If I said I understood,
I'd definitely be lying.
Sitting here now,
I'm as confused as ever.

I'm not even sure how it happened.
We were quietly laying there,
Arms tangled around,
Softly glancing through the dark.
Our eyes locked,
You grew closer,
But asked for permission.
I shut you down and looked away.

Hours later, it happened again.
I once more did what I'm good at
And I pushed you away.

When you went in a third time,
You never asked,
But you didn't need to.
Your soft eyes said it all,
And, if only for a moment,
My walls went down.

Confused, I didn't react,
I could tell it hurt you,
And that hurt me.
That look you gave?
It caused my heart to ache.

Now you asked it differently:
"Was that okay?"
It took me a minute,
But I answered with a quiet yes.

Now you never ask,
You just go for it.
I'm just as confused,
Maybe more.
I know what you want,
And I wish I could help,
But what you want...
It's something I could never give.

I'm sorry for being difficult.
I'm sorry I can't pick my sexuality.
I'm sorry for being a burden.

Just please,
Remember what we discussed,
Remember your reaction,
Remember my reaction,
Don't forget,
I notice more but say less.
And you're still oblivious.

I remember what you want,
But do you remember what I want?
Slow down a bit,
Live in the present,
And breathe.
We have a lifetime ahead,
Don't spend all your kisses now.

~JessTheWolf 🐺