Requested by: Wait_I_Can_Explain

Prompt: Self-given

"I don't know if I want to kill you or kiss you right now."

Warnings: Bit of swearing

Extra: I love my baby in a trench coat

~*~

Being a Nephilim had its ups and downs. Maybe, if I was born to any other angel, my life would have been relatively normal. Well, scratch that, it would have been weird, but I wouldn't have been aware of how weird it could be.

I didn't have a mom first and foremost, she died giving birth to me. My dad didn't show up until I was ten, and as soon as he took custody of me I was pulled on massive adventures with him and two men named Sam and Dean Winchester. I actually tended to stay behind, not on my own accord.

My dad could be overprotective, and that was the nice way of saying it. Nearly six years with them and I had only been allowed out on a few of their weird adventures. That didn't stop the Winchesters from teaching me everything I needed to know though. I had to feel useful doing something.

Nephilim or not, I was more human than angel. It wasn't always like that. I was once powerful, like my dad. But while they were out on a hunt when I was only twelve, a rogue angel broke in and tried to kill me. Team Free Will intervened before that could happen, but the angel escaped with his life, and my Grace.

When Mary Winchester came around, it was a breath of fresh air. A hunter who was a mom, an aunt, sort of. Then Jack showed up and I got a brother who was technically as old as I was even if he was just born. Yep, a weird life.

"(Y/n), are you focusing right now?" Dean snapping at me brought me out of my flashbacking thoughts. Being stuck in an apocalyptic alternate reality did things like that to you.

"Maybe we should bring you back," Dad muttered.

"I'm fine, I just spaced out," I grumbled, determined to stay on the hunt, "The real issue here, is him."

"Is that any way to treat your uncle?" Lucifer put a hand over his heart, offended.

"You aren't my uncle," I snapped back, "Someone like you isn't a part of my family. How did you even get here? You were stuck in the bunker, bleeding out."

"VIP pass I'm with the band," Lucifer shrugged, smirking. He then noticed everyone's displeased looks, "Come on. Shouldn't you be thanking me? I gave Sammy an extra life. Besides, what with bro here being a hot mess, I figured you need me. So, I'm here to join the team."

I moved a little closer to Jack, feeling protective. All of us knew exactly why Lucifer was here, and it wasn't to help out.

"Your name is Jack," Lucifer turned to Jack.

"And yours is Lucifer."

"No. No, no. No. You don't talk to him," Dean stalked over, "And you, don't listen to him."

"Are you trying to keep me from my son?"

"This is Kelly Kline's son. He's nothing like you," Dad growled out. I huffed slightly. Protective over Jack, and yet he could basically do whatever he wanted. It took Dean and Sam an hour to convince him to let me come along.

"Don't say he's nothing like me. I'm the only one who understands him. This power he has? I'm powerful, dangerous, ruthless. In the best sense, though. And uh, (Y/n), I can get ya your Grace back. You know, because I'm so nice."

"You're a liar," I frowned, ignoring the pang I felt at the thought of feeling whole again.

"Kill him," Dean ordered Gabriel. Gabriel didn't move.

"He can't," Lucifer chuckled, "He's not strong enough."

"You've got the blade. He's the devil. Kill him," Dean insisted, taking a few mancing steps towards the archangel.

"Stop it!" Jack screamed, disappearing soon after.

"Shit," I swore loudly, drawing everyone's attention to me.

"(Y/n)," Dad scolded.

"All of you swear all the time," I crossed my arms over my chest, "Now look what you've done, you made Jack run away. I can't believe that all of you are supposed to be the adults here."

"I'll go look for him," Gabriel offered, brushing off my previous angered statement.

"I don't understand all the hostility. You need me. I am a walking weapon. I know this Michael. Heck, I beat him. So how 'bout a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T?"

Dad, nearly shaking with anger, roughly unzipped Dean's bag and took out the angel cuffs. He gripped Lucifer's wrists and tightened the cuffs around them.

"In case your innate evil overwhelms this new found team spirit, you won't mind wearing these then. You're not at full power. They should hold you."

"I left Rowena some grace. So we have thirty-one hours, give or take."

