I had a problem.

   It'd taken so long for me to realize it, but now I finally did. I couldn't believe I'd let myself fall into a trap like this, but now I found myself hanging from a ledge with only a few fingers to support myself. Why was I such an idiot? I prided myself on my intelligence, yet I didn't even bother looking into the aftereffects of drinking before tipping back that first bottle of wine!

   This all sent my mind into a spiral. Was this what Melva also had to deal with? I'd never seen anything else happen to her when she drank besides her getting drunk, so I thought that was all that came from drinking too much. I didn't realize it would make me feel like I was dying when I didn't drink for more than a day or so.

   Even though this was clearly a medical issue, I couldn't tell Aedia. This was yet another lie that she would no doubt be furious about, and I didn't want to disappoint her even more. But along with that, even though this was what I'd face if I didn't drink, I couldn't bear leaving that wonderful taste and those stupors. They... kept me going. That sounded incredibly selfish since I had everyone else there for me, but I simply couldn't live with the nightmares.

   So I found myself stuck, continuing to drink my nights away, basking in the relief of a dreamless sleep while knowing I was sinking further into this every day. It was all my fault, and I'd have to live with the consequences.

   Another month or two passed, though the only reason I knew this was because Lissy told me about how she wanted to have some kind of party for Aedia for her upcoming birthday. She was going to be twenty-four this year, which astounded me. How could time have passed so quickly? But when you didn't really bother to keep track of time anymore, things snuck up on you.

   A day after this, I went to visit Melva at her house for the first time. She'd been strangely reluctant to let me over before, but when I said I wanted to practice my running more, she agreed and told me to come over around noon.

   I was a little shocked when I entered her home. She never had much, but somehow the house looked unkempt. The several pairs of boots that she kept lined up along the wall were lying about, mismatched, and clothes were both draped and piled on the furniture. Dust caked the windowsills and every other surface that didn't have something thrown or piled on it. The whole house faintly reeked of alcohol, though it was sloppily covered up by the distilled scent of oils extracted from Eternal Fortunes.

   The only thing that seemed mostly clean was her kitchen table, and I took a seat at it, watching as she searched about on her dish-stacked counter for a clean cup. She filled it with water and slid it over to me.

   "Have you taken some decoration inspiration from Llyr?" I nervously joked. Melva looked at me with a blank face before she smirked a little, exhaling a sharp laugh.

   "Yeah, sorry 'bout this. I haven't been sleepin' good recently, so I've been too tired to keep things up," she said. I didn't say anything else, knowing she was lying but also knowing she'd put up a wall if I kept asking. "So how's your mornin' been? Ya actually manage to run all the way here?"

   I nodded, feeling proud of myself. "I only had to slow down once. I'm more relieved I've been able to build my stamina up than running in general since I've gotten used to that again."

   "Runnin's always better than walkin', better at gettin' energy out," Melva said.

   "I do miss climbing, admittedly," I said. "Addy's let me practice on the ladder we have in the storage room, but it isn't the same. But I'm fine with it, it's the best option I can be provided with."

   After about two or so hours of haphazardly bouncing from subject to subject, Melva again brought something new up. "Y'know, the anniversary of Vio's death is comin' up soon," she said. "It's actually the second anniversary since bein' in the Abyss screwed so much up an' ya were recoverin' still, but I wanna do somethin'."

   "Like what?" I asked, and Melva shrugged.

   "Night at the bar with the stick an' hare, the place we all always went? I dunno. I don't wanna leave Syele an' Lissy outta this, but... I also don't wanna deal with that." She winced. "That sounds bad as hell, but that's really it. Cryin' an' shit, I can't be 'round that. I just wanna toast a drink or three in his name."

   I was at a loss for words for a few moments, more baffled than anything. "We could all have dinner together, and then we could go out to the bar. That way everybody's included."

   "That's perfect," Melva said quickly with a nervous smile. "But don't tell anyone else I said that. I regret it, an' nothin' needs to be started."

   I wouldn't, but her talking about drinking made me want to test something. I didn't know what I was trying to accomplish by asking this, still, I couldn't help but say, "You can probably have a drink at dinner."

   "Nah, 'cause I'll just want more," Melva said. "I'd rather make a fool of myself somewhere else."

