Trigger warning: worthlessness & heavy emotions

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I said I hope I didn't need this in the near future and maybe it is just three am me but I realized something.

Im going to keep it vague just because I don't feel comfortable talking about it in depth, sorry to disappoint.

They don't care.

They don't care if the things around them are healthy or not. If the house is nice and doesn't look fucking shitty.

They only care about one thing.

They don't care about me, picking me up 20-30 minutes late from work and pretending everything is okay. Thinking I'm going to be just grand when some creep could sweep me up and take me right then and there. However, I have a feeling it'd be easier if I was gone, less to do, right? 

They don't care if my little sisters have a healthy bedtime and will allow them to stay up until the phone dies (usually around 3-4am) and saying "you're being too hard on them, leave them be". Maybe I give a flying fuck about them and don't want their lives to be glued to a useless screens. They're fucking toddlers.

I'm severely disappointed. I always give the benefit of the doubt but I'm tired of being lied to, being naive and thinking things will get better. That our lives will change and get off of being dirt poor living in a rotting down house in the woods.

They fucking never do.

Nothing ever changes. We're fucking stuck in a hellhole.

Maybe he was right and I shouldn't trust them. Maybe I should lash out in anger at every dumb sentence and sigh at any attempt at humor; furthermore, just give up in seeing the light in the darkness. Accept the dysfunctional surroundings that make it so hard to comprehend and breathe over?

Is it really fair to us who went through all the shit that's happened and expect a "happy reunion"? Do you expect me to forgive someone that's caused me years of pain and suffrage that I'm too afraid to speak of? Prodding and poking at my wounds whenever their in sight?

You only care about it, right? That's what it's all about. Throw healing out the window and just accept it, right?

Maybe I don't wanna accept it and finally open my goddamn mouth to breathe.

Maybe I care about my life and my siblings.