Sorry, lockdown has made me do a hell of a lot of writing

Connor's POV

Okay, okay, okay, okay. I need to calm the fuck down. It's just a stupid crush! I've had those before! If I just ignore it, it'll probably go away. How the fuck did I even fall for Michael in the first place? It's not like he's a, I don't fucking know, typically attractive person. He's a nerd, to put it kindly. He got me fucking hooked on the Pokémon franchise for God's sake! Why is that so goddamn adorable? When he talks about the things he's interested in? The way his eyes just light up... I felt myself smile.

God, I'm such a fucking idiot.

Why didn't I realize my feelings were something other than friendship sooner? It's not like I've never had a crush before. I mean, I've liked celebrities before. I MAY have had a little bit of thing for an old friend with a light bulb birthmark but I digress. At least now I know what the fucking weird fluttery feeling I felt when Michael smiled that stupidly cute smile was. I groaned into my pillow with frustration. Linkin Park was still blasting through the speaker. "Chester, you are not helping right now," I mumbled, pressing pause on the song and sighing.

I wasn't looking forward to school the next day. Then again, I'm never particularly happy when it comes to school. This day would probably be the fucking worst. I had my earphones in as I entered the school and took them out once inside. I went to my locker and silently, I'll admit it to myself now, waited to see if my locker neighbour slash crush would appear. "Oh, hey Con!" I jumped. I'd been expecting to hear it but still, the sudden sound of Michael Mell's voice surprised me. I turned to face him, and there was that smile. The butterflies returned and I tried to keep my voice steady.

"Hey Mikey! Uh- I mean- Michael." I blushed at the slip up. I knew that I probably shouldn't be acting this weirdly, as Michael and I ARE friends, no thanks to Someone-Who-Abandoned-His-Best-Friend, but I guess, realizing you actually have feelings for the guy kinda makes things awkward on your end all over again. Michael chuckled a bit.

"So, I finally have a nickname, eh?" He joked light-heartedly. I almost felt relieved.

"I mean... if you uh, want me to call you that." God, I sound like Evan Hansen of all people. Get your fucking act together, Connor, you're trying to pretend they don't exist, remember?

"Sure," Michael finally said, after some consideration. "You can call me that." I smiled.

"Okay, so, Mikey," I said, less embarrassed this time. Michael just seemed to smile a little wider at the use of the nickname. "I'm terribly sorry to darken this amiable conversation in any way but... how's the play preparation coming along? Do you have a plan of action?" Michael frowned and I immediately wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

"No, except crashing the play." He was smirking a little.

"Crashing... the play?"

"Interrupting it."

"You could've just said that." I narrowed my eyes and Michael just laughed a little. A cute giggle.

"'Crashing' sounds cooler," he said. "Like you crash a party, but I'll be crashing the play." I looked at him blankly. How do I like him again? "I'll just bust through those theatre doors and do like: MICHAEL MAKES AN ENTRANCE~!" It was my turn to laugh. The cute mischievous look in Michael's eyes just highlighted the great singing voice, even if it was just four words.

"Well, Connor will just be sitting in the audience, waiting to see if that happens," I laughed. Michael looked at me and he brushed a stray piece of hair out of my face.

"Oh, it'll definitely happen, Connie, you want to get a front row seat?" At the 'Connie' I felt my cheeks heat up. So much for pretending I don't like him. Michael didn't seem to notice though.

"I think I'll just sit at the back by those doors so I can see the cute guy bust through those doors and crash the play myself," I joked, trying to flirt. But if I've learned anything in the 17 years of me existing on this shithole we call home, it's that I can't flirt to save my life. Michael smiled.

"Then I'll make sure to glance at that guy in the audience," he joked back. "That one guy by the doors, that guy who's become my friend and is supporting my decision to try and get my other friend back." I knew he was referring to me but I decided to play along.

"Seems like he's a great guy." I used my hand to flick one side of my long locks of grey-brown hair over my shoulder like someone in a shampoo commercial. The action caused Michael to burst out laughing and I forgot we were still by our lockers. There was just something so cute about that laugh, don't ask me why.

"He is," Michael eventually said when he calmed down. "A little cold and distant at first, but eventually showed a warmer side. Like he had this tough exterior but over time it softened in a sense." Michael turned his head away to look at his locker as the bell rang and I was brought back to reality. "I should probably get going." Michael waved good bye and then walked off towards his class. As I turned around to pick up my bag I saw Treeboy and Jar Jar Slinks walking down the hallway. From what I could see, Evan was twiddling his thumbs as Jared was talking about something. I scowled. Jared Kleinman. The Jared who accused me of something that turned out to be true. If he asks again, I'll deny it.

I CANNOT allow him the satisfaction of knowing he was right all along.

The ass would never let up on the fact: Connor has a crush and I knew before him!

I'd never hear the fucking end of it.

I turned my head away and actually picked up my bag. If I don't engage with them, they won't engage with me. I hated Jared and Evan and I were just acquaintances if anything at all. At least getting questioned by Evan would be more bearable then Jar Jar Slinks. I walked off towards my classes

~~~

It was play day, like two days after 'The Realization'. In that time I'd gotten over the initial shock of realizing my crush on Michael and things had gone mostly back to usual. Mostly, I have a fucking crush on him, things going back to normal does nothing to relieve the butterflies. The new, repeated use of the 'Connie' nickname by Michael made me think he already knew. So much for being subtle. To be honest though, I never really picked up on anything being off about the nickname. Maybe Michael just upgraded from 'Con' to 'Connie' to match with the nickname that had just slipped out of my mouth. I don't fucking know. It doesn't make me blush any less.

There's just... something about it.

I don't fucking know how to describe it but... just...

It could be my mind playing tricks on me, but Connie sounds more affectionate.

I'm not getting my hopes up, trust me. There's no way he could like me in that way. What would people even find attractive about Connor Murphy in the first place? Who'd even give me a second look and think 'Hm.. he looks like someone I might date'? I should probably stop wallowing in my self-hate. That's probably not healthy. I shook my head to clear it. I saw Jeremy talking to... himself? The fuck? What was Michael's ex-best friend doing? Jeremy's eyes glowed an unnatural blue and lines resembling those on a motherboard appeared on his cheeks for a brief second

Is that...?

What the fuck did Michael call it..?

The squid...? No.. the parasite.. what did he call the parasite..? SQUIP! Holy fuck, that was terrifying. I understand why he wants to get that fucking thing out of his head now.

I walked into the auditorium and sat in the very back row close to the doors. And, what do you know? Mikey actually did crash the play. There appeared to be some fight on stage but I couldn't really make out the words. Some girl ended up taking the drink.... and then let out a ear-shattering scream. I had to cover my ears and didn't see what happened next. When I did, from what I could see, Michael was standing frozen in between various unconscious classmates. He eventually scurried off stage. "Well, Connie, what did you think?" I jumped.

"Well you uh.. did things." In the dim light I could see that Michael was smirking. He took my hand and I stood up my chair almost instinctively and felt myself flush with embarrassment. "So what are you going to now?"

"I'm taking you to shop at 7/11," he said. I blinked.

"Don't you want to check on Jeremy?" I asked and Michael looked at the ground. He shifted his feet.

"He and I have a lot to talk about but I can't really do that while he's unconscious. Right now, I just want to ignore this ever happened."

"And you think taking me somewhere you usually go with him will help with that?" Michael sighed.

"I swear, you'd probably never even realize if someone kissed you," he whispered. "I actually want to go somewhere and talk about stuff."

"Define stuff." Michael merely shook his head with a smile.

"C'mon, Connie." He led me out of the auditorium and to his car. He drove us off to the 7/11.