December 14th, 1975

we had just received the news. our album was going to be released. the world seems right again. i've been working nonstop in the studio, constantly planning ideas for us. and now it's all coming to life.

i almost feel bad, though. i've always told my parents that i want this. i need this. but the idea of being famous seemed weird. extremely. especially with mike apart of the band.

meeting the band was probably the best experience of my life. holding "auditions" with mike, making sure everything was perfect. we struggled a bit with a bass player but robin fits the bill. despite her lack of personal space and constantly babbling.

jim came first. my parents had found him, actually. knew his close family and he had apparently lived a couple towns away from hawkins.

next was mike and i. we formed the band, obviously. then we met eddie. he played this weird game with mike and mike had told me he was good at the guitar. figured it would be the easiest solution.

then max. then billy. then robin. we all fit together like a puzzle.

i should give mike more credit. he practically put together this whole band. even came up with the name. helped me pick some of my songs out to send to a record label. he was basically our second manager.

i believe he was destined for more. he could've gone off to school, excel in his academics and make friends for a lifetime. now, he only surrounds himself around us and can barely figure out fractions.

not saying he's gotten dumb. mike is one of the smartest people i know. he just stopped applying himself. and it hurts my heart.

back to the band, though.

when jim told us the news, i was trying so hard not to cry. sob. drop on my knees and pray to the gods. it didn't seem real. it still doesn't feel real.

december 16th, 1975

jonathan has caught my eye. it's strange. i've worked with him for a while now, producing and writing. i never viewed him the way i do now. but i simply cannot date him. it would be suicide. not for me but for everyone.

things would get messy. people would talk bad. saying how he only started dating me because of my status or the other way around. being the nephew of one of the biggest managers in the business doesn't help. word spreads fast.

but who's to say we're going to make it? what if we fail? if we fail, im going after jonathan. not in a weird, predator vs. prey type of way. more of a "hey, you're cute. let's date!" kind of way. seems the most logical approach to me.

december 25th, 1975

jonathan got me a gift. i felt bad. i didn't get him one. but at least i know he's thinking of me.

january 19th, 1976

i haven't written an entry in a while. i've been spending so much time preparing for the album drop. which, by the way, is only a couple days away. IM PUMPED.

i've also been spending way too much time with jonathan. he's gotta stop before it gets worse. but again, if we fail....

february 8th, 1976

WE ARE HUGE. the album is off the charts. literally and figuratively. people love us. we even got asked to be on the cover of Rolling Stone. FUCKING ROLLING STONE. life doesn't seem real at the moment. it only gets better with time.

march 1st, 1976

jonathan kissed me. im seeing stars.

march 28th, 1976

stardom is not all it's cracked up to be. constantly being bombarded left and right. getting harassed by paparazzi. questions being shouted. and they're all directed at me.

i never see anyone else have this issue. or they feel comfortable. extremely comfortable. Eddie loves it a little too much. Mike barely gets photographed unless it's with El. Robin is a hot topic but she's always so kind about it. Billy barely sees the sun. Max just smiles and nods.

but i'm uncomfortable. i feel attacked. the questions never revolve around music for me. it's always, "who are you dating?" or "where did you get your outfit?"

this is all about music. not about my personal life or anyone's for that matter. it's music. that's why we're Five Seconds to Hawkins. for the music.

april 3rd, 1976

im never stepping out into the public again. i've never experienced something so traumatic in my life. i don't know if i can continue with this. this lifestyle. we got famous over night and now it's like the world may never end. i'll never get a break.

especially from creeps. vile, disgusting creeps. the ones that touch me, call me names. slip something in my drink and thinking they're going to get lucky.

i don't think i can go on tour. ever.

june 27th, 1976

just had a meeting. officially going on tour next fall.

He thought she'd write more. Considering how much she was constantly nose deep into this book. Majority of the pages were filled with songs, causing Steve to flip through them just to find some entries. Entries that were in the right order.

The pages were stiff, filled with ink and dried tears. They crunched against Steve's fingertips, sending chills down his spine. The journal was a bit old. It had made sense that she barely wrote in it since she still had dozens of pages left to fill.

Steve's eyes were growing tired. The words didn't seem to make sense. Nancy went from being over the moon about being famous to hating every second of it. He understood how stressful it could be. The drawbacks of stardom hit a lot of people in the gut. But Nancy made it seem like these things only happened to her.

As if she was being targeted.

The lead singer of a band always gets the most recognition. It made sense. They were in the front, center, for everyone to see. Everyone listened to their voice, their words. How they told a story through the song lyrics. Steve just couldn't wrap his head around the idea of it all.

