Xian's POV

Since the day I came to know exactly what it was that Jun did with the women behind closed doors, I have hated it. I have hated them. So, when I thought about what I wanted most, it was only natural to ask for what I had wanted for quite a few years now.

"You told me that the women you bed mean nothing to you. I want you to stop sleeping with them." I blurt out, and his eyes narrow. "Why?" He asks.

Because it hurts me to see you with them!

Because I don't want to share you with them!

Because you are mine!

"Because you said that you don't love them. And you should only be with the person who makes your heart race; the person who makes you happy; the person who you live for, and the person you would gladly die for." I explain, and he gives me a pained look.

Then his face darkens, and he turns his back towards me, "I can't do that." He says resolutely.

"Why?" I retort, turning him to face me and catch his eyes, "You promised me, Jun."

"I have needs." He explains and steps closer. His eyes roam over my face, "I am sorry, Xian."

"If you have needs, then why don't you get married!?" I bite out, and his hands ball into fists. I can see that I have hit a nerve.

Why does it anger you so, Jun?

"That's out of the question. I can't get married."

"But you can fuck!" I spit out.

"XIAN!" He yells and raises his hand. I know I have hurt him. I close my eyes, yet stand my ground. I wait for his hand to make contact with my cheek; I wait for the pain.

The pain doesn't come. Instead, I feel Jun's soft palms cup my face. I open my eyes and find his. They hold unshed tears.

"I am sorry, A Xian. Did I scare you?" He enquires, stroking my brows, "Why do you care if I sleep with them? Have I not taken care of you; provided for you. Have I not done what a guardian should?" He asks. The last sentence, barely over a whisper.

Is that all, Jun? Is that all I am to you?

When I keep staring at him, he pulls me in his arms. "I will never hurt you, my.. Xian. I am not capable of it."

But you are hurting me now!

"Won't you forgive me?" He asks.

His arms tighten around me, and I can feel him shudder. "Xian, trust me, if I could give them up, I would. In a heartbeat, I would. But I can't."

He lets go and steps back. With his eyes holding mine and tears rolling down his face, he smiles. It's painfully beautiful.

"Xian..." He starts, but I put my finger to his lips, "Can you at least tell me why you can't give them up?"

He chews on his bottom lip and my heart begins to race.

'Slow down or you will expose yourself.' I reprimand my heart.

Jun looks at me questioningly, and I resolutely stare at him with demanding eyes. My eyes don't stray lower. For the fear of giving myself away is too strong.

"Xian," He starts in a tone he has seldom used in recent years. It's his I-am-imparting-wisdom-now-so-better-listen-carefully voice.

He gestures me to join him on the dining table, and I follow.

"Chocolate milk and cookies?" He offers.

"Jun, if I have any more sweet stuff, you will have a tough time controlling me," I reply and chuckle.

His eyes widen as if remembering what had happened the last time I had gotten high on sugar and he mumbles, "Quite right." Before settling down.

"Xian, before I begin, you need to understand that none of it is on you. It was my choice; my decision. To fall, was my decision. And if given a choice, I would do it all over again. I would always choose you. No matter what." He takes my hands between his and looks at me questioningly. "Do you understand?" He asks, giving my hands a gentle squeeze.

I nod, and he continues, "I told you a few years ago that angels have auras. Do you remember?"

I nod. "Yes. I remember."

"What I didn't tell you is that an Archangel's aura is brighter. On the mortal plane, its light can be seen for hundreds of meters. A higher demon can spot it from miles away."

He waits for me to process what he had told me, before proceeding, "In my books I have mentioned more than once that on the mortal realm, an angel's power is greatly reduced whereas a demon's power stays the same, remember?" He questions.

"So, here on earth, you are less powerful than the demons?" I ask, and he shakes his head, "I am an archangel so I am not weak, but I fell from heaven, thus I am not as powerful as I would have been if... " He trails off.

My heart starts hammering in my chest, "Because of me, you fell and became weak. Because of me!" I bite out. I am angry. I am furious. I feel like screaming.

I leave the chair and run towards my room. I can't listen to it anymore. Why is Jun telling me this? What does this have to do with Jun sleeping with those women!?

I almost make it to my room when Jun's arm wraps around my waist, and my back collides with his chest. "Xian...." He whispers, "It's not your fault. You are the light of my life. You are all that is important."

Drowning in guilt, I try to get away from him, but he doesn't let go. It pains me to the point of suffocation. "But it was because of me!" I yell, struggling to get away from him, yet again.

