[A/N: Mild dub con/ non con. Readers discretion is advised.]

Xian's POV

Finally, I had come clean to Jun. I had shared my nightmares and told him how I had been lying to him. I confessed how I had manipulated his kindness to make him spend his nights next to me.

What I had hoped for was Jun's anger or perhaps his disappointment. But instead, I had received his reassurance and unconditional acceptance.

How can you always be like this, Jun?

His acceptance makes me feel more guilty than if he had thrown angry, hateful words at me. I am about to ask him to reprimand me in some way when he mentions the mark of the underworld.

I ask him what it is and why he hasn't mentioned it before, but he goes silent. I call him, but it's like I can't reach him. There is a faraway look in his eyes. He steps closer, and there it is again, the hint of cinnamon underlying the familiar fragrance of sandalwood.

I call him again, but he keeps his eyes lowered. Then, as if he had not heard me at all, he speaks, "Xian, do you... did you... " but trails off midsentence.

The scent of cinnamon starts overpowering the mild fragrance of sandalwood. "What is it?" I urge, but he still seems to be lost in thought. He doesn't look at me. He looks at my hands instead and asks, "Xian, since you turned nineteen, did you get any mark on your body? Or maybe earlier?"

The question feels incomplete. "What kind of mark?" I ask to clarify, but he purses his lips and bites out, "That's not important. Just tell me, did you notice any mark on your body!"

It's very unlike him to lose his cool over something so simple. It was not like I had asked something illogical. I just wanted to understand him better.

Why aren't you looking at me, Jun!?
Did you realize something that is
making you distance yourself from me?
Am I a threat to you? 

Fear and apprehension fill my being. I know Jun can probably hear me, but try as I may, I find it impossible to stay calm. I try to keep my voice steady and reply, "I don't know. It's not like I can see all of myself." I step closer; I want to reach out to him... I want him to look at me. The strong scent of cinnamon surrounds me, making me forget why I had stepped this close to Jun.

The need to pull him in my arms starts to take over. I feel my cheeks heat, and blood rushes to my belly. Something was not right. 

"Jun?" I call, and he finally looks at me. They are unfamiliar: his eyes. A circle of red lines his dark orbs.
Alarm bells go off in my mind, but before I can step away, his hand settles on the nape of my neck; titling it, he leans in. His lips are pulled up in a sinister grin. There is nothing familiar about it. His usually warm eyes are cold, devoid of emotion.

"Jun, you are scaring me again," I tell him, but it falls on deaf ears. I try to push him away even as everything in me is begging me to offer myself to him.

He twists my arm behind my back, buries his face in my neck, and lifts me up as if I weighed nothing at all. 

The next moment we are on the red satin sheets of his bed with me straddling his lap.

"Jun, please. Stop." I beg, trying to push him off. For I know this is not what he wants... at least, not yet. Then there was his face, which was perfect like always, but nothing else felt like him.

Instead of stopping, he unbuttons my shirt and pushes it off my shoulders while holding my arm trapped behind me, "Xian, you want me, don't you?" He asks, tilting my face up, and without warning, he kisses me.

The fragrance of cinnamon, strong and heady, assaults my senses. Only the faint traces of sandalwood remain. My mind clouds. I forget why I had even bothered resisting in the first place.

He pulls me closer, raking his fingers through my hair. He pries my mouth open and laps into it.

Yes, I want you, Jun.

I feel heat and desire coursing through my veins like molten lava, even as I struggle to push him away. I close my eyes, and monolid phoenix eyes, proud and satisfied, flash across my mind's eyes. 'Yes, my boy. This is what you were created for.' the lips pull up in a sinister smirk as Jun discards my shirt and pushes me into the sheets.

Jun's hand, like scalding iron bars, wraps around my wrists. He hovers on top of me, his eyes drifting from my face to my torso and lower. He settles between my legs. "Do you want me to relieve you? Do you want me to touch you?" He breaths, cupping my face and kissing my jaw.

I feel teeth graze my jaw, moving lower, nipping at the soft flesh at my nap. Jun's lips are hot as they close over my teat and suck.

