Author's Note:

I don't know why, but I wanted to point out that there are a number of bad coping methods and toxic relationships in Mosaic. They're not all horrible, but I'm not making much of a distinction as to what's healthy or toxic...(yet). I'm just portraying things in the eyes of my characters, and none of them have studied much of psychology (neither have I) so they're not supposed to have much a clue as how to help someone, let alone themselves.

They have more of a cover it up and it'll go away type of "dealing" (running away).

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I'm always trying to improve my ability to pull a person into a character's headspace or feel their emotions, and your feedback will help me know if what I'm trying for is working or not. Even an emoticon or button smashing tells me something useful and can influence what I write more or less of.

I respond to all comments and it's always fun to hear your thoughts ^^

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"What?" I demanded. The nerves under my skin shrinking and curling more and more at every second of frozen silence that passed between us. "...Valeriy?"

"Hmm?" A grin split her face from the wide eyed look she'd been sporting. Hands still clutching onto a horrifying beige mess she'd been trying to pull out of the biggest box.

"Did I do something... wrong?"

"No, no. Not at all. Just wasn't expecting you to shave?"

"Was I not supposed to?" I asked, rubbing my jaw self-consciously. Hiding behind my hand. "Women don't regularly sport facial hair from what I've seen... and recall."

"Didn't expect you to have such a... a boyish face? You knocked about ten years right off. Hahaha, you look like you're about to start uni!"

Valeriy collapsed onto the bed, clutching onto her stomach in a fit of giggles. Took three seconds for her to devolve into fighting her braided hair, squealing about it tickling her neck.

My cheeks burned at the laughter. Waiting for her to calm. Waiting for her to peel herself off the bed. Waiting for it to be too much and I try slipping under the bed frame.

"Bucky?"

Humming my response, I looked up from my notebook to find a cross eyed Valeriy glaring at locks of her hair tangled with her fingers.

"Do you have braids in your bag of spells? This isn't – fuck this.... It's going to take days to get all this hair in tiny braids." She quickly finger combed out the mess of knots.

My shoulders shrugged. Nothing was coming to mind. But I placed my notebook of scattered thoughts down on the night table, taking a seat on her bed. "What do I do?"

"Uhhh, take three locks of hair. About this much, and – Youtube. Youtube. Yup. Youtube," she chanted. Navigating her phone before handing it to me. A video playing on the screen.

Clueless, I picked out three locks of hair. While watching the video. By the end of it, I was staring at three braids. Somehow. My fingers flying through a fourth. As the other three slowly unraveled themselves.

"...Do you have something to tie it off?" I asked over her shoulder.

Without looking up from her tablet, Valeriy plucked a clear bag off the bed containing a bunch of tiny black rings. Elastics. So small I couldn't get my finger through one. She plucked the one I was trying to stretch with a huffing laugh.

"Just give me the braid when you're done, and I'll tie it. I can figure out that much," she said, mostly to her tablet.

"Here."

"The hell? How are you finished one already?"

To which I was handing her another braid, having undone the first three unraveling braids.

"What the fuck? You seriously went to Hogwarts for hair, didn't you?"

"I don't know what that is."

"Holy fuck, Bucky, I can't keep up," she mumbled through clenched teeth, biting on the elastic to stretch it out and by then I was handing her a fourth braid. "How the shit do you braid waist length hair in two seconds flat?"

"It's five seconds."

"...."

I held onto another completed braid, waiting for her to finish tying the rest of them.

"Thanks, Bucky. Having you do this buys me a lot of time," she said with that smile. That smile that lacked her usual warmth. The friendliness turned tired.

She's pulling away. I couldn't blame her for that. But I could feel the isolation sinking in. My voice won't be heard... if she's gone.

I'd be alone... again.

'I'll still have St –'

"But I tried to kill him...."

"Who?" Valeriy asked. "You didn't kill anybody the other nigh – Are you talking about Cap –...the-the man with a plan...?"

I let go of the braid I was working on when she turned to face me. Giving a nod to her questioning stare.

"He's not going to blame you for that, Bucky."

"But I tried to kill him."

"He's your best friend. He's not going to hold that against you."

"I'm not that person. I don't even remember the man he knows, Valeriy."

"He's desperately looking for you, at this very moment. He's trying to find you before anyone else can.... Everyone has their eyes on him. Unsavory folks think he can lead them to you... so Eve's been kind of... giving him the runaround to distract people.... He's not going to give up on you."

"...He'll have given up by the time my head... if my head ever gets right again...." Or at the very least, when- if I stop having the need to kill him.

"Best friends... we don't give up on each other."

"I doubt you or Amber tried to kill each other."

She laughed. "We got into a load of shit in the four years we dormed together.... I may or may not have blown us up give or take... a dozen times? And she's spiked my drinks and food before with her poisons."

"...You forgave her for that?"

"Never need to? I knew where she was coming from, so I was never angry to begin with. She didn't want nocebos to affect anything, and she always fixed the mess I was in from it. Oh! There's this one time I straight up died for a while.... Heart stopped and all that. Hahaha.... She did manage to bring me back... and I did volunteer that time...?"

"...."

"There's not much I won't do for her. Especially when it comes to protecting her, I'd do anything. I put her through enough shit...."

Then the lightness she held dropped out of her.

"I-I thought I got her killed.... Kidnapped, tortured, body torn to pieces and found in multiple ditches.... That's what I was told.... And then a few years later, I let most of that happen.... It's why her face...."

