Author's Note:

I'm always trying to improve my ability to pull a person into a character's headspace or feel their emotions, and your feedback will help me know if what I'm trying for is working or not. Even an emoticon or button smashing tells me something useful and can influence what I write more or less of.

I respond to all comments and it's always fun to hear your thoughts ^^

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Forty years....

Forty years....

Forty years....

But I was already active by then. A monster. A tool. Destroying whoever and whatever they ordered. Didn't even have the brains to think of leaving. A thoughtless weapon....

Forty years....

"Can't un-know things, so be careful what you ask."

If I didn't ask... I wouldn't have known. I wouldn't have known what I could have had. What could have been.

Forty years....

I could have seen my sisters grow old....

Forty years...

Of blood that wouldn't have been spilled by me....

But it was too late. For all of them.

A snap of a twig had me glancing down from my perfect vantage point of the town, perched on a branch. A skunk tripping face first into the dirt.

Another quick sweep of the surroundings and my eyes returned to the star littered skies. It hadn't changed in all these years. Not enough to feel unfamiliar. There may have been more. There may have been less. But not so vastly different as everything else in this world.

I could almost feel the warmth of a fire on my skin. On my face. Even if it was a cool breeze that surrounded me.

I could barely hear the words chattering in my head. With my own voice.

"...ee that cluster of stars in Taurus, Ste –"

"There he goes again," a gruff voice. A voice I knew I should know... but....

"Buck, what about those seven stars?" another familiar voice. One that left an empty hole when I couldn't find a face to go with it....

"That's the Pleiades. Sailors use it back in...."

A memory of faceless voices. Not even searching out the mentioned stars could fill in the blanks. The cluster of blue stayed silent in my head.

Stretching out my stiff muscles, I dropped to the dirt below and headed towards the town. Holding down the button on the earbud.

Fifteen minutes left to find the hat I stole and Valeriy's hair, as per orders.

"Northwest by west. 1.1 Kilometers. She's settled there for the night."

Just as I was about to end the call, I dropped my hand and asked, "There was a male.... Early twenties. Could be late teens. April sixth. Is he...?"

"One of mine? He is and is an adult. Had him step in from observations when you weren't eating. Told you about the soup kitchen and got you to the library. And yes, he was the one to slip the jammer into your arm."

"...H-how?"

I had the arm covered. Completely covered. The whole time. Hid it from everyone. Had to hide it.

I'd know if something made its way under the plates. Would have... felt it.

"I... don't have footage of it."

"How long have you been planning to use me?"

"Since the moment I found out about you, and it wasn't so much as using you until I heard whispers about Val. I would rather you an ally than an enemy, Mr. Barnes. We don't mean you any harm."

"If you found me earlier...."

'Forty years ago....'

"...Maybe those people would be alive."

"The ones Hydra made you kill? No, I doubt they'd still be kicking. They would have found another way to end them. Methods that might not be as cleanly done as the Winter Soldier legend."

"Clean?" I spat out.

There's nothing clean about it.

"Minimal causalities. Therefore, you're a relatively clean method. Assassinations can get messy at times. Especially in the form of explosives."

"...."

The urge to scream was overwhelming. Something stuck clawing inside me. I wanted to tear everything to pieces.

"Why is it that you wanted me away from Valeriy the night before Hydra showed up?"

The night she let me see their headquarters in Geneva, Switzerland. The statue of who I was in the courtyard. The news article about a lost little girl.

"...Not the night before. That was merely to plant a seed. It takes time to grow. Should have bloomed when you left with Sparks.

"My main concern was, and is again, getting you to my father in some semblance of safe. Though you and Val threw a monkey wrench into that plan. I can't risk him going AWOL on us. Almost lost him to the Alps last time."

"...Digging in the snow?"

"Yup. In his underwear."

'That wasn't an exaggeration? What? That outlandish story wasn't an exaggeration?'

"I take it that Val told you about Father's... obsession with you? She can't risk him leaving the Genevan Headquarters either. When she comes out of hiding to search for her grandfather, she won't be so lucky. They will find her."

"You have more than enough resources to find one old man. She doesn't need to come out of hiding."

"...Depends."

'How hard can it be to find one old man...?'

"...Wouldn't you come out of hiding for your captain?"

"...."

Just the thought of it hurt my head. Everything hurt. Nothing made sense inside. Too much going on. Need. Fear. Panic. Stress. Memories almost in reach, but not quite close enough.

"You may not understand why, but it's not hard to come to such a conclusion, Mr. Barnes. I'm willing to bet that he was the reason you managed to break Hydra's programming. Coupled that with the fact that you have a perchance of saving basically strangers.... Well, you still are taking on unnecessary risks. You could be in Geneva now, living like a king. Instead, here you are."

The life they all peddled, it sounded impossible. It couldn't be true. Too good to be true.

But then....

"I have the... the money."

'If I only had this sooner.'

For what? I couldn't figure out. No matter how long I thought about it. It only unsettled me more and more.

Sooner could be weeks ago. Months ago. Sooner might have been decades ago.

"It's not what it was back in the forties. Inflation is a bitch. But it's still more than most people have.... Look, from watching you the past months, I figured you'd likely have a habit of getting violent after dealing with Hydra. I don't want Val to be a casualty of it."

"...I don't want to hurt her. I don't want to hurt anybody. I've caused enough pain. More than enough."

"True. But you have no way to guarantee that."

Her words stopped me in my tracks. Like a knife twisting in my gut. Had no arguments against that. It's true... and it's only a matter of time....