   I shut up with that subject after that, nodding. "I'll ask Addy to see if we can have it at our place, so Syele doesn't have to worry about cleaning the house up on the day she should just be... remembering." We both went silent for a moment before Melva nodded.

   "Then we should get this goin' soon. The anniversary's next week."

   Preparations for the dinner progressed with little issue. Of course Aedia agreed to host the dinner the evening of the anniversary at our house, with Syele, Lissy, Melva, Llyr, and Gwynden being invited. Gwynden was surprised that I even asked him, which I sadly wasn't surprised about.

   "I hardly talked to any of you when Vio was alive," he said. "What makes you think I deserve to be there?"

   "He talked to you. He forgave you for what you said and still tried to invite you into our group, and it just wasn't because of me. Vio always could find the good in somebody, so long as they apologized," I said.

   Gwynden smiled slightly. "It was probably my cooking, though your boyfriend seemed to have a great handle on that already. I just offered an extra set of hands."

   "Give yourself more credit than that. Cooking for Melva and myself is a daunting task in itself," I said, and we both laughed for a few moments.

   "I'd be happy to attend, then," he said. "Thank you for offering, Len."

   The evening of the anniversary, the dinner went surprisingly fine. I made myself help Aedia by cutting up a series of vegetables so she, Llyr, and Gwynden could cook up a meal of potato soup, meat bought from the market, and seared vegetables and bread rolls on the side. The kitchen was filled with the scent of spices as we made conversation.

   "Lissy and I could have helped you cook if you wanted," Syele said to my sister while everything was brought to the table. It really was an impressive spread, and I found myself mildly envious that I could never become this skilled.

   "No, neither of you already do enough when we have dinner together," Aedia said, shaking her head. "We wanna do somethin' for you today."

   At that, Llyr chimed in. "Besides, we couldn't have too many cooks in the kitchen."

   While the meal itself was pleasant enough with intentionally upbeat conversation, I noticed that Melva wasn't saying anything. She was hardly even eating, spending more time picking at her food. Her expression was blank, unreadable. Nobody else was noticing, and with concern pricking at me, I tried to bring her into the conversation.

   "What do you think, Melva? Was he actually like that?" I asked in regards to a comment about a story back from when Syele and Vio were dating. He'd apparently tried to give Syele an Eternal Fortune every time he saw her, even taking one from an outdoor flower stand when she surprised him while out shopping. He was nearly smacked upside the head by the stand's owner, but he managed to cough up enough money before she could.

   When I said Melva's name, her head snapped up, looking confused when she saw the others looking at her. "Uh, yeah. He was too nice sometimes, but that just made 'im who he was," she said with a nod. A slight bout of nervous silence fell over the table before Lissy broke it.

   "I guess that just escalated to the bouquets he got you whenever it was your anniversary, huh?" she said. "You think a guy would like to get something like that?"

   "I-I mean, I definitely do," Llyr said with a laugh. Gwynden nodded as well, smiling sheepishly. "Just because some guys might not act like it doesn't mean they don't want gifts like that. Just see what they're comfortable with. But if someone makes it obvious they like flowers, then it's an easy decision."

   Things got back to normal after that, though I continued to keep an eye on Melva the rest of the time we ate. Eventually, the meal drew to a close, and Melva seemed more than eager to leave. Still, she surprisingly didn't say anything. I shared looks with Llyr and Gwynden before I stood up.

   "Do you need help cleaning up, Addy?" I asked, and she shook her head.

   "I know you four wanted to go out, so you can if you want," she said. Melva perked up at this, though not with happiness. Just relief, though her lips were pursed. She nodded and stood as well, a cue for Llyr and Gwynden to follow suit. "Make sure you have your key, Len. You don't have to come home before I go to sleep," Aedia added.

   Our walk to the bar we always went to was swift and mostly silent. Melva was the one leading us, staying more ahead of us as well. Thankfully the bar was only a little under ten minutes away, so we could just try and talk.

   Halfway through the walk, Llyr tried to speak up. "I guess a toast will be in order?" he offered with a hesitant smile. "I-I'll get something so I can properly toast everyone. I haven't had much outside of wine, but if it's for an occasion like this, then I'll do it." Silence in return aside from a glance over the shoulder from Melva, and Llyr winced. I put a hand on his shoulder, smiling reassuringly. That seemed to brighten him up a little, to my relief.