Nancy mentioned something about creeps, which stuck with Steve the most. Was she sexually harassed? Did someone take advantage of her? Cat called? The possibilities were endless. And he didn't realize how upsetting it seemed until his knuckles clenched hard around the pages.

She never revealed. Unless he kept reading. But as his eyes grew heavy, he glanced at the window adjacent to him.

The sun was setting, lights flickering on to illuminate the city. A smile fell upon his lips as he realized he was going to experience New York City at night.

But he found himself glancing down at the little black book that laid in his lap. Guilt was his best friend at this point. He had completely invaded her privacy. Although he found out very little information, the worries washed over him. His fingers trembled against the off-white pages.

As a journalist he wanted to keep reading. As a friend, he wanted to stop. Stop and take the book back to its rightful place. It's rightful owner. The lead singer of one of the biggest bands in the county. The girl who clutched onto this book as if her life depended on it.

He had no idea how he was going to return the book. It seemed impossible considering Robin was in the room. Nancy would show up any second and notice it missing. Cause a huge uproar. Go to Jim and have him search everyone's belongings. Make him go to the hotel manager and demand a sweep. All for a diary.

The man jumped at the sudden sound coming from the other side of the room. On the table relied a phone. It rang so loud, Steve figured everyone in the hotel could hear him. His fingers clenched around the book, making sure not to crease any pages.

He gently placed the diary on his bed, getting the energy to stand up tall and walk over to the phone. His feet dragged along the red carpet. He gripped around the phone, putting it up to his ear with a sigh. "Hello?"

"Party at my apartment tonight. I'll forward you the address later."

The line went dead. Steve pulled the phone away, eyebrows furrowed. "Hello?" He said, hoping someone would answer instead of listening to the buzz of the line.

It was Nancy. Nancy had invited him to a party at her apartment. His heart leaped a bit, trying to remember the sound of her voice as if he hadn't spoken to her in ages. Placing the phone down, he ran his sweaty palms along his jeans.

That's when an idea struck.

His eyes gazed over to his bed, a smirk appearing on his lips.

Being able to read the whole diary in a couple of hours didn't seem that hard.

———

Robin gulped. She had never seen her best friend so angry. So violent. Ripping apart the room to find her journal. Her secrets. Everything relied within the pages of said book. And they were all gone.

"Fucking hell!" Nancy shrieked, brushing her bangs out of her face.

The room looked like it went through a war. Sheets were bundled up to the side, pillows creating a fort. The chair was flipped, table sideways. The phone laid on the floor, the dial tone creating a soft buzzing sound. Drawers were opened. Some half, some all the way.

The bathroom was another story. Suitcases blocked the door after being torn apart by Nancy herself. Majority of the toiletries were on the floor, random heaps of lip gloss and toothpaste.

"Nance, you gotta calm down." Robin sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

Nancy spun around, eyes wide with anger. "Calm down? My diary is missing! I have entries of my life. My personal life. Songs I've been working on! My to-do lists and more! It's all gone! What if someone sells it to the public? My life would be over!"

Robin looked up at her friend, crossing her arms. "Have you retraced your steps?"

Nancy nodded vigorously. "Of course I did! Someone took it. I know. I know I left it near the bed. And it's gone!"

Robin sighed. "Who would have taken your diary? We all know that the diary is your safe space."

Nancy scowled. "I don't know, Robin. Maybe some people don't give two fucks about privacy and safe spaces!"

The raven-haired girl pressed her hands to her hips. Her foot tapped against the floorboards, scanning the room one more time. Everyone knew about the journal. How important it was to her. Her lyrics and life were written between those pages.

"Jonathan." She huffed, running shaky hands through her hair.

Robin's brows arched. "What about him?"

Nancy's bangs fell upon her face, brushing against her cheeks as she giggled. "Jonathan must've taken it."

"Huh?" Robin leaned back, laughing softly. "Why would Jonathan take it? He knows how important the journal is to you."

Nancy let out a sigh. She walked over to Robin, sitting down on the bed in front of her. The sheets wrinkled under her body, erupting goosebumps all of her body. "Listen." She sighed, never wanting to talk about it.

The two had a falling out, no doubt. They fought and it was nasty. It rocked Nancy to the core, but she tried her best to mask it all. Now, she had no choice but to tell someone. Although, she had told Steve. But he wasn't apart of Nancy's family like the rest of them were.

The argument also did revolve around Steve. The fact that Jonathan had told Steve about them. Whether it was obvious or not, Nancy still felt secure about her opinions. She would never let anyone change her mind. Especially a man.