With that drastic news, everyone began to split up to form different plans for the different situations that were happening all at once. I approached my father from behind, hopeful, but already knowing what he was going to say to my question.

"Dad, can I go elp Gabriel look for Jack?"

Without hesitation, Dad answered, "No."

"He's my brother! I need to do something, I can't just sit around pretending like everything is okay. It isn't Dad! Not with Lucifer here, not with you not trusting me, and not with Jack gone."

"(Y/n)-"

"It's fine, it's fine," I took a step away from his outstretched hand,"I'm going to go talk to Mary."

I stomped over to join Mary in reloading her weapons. She picked up on my silent frustration, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder.

"Hey, you alright hun?"

"No," I sighed, running a hand through my hair, "My dad is just so...Ugh! I understand that I don't have my Grace anymore, but I don't need it to be strong. I want to help, I want to fight. But all he cares about is keeping me as far away from all of this as possible."

"He does that because he loves you," Mary assured me, "He lost your mother, he doesn't want to lose you too. He truly cares (Y/n). He's scared to lose you."

"Hey mama," Lucifer, being guided by my dad smirked at Mary, "Miss me?"

In response, Mary delivered a powerful punch to Lucifer's face, knocking back into Dad. I smiled slightly, looking away when he tried to make eye contact with me.

"Nice shot," Dean complimented, walking over with Sam in two, "We should go look for Jack and get back home.

"Um, about that...I'm not going back."

"What?" All of us nearly yelled in unison.

"I fought beside these people. I respect them. I respect their cause. You can't expect me to just abandon them. I know what you went through to come find me. But these people are being slaughtered. They need me here."

"No, Mom. We do. We do," Dean attempted to control his rising anger, "We have been mopping up the world for years. We have been knocked down. We have been possessed. We've lost friends. We've lost family. We've lost each other. And we never walk away, ever. And sometimes, we should've, because not every fight everywhere can be won. It just can't. Right? Tell her."

"I think Mom made up her mind," Sam mumbled, trying to avoid Dean's bad side.

"See? Wait, what? (Y/n)?"

"I'm uh," I looked around for an excuse to leave, "I'm just gonna- Yeah."

I swiftly left the conversation. It seemed like a very personal family thing. And even if I was basically raised by the Winchesters, dealing with things like that was above my paygrade.

After awkwardly wandering around the safe haven for a few minutes, searching for a chance to make myself useful, I spotted Jack, Lucifer, and my dad talking in a corner.

"Jack," I jogged over to him, pulling him into a hug, "I was scared that you would be gone until the rift was closing."

"(Y/n), I need to speak with Sam and Dean, can you watch him?" Cas motioned to Lucifer.

"Trusting me with something? Who are you and what have you done with my father?" I rolled my eyes, speaking again before Dad could say something, "Yeah, go."

"So I want you to think about this. Your Grandfather is God. Think about that. We're numero uno," Lucifer continued his former conversation with Jack.

"Hey! Hey!" Dean, Sam, and Cas came running over, "I told you no talking. And I told you no listening."

"Dean, he's in chains" Jack sighed in annoyance, "I need to know about my powers, my family."

"Jack, we're your family," I motioned to the people standing around us, "You're my brother. That man will do nothing but bring you pain. That isn't what family does. You have no idea who Lucifer really is."

"And I never will unless I talk to him. He's my father."

~*~

Within the hour we had managed to get the entire group on the road. I was sticking up front, with Sam, Mary, and Dean. The going was slow, but until Dad got back to us about what lied up ahead, it would have to do.

"Sam, go back there and check out what Helter Skelter's saying to the damn kid," Dean ordered Sam, watching as he stepped back to walk with the two.

"Take it easy on Jack. He's been fighting a war. He's trying so hard to prove himself, but he's lost people, friends. He'll take him a minute to get through it," Mary prompted gently, Like it or not, Lucifer is Jack's father. He's going to take an interest in him."

"So what, we're supposed to just let Lucifer drag him over to the dark side?"

"Jack isn't going to the dark side. He'll see Lucifer's true nature. And he'll see through his own eyes and not yours. I'm looking at you too (Y/n)."

"Yeah, yeah," I rolled my eyes, smiling slightly after.