"Ah!" I moan. My hand fists in his hair, forcing him to look at me. The scene in front of me shocks me; it clears my head like dust being blown away by a gush of wind. Jun's eyes are red. I instantly become aware of his iron-like grip on my waist. His hands... no, his entire body is hot. I can feel heat radiating from him.

This is wrong! All wrong! 

I gather my strength and push at his chest. He smiles; it's soulless: empty.
"Jun, let me go!" I push again. It earns me a hard slap across my face, and both my hands end up trapped over my head, "Stop resisting. I know you want this. You want him."

HIM!? 

Realization dawns on me. This is not my Jun!

My Jun is like a cool gentle breeze, this... whoever it is, is hot as the desert sun; my Jun is caring, this imposter is harsh.

Suddenly things fall into place. I conclude that Jun's actions were being guided by forces beyond his control. I contemplate using my voice, but something in my gut tells me that that would be a mistake. I decide that the best bet now was to cling to humanity.

"Please stop, Jun. What is wrong with you!? Have you forgotten who I am!? Stop." I plead, trying to get away as his hands go to my pants, pulling them down.

"Why are you acting so shy now, hum?" He pauses and looks at my crotch, "You are hard. Don't you want me to take care of it for you? I promise to make you feel good."

I struggle to get my hands free and bite out, "I like Qing! You sick pervert. Let me go! Or I will call the cops."

"But I can give you things no one else can. Are you sure you don't want me?" He states, leaning away, smirking.

"I am sorry to inform you, old man, but you are not my type! Now get the fuck off of me!"

It pains me to lie like this and to insult him, but this was my only choice.
I feel his grip on me go slack. I pull my hands free and throw a punch. It hits him square in the jaw.

He winces, blood trickles down the side of his lips, and unexpectedly his body slumps over mine. The scent of cinnamon dissipates, and the pure fragrance of sandalwood blankets us.

"Jun?" I call and remove myself from under him; I turn him over and check his pulse. It's loud and steady. I put my hand over his forehead. It's hot and sweat-drenched. I push the stray strands of hair away from his face. "Jun, wake up."

He remains motionless.

Could it be because of the heat, I wonder, and return with a bottle of chilled water. I splash water on Jun's face, hoping it would do the trick, but it doesn't help.

"Wake up, Jun," I beg.

Nothing.

"WAKE UP!" I yell, making sure not to use the voice.

Nothing.

I think back to what had happened, hoping to get a clue, something that would help me get my Jun back.

What should I do, Jun?

I pull him in my lap and wipe the blood off of his now swollen lips. I feel his forehead again. It's still hot. 

 'Maybe I didn't do enough,' I reason and run cold water in his tub before returning and stripping Jun of his clothes. Leaving him only in his briefs, I carry him to the bath and help him into the now full tub.
I splash his face with cold water repeatedly and check his forehead.

Relief floods me as slowly his body cools down, and he opens his eyes.

I hold his hand, "Jun, how are you feeling?" I ask. Our eyes meet, and his brows knit, anger flashed across his face, he moves towards me, and as a reflex, I move away. I regret it immediately when I see his face cloud.

"I did that." He mutters. His eyes are filled with shame, "I hurt you... again." He shakes his head. His eyes wander over my shoulder and chest. I try to hide the marks, but the damage is done; he stands. He closes his eyes and sways.

"Be careful," I warn, moving to support him, but he puts his hand out.

"Stay away." He opens his eyes, and they linger on the side of my face, "Leave. Now. Get out." He mutters, stepping out of the bath.

I stand my ground. One look at Jun's face tells me what might be going through his mind, "Listen, Jun." I try to close in again, but he shrinks back. When he looks up, there are tears in his dark orbs, "Please."

My eyes sting. "It was not your... "

"Xian, can you give me a few minutes, please? That's not much to ask, is it?" He requests, standing taller. Wrapping a towel around himself, he walks out of the room without looking behind.

He stands at the door, "Xian, now." He states emotionlessly and turns towards me but doesn't look at me.

