CHAPTER 24: Hidden Insecurities

WOOYOUNG
•••

Felix went through what seemed to be my entire closet, using me as his personal doll to play dress up with in his special way of supporting my successfully accomplished interview. By the end of endless choices, we settled on a simple yet complete outfit that was honestly something I didn't imagine myself choosing on my own. With a curious raise of brow, I looked over at the male with slight hesitation laced in my voice. "Lix, are you sure I should wear this?"

"Of course I'm sure!" Felix grinned happily. "You would look unique and different, all in a good way obviously. It's going to show how open you are in helping anyone who may want to test boundaries when it comes to stereotypical norms for clothing."

Part of me wanted to believe him and his words of encouragement, but another part of me could feel nerves welling up inside me. It was one thing to dress myself anyway I wanted without having to think twice about it, but along with the desperate need of securing the job, the idea of dressing in colors that leaned more into my sexuality so boldly frightened me. With the culture of the country, I wasn't completely sure if they would be willing and accepting of me wearing such an ensemble.

With a reluctant sigh, I nodded slowly in acceptance . "Well, I'll try my best. Thank you for helping me..."

Felix's grin fell into a soft smile and with a gentle side hug, he leaned his head against my shoulder. "I know what you're thinking and I want you to know that if they don't see what a gem you are, that's their loss. Understand?"

Warmth filled my chest at the words, pushing down the anxiety within as I let a genuine smile grow on my lips. "What would I do without you?"

"Die, obviously." Felix sarcastically deadpanned, lifting his head up and placing both his hands on my shoulders. "You're stuck with me whether you want it or not!"

"I'm glad to hear that...wouldn't want it any other way."

Felix whispered a soft 'fighting' before glancing at his watch. "Ah, time moves fast when you're having fun. I gotta go."

"Go, I'm sure your boyfriend misses you." I playfully waved my hand toward the door.

A snort in response came out of the male in front of me as he rolled his eyes. "He probably didn't even notice I was gone. Knowing him, he's either sleeping or painting away, but you're right. I should go."

We said our goodbyes at the door before I let it close behind me, leaning back against the frame while releasing a breath of relief. The outfit hung on the closet door, and with another conflicted sigh, I shut it before making my way to my desk.

I glanced at the time and saw that it was only six in the evening. My mind wandered back to San and what exactly he needed to do regarding his father's funeral.

Is he truly okay as he says he is about it...?

Shaking my head, I brushed off the thought. A need for a distraction was impossible to ignore, so I opened up my laptop and began scrolling on YouTube to find more Kpop fancams, something I found to be one of my favorite pastimes. Plugging in my earbuds, I lost myself in the music.

I didn't realize how long I was listening and watching videos for to notice the sound of the dorm door unlocking. The sun had already set, and with the time now being a little past eight, I felt a mixed feeling of happiness and nervousness for his arrival back to the room. Deciding to keep my eyes on the screen, I quickly switched tabs to job listings and feigned ignorance as he stepped inside the room.

However, my act was cut short as he pulled one out of buds out of my ear. "And here I was thinking you missed me."

Fighting back a faint blush on my cheeks, I turned around and closed my laptop with a playful scoff. "You would want that, huh? Unfortunately for you, the world does still revolve with or without you San."

"Does it? I never knew it could without my permission."

I rolled my eyes with a laugh. "You're such an idiot..."

I noticed a small smile etched on his face as he started grabbing clothes to shower with. "Honestly, I've heard worse. What were you doing while I was gone?"

"Well, nothing really. Felix came and helped me pick out my outfit for my interview tomorrow." I sighed, getting up from the chair to head over to my bed. "I'm just hoping I get this job, or else I'm out of options."

"I have no doubt you will. Where's the special outfit?" San asked.

Faking pride in the choice, I pointed to my closet. "In there, all ready to go."

With a soft hum, I watched as he made his way over and opened it with curiosity. A few seconds passed before his eyes peered around from the door with a teasing smile. "Are you sure you're going to an interview? This looks like clothing for a photoshoot."

I rolled his eyes, fighting back yet again another blush. "As if I could ever be good enough to model. Yes San, it's for the interview."

"I actually beg to differ. You would make a great model, in my opinion." He said, shaking his head as he closed the door.