Dad came around the corner, rushing towards us, "Gabriel went ahead to scout, but he should be back by now."

"Angels!" As if on cue, Gabriel ran through the treeline.

Everyone drew their weapons, aiming at the rogue angels approaching us. Before anyone could do anything, the angel's eyes glowed, and they poofed into dust. We all looked to Lucifer, whose cuffs were melting off.

"Oh yeah, about the cuffs; I knew they wouldn't hold me in this world. Long story short, I didn't want your impotence to get awkward, so I just went along...You're welcome. Don't thank me at once."

~*~

It had been around two hours of walking before we arrived at Bobby's base camp. It was a bit strange, seeing him alive and fine, but I couldn't focus on that. While my dad was distracted with watching Jack and Lucifer, I had snuck into the meeting between the WInchester's and the other base leaders.

"So, let me get this straight. You want us to follow you through a magic door that's gonna blast us the hell outta here and into some kind of Fairy Tale World where everything's pretty?"

"Andy, look, I get that you don't know my sons, but you do know me. That world does exist. Hear them out."

"Guys, I don't know if you've noticed, but you're losing. Okay? You're outmanned, you're outgunned," Dean pointed out the obvious.

"My brother and I, back home we're sitting on the biggest collection of lore and weapons in our world. Now something in there, it might be enough to even the odds," Sam added in.

"So we find that, then you come back here with a plan, a plan to beat Michael and his armies. And then you win."

I noticed that someone came in and whispered something to Bobby.

"We'll talk to our people, take a vote." With that, the three leaders left.

"Just got news about Charlie and Ketch," Bobby stated as soon as the men were gone, "Goin' after the execution squad went sideways. They're the ones who got ambushed."

"Hey," I spoke up, "I'm going to go out by Jack. Let me know if you need with tracking down Charlie and Ketch."

Nearly running out of the room, I weaved my way around the camp, taking one of the back ways out so I wouldn't be seen. Patting my jacket pocket to make sure that I had my angel blade.

After that I wandered blindly around the forest, willingly becoming bait for any angels that were on guard. It was risky, and might not even work, but it was my only option. After all, I was clueless as to where they were keeping Charlie and Ketch.

"Well, well, a young human huh?" Two angels stepped out of the treeline. I thanked Chuck, for once I was happy about my bad luck, "Wait..."

"Too late," knowing they had realized what I was, I rushed forward, stabbing and killing one of them instantly.

The other one put up more of a fight. I was careful to avoid his grasp, and not get in too close unless I could injure him without a doubt. After a few minutes of fighting, I was growing annoyed. I had to hurry up before the other discovered that I was gone. Then Dad would come, and yell at me, and never let me leave the house again.

I left impulsively to track down Charlie and Ketch, but I was aware of what was really behind it. I always felt like Dad didn't trust me. Why else wouldn't he let me go out on my own, or even with them on missions? If I could do this on my own, then he would have to understand that I could handle myself.

I somersaulted behind the man, slashing his legs. Instead of the bright light I was accustomed to coming out, it was like blue blood. A Grace. I didn't know if it was because I was a Nephilim, or because of the spot I hit, but I could see it.

"Where are they?" I hissed, holding the knife against the angel's throat.

"I would never tell you, bitch."

"Well you're around here. They're close then, aren't they?" Not giving the angel a chance to answer, I stabbed the angel in the back, stepping back as his body crumpled to the ground.

The glowing Grace called out to me. I vaguely remembered what it was like to have a Grace. I wanted one back. I needed one. I had been so weak, so empty for so long.

Crouching down, I dipped my fingers in the liquid. Instead of dripping down my hand, it absorbed into my skin. I closed my eyes, letting out a shuddered breath. I felt better than I had since we arrived in the other world.

Restricting myself from taking the rest of the dying Grace, I stepped back. Walking back the way the angels came from, I slowly observed the path in front of me. There were tracks from more than just two people, and they were fresh.

Trying to stay as quiet as possible, I set my sights on the angel compound. The gate was wide open. Who would expect a direct attack after all?

"Alright," I pulled a switchblade from my boot, cutting my hand, "Banishing spell."

