I haven't been able to draw much lately due to complicated situations in my life but I'll have you know I got accepted into Ringling College of Art and Design!!! I'm super excited to start like I'm so fucking happy because it feels like my future is really about to start because this past year has been really rough on me. I've been working two jobs, having to pay all my expenses still living with my parent but they are unable to help me financially and it really just sucks. A coworker told me she's going to a local college rather than a super nice college who offered her a scholarship because she doesn't want her mother to have more to pay, but in my opinion I'd rather pay my own college in the first place and then if I really  need help I'll ask as a last resort not let my parent pay for college. So yea I'm kinda jealous she gets that opportunity when so many of us don't but I'm at least happy she considered her mother's financial problems as well. So idk about that situation. But I am super happy to actually have something to look forward to in my bleak ass life.

I also wanted to talk about boyfriends. Specifically the expectation that by a certain age you should be dating someone. To be fair and to be honest; fuck yes I would love to have a significant other so much as I'm a really soft affectionate person if given the chance and also if I trust you and really respect you. I may show my affection a little differently than others, but then again that can go for anyone lmao.

I was taught at a young age to not be such a crybaby and suck it up and take responsibility when perhaps I needed more affection and diplomatic lessons then being fearful that'd I'd be grounded for having bad grades or if I talked back being smacked across that face. Or both. Although this might not seem really that bad, it is to a young child mindset about how to act around their parents and how they really act and look at themselves when with others or alone. With parents like this they may know me but they also don't know me. This may seem confusing but let me explain. My parent know what I like and what my interests are but does not know my mindset, my willpower, nor my love for affectionate things.
With a significant other you should be able to be yourself fully without any qualms or difficulty because that's you and they should fit you perfectly in a way that makes you both feel comfortable. Parents aren't going to be this for you, and if they are affectionate that's really good!!!
Now my issue is this: to find that person who fits you( a soulmate per say) you will need time. You're not gonna find that person in high school or perhaps even in college and if you do that's fucking amazing and I wish that could happen to all of us. But there seems to be some surprise when people ask me if I have a boyfriend and I say no. They don't seem to understand why I don't and I feel embarrassed or even ashamed that I have never dated and am inexperienced. I think people should be taught to get into a relationship with caution even if you really like that person because that let you get to know them. We are always going to catch feelings, we are always going to get startled when we see someone that's our type or who we find attractive, that's natural. But we shouldn't feel ashamed, embarrassed, lonely, or any other shitting feeling because you will find them. Perhaps it will be tomorrow or next week or even a few years from now, but I believe everyone can find their someone it just takes a little bit of a dream, a wish and a meeting.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk I'll be here all night