Guilt and regret!

That was all I felt. If only I was not his friend maybe he would be a good guy. If he had been Uthman's friend since the beginning he could be a very practicing Muslim just like Uthman. After all, birds of the same feather flock together.

It was after I read the letter, I realized I had lost my closest friend, my best friend. We had been friends since our primary school days. We had been friends even before we knew what friendship was. He had always been there for me. He had never for once left my side. The person with the kindest heart I know. The person I am most comfortable around. The person I talked to about everything. The person that always knew how to cheer me up.

I wondered how I would survive without him but then all that mattered then was he died as a good Muslim and for that I felt really happy and relieved.

I had been holding back the tears since his death, I broke down immediately after reading his letter. In the last part of the letter he asked me not to cry too much but I just couldn't help it.

After Uncle Nour finished reading the letter, I saw a tear dropped down his cheeks. He moved closer to me and put his hand over my shoulder. I rested my head on his shoulders
crying, and muttering, 'Alhamdulilah,'. Uncle Nour didn't say anything, he let me cry my eyes out. We stayed in that position for almost an hour, when I was done crying, I started,

"Uncle Nour, I am really sorry for all I have done. I know I have hurt you a lot and I don't deserve your forgiveness after all what I have done these past years. I have said hurtful words and done things that can't be forgiven. I don't  even deserve to be called your niece. I hope you can find a place in your heart to forgive me. I promise you won't regret doing that because I will change. I will become someone who you will be proud of."

"There is nothing to apologize for Hameeda. I have forgiven you long ago. I also did so many things to you that I really regret. I have also said things I shouldn't have said. I shouldn't have treated you the way I did. So please find it in your heart to forgive me too. We all make mistakes, the stronger one among us is the one that apologize first,"

"So I am stronger than you," I teased. He nodded his head. We stayed in a comfortable silence for a while before I broke it again.

"Uncle Nour....,"

"Yes Habibti,"

"How do I become miss Akirah?"I blurted out the question I had been wanting to ask.

He turned his face to me and even though the room was quiet dark, I could see his face glowing. With a bright and large smile he asked, "Are you ready to become Miss Akhirah?

"Definitely," I answered grinning.

I was quite surprised when he hugged me tightly saying,"Alhamdulilah ,Alhamdulilah, my prayers has been answered,".

He broke from the hug and went straight to sujood.

"What's that?" I asked clueless when he stood up from the sujood.

"What?"

"The sujood,"

"Ohh, it's called sujoodul shukr. It is done to thank Allah. And can be done anytime, whether you have ablution or not, whether you are facing the qiblah or not ," he told me, I grabbed a hijab and went straight to sujood.

I thanked Allah for everything. I thanked Allah for making me a Muslim. I thanked Him for making me understand before it got too late. I thanked Him for giving me a beautiful family. I thanked Him for my health. I thanked Him for always having food to eat, clothes to wear and bed to sleep on. I thanked Him for  Muklis' repentance. I thanked Him for having Uncle Nour in my life. I thanked Him for everything I could think of. I realized Allah's blessings on me, how ungrateful was I that I didn't use to thank him.

When I finished, Uncle Nour was sitting on my couch, his face still beaming with happiness. I hadn't seen him this happy in a really long time. You know that feeling you get by making people happy. Or that feeling you get when you see your loved ones happy. You feel on top of the world. That was how I felt too.

"So what should we start with?" he asked smiling brightly. I shook my head indicating I didn't know.

"I have been studying you and I think I know what you are good at and what you are not,"

" Astagfirullah, I don't think I am good at anything deen wise. I know I am good at make up, snapping pictures, singing and dancing. All these things but nothing in Islam. I have wasted a lot of time," I stated almost tearing up.

" It is never too late to change and you are actually good at something that is very good in Islam,"

"And that's ..."I asked with raised eyebrows wiping my tears.

'Pleasing parents."

"Pleasing parents," I started with a laugh.

"Puffffff, you know if Mama knows the real me or what I do outside this house by now I WILL BE DEAD,"

"But at least she is proud of who she thinks you are and you don't say any bad word to her. Do you know that some teenagers of this generation, a'uzubillah, fight and exchange words with their parents. And you are also Baba's favourite. Do you know what it means for your parents to be pleased with you? Only Allah knows the reward. Do you know what's next to obeying Allah and not putting partners in worship with him. It is pleasing the parents. In numerous ayas of the Qur'an. Allah says,

"Worship Allah and join none with Him in worship, and do good to parents....., "(4:36)

"And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour."(17:23).