   We took our usual table when we got to the bar. Melva had long since claimed Vio's old spot, with Gwynden taking hers so they were next to each other. I of course sat beside Llyr, who looked more uncomfortable than usual as he leaned into the corner. Melva then slammed her hand down hard on the table, making all of us jump.

   "Well, let's get started on that toast, yeah?" she said loudly. "What're we all drinkin'? The usual?"

   I swallowed hard, a knot forming in my gut. Drinking... of course I wanted to drink. I needed to, but I'd never ordered a drink besides water around my friends. "What did Vio always drink, Melva?" I asked.

   She frowned before responding. "Whiskey Sour, why?"

   My insides recoiled at that name. Sour? Why did it have to be sour? But booze was booze, and I needed it right now. "I think I want to try one, a-as a way to remember him? I know, it's not sweet, but it's what he drank."

   "That sounds like a good idea," Gwynden said. "If you all want to. I'm willing to try it myself." Llyr's face screwed up a bit, but after a moment of apparent thought, he relaxed and agreed. Melva looked confused but shrugged.

   "Okay, if ya'll really wanna," she said. "If ya don't wanna finish it, I'll drink it," she added, looking at me. I nodded, and she got up and headed to the bar counter.

   While we were waiting, Gwynden tried to break the silence. "You've been walking so much better than I thought you would be, Len. You had your cane under your arm the entire walk," he commented with a hesitant smile.

   "Not only that, but I'm running now as well," I said. "That one's more difficult on uneven ground, but I'm finally used to the weight and stiffness of my leg. At least I don't have to worry about rolling my ankle now."

   Gwynden leaned back in his chair, nodding. "Ah, yes, a Delver's worst nightmare. But I'm glad you've been improving so quickly."

   "We even went up to the crater rim together," Llyr added. "I don't know if Len told you that? We actually went there on a date, spent a few hours drawing and such." I actually hadn't told Gwynden or Melva, and thankfully Llyr was just trying to mention the positives of that whole... experience.

   "It was nice to see the ocean after so long. I'd never want to be on it again, but it's pretty to look at," I said, and Gwynden winced.

   "If you're talking about seasickness, then I understand completely," he said.

   Llyr smiled nervously. "You too, Gwynden? I never knew seasickness was so common. It's basically unheard of in my family's home country."

   I would've laughed if I wasn't feeling painful empathy for Gwynden then. Instead, I looked over to the bar counter. Melva was still there, leaning on the counter while she intensely stared at the bottles stacked along the wall. "Melva has definitely been... o-off tonight, hasn't she?" I dared to ask, still speaking quietly even though I knew my voice would ultimately be drowned out by the other patrons before it reached her.

   "Well, Vio was her brother," Llyr said. "They grew up together, so of course she'd be more upset. But yes, i-it's strange to see her like... this."

   I was glad I wasn't the only one. "Has she seemed different to either of you besides today? I went to her home last week, and it was just a mess there. She's not like that, she's always kept herself up. Even when their mentor died, she didn't seem as affected. Perhaps it's because she lost more family?"

   "It's likely," Gwynden said. "A father and mentor, a brother... an apprentice." I did my best not to grimace. "She saw a lot that day, when all that happened. W-we all saw a lot that day." We all went quiet, with Gwynden looking guilty as he stared at me. Was he remembering that order he had to give to sever my leg? "What was Vio like when he was younger, Len?" he then asked, obviously trying to change the subject.

   "He was pretty much the same back then," I said, going along with it. "I never thought he would've been Melva's brother until she said it. He actually wore his hair long back then, even longer than mine. It was down to his elbows, but he chopped it off the day he turned thirty. He said he wanted to look his age."

   "That's the first time I heard someone who wasn't a kid say they wanted to look older," Gwynden chuckled weakly. "What I wouldn't give to have half a dozen years taken off me right now. I can't believe I'm turning fifty this year. Then again, it's an achievement to make it past forty since that's when everything really starts hurting when you wake up in the morning. How old was Vio? Forty-two?"

   I nodded. "He and Melva were two years apart. But even for that age, once he actually woke up, he had more than enough energy. Coffee's a powerful thing."

   "I can drink to that," Gwynden said. "Back home, coffee was all but needed to start the day. You could never get warm enough."