On nearly every tree around me, I put a symbol from the angel banishing spell I was taught by the others. Drawing out the last symbol, I called out to the guards around the compound. They all sprinted towards me, slightly cautious because of how open I was.

"See you in hell," I grinned, slamming my bloody hand against the tree with the final symbol.

The angels groaned and gasped as they were banished from their vessels. I winced as their bodies hit the ground. They weren't exactly quiet.

I sprinted towards the compound, angel blade out and ready. The element of surprise was obviously lost as soon as I cast the banishment spell. Kicking down the door, I stumbled into the room Charlie and Ketch were being held in. I gasped at the sight in front of me.

"Dad?"

No, it wasn't my dad. This was the other Cas, the evil one. One I had to take out. Other Dad turned away from Ketch and faced me. The angel standing next to him took a step forwards, but Cas held his arm out.

"You're alive?" The European accent covering his voice was thick, and different from what I was used to, "No, this isn't you."

"Let them go," I gripped my angel blade tightly in my hand.

"Oh (Y/n)," Cas chuckled, "You barely have any Grace, how did you think you would fare against me?"

My body flew back, hitting the wall. My angel blade fell to my feet. I coughed, struggling to get air back into my lungs. Cas took two large steps towards me, scowling.

"An imposter, let me learn where your rebel friends are," his hands grabbed my head, charging up with scorching heat.

I screamed out in pain, closing my eyes as it I wouldn't be able to feel the pain. I focused on my thoughts. If I didn't center in on the pain, I wouldn't feel it as much, and I wouldn't be as tempted to give up the base location.

"Hey, fugly," Team Free Will burst into the room, saving me from the pain.

A few of  the remaining guard Angels came up from behind, distracting the others. Dad rushed towards me, helping me up from the floor. I blindly reached out and grabbed my angel blade, stumbling to my feet.

"Where did he go?" I held my head.

"Where do who go?"

"Evil you!" I yelled.

"Outside."

I sprinted outside before anyone could stop me. I grabbed Other Dad's sleeve, pulling him out of the humvee he was attempting to climb into. Soon enough, Dad came up behind me, his own blade drawn.

"You hurt her," Dad growled, "I'm going to kill you."

"Hang on," I stabbed Other Dad in the stomach, watching as his Grace showed through. Dad seemed to pick up on what I was doing.

"Hang on (Y/n), you need to think about getting a Grace back."

"Thought about it," I answered immediately, pulling forth and absorbing Other Dad's Grace. Shuddering with my newfound power and completeness, I laughed happily.

Remembering that i had a job to do, I stabbed Other Dad, killing him and his newly mortal form.

"I feel like you enjoyed that too much," Dad said to me.

"Well I had to get my anger with you out somehow."

"Anger with me?" Dad's anger was setting in, "Why are you angry. I'm the one who should be angry. You told the WInchester's you were with Jack, then you snuck out and stupidly tried to save Charlie and Ketch! You could have died (Y/n)! DOo you realize how dangerous that was?"

"Yes, I did," I yelled back, "But I knew you wouldn't let me come along if I didn't sneak out! I wanted to prove to you that I can handle myself."

"Well obviously you can't," Dad snapped, grabbing my wrist, "You're going to be staying in the Bunker for a long, long time. Now that you have your Grace back, you can handle being stuck there for a hundred years."

"No I can't," I snapped my arm back, "Dad, I can handle myself. I can fight, and now i'm basically invincible with my Grace. Why don't you trust me?"

"You think I don't trust you?" Dad's voice broke a bit at that, "(Y/n), I trust you, more than you understand. I...I don't want to lose you like I did your mother. That's why I do my best to keep you safe."

"Dad, I get it, but I'm not that little ten year old anymore. I need you to believe in me, like I believe if you. And if I ever do get into trouble, I know that you or one of the others will be there to save me."

"I love you," Dad pulled me into a tight hug.

"I love you too," I sighed happily, enjoying the hug and the resolution to the thing that had been plaguing me for six years.

"All right, this is a really sweet chick flick moment, but we gotta go," Dean called out to us.

"Screw you Dean!" I yelled back, "I like chick flick moments."