"Jonathan and I...got into a fight. And I think we're done." Nancy sighed, giving Robin a weird smile.

Robin couldn't believe what she had heard. Her eyes went wide, brows arched once again. "You guys are done? There's no way!"

Nancy nodded, tucking her hair behind her ear. She clenched her jaw, showing off the edges of her perfectly sculpted face. "Yeah...I don't know. He told someone that we were together and it really ticked me off. I guess I pushed a button and he basically said if I don't want people to know, then we shouldn't be together."

Robin scoffed. "Wow. Who did he tell?"

The girl sighed. "Harrington."

Robin let out a soft laugh, brushing her hair out of her face. "He told Steve? So what? He was bound to find out eventually."

Nancy placed her hands on her knees, squeezing them to ease herself from lashing out. "That's not the point, Robin. We barely knew Steve, and I—"

"What do you mean, 'knew'?" Robin placed quotations around the last word.

"Oh, well.." Nancy bit down on her lip. "I..I have gotten to know him a little better."

"Yeah?" Robin smirked.

A soft shade of red appeared on Nancy's cheeks. "Not like that, Rob! He's just...very nice. But I'm still skeptical of him. And we still barely know him! How do we know we can trust him? Why did Jonathan think it was okay to do that to me? Go behind my back?"

Robin shrugged, leaning back. She reached into the drawer next to the bed, pulling out a pack of cigarettes. The lighter slipped out from her jacket pocket and she lit the flame. Shoving the stick in between her lips, Robin lit the cigarette. The lighter clicked shut, making its way back into Robin's pocket.

She took a long drag before offering it to Nancy. The raven-haired girl smiled softly, taking the cigarette from her lips. She followed the same pattern as Robin, except she left a red lipstick mark around the rim. "Maybe you need to go talk to Jonathan. Have you talked to him since?"

Nancy shook her head, coughing slightly from the smoke in her lungs. "What if I don't want to talk to him?"

"Avoiding won't help. Plus, if he has your journal, maybe it was a way for him to get you to talk to him."

Nancy rolled her eyes before standing up. "Fine. But you owe me."

"Whatever Wheeler." Robin smirked as she watched her best friend walk out of the door.

Nancy didn't want to do this. She didn't want to accuse the one guy she loved. The wounds of their breakup were still fresh. It hit her hard for sure. Flashbacks of crying to Steve flooded her brain as she walked towards Jonathan's door. She knew Jim had given Jonathan his own room, so Nancy knew she wouldn't be disturbing anyone.

Her feet stopped in front of the hotel room. Her heart was pounding out of her chest, ears ringing with nerves. She clenched her fist and held it up to the door before she heard muffled noises.

Laughing. Drinks pouring. Smiles so wide they could be heard for miles. A man's voice. A woman's voice.

Her heart stopped. Nancy swore she was having a heart attack. Her countenance switched fast, from annoyed to heartbroken. Face pale, eyes watery. The girl stood for a minute, absorbing all the sounds that echoed in the room. It broke her heart to know how fast he moved on.

Nancy knew she had a soft spot for Steve. Thought about him as much as her brain could handle it. But she never acted on it, and planned on keeping it to herself. At least until she knew it was right. Yet, Jonathan had another girl in his room.

An idea struck. An idea so wrong, but it felt so right. She knew that Jim would yell at her for it. Doing something so out of her comfort zone. Putting it together in an irresponsible manner. And to get back at her ex for moving on.

It sounded irrational. Her idea. Her heart told her no, but her head told her yes. It seemed to be the only logical thing to do at this moment.

The hallway seemed to stretch for miles, her legs getting weak as she sprinted back. She finally managed to get back to the room, busting through the door. Robin jumped from her spot, almost dropping the cigarette onto the floor. "Jesus, Nance!"

"Shut up." She slammed the door behind her before racing towards the phone.

Before she knew it, she was dialing a familiar room number. She listened to the ringing sound, getting annoyed every second the one on the other side didn't pick up. Eventually, she heard the person, sighing. "Hello?" Steve's voice was raspy, almost stopping Nancy from her power trip.

"Party at my apartment tonight. I'll forward you the address later." And she hung up.

Robin sat up in her seat. "What? A party?"

Nancy stared at the phone before turning to her friend. "A party. At my apartment. And Jonathan isn't invited. Tell everyone else. I'm going to my apartment to set up."

Nancy grabbed her coat and her purse, sighing. "Starts at 10 p.m."

That was the last thing she said before she left the room, making her way to her apartment.