"That's a small worry of mine. The two of you bring out some... of the dumber sides in each other. Both of you almost went charging headfirst into Hydra to buy the other some chance.... It worries me to leave the two of you alone. Even if it's just a couple of days."

"What?"

"I've already automated the bracelet to wake you when your body's readings are similar to when you're having a nightmare. It'll also notify you and Val if you're too... stressed. Val has your burner phone. Keep it with you at all times in the case that you wander off or Val is taken. If the two you end up fifteen Kilometers away from each other, it'll activate the mic and speakers on both ends. You can still call me if needed. Though, I suggest keeping communications to a minimum, if any."

"You're not going to be watching?"

"I won't even be listening."

I broke out into a run, racing for Valeriy. She didn't do well without the A.I. ghost. She froze with Hydra. She could be curled up behind the shirts in the closet, terrified and alone.

"There's no need to rush, Mr. Barnes. My support ends when you leave Marathon. There are a few locations where Val can hide in Canada. The less I know as to her whereabouts, the better. That is until she reaches one of them. Those locations have special rules. I'm not allowed to have a record of their locations or their contents."

"Does she know this? That you're leaving her alone?"

"This was her idea. Though a downside is if she's taken, I won't know until it's far too late or they contact us first. That is if they do...."

I skidded to a stop outside of a gathering of 17 small buildings on wheels. Campfires by 9 of them. Surrounded by chairs and 56 bodies. 23 children. 7 women. 21 men. 5 dogs.

2 groups watched a television mounted on the side of the vehicle buildings. Breaking out into jeers and cheers at random intervals.

6 groups held sticks into the flames. Something charring at the end of each stick.

My ears picked up a familiar voice nearby. Muffled from being inside one of the vehicle buildings. A large one painted black with silver flames. The voice of Valeriy's friend.

"– better not come crying to me. Not that you'd have the brains left to figure out how much shit you're in. I don't know if I can undo this! I've spent all these years stalling 'cause I can't figure it out!!!"

"That's okay," Valeriy's voice assured. Sounding just as exhausted as this morning.

"I do this... they'll likely have the information they need."

"At least we get more use?"

"Of all people, you should be the last to ask this of me."

"Only a matter of time, Amber.... Let me choose when."

"You can't honestly be alright with this."

"I had a month to stew on it. Had much longer to come to terms with it...?"

"...Fine. I'll take a look. If something can be done... I'll do it."

"Thanks."

"...Got the symposium to pack for. Bye."

"Have fun – 'kay...? Bye bye...."

A slam sounded from inside. The kind that was usually followed by the A.I. ghost nagging about how the laptop wasn't indestructible.

Only this time, no words exchanged.

For minutes on end. 5.7 minutes.

Nothing.

I stared at the door. Unable to move my feet closer. Wondering if I should even enter.

A jingle played. Likely her phone. Then another harsh sound of something crashing, a mechanical hum filled the air. The blackout curtain next to the door lifted to reveal a young woman seated at a small table.

A different face. But that was Valeriy's hair. Smoothed out from the small waves created by the braids this morning. And the stolen hat held in her hands. Her gray eyes staring down at it. As if it were a world away.

A small smile played on her lips. "...Yeah... I can be alright with this," she muttered, placing the hat by the window. Resting her chin on her arm, she poked at her phone. If the light under her hand meant that. "Hey Eve, Bucky checked in yet?"

"I believe he has."

With that, she threw some sort of warped ball across the window, landing somewhere beyond my view. Made a similar clattering sound before the curtain had opened. This time the curtain shut.

The moment it fell into place, it violently shook. Something light smacked it in the middle. Likely the mask she wore than another warped ball.

I couldn't hear any other movements. So that left her by to the door.

I had the option of going inside this eye catching monstrosity or spending more time in the surrounding forest. More time to....

Before anyone could spot me, I lifted the metal hand and knocked. Just in case she was armed. Hopefully, this was enough to let her know it's me.

"It's unlocked, Bucky." Her voice muffled by the door.

Carefully, I pulled at the handle. My mind screaming at me to run for it. Not to step into this eyesore. Nothing of this blended in.

"Hi." A tiny hand wave just as small as her greeting. Her feet swinging out of sync under the barstool she sat on.

Nerves stained her every movement. Her smile. Her posture. Right down to a calculated gesture for me to come inside.

"How are...? Umm...." Those pale eyes glanced from side to side before dropping to my feet. "I'm sorry."

Flicking the lock behind me, I took the three steps in front of me. Partially drawn in by my nose and a sweet meaty smell that permeated the room. Partially from the silent order.

My eyes homed in on dart revolver seated on the other barstool. Right between us. Just in arms reads, but closer to her.

Grab dark revolver. Bash back of the head. Target incapacitated.

Had to catch myself from stopping the thread pulling her fingers were focused on. I didn't want to break them. On accident.

"Stop blaming your – This is the opposite of blending in," I snarled, staring down the long length to the very back. 13.71 meters.

The inside was worse than the outside. Lavish. Everything was lavish. More so than the A.I. ghost's house in D.C. Black leather. Shining silver. Spotless glass. White floorboards. Not a scuff on them.

Everything had me reaching for the muddy boots on my feet. Automatically untying the knots. Couldn't dirty the floor. Scuffing them was wors –

"Ehh... it's pretty perfect for hiding from Hydra?" she offered with a one shoulder shrug.

No.

No, it wasn't.

This, this demanded attention.

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Author's Note:

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