He read the ayas in his melodious voice and translated them to me.

"Well apart from that there is nothing else I do that's good," I said in a matter of fact tone.

"Well there is. There's a lot more like the fact that you don't gossip at all and hate hearing others doing that,"

"I just hate it when people say something bad behind other's back,"

"Well, do you know how bad slander and backbiting is? There's even a whole surah on that where Allah says "Woe to every slanderer and backbiter(104:1),"

"Wow," I said. How come I didn't know all this? Maybe because I never paid attention in the IRS class.

"And you also have a very kind heart. You are nice and friendly to many people. You like smiling. Do you know smiling is sunnah? You like saying good things to people. Do you know they are many ayas in the holy Qur'an that says,

"...and speak to them words of kindness and justice,(4:5). You like visiting and spending time with your close relatives which is very good too."

"Okay enough about my good behaviours let's go to the other side,"

"Okay where should we start?"

"What about Salah, the most important Right?"

"Sure my dearest niece, tell me how you pray,"

" I try my best to pray five daily prayers never more. Once in a while I miss Isha. And I don't usually pray in the correct time especially Subh. And then I usually loose concentration. May Allah forgive me but I really think a lot when I am praying. Like it's the time when everything comes into my head." I finished telling him everything and covered my head in shame.

"You are not the only one that think while praying. Everyone does that. You just have to try your best and concentrate. I think learning the meaning of what you are saying might help a lot. And try your best and do it it at the correct time too.

When you have finished As-Salat (the prayer - congregational), remember Allah standing, sitting down, and lying down on your sides, but when you are free from danger, perform As-Salat (Iqamat-as- Salat). Verily, the prayer is enjoined on the believers at fixed hours.(4:103).

34. And those who guard their Salat (prayers) well.

35. Such shall dwell in the Gardens (i.e. Paradise) honoured.(

44:34&35)

15. And remembers (glorifies) the Name of his Lord (worships none but Allah), and prays (five compulsory prayers and Nawafil additional prayers).(87:15)

The topic I didn't want to hear came next, dressing and touching non mahrems.

"I know it is not easy to avoid shaking hands with your male classmates and friends and to completely cover your body except your hands and face but you have to see the wisdom in it. Women are our jewels. We have to hide their beauty and protect them. See hijab as a shield that is protecting you.

Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.). That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is All-Aware of what they do.

And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.) and not to show off their adornment except only that which is apparent (like palms of hands or one eye or both eyes for necessity to see the way, or outer dress like veil, gloves, head-cover, apron, etc.), and to draw their veils all over Juyubihinna (i.e. their bodies, faces, necks and bosoms, etc.) and not to reveal their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husband's fathers, their sons, their husband's sons, their brothers or their brother's sons, or their sister's sons, or their (Muslim) women (i.e. their sisters in Islam), or the (female) slaves whom their right hands possess, or old male servants who lack vigour, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex. And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And all of you beg Allah to forgive you all, O believers, that you may be successful.(34:30-31)

And it has been reported that Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said " For one of you to be stabbed with an iron needle is better for him than that he should touch a woman who is not permissible for him", in another narration "is better for him than that he should touch the palm of a woman who is not permissible for him"

I just kept quiet because I couldn't say a thing.

"And then Hameeda, controlling your tongue is very important too. For lying is the root of every evil and it leads to all other sins. The prophet(SAW) was asked,"Can a believer be a miser?" He said yes. "Can a believer be a coward?" He said "yes". And then he was asked " Can a believer be a liar?". He said, " No".

"Also it had been related that a man went to the messenger of Allah(SAW) and said "O messenger of Allah indeed I do three sins in secret:drinking alcohol, fornication and lying. So inform me which of them I should abandon. He (SAW) said "Leave off lying. The man went away and later desired to fornicate but he thought to himself," If I go to the messenger of Allah and he will ask me whether I fornicated. If I say yes, he will punish me. And If I say no, I will have broken the covenant and lied." So he abstained from fornication and the same occurred regarding alcohol. He returned to Allah's messenger (saw) and said," O messenger of Allah indeed I have abandoned all of them"

"Have you seen how lying is the root of all other sins?," he asked and I nodded my head.