   "My father did enjoy coffee a lot, though I only started liking it once Vio introduced it to me when I was about seventeen or so. He was worried about it stunting my height, apparently," I said. Llyr stifled a snort at that, and his face flushed beet-red when we looked at him. "Coffee doesn't actually stunt growth, that's just a myth," I said with a small smile. "But I'm sure it wouldn't have mattered either way."

   "I could tell ya were gonna be tall, kid," Melva's voice said. We looked up to see her returning to the table, two drinks held in the crooks of her elbows and the other two in her hands. "Even when I first met ya, ya were a whole head an' a half taller than the shrimp was at your age, an' he was a head shorter than the other kids." She passed the drinks out to us before sitting down.

   I took the glass she gave me, hesitantly looking at the liquid inside. It almost looked like a light beer, but it had the distinct scent of lemon juice wafting from it. Juice was all we could have since fresh produce from off-shore was difficult to get. "Now that we have these, do you want to make the toast, Melva?" I asked.

   Melva's gaze shifted to me, then to the others before she pursed her lips. "Ya can do it. I ain't good with shit like this." I understood that, though it still made my heart sink. I had to take a moment to think of what I could say, unsure myself. After a minute or so, I thought I had something.

   "Vio was... many things," I started slowly. "He was a Delver, a father, a son, an apprentice, but most importantly, he was a friend. He could always be relied upon, always offered to help, even if he didn't fully understand the situation. Sympathy is a difficult thing for some people to have, yes. But not only did Vio have it, he turned it into empathy, even if he hadn't experienced what another had. He forgave everyone who wanted to apologize, he tried to give everybody a chance, no matter their strengths and weaknesses."

   I didn't quite know what I was saying now. I was going past what I had initially thought of and just saying whatever came to mind.

   "Strength and ability is so valued in Orth, but it isn't always the traditional strength that should be valued," I continued. "The physical strength of someone can only carry them so far when their emotional strength is weak, but Vio was stronger than the strongest people I'd ever seen." I raised my glass. "So... this is for him, the strongest, most skilled, most knowledgeable man I'd ever known, the man who became my second father. To Vio."

   "To Vio," the others echoed, our glasses dully clinking together as we toasted. I took another look at the glass before taking a deep swig. I was shocked to find out that the "sour" had mainly been for show, and the drink was partially sweet. Thinking of that, it was more than easy to drink down.

   While I recovered from the initial surprise, I heard Melva mutter, "An' may his spirit rest in the Abyss." I then watched as she drained the entire glass in less than a minute. She got up after that and immediately headed back to the bar counter.

   "Should we tell her to try and limit things tonight?" Llyr asked with a wince.

   "Let her," I replied grimly. "It just hurts, and it seems to take away the pain for her. We can't exactly stop her anyways." I took another drink, more used to the flavor now. "I... might just join her tonight," I said under my breath, though Llyr still looked at me.

   "But I thought you hated alcohol," he said, confused.

   I replied to that by taking another drink. "It's not that bad now," I then admitted. "A drink or two at night once or twice a week is nice, helps make my mind stop racing." I felt sick; I was lying to Llyr's face right now. But I couldn't tell him or Gwynden the truth.

   "Good, don't let yourself fall into addiction," Gwynden said with a grim expression. "My great uncle drank himself to death back when I was eight or nine. His body just gave out after drinking as heavily as he was for the couple decades he did it. But it's sadly easy to slip into. I probably would have done it myself after Evalle died if it weren't for you and the others, Len."

   My heart was in my gut now from how low it had sunk. I glanced over at my mentor. "But Melva..."

   "We can try to help her, but she has to help herself," Gwynden said. "She's intelligent enough to know what she's doing. Still, I don't think she's willing to do that. Willing and able is what's needed."

   A spark of anger flared in me at the notion that Melva was too weak to take the step to stop, but I didn't say anything since I would be a complete and utter hypocrite. Still, I felt what Gwynden was saying wasn't right, that people needed help even if they knew what they were doing was wrong. But I was completely torn then. He was surely wrong, but I drowned my misgives with another swig of my drink. It was tasting much better now, though I'd probably want to go back to my rum after this.

    Once Melva returned, we all tried to strike up conversation with her again. We kept trying to coax stories out of her, ones about Vio in his youth or herself and Vio in their training days. After all, we were supposed to honor him tonight, and she had a whole wealth of stories to share. However, she kept her mouth mostly shut, only commenting on stories Llyr and I told.

