One thing I could say about my time delving was that I never expected to come home every day smelling like spices. But when I started working at Morgan's, I apparently smelled like ten different spices once I got home. It was even worse when a new batch had just been prepared, and the scent was borderline overwhelming. I never knew I could dislike the scent of cinnamon until the day I was bringing in stock after Llyr's father and aunt just finished grinding up a new batch of some cinnamon and nutmeg combination. I reeked of the stuff by the time I got out of there.

At the very least, I was glad I could do something else besides just sit inside all day. While I was worried about toppling myself constantly because I often didn't use my cane, I just told myself that I wouldn't need to use it eventually. I needed some kind of drive and incentive, after all, and that incentive came up every time I saw Llyr. The rim, we needed to go up to the rim and look out over the ocean. The smell of sea salt didn't even make me feel as queasy as it used to thanks to being exposed to it at the shop, so all that held me back was my own strength.

Really, besides wanting to make Llyr happy, I had no reason why I wanted to go up to the rim so badly. All I could think of was that it was some kind of new goal. Getting a prosthetic, learning to walk, continue walking, and then... I didn't have anything else. Artistry, perhaps. I could pursue art further since I'd truly come to love it since I took up drawing again. But even then... A world of amazing landscapes to draw were mere steps away from my home. Even teasing the thought made me want to smack the side of my head, and I did so.

One day, I decided to splurge a little and buy myself a new sketchbook. It used up the little I'd managed to save up, but I wanted a clean slate for all the drawings I wanted to try and do. Although I was tempted to already start sketching in it, I returned to my previous sketchbooks for doodles. I wanted my first drawing in it to be of the ocean from the rim. It was a nicer sketchbook than the kinds I usually bought, and I couldn't help but bring it up to Llyr during one of our meet-ups.

"You want a clean slate? Is that it?" Llyr asked, and I nodded.

"Is that a strange thing to do? I know I should be saving money by just finishing up my last one, but I also don't want to. I can't take back this sketchbook anyways, so I'm stuck with it regardless."

Llyr shook his head. "I get that feeling too, don't worry. Just make sure you don't throw your other sketchbooks away though." I gave him a look, and he winced. "Really, don't throw them away, Len. Even if you want to, it's good to see where you first started out and how far you've come. Also... those drawings have memories. At least, for me they would." His face flushed a little as he met my gaze, twirling a few strands of hair around his index finger. "The drawings I tried to do of you and the ones I did when we first started drawing together are basically treasures to me."

"Why are you embarrassed about that? It's cute that you want to remember that time, a... much better time." I went silent for a moment, though I quickly tried to break that silence. "Did I ever tell you why I wanted to become an explorer in the first place? Not just a Delver, an explorer in general."

Llyr pursed his lips before raising his brows in surprise. "I don't think you have, actually. Almost everybody here in Orth wants to be a Delver just because the Abyss is here and everybody else wants to delve, so I figured you were just one of those naturally-curious people." He was half-right about that.

"Sort of? See, when you live in stone buildings surrounded by nothing but snow and mountains, of course you'd want to read about anything else. I once read about a world made up of three islands in the sky, each with beautiful landscapes from grasslands to mesas and huge lakes, and the characters traveled between these islands. It was one of many books I read about things like that. I wanted that so badly for myself..." My heart sank despite myself, and I tried to maintain my smile. "Even if I can't see such amazing places now, I can draw them since I can imagine them. That's the next best thing."

"It is, and I could still help you with that," Llyr said with more cheeriness than I expected. Was it to help keep my spirits up, or his? "I don't know about your home country, but some plants from my family's home country can be found in the Abyss, so who says they can't be found elsewhere? Humid jungles could grow flat-creepers, any cave could sprout blue shining grass, you can keep drawing them anywhere you want."

Honestly, I couldn't imagine drawing the flora and fauna of the Abyss out of context of the Abyss and not associate it as such. Still, I knew Llyr was just trying to make me feel better, so I kept quiet about that. "My home country is actually Norteva, that place far in the north with the tallest mountain ranges in the world. We had nothing good plant-wise. All we got were these scrub mosses that grew during the summer when things heated up just a little when the sun melted," I said, which caught Llyr's interest.

