Alex had gone out to take some time to think and I let him. I was sitting on the bed with my knees drawn to my chest just, thinking.

I pulled the shell from the beach out of my pocket. 'I kept the shell because Alex liked it.'  I thought to myself. 'I'm so into him.'  I grabbed a napkin and a pen and started writing things down.

'This must be how Alex feels.'

I don't know how long I was writing but when I finished I had three napkins with words sprawled everywhere.

"I am so into you."

"I'm so helpless."

"I look into your eyes and the sky's the limit."

"You knock me out."

"God, you're a fox."

"Alexander Hamilton."

"John Hamilton."

I stopped reading what I had been writing and smiled.

"John Hamilton."

I like the sound of John Hamilton.

I stood up and paced the hotel room. I pretended to hold out my hand like Alex did when he met people, "Hamilton, John Hamilton." I said to no one.

I smiled to myself.

My smile faded. 'I'm getting ahead of myself.'

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out. The screen lit up with a message from Peggy and her sisters. I opened the group chat.

PegLeg: [Attached Video]

I played the video. It was a eight second clip of Eliza trying to use Angelica as extra height and both of them falling over.

Someone was calling me and I just picked it up, Alexander's recklessness rubbing off on me.

"Hello?" I said.

"John?"

"Alex?"

"Yeah, it's me." I could hear water in the background and wind.

"Is everything okay?"

"Well."

"Alex what's wrong?"

"What?"

"What's wrong?"

"I can't."

The line went dead and I panicked. I shoved my feet into my shoes and grabbed my jacket because it was raining.

I ran out of the hotel and down the street towards the beach. If he called me he used a payphone and there was one at the beach.

It was pouring and the wind was howling. I could barely see. Everything was grey and I was surprised the weather changed so quickly.

As I neared the beach I could hear the ocean as waves crashed along the shore. I scanned the street and kept running, trying to find Alex. The last time it rained close to this badly he cried and sat in the closet until I convinced him to come out since the power was out anyway.

A few cars were trying to drive in the weather with little luck. They couldn't have been going faster than fifteen in a 40 mile an hour area. The white headlights against the gray mist made it harder to see. I heard at least two people tell me to get inside but that didn't stop me. I got to the beach and looked around for Alex, which was hard seeing as he's like 5'3".

"Alex!" I called. "Alex!"

"John!"

"Alex!" I was looking around frantically for Alex. "Where are you!"

I felt something hit my back. I turned around and saw Alex, soaked, next to me. He immediately wrapped his arms around my stomach and hugged me.

"Oh my god, I was so worried about you." I said hugging him back.

"I tried calling you." He said into my wet shirt.

"You scared me."

"I couldn't hear you. Then I ran out of quarters. I messed up the number twice."

"Jesus Alex you should've just come back to the hotel."

"I didn't know where to go and then it got really windy and it started to rain then when the line died it was pouring." He said quickly.

I let him go and grabbed his chin, kissing him in the pouring rain. He kissed me back and I'm pretty sure he was crying but it might've been the rain. We were kissing in the rain. My internal white girl was freaking out.

Alex and I were sitting in the airport. Our flight got delayed because of the horrible weather that wouldn't go away. I was still raining but the wind picked up even more. Alex was sipping cheap coffee and I was watching people freak out over being late. A woman stormed away from the counter and called someone on her phone. There were a lot of families stuck in here too, one with small children who wanted to cry for two hours straight. I was beginning to lose it.

I felt Alex tap my arm and I turned toward him. He looked grey and he had horrible bags under his eyes. He held out the Styrofoam cup and I took it from him. "You okay?" I asked pressing the back of my hand to his forehead.

He shook his head and I pulled him close to me. He put his head on my shoulder and fell asleep.

When we finally boarded the flight, Alex was worse. I quickly texted the group chat and asked what to do.

J.Ham: Guys Alex is really sick what do I do?

PegLeg: Eliza says chicken soup

J.Ham: Were on a plane

LaFLYette: Tylenol?

J.Ham: I tried that

Eliza<3: Just let him sleep

I turned off my phone and looked at Alex, he was grey, sweating and had a fever. He claimed he was cold.

"Alex, just hang in there okay?" I said grabbing his hand, which was freezing and clammy. "I'll get you to a doctor when we land."

He just nodded and his eyes fell shut.

When we landed I got Alex out of the airport as fast as I could. I decided the best thing to do was take him straight to the hospital because as the flight progressed he still somehow got worse. His grey skin was tinted yellow and he could barely walk. He was coughing and was having trouble breathing.

I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital once again. It was Christmas Eve and Alex had stayed overnight to get tests done. I took our stuff back to campus and called Peggy who was on her way down from her parents' house. I checked my phone for the hundredth time and pocketed it again.

"John!" Peggy's voice grabbed my attention. I looked up at her as she sat next to me. "Hey, how is he?"

"I don't know yet," I said. "They're getting a blood sample for testing and they're keeping me out here for now."

"You look stressed." She said.

"I am," I looked at my hands in my lap, "He was so sick Peg, the poor kid couldn't stand." I felt tears welling in my eyes.

Peggy thought fast, "You wanna go get slushies?"

I smiled and nodded.

We got back to the hospital and I was sipping a large blue slushie. I walked up to the reception desk and set my drink down. "Any news on Alexander?" I asked. She didn't need a last name because I had asked her at least once an hour for almost a day. She sighed and typed his name into the computer, for the hundredth time.

"Room 319. Down the hall to the left." She said. Her nametag read Theodosia.

My eyes widened and I picked up my drink. I started walking back towards room 319 to see Alex. Peggy trailed behind me.

When I got into the room I knew instantly how Alex had felt while I was in the hospital. He was hooked up to a heart monitor and had an oxygen tube around his head.

Alex turned his head and our eyes met. He just barely smiled and the heart monitor got a little quicker. He lifted his hand that didn't have the finger clamp on it and waved. Peggy walked into the room and over to Alex. She was so calm about it., casually sipping her soda.

"Hey bud," she said to him. He kept eye contact with me while I was frozen to my spot. He smiled again.

"The doctor says I have pneumonia." He said quietly.

"Why the oxygen?" She asked him.

"I was having trouble breathing." He said.

He looked so small and frail.

A doctor knocked lightly on the doorframe and I stepped aside to let him in.

He didn't look like he was bringing good news and I felt my chest tighten.

"Alex, are you okay with them being in here while I talk to you?" The doctor asked.

Alex nodded and looked at me again.

The doctor looked at us and introduced himself. "I'm Doctor Hodgens." He said. "You must be John," He said to me, "Alex has talked about you a lot today." He said.

"Pneumonia?" I asked.

His face grew more solemn. "We had initially thought it was pneumonia but I'm afraid the blood test gave us a different answer."

Peggy spoke up, "I'm sure it can't be that bad." She lied.

"That was what we were hoping," Doctor Hodgens said, "But I'm afraid Alexander here has somehow developed Small-cell Carcinoma."

"What's that?" Alex asked quietly.

"Its an aggressive lung cancer that's usually caused by smoking but it can develop without smoking."

I didn't know what to do. All of a sudden my entire world came crashing around me. I felt the cup drop from my hand and tears immediately started falling. Peggy set her soda down quickly and came over to me, stepping around the spilled drink. She grabbed my arm and lead me out into the hallway. The doctor pressed a call button for a nurse. I felt my chest tightening again and I couldn't breathe. I felt light headed and fell to the floor.