"Why do you think that?"

"Because," he paused, taking a moment to what I assume to find the perfect words to explain, "I think you have the looks for it. Plus, you don't even try dressing and yet you seemed to have a natural style."

"You're just saying that..." I softly muttered, turning my head away to crawl further underneath the sheets. "Enough of this conversation, weren't you going to shower?"

A chuckle escaped his lips as he nodded. "You're right, you're right. Let me go."

Making sure he entered into the bathroom, I poked my head out before biting my lip. It was one thing to hear Felix comment and compliment me on how I looked, but it felt different hearing it from San. There was a sense of excitement hearing him give me praise, and it seemed to soothe my overwhelming nerves. It wasn't unusual hearing someone say something about my features, but when San said it, it felt like almost unbelievable to believe.

And that's what I liked the most...

Pulling out my phone, I began scrolling on the job post to double check the time to be at the store for the interview. With no other job offers responding back to my inquiries, everything was relying on securing this position. Having a part time job could allow me to speak to Mr. Lee, or preferably hyung, about possibly setting up a payment plan for the semester.

The shower has turned off a while ago, and I fought my hardest to feign focus on my phone as San made his way out the bathroom fully dressed. I secretly watched as he decided to climb into his bed, letting out a yawn as soon as his body settled on the mattress.

Looking at him, I raised an eyebrow curiously as I noticed the male with his eyes wide open staring at the ceiling. "You should get some rest, San..."

"I'm fine. I don't want to sleep yet, or else I'll be up in the middle of the night." He mumbled.

"Are you sure? You look extremely tired."

With a smirk on his face, he turned his head towards me and raised an eyebrow. "Are you concerned about me Wooyoung?"

"What?" I scoffed, hiding the instant blush on my face from him. Turning away, I rolled my eyes. "You would want that. All I'm saying is that you have to take me to my interview tomorrow like you said you would."

"I know that, don't worry. I think the meeting just drained me, that's all..." San reassured me.

However, the tone in his voice caught my attention, my head quickly turning back to him. A brief moment passed before I asked in a quiet voice, "...do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't want to bore you with politics."

"Try me, I'm willing to listen if you want me to."

I noticed how San looked at me for a minute, his eyes staring into my own. My breath hitched, my mind wondering if I had crossed a line in offering an open ear to him. Part of me shouldn't have asked, but another part of me couldn't help but want to at least try and be friendly towards him. Hearing about how strained him and his father had been throughout his upbringing brought a feeling of sadness over me, as I could only imagine what he had to endure all those years growing up.

With a soft chuckle, he turned his body completely to face me with a smirk. "You better get comfortable then, because at this moment, you're my pretend therapist."

A laughed escaped me, taking that as my cue to sit up in bed to fully listen. Quickly pretending to grab my glasses and notebook before crossing my legs, I nodded in approval. "Call me Dr. Jung, at your service."

The rest of the night consisted of him telling me what occurred at the meeting, explaining to me in shortened versions of what all he had to do. Just from the sound of it, it felt like he was almost a boss or supervisor of some sorts, but I found that hard to believe considering his age. The amount of things he spilled to me made me feel like the funeral was more of a closing business deal rather than a ceremony of putting someone to rest.

All in all, I felt like I was making progress in getting to know him more...

•••

The next morning was the morning I had waited for. After having a shared breakfast together, something he insisted on, we made it back to our dorm room to allow me enough time to get ready for the interview scheduled at noon. My nerves were at an all time high, and the closer the interview time came, the more anxious I was becoming. With wishful thinking, all of this anxiety would be for nothing and I'll secure the job with no hesitation. I had the outfit in the bathroom already hanging behind the door, so all I needed to do was shower and get ready.

Yeah, be real Wooyoung...

Breezing through the shower process, I stepped out and dried myself off before making my way over to the mirror. I chose to take my time in my hygiene and appearance, making sure that everything to my standard of perfection. The last thing I wanted was to have to ask Yeosang to help me yet again, so getting this job was paramount.

After what seemed to be a lifetime inside the bathroom, I took one final look of approval at myself before reaching for the door. With a soft sound of a click, the bathroom door opened and I stepped fully dressed in my outfit to see San.

His eyes grew wide as he looked me up at down slowly. "Wow..."