"At least let me... " I reach for him, but he interjects, "No. I will call you when I am ready."

Giving up, I nod and am almost out the door when he calls my name and holds my shirt out to me, "I am fine. Don't worry about me." He reassures. However, as soon as I have taken my shirt, he closes the door, leaving me alone.

I contemplate returning to my room, but my feet refuse to leave. Jun didn't want me around him, but I could still keep an eye on him. Without making a sound, I peep through the keyhole.
I watch him take a few unsteady steps towards his wardrobe and pulls out a jet black coat. I had never seen him in. He holds it up as if inspecting it. It's long. It shimmers as if studded with black diamonds. Placing it on the bed, I watch him get dressed. I remember having seen something similar.

Then it dawns on me. It's what Jun was wearing when I had traveled to the heavenly realm; the place where Jun had lost his wings!

Completely dressed, he walks to his wardrobe once again and crouches next to it.

My heart sinks: it's the place that holds his sword.

Jun, what are you... No, it couldn't be, could it? He won't hurt himself, right?

He pulls at the edge of the skirting, and it falls over, revealing a secret compartment. As expected, he retrieves his sword from it.

Jun, you promised, you promised not to hurt yourself! 

He unsheats his sword partially; his eyes roam over the white metal. He smiles fondly and holds it to his chest before standing and pulling it completely out of its confinement.

The dimly lit room fills with an unearthly brightness, like the one I had seen in my nightmare, in the heavenly realm just before Jun had lost his wings. It hurts my eyes, but I can't bring myself to look away.

The look on his face is indescribable as he caresses the sharp edges of the blade and stares at his reflection in the full-length mirror.

What are you doing, Jun?

Pulling his wrist up, he runs it over the sharp edge. It is then that I understand what he was planning to do. It was as I had suspected. He wanted to punish himself.

If that was his plan, I couldn't let him continue. Wanting to put a stop to this stupidity, I turn the knob.

When did he lock it!? 

"Jun, open up! Please let me in!" I demand, but he doesn't respond.
I peep through the hole again. My breath catches in my chest. It's a sight so magnificent that I can't put it into words: Jun's jet black wings are unfurled, spanning the entirety of the room.

He brings them forward and runs his fingers over them slowly as if savoring them. Tears fall unrestrained as he stares at his reflection; he swings his tainted sword. Blood splatters on the white walls, staining them. A moment passes, and the blood disappears, leaving a golden glow in its place. 

Fear and panic grip my heart, making me feel helpless, "Jun, please let me in." I bang on the door, and when he continues to ignore me, I ram into it.
"Don't do it, Xian." He looks at the door, "You should leave. You won't be able to change my mind." He says sternly.

How dare he!? 

Anger bubbles inside me and fills me with rage. "NO!" I yell and hit the door with everything in me.

Crack.

The door gives way, but I find that I am unable to approach him. It's like an invisible barrier was keeping us apart.

"Jun, what are you doing? Please, just talk to me!" I ask, pushing at the barrier.

"It's the only way, Xian."

"It's the only way to do what?" I demand, and he smiles, "To protect you." He replies and opens his palm. A second sword, the twin of the first one, appears on it.

He closes his eyes and purses his lips. The twin blades glow and start to lengthen. I finally understand what Jun was planning to do.

"Jun, don't!"

"Your Voice won't work. You can't breach it. So just leave. I will be fine. I will survive. I promise." He consoles without looking at me, and flinging the deadly weapons towards heaven, he lets them go. They hang midair as if waiting, and he crouches down. He ignores my screams and pleas; he commands, "I am ready. Do it now."

And just as the blades swirl and swoop down, obeying their master, the barrier keeping us apart falls.

Disconsolate... Altruistic... Mine.

{Note: That's it for this update.

As mentioned earlier, I will update this book next when I have finished drafting it.

In the meanwhile, I will be updating Destinies (two chapters a week) and Us and Them (only two more chapters till it's done).

If anyone wants to check out my independent works, the link to my other profile is in my bio.

Please vote and comment on this update to show your support if you have enjoyed it.

Thank you for reading.
Have a nice day.}