Colby drummed his fingers against the dining room table, staring out the window. The patter of his digits against the wood was loud and seemed to echo around the empty apartment. Empty. His hand seized their movements and he felt his lip quiver.

It was lonely.

He missed Sam.

Ever since Katrina and Sam's relationship became sexual, she had him over a lot more. He stayed the night with her and was constantly out during the day with her as well. It was becoming excruciating to Colby to sit alone all day in a place that had a touch of his best friend in every corner. Because this was their home that they made together. Now it was an empty room across from him, a lonely breakfast, and a silent lounge. Colby's head dropped to the table with a thud.

Along with Sam's disappearance, Katrina stopped talking to him as well. They both seemed so consumed in each other and how they could fuck now and it was pissing Colby off. Every place that Sam ever touched him seemed to burn and itch now, making him feel dirty, used. He shivered, quickly standing up and making his way towards the shower.

He twisted the faucet to the desired temperature, sitting himself down on the floor to wait for the water to warm up. He pulled his phone from his pocket. He checked the time and then his notifications. He had several from Twitter and scrolled through them without paying much attention to the words. He tapped the messaging app. Nothing. Missed calls? No. Maybe even a DM? Of course not. He tossed his phone down, the all too familiar feeling of the need to cry twisting in his stomach and scratching behind his eyes.

He roughly pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, sighing shakily. Colby just wanted Sam to speak to him again but now he was stuck up his girlfriend's ass (quite literally) like he was when they first got together and it was killing him.

He thrust his hand under the stream of water and even though it was scalding and it hurt, he stripped himself of his clothes and climbed in. It burned every inch of his body and he roughly scrubbed away the terrible feeling, making his skin raw and even more sensitive to the water dripping down onto him. When he deemed himself abused enough, he shut the water off, climbing out and wrapping himself in a fluffy towel. His hair was curling and his body, having not properly dried, was leaving a trail of water in his wake. Upon entering the lounge, he nearly collided with another person.

Colby stumbled, almost slipping in the puddles he was leaving with his feet. His arms were grabbed and his body was balanced again and he gawked up at the perpetrator of his near-death fall. He felt the heat flood into his face as an equally flustered Sam looked him up and down. He quickly stepped away from him, instinctively tugging the towel tighter around himself. "I didn't know you'd be home. My bad." He shuffled past the other without giving him a chance to speak and slammed the door to his bedroom shut.

Colby falls heavily onto his bed, not caring if he got the duvet wet as he stared at the ceiling, letting himself become consumed by the thoughts battling in his mind. It was becoming exhausting to think. He just wanted to sleep and escape everything in the real world.

Because he broke a cardinal rule and fell in love with someone he wasn't supposed to.

Someone that was supposed to be just his friend.

Just his fuckbuddy.

No feelings to get in the way of that we're allowed.

He rolled over onto his side, face scrunching up and he let tears freely roll down his face. He shouldn't be upset, really. He knew from the beginning that after it all, Sam was going to shove him aside for Katrina. He knew and he still let himself pretend that Sam loved him and got caught up the delusion, tricking himself into almost thinking it was real.

What a dumbass.

Colby sat up, pressing his hands into his red eyes, huffing out a shaky breath before forcing himself to get up and actually put some damn clothes on. He pulled on a lazy outfit quickly, jumping as someone knocked quietly on his door. He pressed his lips into a flat line, already guessing who it was. He trudged over to it, opening it slowly. He knew he looked like a mess with unruly, damp hair, rumpled clothes, and a red face, splotchy from crying or being on the verge of doing so all day.

At first, he didn't care how bad he looked, but when Sam didn't say anything, just stared, the self consciousness began to settle. He tugged at his clothes, trying to make them look more presentable and he blinked, dabbing at his face as if that would will away the fresh look of hey, I just cried over you. Colby ran his fingers through his hair once, and when Sam still hadn't said anything, he scoffed, "What?"

"I was just going to....um, are you okay?"

Colby clenched his jaw. "Yes. I'm fine. I think I'm sick. Or something."

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that."

"What do you want?" Colby asked a little harshly. He couldn't be mad at Sam, it wasn't fair for him to be. Nevertheless, he was heartbroken and he wanted to be left alone. He glanced away as a hurt looked passed over his best friend's face.

"I-I'm...well, I'm going to stay at Katrina's for a week, is all. So, you won't be seeing me. I just thought I'd tell you, y'know, so you don't worry or anything."

"It's not like you're ever around anyways. What will change? You practically live there now as it is." Colby snapped, and when Sam opened his mouth to say something else, he interjected, "I don't wanna hear it." And slammed the door to his room shut again. He stood in front of it, arms crossed as he waited for Sam to do or say anything. He perked up as he heard the sound of the other walking away, and returned to lying pitifully on his bed.

The spot was wet from where he'd carelessly laid on it before, but he didn't care. It was hard to care about anything. Part of him wished that Sam would turn into a cliche romance on him and barge into his room, demanding he tell him what was wrong before they confessed their feelings for each other and- wow, okay, that's the dumbest, cheesiest thought that ever went through my mind, Colby cringed at the thought.

Colby listened as Sam bumped around in the room next to him before calling an 'I'm off!' into the apartment he left. That was the beginning of the loneliest week of Colby's life.

____________________

When Sam returned, he immediately noticed how unkempt Colby looked. Unrested and unwell. It was worrying. He shook his head to every offer Sam gave him to spend time together. He didn't want to play games or watch TV or make collabs. He wouldn't even eat breakfast with Sam anymore. Sam wondered how much he was eating at all.

