Song of the chapter - When Doves Cry by Prince

The doors to the quad were up ahead, glaring at me as if they knew what I had just done. Mocking me. Laughing at me as I walked away from her. My reflection stared back at me, wearing a look that everyone else would think showed strength, but I knew the truth.

I don't know what I was thinking. I guess it was blind rage or something. It didn't feel like rage, though, but what other explanation is there for what I did? I spent the whole weekend with Courtney completely pissed off at Amber over how she just refused to let me into her room and then ordered me to leave.

Ordered me.

No one fucking ordered me to do anything. Something had come over her. I knew it the second I opened my eyes a week and a half ago from that asswipe's left hook that something was different. She was different, ever since Scar stepped between her and I, interfering. That guy had been on my radar from the first second I saw him walking down the hallway, day one. His effing hood up, trying to look like a badass. I should have shown him earlier who the real badass was. But I didn't.  And all this week with Amber, it had only gotten worse. No matter how hard I had tried, she was not the same Amber I asked out months ago. She didn't look at me the same. She didn't kiss me the same. She didn't want me anymore.

She never told me what he said to her when I was out cold.  He was stronger than he looked, that little shit. I figured I would be the one knocking him out, not the other way around. Whatever, what's done is done now. I can't go back and change it, even if I wanted to. All weekend she had frozen me out. All weekend she had brushed off any attempt I made to see her, talk to her, build that fire back up. It was almost as if she had no intention of letting me try ever again.

Courtney kept me plenty distracted all weekend. She was more than happy to let me back into her room when I showed up after my confrontation with Amber. Courtney's parents were away for the weekend so there would be no interruptions. She  just thought I had changed my mind, glad about it. Amber had changed my mind with her dismissal.

Not once in the three months that we had dated did she refuse me, other than sex. I mean, part of me actually respected her for that, wanting to wait until she was more sure of us. But now part of me wondered if she said no because she was already sure. Already sure that we would never happen. Sure that I was not the one. I should've been happy that she wasn't trying to get the "forever" claws in me already, I was only eighteen after all. I had plenty to see and do before I needed to think about tying myself to someone else.

The truth was, I could see myself with her for the long haul. I knew I didn't treat her that way, yet. I was trying, damn it. I didn't think she realized just how hard I was trying.

So yeah, other than the bedroom, Amber never said no. She never disagreed with anything I wanted. Never told me off after ignoring her texts. Nothing. Until Friday night at her window, when she locked me out and told me to go home. I still couldn't believe it.

What did she expect me to do? Beg? That wasn't my style. I was better than that, even though a small part of me almost did it. I almost begged her to open that window. Instead I had so much frustration that I hid at Courtney's all weekend. That's what it was, hiding. Courtney couldn't have been happier about that. I think she figured I would dump Amber and start seeing her. However, that wasn't the plan. I just needed a distraction until Amber was ready to see me. Luckily, with Courtney's parents being gone, I had a perfect retreat. I even convinced her to host a party the next night.

It didn't take much convincing. She was all for it the second the idea passed my lips. She called her girls, and I called the crew. We got a shit-load of beer and turned up the music. Courtney gave me a freaking amazing lap dance, that led elsewhere later on, and only one of those damn pricks even mentioned Amber: Pete.

"Hey, man. What's up with Amber lately? She's been quiet. Like too quiet." Pete  sounded concerned, but he probably just wanted to feel me out, if she was gonna be available. I saw how he looked at her, like he wanted her for himself.

"I don't know, she's pissed at me or something. She can be a bitch when she wants to." I shrugged.

"Do you think she knows? About Courtney?" He said quietly.

My boys knew I messed around on her and could care less. They understood it didn't mean anything. They fucking did it too, so they really couldn't mess with me over it.

Part of me wished some of them cared a little more. Maybe if one of them knew how to keep it in their pants it would help me snap out of my own head and treat her better. It was like I was two different guys, the one most people saw, and the a-hole I really was. But I could do no wrong in the eyes of my crew, so however I acted towards Amber meant nothing to them.

"No, she couldn't know." I kept her on a short leash, so I had free access to whatever, whenever.

Yeah, I knew that made me an asshole but, I guess that's just who I was.