   I admittedly started drinking more quickly than I wanted to, wanting to loosen up the tenseness consuming me. This whole night had been nothing but awkward, and I felt ashamed for wanting it to be over more quickly. But more than that, I was more than concerned for Melva. Her focus was on her drinks, each one hardened with vodka rather than her usual ales.

   Finally, once I'd made it through about three drinks and Melva around five, Llyr hesitantly cleared his throat. "I-I'd like to get going, if that's okay," he said.

   I took a moment to find my words before I spoke them. "I-I can walk you home if you want," I said, both wanting to but also not since Melva was clearly drunk, and I was on my way as well. Instead, Gwynden offered to. His clear look of discomfort was all I needed to know that he wanted to leave as well.

   "It's okay, Len," Gwynden said. "You can stay with Melva if you want to. Again, thank you for inviting me tonight." Llyr agreed before kissing me goodnight. I gave them a reluctant wave as I watched them leave, and then they were gone.

   From beside me, Melva exhaled sharply. I looked to see her with a small smirk quirking the corner of her mouth. "Knew I'd scare 'em off. Was only waitin' for it," she muttered. "Better that they left, I know I ain't good to be 'round right now. Didn't have the heart to tell 'em that I wanted 'em to go, though."

   "We were... We were trying to include you, Melva," I said hesitantly. "We wanted you to talk, we've all been grieving. N-none of us have to do it alone."

   "Yeah, we do," Melva said. She drank down the rest of her drink and eyed my glass. "Keepin' on drinkin'? The hell's up with ya?"

   She was changing the subject, why? "I am, but that's besides the point. What's been going on with you, Melva? Y-you never act like this."

   "Drink with me, Len," she said suddenly. She pushed what would've been her sixth drink towards me. "Let's just... forget a bit. The nightmares wring ya out, don't they? Me too. They squeeze both o' us dry. We need to requench ourselves." 

   Amidst the vodka, the drink was faintly colored yellow-orange, the intoxicatingly sweet scent of baracoha juice filling my nose. It was so sweet-smelling that my head began to swim. I needed to get more information out of her, she needed to tell me what was wrong, but that drink was calling to me. Not feeling, not thinking, such a beautiful temptation. "I-if you tell me what's been going on after this drink," I said, and Melva nodded, her smirk growing into a lazy smile.

   "Just... later." She held up her glass, and we made a sloppy toast, with Melva almost spilling her drink a bit. The vodka burned so badly when I took a drink, my throat and nose being set alight, but the baracocha almost drowned it out. It was wonderfully horrible, plain and simple, and I had to keep drinking it.

   Like when I drank at home, time started to run more loosely, like I was a rock in the center of a river. Finally, I could start to calm down, my tense muscles relaxing and relief spreading through me. The vodka's aftertaste sat horribly in the back of my throat, but another drink was able to wash it away briefly. Or was it three? I honestly didn't care about the numbers, our table was crowded with too many glasses and tankards to tell who had drunk what. I could drink in peace here, not have to worry about being caught by Aedia.

   A sigh inadvertently left me as I leaned back in my chair. I was nothing but warm now, and combined with the soft glow of the bar's lights, I was starting to doze off. But Melva had started talking again, and she had so much more to say.

   "Vio... h-he was the best damn Delver I ever knew," she started. "I can 'member the day I met 'im, a little kid at Belchero. He was half-starved 'cause they thought he was useless, he had to 'work for his care.' That was bullshit if I ever heard it. Still, he used to cry all the damn time, but he'd just pull up so many Relics. Then he'd cry 'cause he outdid me!"

   "Wha..?" I trailed off, confused.

   Melva grinned. "Yep! Apologizin' an shit, feelin' bad for doin' better than someone older than 'im. I just liked sittin' in the sunlight, I didn't wanna crawl into all those caves he got into." Her smile became more grim. "Bellan gave 'im a chance an' actually taught 'im to delve. Those bastards all think worth's 'bout strength, but you're right, kid. It ain't shit, not if ya can use what you go the right way." She finished off her drink and got up. "Another, kid?"

   My head was truly hazy, with it becoming more difficult by the minute to think properly. But I thought I felt myself nod in response. The sickly-sweet scent of vodka soon brought me back, and I again submerged myself in it as I took a deep swig. It was so damn good... Melva chuckled drunkenly as she sat beside me, and then she said something that surprised me.

