Heaven knows how much I love my life since the day I was drowning in pain and wanted to end up my life. But what happened to me is such a big bomb to handle. I am pregnant without even knowing. It really is impossible.

Tanang hint sa usa ka buntis ahung gubaliwa. I thought it's normal to crave something in the middle of a dilemma. I thought the sudden faint was normal since I always stayed all night and probably anemic na pod. I thought I'm delayed again, but it's not and I thought the morning nauseous was because I was pushing myself so hard.

Mao ba permi ko i-check ni Wyatt kung tulog na ko? Kay kahibaw siya nga that time I was pregnant? Nganong wala man nahu napansin? Busy kaayo kos ahung kasakit sa ahung kasingkasing hangtod sa nawala na sa ahung hunahuna ang makatadaot sa ahuang lawas og health.

Hinay-hinay nahung gibukhad ahung mata. Gilibot nahu ang ahung panan-aw kay basin damgo lang ni tanan. But I can't deny the fact that everything is real. What happened is real. Wa ko kahibaw kung pila na ko kaadlaw naa diria sa hospital.

Nakit-an nahu ang ahung mga barkada nga nagbantay og nagkasya sa usa ka sofa. Mingtan-aw ko ni Angel. Klaro na kaayo iyang tiyan og dili nahu malikayan nga maguol sa kalit lang panghitabo na pagkalaglag sa bata sa ahung tiyan.

What happened after Tita Latte's party still lingers on my head. I wasn't expected my sudden miscarriage at the times I thought I was strong to face Eros.

It was a heartbreaking. I was almost a mother. I was almost to called a mom. But in just a snap, naglaho tanan.

Dali-dali kog piyong sa ahung mata sa dihang naay mingsulod na usa ka laki. It was Eros. Biskan pa dili nahu ibukhad ahung mata kahibaw ko na siya to kay sa pahumot pa lang alams na kaayo.

"I'm sorry, Sira." He whispered, running his finger on my hair. Gikisan ko niya sa agtang.

Kalit lang na naay mingbasa sa ahung aping og gikan kini sa mga mata ni Eros. Nagbakho siya samtang gigunitan ang ahung kamot. "I should have watched you closed when I have time. I should be there when you need me. I should be there watching you asleep. But I become a coward, Sira."

I close my eyes firmly. Nagtulo na sad ang ahung luha sa mata og wala na nahu mapugngan nga tubagon ang iyang yangongo.

"Then why, Eros?" Gihikap nahu ang ahung tiyan. "Where were you when I need you? When I lost myself of what happened, were you think of me too? Daghang kong pangutana Eros. Sa sobra ka daghan, wala na ko kahibaw kung asa ko maggunad."

"I'm sorry, Sira. I'm really, really sorry!" He held my hand again, kissing it while his tears keeping it wet through my skin.

"I don't need your sorry, Ros. What I need is an answer." Gipiyong nahu ahung mata. Kalma kaayo ahung tingog og naghinayhinay ko basin makamata ahung mga barkada na nagbantay. Maayo lang jud kay mga tulog mantika ni sila. "You already knew that I was pregnant with your baby, but you... You acted like nothing, instead giuna pa nimo ang laing tawo og atiman kaysa namo. Sakit kaayo, Ros."

Wala siya katubag og minglabay na lang ang pila ka minuto usa siya nakasulti.

"I'm hurt too, Sira. Kung kahibaw lang ka hapit na ko mabuang sige og pangita nimo atong tungura. I begged for Wyatt to tell me where you were. I begged him to watch you over while I'm cleaning my mess... You know what hurts the most? Seeing you happy with someone that I know always better than me. I never been better to you, Sira. I'm sorry. Please forgive me."

Wa ko katingog. Sige ra kog hilak. Mao na lang ba jud ni role nahu sa kinabuhi? Ang magsige rag hilak sa dagan sa ahung kinabuhi? Makatagamtam man tood ta og kalipay pero double man pod ang balik nato.

"I love you, Sira. I still you and I mean everything what I said. I never fake when I'm with you..." Gigakos ko niya. "Tell me what to do for you to forgive me? I will do everything, Sira. Everything."

"Everything?"

He pulled back. He looks at me. I can hear the hope in his voice.

"Everything Sira. Tell me."

"Stay away from me."

He stays silent. Bagsak iyang abaga samtang gatutok nahu. His eyes fill with sorrows.

I know this will be hurt. It'll hurt both of us, but I know someday. Maybe someday. By any chance. When our path meets again, he will understand that to be able to save him, I need to let him go. I saved myself once. Now that we are shattered and taste the odd of our love, I need to break free. I need to let him go to save him. To save me. To save us.

"No. Dili ko musugot, Sira! Dili ko musugot na mawala na pod ka." Gigunitan niya ahung kamot, he gently squeeze and his eyes begging for me not to let this emotion upmost. But I have made my mind.

Nakamata sila Angel og nakabantay sila nga grabe na kalalom among conversation ni Eros. They stayed quiet and didn't middle our conversation. Instead, they give Eros a chance to voice his side.

"Can't you see, Ros? Every time nga magkita ta, naay mahitabo nga dili nato mapugngan and causes us in pain. Sakit na kaayo, Ros. Permi lang ta ani mag-antos. Dili na healthy. I can't save you." Mingtan-aw kos laing direksyon. "Both of us are drowning. We can't save this." Gipahiran nahu ahung luha.

I admit. At this moment, it wouldn't be fair for both of us to act like nothing happened. I can fake my feelings. People might see me fake but I would never fake my feelings to someone just to save what the society needs. I didn't resume my life for them and it doesn't matter to me if they see me selfish for unpleased their wants.

"Sira..."

Mingtindog siya. He let out a heavy sigh and let out a crack chuckle. "If... If that's what you want."

Grabeng paita sa iyang gibuhian. Pero mao man ni ahung gusto. One day, he'll thank me for what we have done today. I know. One day he will forgive me too.

Minggawas si Eros. Mingduol sila Princess para i-comfort ko. Samtang nagpalayo si Eros, mura pod og gibatak kabente ahung kasingkasing. This feeling is like I'm drowning inside my own void. Sakit kaayo. Mas sakit pa ni kaysa mabungkag ang imoha.

Gihaplos nahu ahung tiyan. "By, sorry kung wala ka kakita sa imong amahan. But maybe this is the way of saving you, too. We're not mentally stable. It's not like we don't want you. God knows how much I wanted to touch you, feel your little feet kicking inside my tummy. Mama wants to hear your voice when you cry. Uh, my baby."

Gipiyong nahu ahung mata. Sige gihapon og tulo ahung luha, samtang giduyugan kos mga aparatos na nakakabit sa ahung lawas.

Pati silang tulo nanghilak na pod.

"You did a great job, Sira," Princess told me.

"We're so proud of you."

They extended their sympathy to what happened to my lost child. Giduyugan ko nila hangtod sa pagmata sa adlaw.

Sakto na ning hilak. Dili ni maayo sige ra tag ingani. Gikapoy na ko. Mingginhawa kog lalom. Gipahiran nahu ang ahung mata hanggang sa nakatulog na ko.