Amber didn't talk to me until this morning at school. She smiled at me, but it wasn't a real one. I know the difference. Damn, she used to give me the biggest smile, like I was her whole world. But now it's like I've ruined her world instead. I played it off, like I didn't really notice. I held her hand, which I practically never do, and she let me. She did give me a strange look when I did it though.

She sat with us at lunch, like ususal. I noticed how quiet she was, just like all of last week. It was really hard to sit there and take it, not haul her behind the cafeteria and lay into her. Tell her to knock it off already and just fucking talk to me again. But I kept it buried and stayed quiet, putting my arm around her. I could swear she tried to shrug away.

Then she looked over at me and finally had something to say. Not the words I wanted to hear though.

"Matt, can you meet me in the quad after school? I have some things to take home that I need help with."

Lie. I saw right through it. She didn't need my help with anything. And why the fuck would she meet me in the quad to get her shit?

That's when I decided. Right there, right then, that this was over. I was done fishing around and waiting for her to be ready. I was going to have it out with her and fix this.

I opened my mouth to tell her that very thing, but it wouldn't come out. Not in front of the crew, everyone. I couldn't show them any weakness, and fighting with her in front of everyone was weak. It showed them that I wasn't in control. Everything about me was control, so that display was not an option.

Instead, what I said was, "Sure" and just like that I became Amber's bitch. She had the control. I fucking hated it. Something had to change. I was no one's bitch.

When I walked up the hallway to the quad after school, I saw her standing right in the middle, next to a little bench where she had put her backpack, but nothing else. Lies, everything she told me had been lies, just like I suspected. She had other ideas than help with her shit. I knew what those ideas were, and who had given her those ideas.

I took a look around the quad to see if Scar was skulking in some corner, waiting. But I didn't see any sign of him. Maybe it wasn't him. Maybe it was all her. This couldn't happen. Not like this, where everyone could see her. I couldn't have everyone see that, see her dump me. Not after working so hard to build what I had built. I couldn't be messed with like that.

So I walked through those doors, right up to her with a smile on my face. This smile was one that said I was in charge. I was done fucking around. Amber took one look at me and I swear I could see her start to sweat and shake. I made her nervous. Good. She deserved to be worried after what she was planning to do. Now it was my turn.

"Hey" I said to her with as much charm and sweetness as I could.

"Um..hey." She said and looked down. Yeah, she was scared. The thing was, I didn't really want her to be scared of me. I wanted her to be sorry. That's not what I got.

"So, I know you need help with whatever shit you need to take home, but I can't do that now." I said as calmly as I could, stuffing my hands in my pockets and looking right at her. I even rocked back and forth on my heels to seem as casual as I could.

Looking at her was hard. She was seriously just blowing me away with her nerves. But she had never looked so beautiful. Her hair was blowing slightly in the late fall wind. She looked up at me through her eyelashes, trying to hide from me a little I guess, and completely slayed me with the emotion I saw there. Fear, hurt, anger, but not sadness. Not sorrow.

She didn't say anything so I continued, "This isn't working out for me anymore, babe. So looks like it's time to just break up. I think it would be better for me." More lies, but I had no choice really.

She had the decency to at least look surprised, shocked even. "What?"

"Surprised? I figured you saw this coming, sweetheart." How could she have, I didn't until right then.

"I guess. Um...are you sure?"

Really? Am I sure? That's what she wanted to know. No begging me to stay with her. No 'sorry about Friday and freezing you out all weekend' So, I was right. She had been about to break up with me. Better that I did it then.

"Yeah, I'm sure. You'll need a new place to sit at lunch, that would just be awkward." For both of us. And I didn't want Pete to get within ten feet of her now.

"Um...Okay. Bye" her quiet, little voice shook when she said that. At least it was something.

"Bye, Amber." I gave her a little nod and turned to leave, back to the hallway, alone.

And now as I walked through those mocking doors, the reality of what I'd just done was sinking in.
^^^^^

A/N so were you surprised? Matt took matters into his own hands alright. I don't think Amber saw that coming but we'll have to wait and see until her part, up next.

Matt's song, When Doves Cry, has a few lines that just scream his name to me"maybe I'm just like my father, he's never satisfied"

Take a listen and see what you think...

https://youtu.be/n1zQcsuOnJc