A good friend will be there for you when you cry.
A best friend will be there crying with you.

A good friend will keep your secret if you murder someone.
A best friend will have been your accomplice.

A good friend will let you commit suicide.
A best friend will be holding your hand as they jump in front of a train with you.

A good friend will mourn for you if you die before them.
A best friend will follow you.

A good friend will be at your execution to say goodbye.
A best friend will be in a second electric chair right next to you.

A good friend will say it's not a good idea to throw that explosive into the powerplant that's destroying natural habitat.
A best friend will count down to three, giving you the signal to throw it.

A good friend will ignore the fact that you kidnapped someone to torture.
A best friend will provide the chloroform.

A good friend will yell at your ex for breaking up with you.
A best friend will murder them.

A good friend will accept it when you hurt yourself.
A best friend will be sitting next to you to mop up the blood.

A good friend will cry with you if someone kills your puppy.
A best friend will help you track the bastard down and beat the shit out of him.

A good friend will be crying and waving goodbye to you as you board the Euthnasia Coaster.
A best friend will be sitting in the cart right next to you, excited and saying, "this is gonna be AWESOME!"

A good friend won't stop you from holding a gun to your head.
A best friend will be the one holding the gun to your head.

A good friend would read this and not say anything about it, but feel kinda disturbed on the inside.
A best friend would laugh and say, "these are hilarious."