"Do you remember what names they had? Or at least their color? I've seen mosses with all kinds of colors in the Abyss, and I want to know if those colors are unique to the Abyss, or if they can be found elsewhere."

I couldn't help but smile at that. "Is your new area of focus moss?"

Llyr's face flushed deeper, but he smiled. "Maybe... So can you tell me?" Did he even need to ask? Of course I would. After all, it would take my mind off things. If I had to reminisce about places I couldn't return to, I'd rather reminisce about where I was before all of this. And at least I could see Llyr be happy.

—~*~—

As the days continued to pass, I started taking more chances with walking without my cane outside of work. I was so desperate to not need to use it, or at least only occasionally need it. My greatest challenge had always been the staircase up to the second floor. I had more than enough strength to do it, thankfully, it was just a matter of keeping my balance. Those stairs were the closest I would get to the trek up to the rim, something I could've done so easily a year ago. Or was it two? The time differences still messed with my head. Regardless, I needed to get up those damn stairs.

The day I finally managed to climb the stairs without my cane admittedly could've happened under better circumstances, at least according to Aedia. She was helping Lissy with a patient, and meanwhile I was just sitting around downstairs since I didn't work that day. While nobody was around, that also meant I wouldn't have anybody to impede me, so I decided to just try it.

I tucked my cane under my arm and stood for a few seconds, shifting my weight before trying the stairs. The first few steps were nothing, but as I began to reach the mid-way, nervousness squirmed in me. I almost stumbled, but I caught myself before chastising myself. Why was I nervous? I could climb the stairs just fine before. Fake leg or not, these were just stairs!

It was like a sort of switch was flipped in my mind then, or I descended into a kind of focus I felt when I drew or when I used to search for Relics. Putting one foot in front of the other became a bit easier. It was like a routine, after all. One foot before the other, right before the left, like my daily routine. Just another routine. Then there were suddenly no more stairs. I blinked, confused before realizing I was at the top of the staircase. I'd made it and hadn't realized it.

"Len, what're you—"

I turned around when I heard Aedia's voice, putting my hand against the wall to brace myself. Sure enough, Aedia was standing at the base of the staircase, and Lissy joined her after a moment. Even from atop the stairs, I saw Aedia's eyes widening while Lissy smirked up at me.

"Look at all the things he can accomplish without us being there. Great job!" she said before giving me another Vio-like grin.

Aedia sighed as her head dropped into her hand, massaging the bridge of her nose with her thumb and index finger. "Ya know what? I'm not gonna say anything else. I'm just happy you could do that, Len," she said with a smile, and I held in a sigh of relief. "Now could you come back down? Carefully! Just... be ready to grab the rail if you need it."

I did what she said, trying not to go into as much of a focus as I had before. There wasn't any stumbling this time, and I couldn't help but smile when I reached the bottom. "I can't believe I did that," I said, and Aedia nodded.

"I just wish you could've let me watch you beforehand in case you fell. But it's too late, and now I just want you to keep practicin' if you feel like you're up to it. Maybe you can practice running too? Or at least jogging... I don't know where there's room to do that, but—"

"Outside on the street," I said. "I'm sure Melva could supervise me if you want someone to watch me." I couldn't turn this chance at progress down, a sense of stubborness wedging itself in my mind.

However, underneath it lay a feeling of emptiness that baffled me. I could go up the stairs, just like before. And even back then when I had both legs, I used to use the railing. I shoved down those thoughts and just tried to be happy, like I'd been recently. It was an accomplishment, no matter how minimal it really was when I thought about it.

Even though I still couldn't cook to save my life, I tried my best to help Aedia more than I could before. While I had to fall back on my cane on occasion, I could bring myself to hand her a knife to chop vegetables while I was getting the plates. I wasn't looking at the knife most of that time so I really couldn't see the blade? That didn't matter, I could still hand her a large knife, even if deep down it didn't feel like progress. And that just made me scowl.