"O you who believe! Why do you say that which you do not do? 3. Most hateful it is with Allah that you say that which you do not do." (61:2-3)

"Uncle Nour do you know the cause of all these things ?"I asked, when he shook his head I said:

"Watching too many movies. That's where we learn all these things. Why must we copy them? Why shouldn't we stick to our own culture and way of life"

"Exactly Hameeda, thank God you reminded me. I wanted to talk to you about that too. Time. It is a gift. That can never be reused. It is very important but unfortunately we don't see how important it is until we can't use it again,"

"Like when we are on our death bed?," I chirped.

"Yes only a dying person knows how invaluable time is. We waste too much time doing unnecessarily things like watching movies, playing games, chatting e.t.c. It's okay to have fun once in a while but don't waste too much time. We can use that time to do more important things that will make us gain alot of reward like adkhar, reading the holy Qur'an, praying and the rest.

"By Al-'Asr (the time).

Verily! Man is in loss

Except those who believe (in Islamic Monotheism) and do righteous good deeds, and recommend one another to the truth (i.e. order one another to perform all kinds of good deeds (Al-Ma'ruf) which Allah has ordained, and abstain from all kinds of sins and evil deeds (Al-Munkar) which Allah has forbidden), and recommend one another to patience (for the sufferings, harms, and injuries which one may encounter in Allah's Cause during preaching His religion of Islamic Monotheism or Jihad, etc.). (103:1-3)

We continued talking till when we heard the adhan of subh prayer. I really enjoyed the night. I learnt a lot of things that I had never known in my life. Like the fact that everything you do is Ibadah. From normal ibadas like Sallah, Zakkat, hajj, to eating, drinking ,sleeping, removing injurious objects from the ground e.t.c.

"I have not created men and jinns except to worship me,"( )

And how 'Subhanallah' and 'Alhamdulillah' is sadaqah

And how Qur'an will be a proof for you or against you.

He also narrated to me stories from the history of Prophet Muhammad (SAW), the four rightly guided khalifas, warriors like Khaleed bin Walid , the sword of Allah, Abu Ubaida and the rest.

We talked about everything from tahajjud to reading the Qur'an to pleasing our parents to doing any act of kindness, feeding the poor, helping old people, doing morning and evening adhkar and the rest.

Immediately I prayed subhi I slumped into my bed. I was so exhausted what a long day/night had it been. I really had a nice time. I slept with a clean heart muttering astagrifriullah with hope that I will change for good.

Bonus part.

First day.

Subi prayer.

Buzzz!!! Buzzz!!!Buzzz!!I woke up and switched off my alarm before going back to sleep again but few minutes later it went off again.

Buzzzz!!!! Buzzzzz!!!Buzzz!!!

What is wrong with this alarm. I switched it off and again a minute later it went off. I closed my ears with my pillow.

Buzzz!!!Buzzz!!!Buzzzz!!!

Buzzz!!!buzzz!!!buzzzz!!!

Buzz!!!buzzz!!buzzz!!!!

"Hameeda wake up, it's time for fajr. You didn't wake up by yourself. " Uncle Nour patted me and that's when I woke up and remembered how I put 5 alarms so that I will wake up by my self.

Second day

Buzz!!!Buzzz!!Buzz!! I switched off the alarm and went back to sleep.

Buzz!!buzz!!!buzzz!!

Buzzz!!buzzz!!buzzz!!!

"Okay okay I am awake," I mumbled standing up. I checked the time and saw it was about five minutes to the prayers so I decided to lay down a bit and wait for the Adnan. Only to go back to sleep and not wake up again.

"Wake up Hameeda, it's time for subh.,"

"But wallahi I woke up,"

"Did you pray?"

"I can't remember,"

Third day

Before going to sleep.

"Ai yau in sha Allah se na tashi"

Buzzz!!buzzz!!buzz!!!

Buzz!! Buzzz!!!buzzz!!!

I woke up and switched it off.

Buzzz!!!buzzz!!buzzz!. And then I stood up and went to the bathroom for ablution. I woke up by myself for subh prayers the first time in my life!!!!!!

Ramadan Kareem. I hope we will all make the best use of the beautiful month. Check chapter 6: Ramadan, for little tips on Ramadan.

I have been writing through out the night. It is now 4:45 and am soooooooooooooooo hungry. I want to eat.

So Hameeda is finally changing huh? Yaaaaaay!! Am really happy for her. Allah yasa muma duk mu gyaru. Saura tasamu Mijin aure. Ko ya kukace??

My stomach is growling !!!!!!!!