Colby felt a painful burn in his eyes.

He knew it all too well, it meant tears. But he wasn't about to let himself cry in front of Sam. “Wow,” he started, trying his best to sound exasperated from excitement rather than utter heartbreak, “Sam, that's amazing. I’m so happy for you.” No I’m not. “I can't believe you didn't tell me sooner! How long…?” Colhy wasn't really sure if he actually wanted to know, but he needed to appear like a good, interested friend.

“Um, a...a week. Ish.” The older replied, fiddling with his fingers.

“I’m happy for you.”

That was all the brunette said before he was pretending he had some dire editing to do in that moment. It took every ounce of restraint not to sprint off to his room and slam the door.

_____________________

Colby couldn't tell if he was being quiet or not. He was crying, sobbing. He felt like he was about to break down the middle. He gasped for air.

Colby, I got engaged to Katrina.

Sam loved him. He'd heard him say it. However, he'd chose her over him. Always her over him. Now he’d gone off and decided to marry her. Colby’s heart clenched painfully at that thought.

He rubbed his burning eyes with the heels of his hand, blinking away the bleariness the action brought. He knew he needed to calm down and think about this. His brows furrowed. They’ve been dating for a little over a year. Is that not too fast to get engaged? Why didn't Sam... Colby’s eyes widened and his heart began to  pound painfully hard. Does this mean he's moving out?

Colby grit his teeth and tugged at his hair, feeling all the stress and sadness come flooding back into his system. How is he gonna go off an get engaged to her before moving out!? Shouldn't it be the other way around? Was he really that desperate to marry her? Nothing was adding up in his head, and he for sure felt a migraine coming on, but the way Sam's mind was working right now was confusing Colby to no end.

If he said he loves me, does he love Katrina, too? He has to… or maybe he's lying to one of us.

Colby cried all over again.

_____________________

Colby trudged to the bathroom after he's finished bawling like a heartbroken teenager, hoping he wouldn't run into Sam along the way.

But, of course, every deity there is hates him.

Just as he's reached the bathroom door, Sam was shutting it. He was toweling his hair, a nicer outfit on. They both look away from each other.

“Katrina’s?”

“Yeah. Have you been crying?” Sam looked back up to Colby’s face.

The brunette rubbed his eyes a little, placing his hands over his cheeks. “No… uh, it's nothing.” He shoved past his flatmate and into the bathroom where he locked the door.

The air was still heavy with steam and smelled like the shampoo and cologne Sam used. Colby felt like he was suffocating. The mirror had already cleared up and as soon as he caught sight of his appearance, Colby cringed.

He looked pale, but his face was also blotchy red with swollen eyes. Not only were they swelled up, but sunken and tired. It was a terrible combination. He looked sick. Colby washed his face slowly, realizing just how shaky his hands were now. He really needed to get a hold of himself.

He needed to remember to everyone else, Sam was just his flatmate and close friend. He could explain a few tears of as him just “being so happy for his best friend”, but the sobbing for hours and shaking and feeling sick to his stomach at the thought of this whole thing…

That was something he couldn't explain.

Colby breathed out, deciding to wash his face to somewhat rid the redness and disgusting stickiness of his eyes. He scrubbed his face with lukewarm water, patting it dry with a towel. He decided he looked okay enough for now, exiting the bathroom and into his quiet, empty lounge. The brunette sat himself down on the sofa with a sigh, arms wrapping around himself as he stared out the window.

“Marriage...what an idiot.”

_____________________

Colby's sadness dulled considerably over the next few days. Sam was at the flat less and less, but he'd couldn't bring himself to cry anymore. He felt the familiar numbness from before return.

Katrina had made an appearance once since the news, and the first thing the brunette noticed is the lack of a ring on her left hand. So, he mumbled, “Thought you got engaged.”

“I did! But… Sam popped the question really suddenly. He said he didn’t really plan it, but the moment felt right, so he asked! He’ll get me a ring later… I may even get to help pick it.”

Colby’s expression soured and he held his tongue. That's really stupid. He repressed himself from saying it, and smiles, “Well, I guess that takes away the possibility of him getting something you hated, huh?”

She giggled, hummed in acknowledgement.

“No ring also means you can back out without any sorta attachment if he becomes a jerk,” he quipped. His tone is joking for the woman’s sake, but his heart is full of malice and his attitude is bitter.

