Okay so this is kind of a chapter based around many things. So I'm not even gunna try to explain it lets just start.
First things first, updates. As you can all tell if you read my stories, I haven't been updating any stories recently at all. And that is for a few reasons. One reason is I'm just too damn busy to write. Now the other reason is more prominent.
If anyone has read my previous chapter about mental health, you probably know what's coming. But for those of you who don't know I'm struggling with anxiety and depression, and that makes it hard to write. And I know that some of you are probably thinking, why, shouldn't it be easier? But no it's not, not for me anyways. When I write I get all inside me own head, which can be a good thing. However being inside your own head when you already aren't do so well isn't good at all. It's a real struggle for me to write at all right now, unless it's something with no plot. That's why this story is the only one being updated.
So sorry about this guys...I really am sorry. And also to those of you have been reading The Secrets You Shouldn't Tell by me and NotAFanOfIt , I'm sorry to you guys too because I'm the reason we haven't been updating. Paige has most o her chapters already written but I can't even pull together one chapter right now. I'm sorry guys.
The rest of this is kind of gunna be a rant. Sorry not sorry. But I need to rant so I will. Lately, as I said, I haven't been doing so well...
I've been a lot quieter then usual, I have my earbuds in a lot, generally just ignoring everything. I don't talk to people as much as I did before, I'm just really closed off. And it pisses me off that people think I'm being rude or they judge me.
I can't help the fact that I'm like this okay?! Leave me the fuck alone.
I'm not being rude, I just can't handle everything right now and sometimes I just need to be by myself. If you don't know what's going on, ask me first before you assume that I'm blowing you off or being rude. Because if you know me then you would know that I haven't been myself lately. And it's most likely not just you, it's probably everyone that I'm kind of blocking out. I don't wanna bring people down with me, but some people just don't understand that.
You know what else pisses me off?
Fake people and people who constantly put you down. There are some people I know that are just so fake. Like we know you aren't really like that so actually be who you are, you're not fooling anyone. And like other people I could say one thing about playing soccer or something like that and I instantly get compared. I'm not bragging, I'm happy about something so stop trying to put me down. Let me be happy once in a while okay? Like geez. Let me have one thing. This happens way too much lately with so many different people and I'm tired of it.
Another thing I'm tired of? People who tell me to shut up when I make fun of myself or say I'm not going to do well, just because usually I get good grades. I'm not saying it to brag about my high grades okay? I literally have no self-confidence whatsoever right now, so if I say I think I'm not going to do well, I really do mean it. So to all of you people out there who assume just because I get good grades means I'll always do well, shut the hell up. Because you guys don't know a damn thing. It's stressful to be a student athlete as it is, and it's especially hard when you are trying to please parents who don't think an 85% is high enough.
This also goes for if I make a joke about myself...because yeah I do make a lot of jokes like that but I make the jokes I lot because I believe it's true anyways, so why not joke about it? I can't be the only one who does this.
The last thing I will go into right now (cuz I think you guys have heard enough :/) is sarcastic people who think they are funny but are actually hurtful. I have a few people I know from school and soccer who are like this. They try and joke around with me and are all sarcastic, but stuff they say actually really hurts me. And of course I never say anything cuz I never stand up for myself because I'm apparently a pansy, but I wish I could. I get insulted enough as it is so these people need to either stop or leave. And I'm not saying that just because you are a sarcastic person I'm talking about you, I'm not. Just some people in my life are like this and it just needs to stop.
Sorry guys I know that this was a long and rambling update but I needed to say that. Sorry if I offended anyone, it wasn't intended. Like I said, I'm not a rude person.
I'm a person that could be in the middle of a mental break down, but if someone else comes to me even slightly upset I will stop what I'm doin and try and help them. Is that good? I don't even know anymore honestly.
Anyways yeah as for updates...I'm working on a few right now but they are slow. Exams start tomorrow so it'll be at least two weeks, but I'll try and get them done for you guys. Sorry again guys.
Until next time, Bookies! -Ella :)