He holds me tighter and pulls me closer. His cold breath hits the side of my face, "Xian, please calm down. Don't you want to know more?"

'The women!' I remember why Jun had started telling me these things. I try to ignore the pain in my chest and stop struggling.

He lets me go, and I turn in his arms, "Go on."

"When I fell, I noticed that my aura was gone, but as the days passed by, it returned, and gradually, it started growing. All kinds of negativity are attracted to this aura, Xian. Father made it so that angels would be in a better position to spot sinners, evildoers, demons. But after I fell, the same thing that helped me, started to hinder me. All sorts of wrong people kept getting attracted to me. I couldn't have that. Not with you so tiny and delicate. So dependent, on me."

Jun gets a faraway look in his eyes like he is recalling those days. I wish I could remember those days too, but I don't.

"Xian, to protect you and to take care of you, is, was, and always will be, the most important thing for me. And I knew that till I don't get rid of the light that surrounds me, I will never be able to do that." Jun looks at me as if begging me to understand what he is trying to say.

The words 'Do you understand what I am trying to tell you' remains unsaid.

"When angels sin, our aura diminishes." He explains catching my eyes for a split second before looking away, "I sleep with them to diminish my aura. So that we can stay hidden. So that we can remain undetected." He finishes walks back to the chair. He knows that I will follow.

I follow him, but my mind is far away. How do I react to what he has just told me? How do I ask him to stop doing what he is doing, when he is not doing it for himself, but for us? For me. All, for me.

His hand on my shoulder drags me out of my thoughts, "Do you understand now, why I can't stop?" He asks, and I nod.

Then something else occurs to me, "Isn't there anything else that you can do to diminish your aura?"

Jun chuckles mirthlessly, "Pride, envy, gluttony, greed, lust, sloth, and wrath. Out of all of them, lust is the only one I can easily pull off. It also is the strongest one in case of, celestial beings." He says solemnly.

Knowing why Jun does it, doesn't make it any easier for me to accept it. It doesn't make it any less painful.

We sit in silence for a few minutes, both lost in our thoughts, till a knock on the door snaps us back to reality. Whilst Jun goes to open the door, I look at the time and guess who it would be. I hold Jun's wrist, stopping him midway, "Don't!"

He stops abruptly and looks me in the eye, "Why?" He enquires.

I had received a text from Cheng when we were having breakfast informing me that Qing was planning to drop by. I had decided there and then that I would avoid her at all costs.

Thus, I ignore Jun's question, and state, "I am older now, you don't have to sin anymore. I am not tiny and delicate. I can take care of both of us. I am strong. I don't need your protection." As I argue my case, and he looks to the floor, shaking his head.

Looking at him, I just know that he will try to persuade me to let him continue as he has been doing for the past nineteen years. So before he can speak, I blurt out, "Let's go camping! In the wilderness, there will be no one for miles. You won't have to hide your aura!"

"Mn?" He tilts his head adorably, and my heart skips a beat. He doesn't miss it. He looks at my chest, "Are you alright?" He worries, and walking forward, he puts his hand on my forehead.

"I am perfectly fine. Jun, think about it. If it's only the two of us there, you won't attract anyone." I suggest. And before he can come up with an excuse, I fold my hands over my chest and declare, "I won't accept no for an answer."

I can almost feel the wheels in his mind turning, and a few moments later, he stands straighter and bows down, "Your wish, is my command, My prince." He announces lightheartedly. I can't help but laugh.

He stands and directs a beautiful smile towards me. "What are you waiting for? Go get packed. We will start in thirty."

The doorbell rings once more and I gesture Jun to ignore it, "It's Qing. She is asking for a commitment. I can't give it to her right now." I lie and Jun nods, "I understand." He says and sighs.

The bell rings a few more times, but neither of us pays any attention.

As enter my room to prepare for our trip, my heart fills and sores with excitement. For at least the next three days, it will just be the two of us.

For the next three days, he is only mine.

{Note :- That's it for today's update.
Hope it was worth the wait.

The next book I will update will be The Fine Print. And thereafter, The Lonely Bridge.

In case you guys are wondering, my eyes are marginally better, but I still can't stare at the screen for longer than ten to fifteen minutes. Thus, drafting my stories has become a slow process. ☹️

Kindly point out my mistakes if you come across any and please don't forget to Vote for this update if you have enjoyed it.

Thank you for reading.
Have a nice day.}