She laughed anyway.

____________________

Colby was making himself dinner. He'd read somewhere that doing little things like this would pull him out of his funk a little, but cooking for one when you weren't supposed to be living alone was depressing on its own. He set aside some chopped vegetables, checking on the broth contents he had brewing on the stove top.

“Smells good.”

The comment made him jump, nearly burning his hair on the stove eye. He whipped his head around, seeing Sam standing sheepishly in the doorway. He breathed slowly, “You're home.”

Sam had just nodded, walking towards him slowly and watching as he tosses the vegetables into the mixture, stirring a bit angrily. He cringed. He knew his friend was angry at him. For keeping this from him, for not being home, for not warning him how long he'd be out. He swallowed hard at the thought. He had much more to tell the brunette, but he'd stall. At least while he was wielding a large kitchen knife.

“I suppose I made enough for two, if you're staying that is,” the younger man commented, making Sam look up at his back where he stood, stirring still, but much slower.

“I am. F-For tonight.” He saw his flatmate’s hand grip the wooden spoon a bit tighter, but he said nothing. “Do you wanna watch a movie or play a game or...something.”

“Sure,” Colby whispered, turning the stove tops off. He finally turned around, “Go choose something.”

____________________

Colby served out two bowls of the stew-like concoction he’d made, smiling for once in awhile as Sam moaned around his spoon at the taste. He was proud of himself for how it turned out, if he was honest. The other male praised him after he'd finished, the small talk between them dying. “So...movie!” Sam chirped, switching over to their Netflix. He scrolled through the movies and shows until they both decided to just rewatch a few episodes of American Horror Story.

“Madison is a bitch,” Colby had commented at some point during the episode, making Sam giggle. “Evan Peters has a nice ass though.”

His best friend smiled at him, rolling his eyes over his crush on the celebrity. The episode finished and a new one started, and the cycle continued, the boy’s attention fading away from the screen until they were both engrossed in some pointless conversation. It’d been too long since they'd gotten to relax and talk, Colby felt, and he allowed himself to feel like this was normal.

That was until Sam was shifting in his seat. “Colby. I...I gotta tell you something else.”

“Oh god, don't tell me you're a dad,” he joked, making his friend grin even a little.

“No, not at all. We’re careful enough. Its just…”

The blonde haired male sat up straight, twirling his fingers. Colby coughed, urging him on. “I’m, uh, moving. Moving out. In with...my fiancée.”

Colby felt his entire world crumble. He should've known. He should have known as soon as Sam showed up less. As soon as they got engaged. He should've known all along, from the beginning, that his time with his best friend was limited. All for her.

He opened his mouth, closing it as he couldn’t form words. He did this repeatedly until he just looked like a dumbstruck fool. Then he whimpered, “Sam” and the tears began to pour from his eyes all over again.

Colby sobbed loudly, his hands moving fast to wipe away the tears dripping down his face as if he could somehow contain them, make them invisible to his flatmate– no, not anymore. He cried and cried, gasping as he felt Sam’s hands on his face.

“No, no, no, please. Colby, please don't cry,” he was wiping tears away with his thumbs, trying to soothe the brunette to no avail. “I didn't want to. I would never– it's just– she said engaged people should live together, and she assumed moving here would impose on you so I– I’m sorry, Colby.” The older man willed away tears of his own, knowing if he cried it would only upset Colby more.

“I just, I thought – choosing her– over m–” he choked on a sob, “everything.” His words were choppy and hard to understand, and Sam didn't know what to do or how to console him. His brain short circuted. Colby meant so much to him.

He cared about him more than anyone else.
He loved him more than anyone else.
He loved him more.
He loved him.

Colby felt like all the breath was taken away from him as he felt lips press to his own. The kiss was gentle, sweet, but also salty from the tears. He felt fingers stroking over his cheeks, one hand dipping to hold his waist. They fell back, Colby pressed against the arm of the sofa and his hands threaded into soft hair, pulling Sam impossibly closer. The situation dawned on him and he unwillingly pulled away.

“You're engaged,” he said a bit breathlessly.

Sam swallowed hard, pushing all thoughts out of his mind except Colby, Colby,Colby- “Just forget that right now. Forget it all.”

Then they were kissing again, Sam's hands dipping under the brunette's shirt, and Colby did just what he was told, moaning against his friend’s lips.

He forgot.