   "Y'know he was afraid of swimmin'?" I felt myself arch a brow without thinking, and she nodded. "Yeah, the shrimp was afraid of swimmin' 'cause he didn't wanna drown. Outta all the things! He never swam, n-never had an experience with drownin', but he was terrified. It was a horrifyin' way to die for 'im, the worst one. He made me collect water from deep rivers an' such since he was afraid of fallin' in an' drownin'."

   "N-never told me that, he didn't ever tell me," I slurred, amazement working its way through my system. Had Vio collected water from deeper water sources by himself? I couldn't remember, could hardly even think.

   Melva snorted at my response. "Syele didn't know either! Only Bellan an' I knew 'cause he was embarrassed 'bout it. Ya never saw 'im blush, but it was the cutest shit ever, face turned into a damn tomato! He said if I ever told, he'd stage a cave-in an' leave a gap just big enough for 'im to get outta. Smartass little shit." She laughed for a few seconds before her expression fell. "He might've been scared o' drownin', but he was just afraid o' death, really. After Bellan went, Vio didn't delve for a year. Was scared of leavin' Syele an' Lissy behind if somethin' happened to 'im."

   I stared down into my nearly-empty glass, shoulders slouched. "He... never told me that either. Probably could've convinced me t'really delve again those years back. B-but then..."

   "Don't start, it can't be changed," Melva snapped. I winced but then gulped down the last of my drink. I wanted to lean back in my chair, but it was difficult to. I could feel the alcohol sloshing around in my gut, queasiness stirring in me as the world around me hazed and blurred. "It's been over a year since he died, what's done is done now," Melva muttered. "Th-that's what I keep tellin' myself. He's with Bellan now, it's okay, he ain't sufferin'." She shook her head, gritting her teeth. "Bullshit... bullshit, bullshit, bullshit... Ya were there, there was sufferin'. D-did he die instantly, kid? Or was he still alive for a minute or two?"

   Did he? "N-no..." I muttered. But was I right? I wanted to tell the truth, but that meant remembering when I wanted to escape. I held my head in my hands, trying not to whimper as the memories started to leak back in. Vio's haunting dead gaze, the quills riddling his broken body. He'd been dead before he even hit the water, I could recall that painfully well. "He was a-already dead, hardly a chance to scream..."

   Melva let out an angry cry. "The hell am I askin' that for? It still don't change that he's dead. I let 'im die, kid, an' I let ya die!" She made a clumsy grab for me, grabbing a fistful of my hair as she tried to hold my face and look into my eyes. I could hardly protest, my actions lagging what felt like minutes behind my thoughts. The lights were hurting my eyes, and the dull beginnings of a headache were starting to thud away at the back of my skull.  "Your eyes, they're alive, y-ya keep eatin' an' drinkin', thinkin' an' shit," she rambled, searching my face for something she couldn't seem to find. "But... But ya were dead in my arms! Your skin was goin' gray, but it's warm again? Wh-what the fuck are ya?"

   "I-I don't—" I tried to stammer, but Melva shoved herself away from me, and I almost toppled out of my chair. My stomach lurched violently at the sudden movement, and I clamped my hand to my mouth before I could be sick. I propped my elbows on the table, holding my head for what felt like hours while Melva finished off her drink.

   "Y'know who'd know?" Melva hissed. I didn't answer, swallowing hard to quell the nausea that was growing stronger. "Vio'd know, he always knew everythin'. But nope!" She gestured wildly at nothing. "Nope, nope, he's dead! He's gone!"

   She slammed a fist down hard on the table then, catching the attention of a few of the nearby patrons. Still, she continued on.

   "I should've just kept that damn knife, I knew what it did! Could've shown it off back 'ere in Orth! But nope, gotta go to the flower field 'cause why not? Bellan dies, I nearly get my guts sliced open by a damn Talpiclor, but I still keep goin', 'cause why not? I see my brother an' then my apprentice die right in front o' me, but let's keep doin' this shit 'cause why the fucking hell not? Every day, every night, all the same shit!"

   There was a brief, horribly tense moment of silence. Melva stared at the wall behind me, tears starting to form in her eyes. Her red eyes always had such a fire in them, but it was completely extinguished now.