Against my wants, I found myself back where I was earlier that day as I sat enshrouded in the darkness of my room. I wanted to be nothing but overjoyed by what I'd done, but I couldn't. Why wasn't I happy about this? I'd been in such a good mood the past couple months... It had to be because I was getting too used to sleeping better and those blackouts. The worries in my dreams could only leak into daytime occurrences now, and with one of my greatest weights lifted from me, of course that relief would wear off. I didn't know what else it could be otherwise.

That frustration was somewhat dulled as well by the rum, which had to continue to increase in amount. The fact I was still mostly lucid then frustrated me more, and I tipped the bottle back for another swig. My throat and chest were burning, my gut a boiling, churning pot. Damnit, why was I already feeling sick now? Couldn't I just deal with that in the morning? As I dared to take a brief break to let my insides settle, finally, that buzz started to settle over. It just needed more time. With that, a smile crept onto my face. Perfect, just perfect. It didn't take long after that for me to sink into hazy bliss.

While part of me wanted to spring for the rim immediately after I climbed the stairs without my cane, both my thoughts and Aedia reminded me of my limits. Even if I thought otherwise, there was that risk of me falling, not to mention that I wanted to attempt running as well. Because of that, my routine continued for a time longer. Progress was made on both fronts, to my relief, but then something I should've anticipated as a possibility presented itself as an issue.

"The shipment is going to be delayed this week, so there's nothing you can do for us until it does," Llyr's aunt told me one afternoon when I was about to head home. "You do such a good job organizing everything that it's hard to find you any other work anyways, so I'm sorry about that."

Hearing that caught me off-guard, and I found myself trying to think of a response before finally getting one out. "I suppose I'll take that as a compliment," I said with a joking laugh, and she sighed with relief.

"Okay, that's good. You're obviously still welcome here, but there's nothing to do until a new shipment comes in."

"Don't worry, I will be coming back in a few days anyways since Llyr and I are going to be heading up to the crater rim for some drawing practice," I said. Yes, Llyr and I were finally making our trek up to the rim. We hadn't had a proper date in so long, and I was more than giddy about it. After my advancement with the stairs, I had enough confidence that I truly wanted to attempt the hike.

Llyr's aunt smiled. "He told me about that, and I'm glad you're both going out. Still, I wish we could give you more work since you value getting out so much. I don't know what else to offer. Unless you want to learn to prepare spices since we always need help with that, coming up with new recipes and such."

That was such a bad idea that I couldn't even fathom it. "No thank you! I only know if something tastes good if I actually taste it, so I'd just end up wasting your resources," I said jokingly, and thankfully she seemed to find it humorous.

"You don't have to, I just feel bad that you're always stuck at your home," she said understandingly. "But we'll let you know as soon as possible."

Pity, that was definite pity right there. Her words stabbed me, making even anger flare up to spite myself, but I didn't do anything but smile and nod. I couldn't force them to give me work when there wasn't any. Still, it presented a new problem for me: my funds. That delay would halve my earnings for those two weeks, and I had everything split perfectly between mine and Aedia's finances and the money I used for buying alcohol.

I considered my options on my walk home. There was enough rum left for another two days, though in truth I couldn't say how well that would last me. I couldn't suddenly take out money from what I was supposed to give Aedia, and for something as selfish as money for alcohol. Really, I could afford to just have nightmares for a few nights... That thought made me shudder.

No, I couldn't do it. I was so used to actually sleeping now that I couldn't imagine going back to those horrors night after night. Was I really that weak for not being able to bear it? I accepted that I was with a sinking feeling in my chest. I knew I'd have to break down and ask Aedia tonight for what I'd been trying to avoid. However, I waited until we were cleaning up after dinner to ask, more because of reluctance on my part.

"Addy, I was wondering if I could have a couple sleeping pills? Things are starting to get bad again. I don't know why they are, but I want to be able to sleep. Just enough for the next few days, perhaps? I don't know."

Aedia looked appropriately surprised as she nodded. "Of course you can. But it's weird that you're feeling that way after doing so well." She frowned. "Are you sure you're not telling me something? I know you've stopped trying to lie when it comes to your health, but old habits die hard..."