Her hand motioned a line from the corner of her lips to the ridge of her cheekbone. The Glasgow smile.

"It's far worse than just that.... She's missing organs. A bunch of them. She should have done whatever they asked. All she had to do was survive. Trust that I'd get her out.... Instead, she gave them absolutely nothing and I was two seconds from shooting her with a dart full of her own poison concoction. I... I didn't want her to suffer anymore...."

"Did she forgive you for that?"

Valeriy shrugged. "Probably? She's still lets me bug her and she doesn't lord it over my head. Even trusts me to have her back.... But we both know it's my fault that happened.... It's my job to protect her. I could have stopped it. I should have stopped it. It shouldn't even have gotten close to that....

"When I was working up the nerve to pull the trigger, she stopped me. She could barely talk with how fucked up her face was.... Somehow pulled medical miracles out of her ass and saved herself.... She can't feel anything anymore. Gave herself brain damage so she can't feel how much pain her body is in.... It's why we have that drug that blocks the sense of touch."

As quickly as tears formed, Valeriy rubbed them away before they fell. A sniffle to try and contain the guilt from her voice. A clearing of her throat before a forced smile pulled on her lips.

"Concentrate on yourself, Bucky. He'll be there. No matter how long. He'll be there when you're ready."

"...And if I'm never ready?"

"Hmmm, if you want to give him closure, Amber could dig up that thing I died to? She perfected it years ago. It was used on her to fake her death the first time I thought I got her killed.... It's some synthetic thing based one that pufferfish thingy, so it's super safe now.... Though, the dosage might be a tad wonky with your uhh... body?"

"...You died trying to fake your own death..." I managed to piece together.

"...Yeah... for April Fools. She might be a genius, but that doesn't prevent us from having dumbass ideas... or following them through...."

"Awww, Bucky," she laughed. Smiling up at me. Pulled me right out of the memory. "You're still beautiful."

Her hand reached up. Fingers sliding across my cheek.

"Oohh, wow. Your skin is so soft.... The fuck? I bet you don't even do skin care shit and have some bloody diet to keep this so smooth.... I can do this all day."

I couldn't.

Without the usual prickle from stubble. It was too much. So I took a step back from the bright eyed girl.

Her head tilted in a small question, but her hand dropped back to her side with a shrug of her shoulder. Clutching onto the large fleshy mass and holding it up to me.

"So uhhh... this is going to feel... weird as shit? But you shouldn't feel like you're in a sauna or a freezer. Managed to fix that problem a few years ago.... What else was there...? My brain is so fucking fried.... No clothing? Or it might have weird bumps. Or the sauna thing will happen. And you'd probably... chafe?"

"What's this for...?" I asked. I did not like the look of it nor do I like where this was going.

"You don't exactly look like a woman? But it's mostly to cover your muscles and heat signature, completely. Your metal arm and high body temperature kind of give you away, umm... instantly. So the fat suit will make a blank slate and let Eve control how you look on all levels. From technology to human senses. Make it so nothing doubts that you're a woman...?"

"...Oh...."

"...Yeah...."

With a nod, Valeriy passed the suit to me and hobbled her way into the bathroom. 19 braids bouncing with each hop. Leaving me to stare at the pile of beige flesh hanging from my fingers.

It felt bizarre. On the outside, it was human skin. No other way to describe it. It felt exactly like human skin. Not my skin. Not her skin. But still human skin.

If the inside had been red and bloody, I'd believe that I was holding onto a carefully skinned human being. That the A.I. ghost had skinned some innocent human being as part of some elaborate plan to slip under the noses of Hydra.

Whatever the inside was made of, I have not the slightest clue. My thumb kept sliding from how slippery it was. The material was so soft. Softer than all of Valeriy's pillows and blankets. Giving under pressure like a sponge and bouncing back into shape just as fast. I couldn't even tell what the temperature of it was. Neither hot nor cool compared to my fingers. Not enough to set off the sensors of the metal plates.

Folding my clothing into a neat pile and packing it away, I still couldn't make heads or tails of how I felt about this whole situation. But I was already picking up the beige mass and slipping a foot into a leg of the suit. Not the easiest thing to get into. Hopping around the room.

'...What the hell am I even doing...?'

Once I managed to get my foot into the suit's foot, it was off putting how well it fit. The whole leg hugged mine in a tight hold. The skin wasn't stretched as it was trying to my leg in place.

One glance at the left arm sleeve and the indents in the shape of the plates confirmed it.

"Was this made for me?"

It was odd to talk at a little device haphazardly tossed onto a bed.

Weirder still that it replied.

"Of course. This has to pass flawlessly."

"How...?"

"The hell did I say about creeping on Bucky?" Valeriy partly yelled from the bathroom.

"Easy enough to weave together a 3D model with a month's worth of high definition footage of him. I left the bathroom alone, if that puts anybody at ease."

I doubt I could get over the feeling of this suit. The pillows between my feet and the floor. The fact that the material still felt the same when it should be warming up. But it didn't. Inside was devoid of everything my sense of touch knew, replacing it with an unyielding pressure. Wrapped tightly around my legs.

Getting the metal arm into the sleeve was far more difficult. It got stuck. My hand kept slipping whenever I pulled on the material.

"How's it going, Bucky?"

I looked down with a frown.

"My legs are in.... The arm won't go past halfway."

"The cybernetic one?"

"...Yeah."

"Sit down and... cover yourself? I'll help. I think I know what might be the problem."

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Author's Note:

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