   "I can't believe ya ain't killed yourself yet, kid," she whispered, her voice cracking. "Every day's hell, an' ya keep pushin' on... Aedia an' Llyr are there, but ya ain't selfish like me. I've lived through starvation, my Pa sittin' by an' doin' nothin' to help, but I was still a selfish shit. Even when Bellan gave me a home, I still thought 'bout death, even though I was happy to leave... I left the others to die. An' if ya died that day, I would've too." She held up her drink, staring at it bitterly. Tears were starting to drip down her cheeks. "When Bellan died, I-I picked up a bottle 'stead of a knife. I ain't been able to put it down since."

   It was so difficult to speak now. The words I wanted to speak were buried under mud I had to struggle to unearth. My nausea was starting to return, stronger than before. "Th-tha's not selfish, M-Mel," I tried to get out, but she shook her head.

   "It is, an' ya damn well know it! Y'all tried to do shit for me, but I just push ya away. I'm a selfish bitch who should've died instead of Vio!" she cried, grabbing at her hair while again slamming her fist on the table. "He had a family, he had a damn wife an' kid! Why did he halfta die, why not me? He didn't deserve it! If he lived, he would've run, he wouldn't've made ya take the fall, he wouldn't've made ya get poisoned! I did it, me! It's all my fault! Vio's dead 'cause of me!"

   "Hey!" a deep, stern voice shouted across the bar. I numbly looked up to see the bartender, a man built as sturdily as I was with only an inch or two less in height storming over to our table. "I ask that you don't yell in my bar." He was saying something else, but I couldn't quite understand it. I swore my vision was starting to grow dark at the edges, though it could've just been my imagination. I felt so sick now...

   Melva shakily shoved herself to her feet, getting in the bartender's face while jabbing a finger into his chest. Her voice jolted me fully back into awareness, if only briefly. "No, y-ya can fuck right off! We're grievin' over my damn brother, he died from an Orb Piercer! Let us grieve, dammit!"

   "You can grieve, but not so loudly that you're distracting my other patrons," the bartender said, struggling to remain calm. "I'll leave your drinks on a tab, but I ask that you leave."

   Melva started to say something else, but I didn't hear. My stomach again lurched, and I was vaguely aware of my saliva growing sour before I was sick on the floor next to my chair. The vodka tasted absolutely vile coming back up, and I had no way to stop it. But that was enough for the bartender to snap.

   "Someone help me get them out! Get them both out!" he shouted. He grappled Melva, dragging her kicking and screaming to the entrance while a pair of patrons from another table grabbed me. That wasn't a good idea, as I proceeded to vomit again from the jarring movement, surely splattering the front of my shirt as my vision pitched itself about wildly.

   One second, everything was a warm yellow from the bar lights, but the next it was all gone. I was abruptly doused in cool air as I found myself airborne for a second before I hit hard cobblestone. We were out on the street now? My cheek pressed against the street as I lay crumpled on my side, the cold of the stone not as bad as I thought it'd be. I could hardly feel it, really.

   But from beside me, Melva's sobs pierced the night air. They were raw and ugly, choked with tears. Her words were nearly incomprehensible, brutal self-deprecations all I could make out. I wanted to comfort her, tell her it wasn't her fault, but I couldn't move. All I could do was gag and retch, bile leaking from my mouth in a thin stream. My instincts told me to breathe, but the last bit of self-control I had didn't let that happen. I felt nothing but awful, both physically and emotionally, but it was all tangling in on itself.

   I had no idea how long I laid there in that state. Everything was starting to grow dark again, something I couldn't control. Somebody then grabbed my shoulder, and a bolt of fear dully pierced me. I couldn't even react how I usually did, though. I was prey ready to be killed and eaten, no better than a shuddering husk.

   "Kid? L-Len?"

   Oh, it was Melva... Her voice was still cracked by sorrow. I couldn't see her, though, I couldn't see anything. Were my eyes closed? I tried to touch my face, but all I felt was the disgusting sludge of my vomit against my fingers. Melva was shaking me now, and I let out a faint groan. It was all I could muster, the last thing I could muster. I felt like I was finally breaking through the haze in my head, but when I did, I fell out and down into blackness.

———————————~*~————————————
The art of Vio provided above was done by, surprise, RosettaThorn! Her art honestly keeps this story going, knowing somebody enjoys this craziness enough to draw art of its characters.