a/n: trigger warning! chapter contains mentions of mental illness and suicide

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FROM: [email protected]
TO: Park Jimin • [email protected]

hey boo just wanted to ask if you're ok :( you left the gc all of o sudden and I was worried also reminder i'm always here for my bestie

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REPLY TO: [email protected]

I'm okay... it's just I've dealt with a lot of toxic people all my life like my parents relatives and later my boyfriend and the gc getting toxic felt really overwhelming to me

I've calmed down now and going to sleep thank you for being here you really are my bestie

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1 NEW MESSAGE FROM MIN YOONGI . . .

YOONGI
you asleep?

Y/N
bitches say goodnight and then
scroll thru twitter for 3 hours
all at the same time dying inside
bitches is me

YOONGI
guessed so

YOONGI
you watched the movies?

Y/N
yeah got pregnant by 2D
character howl 🤰🤰🤰

Y/N
hbu whatchu doing

YOONGI

YOONGI

YOONGI
taking a stroll outside and
having the coffee i had brought
with myself

Y/N
that's like really cool and emo
boyfie material but it's literally
4 focking am

Y/N
youll get jumped omg GO HOME

YOONGI
i like driving around or walking
by myself at this hour till sunrise
if i cant sleep

YOONGI
often saw weird people but
none ever robbed me

Y/N
what kind of weird??? like
people 69ing on the streets??

YOONGI
your imagination..

Y/N
maybe none robbed you
cause they know youre SWAGG

YOONGI
Don't know about that

YOONGI
Are you okay?

Y/N
am i ever 😃

Y/N
but you worrying about me tho

Y/N
me to myself: what's it like
being god's favourite?

Y/N
bitches say they're fine but theyre
not bc they want to walk around at
nights like yoongi but has anxiety
and also bc bitches can get raped so
bitches just stay at home and cry

Y/N
bitches is me

YOONGI
I wish the world was a safe
place for women to do whatever
the hell they wanted to do

Y/N
yes feminist yoongi speak!

YOONGI
about your anxiety I can
understand a little
I have social anxiety

YOONGI
I won't tell more because it
might be triggering to you
I just wanted to say that

YOONGI
I'm here for you

Y/N
min yoongi i'll sue u

YOONGI
why?

Y/N
you dont have the right to
make me want to ugly sob
at 4 focking am

YOONGI
Oh
sorry

YOONGI
It's okay to cry

Y/N
i wanna hear everything pls
dont hesitate to tell me

YOONGI
You didn't ask so I thought
it could be triggering to you

Y/N
i wanted you to idk maybe
open up to me on your own

YOONGI
hmm

YOONGI
when you learn to like being
alone by yourself you start to
enjoy your own company more

YOONGI
that's why I like to stay in
my own space and when i
go out it's usually by myself

Y/N
i wish i could do that

Y/N
set myself free

Y/N
but i cant bear my own
thoughts most of the time lmao

Y/N
when you clean your room
and realize the only trash left
is your own self #COPIEDMEME

YOONGI
You can talk about how
you feel if you want to
without making it a joke

Y/N
that's the thing it's my
coping mechanism

Y/N
also how can i not joke
when my whole life is a joke plss

Y/N
when you want to get rid of your
biggest problem and then realize
it is you

YOONGI
do you hate yourself?

Y/N
idk man
i dont wanna think bout
myself rn

Y/N
tell me about you
how did you achieve the
saint level of enjoyingalonetime
jujitsu

YOONGI
By getting professional help

YOONGI
I've been dealing with major
depressive disorder and social
anxiety ever since I was young

Y/N
i never knew...
i am so proud of you for
getting help

YOONGI
Probably 8 out of 10 people
now has depression or other
mental illness but 80℅
of them go undiagnosed

Y/N
that doesnt make your
pain less valid like even
if everyone's going thru the
same or even worse pain

YOONGI
I know thank you

Y/N
dont mind me if i ask
when did you know you
had to get help???

YOONGI
I was struggling since I was
13 I think but when I was
17 it got really worst

Y/N
talk to me about it
if it doesnt bother you

YOONGI
I just couldn't bring myself to
face anything or anyone, go to
school, attend classes
I had to run to the bathrooms to
throw up if I did go out eventually

YOONGI
The memories are a little hazy
because I don't really think a
lot about that time

YOONGI
but I was suicidal and
really felt like I was not
worth anything

Y/N
im so sorry yoongi

YOONGI
I am alright and here now
that's what matters

YOONGI
I've been on and off meds and
therapy since then

YOONGI
i've been off the meds now for
a while

YOONGI
my first love was piano and
that was my only comfort

YOONGI
now i've learned to love more
things or at least try to

Y/N
i have never seen you irl but
rn im so proud of you boy you
cant even comprehend

YOONGI
thanks
getting better I also
thought of trying this app
when I received the link
from yeonjun else I would've
never tried

YOONGI
but more than a relationship
I was just hoping to meet new
people online

Y/N
and how are you feeling with
this app by far? ;)

YOONGI
it didn’t disappoint

Y/N
to tell you the truth idk what's
wrong with me

YOONGI
why do you think there's
something wrong with you to
begin with?

Y/N
when i wake up at whatever
god damn hour i already
feel tired and cant wait
for the day to end

Y/N
i dont have any goals for life
i'm just making it to the next
day everyday

Y/N
dont have skills or shit
my only skill is being on
the internet all day but that
aint a skill

Y/N
i just laze around and
avoid thinking about the future

Y/N
the thing is if you ask me why
i am this way i can not tell you

Y/N
like i dont know myself why
i am this way

Y/N
i wish there was an explanation
like a logic i could come up with

Y/N
sometimes i like to look back
at my childhood memories and
ask myself okay is there where
everything went wrong?

YOONGI
You don't need to have a reason
to feel like you are fucked up

Y/N
out of topic
you cursing is SWAGG

YOONGI
Depression could come without
any reason or explanation

YOONGI
Sometimes it's the smallest things
that build up one by one over time
and just break you one day

Y/N
maybe that's what is my case

YOONGI
Everyone copes with pain differently
maybe yours is taking a break from
reality and not think about future

YOONGI
And that's okay that's valid
Your pain and coping mechanism
is valid

YOONGI
I know drinking coffee won't solve
my problems but I still drink and
that's fine too

YOONGI
It's going to be okay

Y/N
dang

Y/N
i can see why someone has
fallen for you lmao

YOONGI
I can see why someone would
fall for you too

YOONGI
it's already sunrise i dont think
I've talked so much in one night
ever in my life

YOONGI

Y/N
my heart feels warm af thank you

Y/N
btw the only reason someone
would fall for me is when
they trip on my ass lying flat
on concrete before em

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no choicemaking this time i heard that makes yall stressed? LMAO
ALSO EID MUBARAK