"You know what I'm doing every day, and I go to sleep right after dinner," I said. "What else could I be doing besides reading?"

With that, Aedia's eyes widened a little before she looked apologetic. "You're right, I shouldn't be doubting you. I just can't help but worry since you've always cared about anyone before yourself. Old habits dying hard can apply to me, then, I guess. I'm not afraid for you! Just concerned."

"You don't need to justify yourself, you've never needed to," I said with a smile.

"I still can't help it," Aedia said. "But I'll get you those sleeping pills when we're done. I'll give you six that'll hopefully last you the next three days. If you still need more, well, we'll deal with that if we get to that point."

"That's perfect, thank you," I said. I knew she would give me the pills, but I just hated asking her at all. At least I would be getting them, and I could save the remainder of my rum until I ran out of pills. Holding out until next week was all I needed to do.

As I laid in bed that night, waiting for the effects of the sleeping pills to take over, I couldn't help but miss my rum. I definitely liked the taste of it more than the wine, and I wasn't feeling those blissful effects alcohol gave me. Part of me wanted to take a swig or two from my bottle, but I could recall my parents saying not to mix alcohol with medication. Something about an internal chemical reaction? I couldn't remember it all, and now my body was starting to feel heavy, my thoughts swimming.

Twisted, hideous visions, flashes between red and shades of blue. A smell? A sound? All my senses were heightened, but it was all hidden under a layer of haze, I couldn't pin down any of it. I tried to struggle out of the haze, vaguely aware that this was all a nightmare, but I couldn't find my way out. I was again trapped in my mind, set to drift, but this time in a sea of screams and sorrows.

When I awoke, I was instantly struck with a deep sense of discomfort. Queasiness twisted in me, a headache pounding behind my eyes. It was like a hangover, but more nagging. Did I not have a good reaction to the sleeping pills? It would explain the strangely vivid dreams... But then I realized where I was.

First of all, I wasn't in my bed. Instead of feeling the comfort of my blankets, I was slumped against the wall of my room with my head leaning against the wood. I pushed myself away from the wall, growing more confused by the second. From where I was, I could see my bed, the blankets half-pulled off onto the floor. The only way I could've gotten here was if I'd sleepwalked, but... obviously I couldn't have done that, I didn't have my prosthetic on. Was I really that deep in sleep that I didn't notice myself falling out of bed and pulling myself over here?

Still confused, I glanced to my side, only to realize where exactly I was: beneath my window. I was sitting right beneath the sill, and I'd been firmly pressed against the wall. A shiver ran down my spine, turning my blood cold as I scrambled away from the window.

A sudden knock at my bedroom door made me jolt, and I looked over my shoulder as Aedia then called out to me. "Len? Are you awake yet?"

"Y-yes I am!" I replied. "I'm getting dressed right now, I'm fine!" Aedia's footfalls then moved down the hall, and I sighed. I waited until she was gone before I moved again, crawling back to my bed before pulling myself back up onto the mattress. There was no way I'd chance Aedia hearing me crawl across the floor like that.

I was able to pull myself together and get ready after I got my prosthetic on, though it was difficult to concentrate. All I could focus on was the queasiness and headache, why I could be feeling this way. I didn't drink, though I wish I had. The sharp, burning taste of the rum, the spice slightly flavoring it... I bit my lip in frustration. Why did I want a drink right now? I could last another couple days without it, though at the same time something in me begged for the opposite. I tried to push the thoughts away, finishing tying my hair up and grabbing my cane before leaving the room.

"Oh, you're not using your cane," Aedia noticed as I entered the kitchen. "I'm used to you using it when you first wake up."

I hadn't even noticed it until she pointed it out. My cane was tucked under my arm, my hands busy with adjusting my glasses. "I suppose you're right about that. But that's for the better, right? Hopefully I won't need it soon enough."

"It's more than for the better," Aedia said with one of her usual smiles. That was enough to lift my spirits back to where they should've been so early in the day.

