My eyes fluttered open. I was drifting in some dreamland my mind created. After the dream I had last night, I couldn't put anything past my creative imagination. It felt improbable that Grant and I were in bed together. In all the years I'd been his friend I never once thought I would be here. I stretched and accidently hit Grant, who was sleeping.

"Morning." Grant sat up, laughing. The covers fell down, stopping at the bottom of his abs. I stared a few seconds longer than I should've. I couldn't help it.

"Sorry." I went to sit up, until I registered my lack of clothing. I gasped. Why I imagined I'd be dressed, I wasn't sure.

"You good?" Grant watched me, amused.

"Uh-huh." I smiled at him. I scrambled for words. How do you describe a hurricane? "That was nice." I wanted to hit myself. Nice didn't even close to cover it. I was alive. I didn't even know I was dead before, but I was. Being here with Grant had awoken some part of me that'd been repressed for years. How do you tell someone that?

Grant squinted at me. "Nice?" He paused. Behind the shield of his eyes I could see a flood ready to happen. There was so much we weren't saying, couldn't say. You can't be with someone like that and not feel something. "Any regrets?" He looked nervous when he said the last part.

I took his hands. "No regrets. It was everything I wanted." I meant it. I couldn't have conjured up anything better. My wildest dreams couldn't compare to what had happened. Nothing could.

He smiled. "Really?" He was wearing the same expression he was wearing when he first kissed me. Thoughts of our first kiss hit me harder and stronger than a freight train.

"Really." I was grinning ear to ear. I wanted him to kiss me again. The craving was more intense than any I had before. I wasn't sure what the rules were with us right now. I was afraid to cross any boundaries. So, I sat, unmoving. I could feel the tension between us.

"I'm going to get dressed." Grant shifted off the bed. I faced the other direction, giving him privacy. I heard Grant chuckling softly. "It's nothing you haven't seen before Rinnie."

"I'm not watching you get dressed Grant." I kept facing the other way. I wasn't so sure I wanted him to get dressed.

Grant walked over in his blue Calvin Klein boxers and sat on the bed next to me. "Sore?" I was on fire, everything was burning. I was very sore, but I wasn't about to say that.

I shook my head. "Not really."

He looked at me, unconvinced. "I don't believe you." His bare chest was awakening the butterflies in my stomach. I couldn't speak for a moment.

"I should get dressed." I went to stand, the sheets wrapped around me, and winced in pain. It forced me back down. Grant put his hand on my bare shoulder, his eyes full of concern. I laughed it off. I stood back up, shielding my face from him.

He came up behind me. "I'm sorry." His voice came out raw and genuine.

I turned to face him, dragging the sheets with me. "You didn't hurt me. You were very gentle." I could smell his sweet cologne. The closeness of him warmed me. I went to move and tripped over the sheets, pulling him with me. We were tangled up together, Grant in his boxer's and me naked. He found it hysterical, I couldn't help but laugh too. Then, it got silent. I found myself lost in the depths of his ocean eyes. His expression was serious. He moved closer, watching my face. I kept still, trapped in the moment. I felt his lips soft against me. I kissed back. The kiss intensified. I could feel the yearning in it. His body pressed down against me. I was a hot mess inside. Emotions bottling to the surface. I knew this moment would have to end, our relationship returning to a more platonic state. I had this though, no matter how short-lived, the memories could never be taken away from me. Unfortunately, a part of me already knew they'd come to haunt me.

It took more strength than I thought I had to move away, but I did. "I should get dressed." I said repeating myself, my brain incapable of forming any new words or excuses.

I could almost see the wheels turning round and round in Grant's mind. "I have a proposal."

I watched his mouth but was barely able to process anything he was saying. "Oh yeah?" I tightened the silk sheet around me, taking in it's warmth. The red color of it was now and forever a symbol of romance for me.

Grant's devious smile moved closer to me, taking my breath. "What if we do this for the rest of today, just to make sure you get proper experience?" It wasn't fair for him to be so close, so tempting when he was asking me to do something that I knew wasn't a good idea. We already broke the rules by kissing again. I enjoyed it too much. I could see myself falling deeper, and I couldn't let that happen. It wouldn't be good for either of us. I had to say no.

I scooted away from him. "We shouldn't."

For just a moment, he looked injured. The hurt was quickly replaced by a smirk. My rejection stung him. I hated that. I wanted to make him as happy as he made me, but I knew the only way to do that was to end this thing between us before it got too deep. When I came up with this plan, I hadn't thought that maybe it would hurt him. Grant is the strongest person I know, nothing fazed him. I should've realized that everyone gets fazed sometimes, no matter how strong. I guess when I decided to bring my thoughts to Grant, I knew it was going to hurt I just didn't care. I figured at least I would feel something. I'd been dead inside for too long. I was stunned when it finally hit me. I didn't want anyone else to be my first time. I was waiting for Grant. I liked him. I have for a long time. I was repressing my feelings for him for a while. I was too afraid to admit it to myself. It made me sick to think of how selfish I was. I couldn't bring myself to tell Grant how I felt so instead I manipulated him into giving me the intimacy I craved exclusively from him. My throat felt dry. I must've looked how I felt because Grant looked at me, worried.

"Rinnie, what's wrong? You look pale." He placed his hand on my forehead, checking to see if I was feverish. "You're burning up." The fire he created in me gave me no doubt that I was.

"Just a little warm, nothing a cool shower can't fix." I said as enthusiastically as I could muster. His face told me he didn't buy it, but he pretended he did. He nodded. I noticed that he looked sort of sick himself. "Are you okay Grant?" I took his hand in mine, searching his eyes.

"Always." He smiled at me and stood up. He moved as if he was carrying a heavy weight on his shoulders, sort of slow and unsure. I watched as he started getting dressed. "We should go get something to eat." He didn't look at me as he spoke. My heart sunk a little at this.

"Yeah, I'm starving." I said, dressing myself. I didn't even realize I hadn't eaten anything yet. I was happy to spend more time with Grant. When we were both fully clothed we headed into the frosty air. Grant was uncharacteristically quiet as we walked, but I didn't mind. I used the time to clear my head. Once we reached our favorite restaurant, Dillion's Diner, a cute little Diner only half a mile from Grant's house, Grant held the door open for me. I thanked him and we headed in.