Fighting back a blush, I fidgeted with the bottom of the sweater. "..Do you think this is alright for the interview?"

"Alright? I think you may be overdressed for just an interview. You might make them faint."

Warmth grew in my chest as my blush deepened, but I quickly scoffed and waved my hand dismissively. "You're annoying..."

"I'm just being honest." San smiled, grabbing his car keys off the bed in one swift motion. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah... let's get this over with..." I mumbled, suddenly feeling the nerves overwhelm me all over again.

San gestured for me to step out first, and as told I did, with him following behind we walked out of the dorm toward the elevator. I reached out to press the 'down' button, but he quickly rushed over and beat me to it. "Princes shouldn't touch anything."

That elicited a giggle from me, the sudden act being something I found to be endearing. "What is up with you today?"

"What ever do you mean?"

I rolled his eyes as the elevator door opened to an empty cart. "You're being extra nice today. Is there a specific reason?"

San just smiled. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Sure San, sure."

The elevator cart descended to the ground floor, and with a quick opening of doors, we stepped out into the lobby to head outside as he continued. "I'm just saying, you look like an idol and my job is to treat you as such today."

"An idol?" I giggled, rolling my eyes again. "I think that's a bit much."

"No, it's true." A familiar male voice said behind us.

The two of us turned around to see Chan and Hyunjin standing behind us with smirks on their faces. Hyunjin continued to speak. "I can tell my boyfriend styled you because that's exactly how he styles himself."

"What he means, Wooyoung..." Chan rolled his eyes, "you really look amazing. It really suits you!"

I smiled and nodded in appreciation. "Thank you Chan-hyung..."

"We will see you two later, I need to get Woo to his meeting." San said quickly. My head tilted in confusion as he pushed open the doors, ignoring the skeptical looks on the two males. "I'm sorry about those two."

"It's fine, I don't mind them. They actually seem very nice." I smiled. "Hyunjin kind of reminds me of Yeosang in the way that he acts at times."

We reached his car in no time, with him continuing his actions by opening passenger door for me. "After you."

"You really must be up to something for you to be doing all of this...but thanks."

With a soft shut of the door, I watched as he rushed over to his side and hopped in, quickly pulling his seatbelt on to get ready to drive. I decided to see if the actions were limited and pretended to forget to put on my own seatbelt. He looked over at me as I had a smirk on my lips in confidence before I answered his lingering question in mind. "You told me that princes don't touch things, so...."

A chuckle escaped his lips as he reached over to pull my seatbelt to secure me, the scent of his cologne instantly hitting my nose. "You're right, my apologies."

Despite not wanting to admit it, San's playful demeanor seemed to be helping my nerves about the interview, and with playing along with the antics, I felt a little relaxed about it.

Starting up the engine, San sped out of the parking lot toward the main road. All roads led toward the main mall districts and we had enough time to reach, so I allowed myself to get comfortable in his seats Although, he decided to ask which one I needed to go to for confirmation. "So, which mall are we heading to?"

I pulled out my phone and scrolled for a moment before smiling confidently. "Starfield Coex."

"The one in Gangnam District? You do realize that if I hadn't offered to take you, you would've had to leave much earlier? That's like a 20 minute drive from the university, Woo."

"I know that, asshole," I answered sarcastically with a dramatic eye roll, "but you offered without asking so that's your fault."

Shaking his head, San sighed. "It's fine, not like I'm doing anything today anyway."

There was a brief moment of silence before I asked softly, "...What about the funeral tomorrow? You have everything prepared for it?"

"Yeah, basically. I'm just ready to get it over with honestly. The faster, the better." He mumbled.

"San," I looked at him with concern in my eyes, "you really don't feel any type of way about it? Not even a hint of sadness at the fact that your father is about to be put to rest?"

"If you're expecting me to cry or something, don't. I'll admit that I do have fleeting moments where the reality is sinking in...but it's not enough to outweigh the hell I went through with the man."

I just hummed in response, not wanting to push any further on the subject. It wasn't my place to question him of whatever feelings he had toward his father because I will never know the true extent of how he lived. Plus, he just opened up to me last night and I didn't want to ruin what progress I had made with him.

Choosing to keep quiet, the conversation was dropped after that as we continued the rest of the drive in silence.