A/N to my Indonesian wattpad readers, I post my original story @suhaa_alhasnah it's all in Indonesian. Please read and follow me.

Every day's the same

He fights to find his way

He hurts, he breaks, he hides

And tries to pray

He wonders why

Does anyone ever hear him when he cries?

-Britt Nicole, 'When She Cries'. Lyrics changed from, 'she' to 'he'.

My two orbs travelled around the room. I watch the time, which reads 2 AM. No. I can't sleep. My left hand is twirling my razor I placed under my pillow. I see my arms are filled with cuts. Maybe I should cut again, I can't sleep anyway. What if I sleep forever? I stood up and grabbed my pills on the table, I have two. Antidepressants and painkillers. I stared at them emptily, itching to get a hold of the antidepressant. I want to sleep forever.

I heard footsteps from outside my room and my eyes grew wild as I raced back down to my covers, my fingers fidgeting terribly. I'm so bored but I'll be dead if Mother knows I'm not asleep. I just can't sleep! I stared at my curtains. Those are my doors. Mother liked to check on me, she wants to know everything I was doing. She fears I'll be a bad child. The sound of the footsteps is getting nearer as time goes by. I better close my eyes shut.

Someone opened my room's curtains and turned the light on. I daren't to open my eyes. I daren't check who it is, though I know who should I expect. She sat next to me.

"BoBoiBoy-" She called for me, shaking my body lightly as to wake me up, obviously. I didn't react, I act I was sleeping. She kissed my forehead before slapping it, making me furrow my brows as I forced my eyes to open up. She made me face her and I did before I pointed to the clock nearby, which shows 2.15 AM. She rolled her eyes.

"Tomorrow you'll be at my father's again," she said. "I expect you to behave yourself because you'll be there for a long time."

I slowly nodded and faced away, going back to pretend to sleep. She forced my head up to face her again, growling lowly. "I wasn't finished." I looked down. "I want you to take care of him and behave yourself." I sighed and closed my eyes. She's extremely vain, difficult to deal with, demanding, she's many things I can't say. She caressed my cheeks softly which I pushed her hand away from my face. She lets out a tiny hiss before forcing my head up and slammed her lips on mine.

"Mph!" I struggled to get off. I pushed her off me. I tried to get up, but she pinned me to bed. I almost yelled when she covers my mouth with her hands.

"Man up." I inwardly cried. Man up, I am a man but not like this!

Her tongue travelled all the way in my mouth. I whimpered slightly, I didn't respond. I knew it'll cause me trouble. Her hands travel down to my penis. I took a deep breath in.

"Like that?" She smirked. I didn't say anything. "Sadly that's it for tonight's episode." I inwardly sighed in relief. She forced another kiss on my lips before leaving, not even closing the curtains again.

I choked a sob. No one knew about this, and no one will. Mostly because I had no friends. Mother is really odd. Sometimes she can be really loving, sometimes she can be really difficult to deal with. I rolled over my bed, I can't sleep. I grabbed a picture of my dad and me. My tears swell up as I poured my heart's pain to it. I hugged the picture closely. I miss him, I really do. I loved him dearly. I didn't realise I was fully crying until I took a shaky breath in. No. Man up. Men don't cry.