time...And I am quite hungry...I didn't have my breakfast."
I knew what he was suggesting.
Ry was okay, but my sister's boyfriend was not. I can't bring myself to think in a better way about him. After all, every boyfriend my sister made was a disaster.
There was one who ended up trying to hit on me, obviously in those creepy ways when I was nothing but fifteen.
I cringed at the memory.
I remember how dad threw him away from our property, for even trying to touch his 'kiddo', that is me.
This was the second reason why my sister was so hostile towards me. My dad seemingly loved me more.
However, her boyfriends finding me more beautiful, still remained at first.

Suddenly, I had an idea.
"How about you have a good self scrabbled eggs instead of that canteen's!?", I shoved my hand in my bag, and revealed a tiffin box, that had my name carved in it.
Again a gift by my dad.

His eyes widened in realization.
"Oh my my! You cook!"
I laughed, "No!!! You will throw up here if you eat what I cook. My roommate made it considering I was early today, she packed it for me."
In my exchange, I completely ignored the third person standing beside us. Intentionally of course.

In a blink of an eye, Ry shoved a bite in his mouth and yelled in a girlish manner, "This.Is.Amazing!"
He then began robbing the tiffin box like there was no tomorrow.

As mine, and probably Xavier's eyes remain fixated on his, he cringed when he realized.
"You both may have some!?", He offered us the bits left here and there.
Before I could refuse, Xavier spoke, "So considerate of you Ry! We are touched!"

I tried hard to bite back the smile that was threatening to reveal itself.

"Okay... I'll leave now...! Return me the box later on Ry!", I said to Ry and turned to leave.
But then some not-so-rude part of me nudged me to exchange some word with him, considering the fact that he was the one to help me on the first day here.
I turned again, to meet his eyes, which were already on me.
"Where should I meet you...!?", I asked him.
He was taken aback by my sudden switch ofcourse, but maintained his demeanor, "..I'll be there when you come out of your class..."
I tried to tell him, "I have just two classes today, both in this department."
"I know. I'll wait."

Something tucked me when I walked off nodding to him.

I tried to question myself.
Am I mad at him!? If yes, then for what!? For being my sister's boyfriend.
I flinched at the thought.
Who am I to even think that way!?
Not all boys are same.
And even if they are, I have to talk politely for I have business with him.
But then what about those "let's be friends!", we shared at the coffee shop that day.
And my indifference was quite visible today.

My contemplation and self-questionairre only ended when after my two classes, I spotted him sitting on the bench in the porch, waiting for me.

My sister was no more here, and I was happy about that.

When I walked over to him, I saw him talking on phone.
"Yeah mom!..It'd freaking afternoon, why do you think, I didn't have my breakfast....Mom! Ry is a phsyco.... Don't believe him... Yeah...I was in the library. Okay... I'll make sure. I'll do! Bye...!", Seeing him having such exchange with his mother, brought a smile on my face.

Boys are always nearer to their mother. Like my brother was.

"Hey...!", I was brought back to the reality when I heard him.
"Hi.."
"You up for grabbing something to eat!? I have not had anything since the morning.", I nodded at him, because I too was feeling hungry for I gave Ry my breakfast.

We walked in silence to the canteen situated at some place away from the department.
It looked pretty advanced and a bit silent as compared to the others.

We placed our orders and then picked our trays and walked to the table on the first floor, because he said, it's less crowded up there.

I got seated, and so did he.

"Let's eat first and then we'll talk about the sign in.", I nodded.
He raised his eyebrow at me, "Last time I met you, you were more talkative."
As if I was ready, "My tongue met with an accident today, in the morning."
I didn't expect him to choke on that, but he did.
He started coughing furiously and I had to leave my chair, to pat his back and offer him a glass of water.

We resumed after he was back to normal.

He became careful to not say anything later on, but this time I ended up breaking the silence.
"That was indeed a shock. I mean you look too smart to end up there.", I shrugged my shoulder to show him that I don't really care.
"May be that's the reason I ended up there."
"Huh?!"
"Sorry to say, but your sister is quite violent when she's possessive. So unknowingly, she protects me from all the clingy girls out there. For a major cause, you need to take small risks.", He stated matter of factly.
I narrowed my eyes at him, "So you're using my sister..."
"Sort off... Because she's using me, for her reputation."
I simply shook my head at the hollowness of relationship. Not that my sister deserved any better, but after all she's still my sister.

"Why are you mad at me!?", I stopped eating that very second.
Was it so obvious!? But I don't have a reason!!
"Am I!? Thanks for this piece of information..."
He grinned.
"You were jealous!", He announced and it was my turn to choke.

Guards up Amaya! Guards up!-i told myself and then took the glass of water he offered.

"...And why do you think so!?", I raised my eyebrow at him.
"You're mad at me... That's pretty obvious. After you saw me with your sister...Quite clear. And I am hell attractive, and every girl wants to have me!", He said playfully.

I shook my head, "I wonder how these delicate shoulder of yours, bearing the burden of your huge head!"
"...Very much like your heart is bearing the burden of those high walls around you."

To say, I was shocked is an understatement, he could read me like a book! I think, he's way more smart than I think he is...

So the walls, he just said about literally collasped, and I could feel just some wrecked remnants of bricks around me. No matter how much I try to build that up again, I'll terribly fail, because he was Xavier Dawson, someone who from that very moments began floating in my mind, like he owned it.
About heart, It was too soon to admit it!

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