Despite knowing something was wrong, Sam didn't ask anymore after his first attempt. Maybe it made him a shitty person, but he knew exactly why he wouldn't ask. It was a selfish reason, but he just wanted to be away from Colby as it is. Sure, he'd offered to partake in all the things they used to, but every time he did, it was halfhearted and he didn't bother trying to convince Colby that much.

It's probably why the boy rejected him.He knew he didn't want to delve into anything that had to do with Colby right now. He was still his best friend, of course, but he, himself, had emotionally crossed that line. Falling in love with Colby was the worst thing that could've happened. It was his fault, though. He treated their relationship too much like a lover's rather than friends with benefits.

Sam sighed, pausing the game he was playing. He looked towards the direction of Colby's room, where he was undoubtedly locked up and laying in bed. Why was he so upset, anyways?

Because you're obviously avoiding him you idiot.

Oh yeah.

He went to stand up and walk towards his friend's room, but stopped himself. He bit his tongue. Keeping himself away from Colby and spending as much time as possible with his girlfriend was the only way he knew how to get rid of the wrong feelings and transfer them to the person he should be feeling them for: Katrina.

He'd been dating her so long, he couldn't break up with her over something this petty. Besides, how would he explain it to her? He shook his head, turning the game off and limiting himself from the sofa. He pulled his shoes on, grabbing his phone and key before leaving the flat silently.

He'd just go to Katrina to get his mind off Colby.

__________________

Time seemed to fly to Colby, painfully so.

He had been in this stupid funk for eight months now. It was too long and he felt like he should've been over it by now. He'd been talking to Sam more, which was an improvement, but things were too different now. It hurt. A lot. He shifted uncomfortably in the Starbucks booth he was in. He'd had to leave his own flat once again due to Sam bringing Katrina around and deciding to have loud sex with her at six in the afternoon.

Lovely.

He stared down at his half empty, sugary drink, licking over his lips once to rid them of sticky substance. He couldn't believe that Sam had been dating Kat for over a year now. He was okay with it at first. She was nice, Sam was happy, things were normal.

Well, normal plus the fact that they were fucking the first five months of the relationship. Now Katrina was as distant as Sam, she didn't invite Colby over or text him anymore. She didn't ask him how he was when she saw him at the flat and spent most of her time holed up in her boyfriend's bedroom before leaving quietly the next morning.

Colby honestly felt like he'd lost two friends. He just cared about Sam the most.

He snatched up the paper cup of his, now cold, coffee and tossed it in the nearest bin before exiting the shop. He slowly made his way back home, hoping he'd been out long enough for the couple to finish their...business.

He jogged up to the door of the appartment unlocking it and creeping back inside. He listened for a moment and when his ears were met with silence, he allowed himself to go fully inside. He unraveled himself from his coat, and tossed his things onto the table before curling up on the sofa. The lounge was dark and quiet and he didn't remember these cushions being so soft.

After something as simple as a walk to the Starbucks and back, his mind felt cleared for the time being and it was relieving. He felt comfortable for the first time in months. He breathed a tiny sigh, eyes fluttering shut, lips parting gently as he drifted in and out of a dazed state. His muscles relaxed and his mind went blank of any thought he'd had earlier, and for the first time in forever, he properly fell asleep.

_________________________

Katrina decided to leave later that night.

When the couple entered the lounge, both their stares fell onto the peacefully sleeping body on the sofa. Sam's lips twitched into a smile and Katrina clicked her tongue. "He's gonna have a million cramps sleeping like that, you know?" She shook her head, turning to kiss Sam quickly.

She hugged him and nodded towards Colby, "Be a good friend and put him to bed, yeah? I'll see you tomorrow, love. Bye." She left quietly, and Sam looked back to Colby.

He quietly crept towards the boy, heaving him into his arms gently. He grunted, whispering, "You're heavy." He brought the brunette to his room, somehow successfully managing to lay him in bed without waking him. Colby hummed in his sleep and Sam giggled near silently. He crouched by his friend's bed, looking over his peaceful face.

"Colby," He mumbled quietly, reaching up to brush at his fringe. "Please don't wake up. I have something to tell you." He settled into the floor, admiring the beautiful face of his best friend. "A long time ago now, really, before we ended that weird relationship of ours, I realized something. I liked holding you and when we danced and you were giggling drunkenly, lacing our hands together and leaning into me, I realized just how much I loved all the selective things about you. How much I love you. I don't know how you really feel about me, but it doesn't matter. I'm trying to get over you. I don't know if I can. I feel like I can't. But I'm trying, that's why I've been so...distant. I've been dating Katrina for a year now. I'm supposed to love her. And...and I do. But just not as much as I think I do you."

"You've meant a lot to me for a long time. I guess, maybe, falling in love with you was bound to happen. It sucks it happened now, but...it did. I'm sorry, but I just...can't explain this to Katrina. Right now." Or ever, He added mentally. "I can't tell you either. But I love you so much. You're also...you're also still my best friend. I haven't been treating you like one though. I'm so sorry."

Sam pushed himself up from the floor, laying a kiss on Colby's forehead, muttering against it, "I love you. That's all." He stepped away from him, "And there's something I need to tell you when you're awake. Soon. It's important." He shakily let out a breath before he left the room.

Colby just smiled.