According to Aedia, sleeping pills could indeed cause dreams like that, much to my dismay. I didn't tell her about my attempt at sleepwalking, however. I didn't want her to worry about something that couldn't be explained. But even though I would get such vivid dreams while drinking, my mind still drifted back to the bottle.

Yet another uneventful day passed, which served to add another nervous twitch to my eye. I'd read my parents' medication journals from front to back a dozen times at this point, so all I had to fill my free time besides cleaning the pharmacy was drawing. But even that was difficult with the nagging desire for my rum clawing at me.

It was strange, it was like a craving for food, though I wasn't hungry. I tried to drink water whenever I could in hopes of quenching that desire, but it just added more liquid to my churning stomach. Eating breakfast or lunch wasn't helping at all, so why was I feeling so sick? At least I could take some aspirin for my growing headache.

I had a difficult time helping Aedia with dinner that night, wanting nothing more than to just go lay down for the night. But I made myself push through and tried to enjoy the resulting meal. Focusing on the taste made it easier to keep down, and for a few moments I was able to forget about everything else.

"Len, you're trembling... Is everything okay?" Aedia asked.

"Huh?" I looked down at my hand holding my fork, seeing that it was indeed shaking slightly. I loosened my grip on the utensil, thinking my hold was causing it, but that wasn't the case. I still kept shaking, and I had to resist putting my hand to my temple as my headache continued to painfully pound away. "I feel cold, so that might be it? I don't have a fever if you think I'm sick."

"Okay, I'll take your word for it," Aedia said reluctantly. "Still, I hope you being inside like this still has weakened your immune system or something..." After a moment of thought, she slipped her bracelet off and handed it to me. "If this doesn't warm you up and you still feel cold by tomorrow morning, you'll have to stay home."

While I still took the Relic to put her mind at ease, I disagreed with her last comment. "I'm fine, don't worry! But perhaps this is a sign I should get out more, just in case." That thankfully made her smile.

The vivid nightmares didn't happen that night, or as badly as they had the previous night. I awoke half-hanging off my bed, but I hadn't gotten further than that. But laying in that position almost made me vomit. I had to clutch a hand to my mouth as I pushed myself back up onto the bed, forcing back bile. I could feel myself trembling now as well, like those times back home when I spent too long outside. Aedia's Relic wasn't doing anything.

I stifled an exasperated groan. Was I really coming down with something? I didn't see how since Aedia hadn't gotten sick first, but I didn't know what else it could be besides something like the stomach flu. Still, the only thing stronger than my discomfort was my stubbornness, and I refused to let this ruin my date with Llyr. That was what medication was for.

Thankfully I was up before Aedia, so I was able to have a few extra minutes to myself. I dug around in the bathroom where we kept our medication, swallowing a few pills for both my head and stomach after I got ahold of it.

"Len, are you in there?" Aedia called my name as she knocked on the bathroom door. I jumped a bit and scrambled to put the bottles away, answering her as I did. "Will you be out soon?" she then asked.

"Yes, I'm coming out now," I said, just glad I was able to take the medication.

To my relief, the medication's effects didn't take as long as I thought they would to start working. Besides the shaking, I could eat without issue, and I handed back Aedia's Relic as I did so.

"I didn't need this, but thank you," I said, making sure to hide my hands so she couldn't see them. "It could be stress again that's making me feel like this? I don't know. Still, I feel a lot better today."

Aedia took back the bracelet, though she was more hesitant about it. "Just be careful about over-exerting yourself. If you feel unstable or tired or anything, rest for a bit or come home. I don't need to say anything else, do I?" She didn't have to, and I was definitely feeling better now. Still, I probably would've slept better last night if I could have—I bit my tongue, the pain taking my mind off that nagging feeling. I needed, no, I wanted that drink last night. Why did I need it? What was I thinking?

"There's no need," I said, plastering a smile on my face. "And I'm sure Llyr will make sure I'm kept in check, though I'm sure he's just as excited to go out like this as I am." Giddiness was chased into my system at the thought of spending time with him. Finally, something else uplifting...